A/N: Complete crack!fic! Dom's at Brian's mercy. Inspired by happenings at work which made me think to send the madness to my other brains and see what happened. :)

Dom was not amused with his shopping list but he was trying to be a supportive lover and help Brian out as he was fresh from surgery. It was nothing major but the doctor didn't want Brian up and walking for a few days so had recommended getting what he called male urine guards in case Dom wasn't there to help him. Dom had left the house with the sounds of Brian choking on his laughter and saying, "Thanks honey."

Dom took the long way to the drugstore trying to calm his nerves. He could always say they were for his grandpa or an old uncle if the cashier asked. He walked into the drugstore and got a cart, he needed to get several different first aid items and he didn't want to think about the last thing on the list. He made it to the back of the store and started piling items into the cart before going on the hunt for the dreaded small box. He couldn't find them immediately so he went over to the pharmacy counter and the pharmacy technician asked, "May I help you sir?"

Dom glanced at the paper and drummed his fingers on the counter for a moment before he asked nervously, "Umm...can you tell me where I can find these?"

He pointed to the list and the technician wanted to laugh her ass off but she held it in seeing his plight and she said, "Follow me sir. They're over on aisle seven." She came out of the pharmacy and walked in front of Dom.

Dom wanted to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment and he and Brian came to this particular store and bought lube - several times. He really wanted to facepalm but he'd do that as soon as he got back to his car. The technician stopped in front of the urine guards and asked, "How many sir?"

Dom rubbed his face with his hand and said, "One box should be good."

She handed him the box and said, "They're on sale just in case you need two boxes."

Dom paused long enough to have a logical thought and said, "Fine." He took both boxes and watched as she walked back to her department before he headed to the checkout line.

Dom noticed the magazine rack by the checkout and saw a bunch of car magazines and knew Brian would appreciate his effort. He picked up a few that he knew Brian would read and find useful for his car projects. Soon it was his turn to check out and he unloaded his cart carefully hiding the boxes under the magazines. He hoped the cashier didn't strike up a conversation or point out any of his purchases.

The cashier watched Dom put his purchases on the counter and how he was trying to hide two particular boxes. She didn't care what he was buying but she'd go with discretion about why he was buying what he was buying. For the normally confident individual that he was she could only make the mental guess everything was for his lover. Again though she was going for discretion so she would ring his purchases up and let him leave with a bit of dignity without explaining all the first aid and incontinence wear.

As she rung his items up she asked, "Did you find everything okay?"

Dom swallowed and said, "Yeah."

He was keeping an eye on the boxes which from the cashier's perspective she wanted to tell him that it didn't matter what he had in his cart that she had seen weirder combinations. She got to the boxes and put them in the bottom of a new bag and put the magazines on top of the boxes that seemed to causing discomfort to the customer. She saw Dom relax now that those were out of sight and she almost wanted to tell him that he passed some sort of test or crack a joke and make him feel a little better but it wasn't the time for it so as she handed the bags to Dom she said, "Have a nice day." She knew it was very anti-climactic and Dom knew too but he gave a small grin and nodded.

Dom made it to his car and put the bags in the passenger seat and slid into the driver's seat. He started the car and turned the radio on. After that he berated himself, "Toretto you're the biggest loser you know. They aren't idiots." He let out a small growl of frustration before he came back to himself and started the short drive home.

He got home ten minutes later after he took the most direct route and carried the bags inside to the master bedroom where Brian laid under the covers watching ESPN.

Brian noticed Dom tossing the bags around and he muted the channel. "What's the matter Dom?"

"I never want to do that again Brian."

"What? Go to the drugstore?" Brian chuckled.

"No." Dom said, then elaborated, "Buying guy pads. Its fucking nuts man. If you need more than we'll send Vince."

If Brian didn't have stitches he would've had a full belly laugh at that but he kept the laughter quiet as he asked, "Did they give you trouble at the store?"

"No. They were very helpful."

"Them doing their job freaked you out didn't it?"

"Just a little." Dom sighed.

"Come here baby."

Dom knew he shouldn't be the pouty one but he went over to the bed and laid next to Brian. Brian moved Dom's head so it rested on his chest and he wrapped his arms around Dom and said, "You made it through the scary store and you survived."

Dom couldn't hold in his laugh and he said, "You're right but we're still sending Vince if you need more guy pads."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Brian kissed the top of Dom's head and said, "Now how about some lunch so I can get back to doing what I love to do."

Dom looked up at his lover and snickered, "But you can't bend right now."

Brian sent a useless glare Dom's way and he said, "Just for that you're not getting dessert."

Dom pouted, "Sorry baby. Forgive me?"

Brian grinned and said, "After you make lunch."

Dom moved off the bed and he said, "Any requests?"

"Tuna sandwich, no crusts and a Pepsi."

Dom saluted and then hoped they had tuna - he so wasn't going into another store for the rest of the day.

A/N: Check out the sequel by Casey 'Flame' Wolfe, "Vince's Shopping List."