Well, here I am again. Sorry for the late update, but my boyfriend just had a heart attack and he's still recovering at the hospital.

Thanks for reading.

Chapter 37

Sookie POV

I knew others wouldn't be as comprehensive as me about what Eric had done, but I didn't hesitate to defend him from the first moment. They didn't know he did it for a reason: to protect us.

"I don't care if you don't agree." I snapped, looking at each and every one of them present. "None of us ignored what Bill Compton did, so we can't think of him as someone good who risked his life to save us. It wasn't like that, and if he helped you to escape the mansion," I added, looking at Sophie-Anne, "it was only because he would escape as well." I was waiting for the redhead to complain, but she simply turned her head to avoid looking at me. "He always acted for personal gain, and none of you," and this time I looked at Amy, "meant a thing for him. You all were a fun for him, that's all."

Maybe I was being a bit rough, but the sooner things got cleared the better. Besides, Eric didn't deserve to be judged. None of us needed it. We risked our lives for them when no one else did.

"You all know for what we are getting ready," I began saying, changing the subject. "We will assault the mansion and get rid of Victor Madden and his thugs. We won't stand idly by while they chase us as if we were animals. We will fight until the end."

"A very good speech, dear, but the truth is that he," Sophie-Anne said, pointing at Eric, "killed Bill. What will prevent him from doing the same to any of us?" I wanted to kill her, jump on her and strangle her.

"Eric is not a murderer!" I snapped, so mad that smoke was almost coming out of my ears. "Next time you insinuate something like that it'll be the last one!" I threatened, walking towards her without being aware of doing it. "I'll rip your tongue off if necessary, or throw you to the zombies, Sophie-Anne. Since you arrived you haven't done anything except complaining. If you hate so much to be here, there's the door." I added, pointing to the place we got through. "Use it and leave us alone."

"I believe we should all calm down." Tray said after a few minutes later, breaking the awkward silence that had hung over us. "We're all nervous, but blaming Eric makes no sense. He did what he did for a reason, to protect us. That's all that should matter."

"I killed Bill. True." I heard Eric say. "I killed him because he did terrible things, and because he would have betrayed us the moment we arrived at the mansion. He would have used anything to blame someone else for what he did to that woman, Lorena. Madden, for some strange reason, would have believed him, and we'd be screwed." He hissed the last part, but when I tried approaching him, he stopped me with his hand. "I do not pretend to forget what we just told you, I know it's impossible. But I hope someday you understand that I did because I had to. For Sookie, for the baby. But also for Pam and Felicia, and all of you."

"I get it. And I accept it." Amy was the first to respond, and I was glad she did. She was kind of leader for these women, so maybe then they'd understand what Eric was trying to explain. "I know Bill took advantage of many of you," she began, and I saw Jessica lowering her head, "and at first I thought he only did it because everyone else was doing the same thing. I even believed that it was a way to survive. But now I know that's not true." She breathed deeply, and at that moment I knew she was going to tell the truth. "Bill Compton tried to rape me on this rooftop." She said no more.

Murmurs of surprise could be heard everywhere, but no one dared to say out loud what they were thinking.

"Then I understood. Bill did not try to survive doing what others did. Bill was a monster like the rest of them, and now I know there is no possible justification for what he did." Tears showed up, but she didn't even try to hide them. "He…he would have succeeded. He would have done the same to me, but I guess I was lucky. Bill was stopped before he could…" More tears, and for the first time I heard her sobbing. I don't know how long this torture would last for her, but Amy is strong. "I was stupid!" She yelled, surprising us. "I trusted him, getting your lives and mine in danger, and it worked. True, we got away from that horrible place, but now I know that we should have got rid of him long ago. However, I had no courage to, and that's something I'll always regret."

"Any one of us might have done it, Amy. You can't blame yourself for that." Jessica supported her, looking towards Sophie-Anne and some of the girls that swirled around her.

"Thank you, Jess." Amy grinned at her, but I knew she wasn't finished. "I just want to ask for forgiveness for not having ended with the problem when I had so many opportunities. I might have killed him in his sleep, but I was afraid to become what he was." She confessed, ashamed. She didn't have to feel that way, but I understood. "This man," she continued, pointing at Eric. "This man saved us. In more ways than one. He and Sookie gave us a chance, and I'm glad to have taken advantage of it. If not for them, we wouldn't be alive or getting ready to attack. Because that's what we'll do!" She snapped, hissing through clenched teeth, and with tears still running down her cheeks. "Victor Madden and his men think we are helpless, but we're not. We are strong, we know how to defend ourselves, and we're tired of waiting!"

"I'm tired of being terrified and waiting for them to come for us!" She shouted so everyone could hear her. "We are gonna attack them, and the best part is that they're not counting on it. They will see us as defenseless girls, what we were while being locked in there. But we will never be again." She looked to each and every one of us, waiting for someone to contradict her, but nobody did. "If someone wants to leave, do now. Because we are going to war, and we won't give up until those who have harmed us are dead. Our time has come!"

Amy's speech caused the desired effect. The girls were more motivated now more than ever, and no one said a word about the fact Eric killed Bill, or directed him a look.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I told you they'd understand," I whispered. We were in bed, hugging each other, and barely moving. "They just needed someone to explain it properly. Avoid wrong conclusions. And Amy has done it. She looked at them in the eye and told them the truth. She convinced them to be able to move on."

"Her speech was impressive." Eric said no more.

"Yes, it was." I couldn't help smiling at the memory.

For minutes neither of us opened our mouth, but I couldn't stop thinking the same thing, and although I told Eric I didn't want to know, actually I needed him to tell me.

"What did he say to you?" I asked, hoping he knew what I meant.

Eric sighed heavily, but looked me in the eye and told me. "He said… He challenged me and I knew…"

"What?" I asked, anxious to listen. Well, maybe anxious was the wrong word, but I was curious. "What did you know, Eric?"

"I knew it was time. I had to do it, or I'd never have done." He muttered, not looking me in the face. "I do not feel proud, but I am afraid it was the only possible solution."

"Yes, it was." I smiled, but unfortunately I wasn't reciprocated. "Eric, I want to see you smile. You are gonna be a father, and you must think only good things, okay?"

"I'll try."

"That's all I need for now. I love you."

Eric POV

I got rid of Compton's body, and clean all the blood that was still on the ground. It wasn't easy, and although there were volunteers to help me, I told them I preferred to do it alone.

Getting back in there and see the blood was shocking. I suddenly began remembering everything, and every second and word that was said. Bill never begged for his life, and the last thing he told me was that I go to hell. Not even in the end was he able to make peace with himself, to regret all the harm he caused. Guess that answers many questions, and makes clear that Bill never believed he did something wrong.

I rubbed and rubbed so hard that my arms ached. I was kneeling in front of the pool of blood that had begun to coagulate. It'd be much more difficult if it had dried, but every time I tried to clean it spread more and more. It is as if it had to stay there to remind me what I did.

"Stop it, Eric…" I muttered to myself, and kept cleaning the floor.

After a few minutes cleaning, guilt swept over me so suddenly that I had to get away from the huge stain. I moved until my back hit the wall, and then I fell to the ground. It was as if the strength and energy left my body, making me feel like a little and vulnerable child. A child who desperately seeks the comfort of their parents; a comfort I'd never get.

I kept staring at the blood I shed, unable to look away no matter how hard I tried. I was facing the absolute evidence of what I had done. I killed a man who hadn't become a zombie, something I never did before.

"It won't magically disappear." I was startled to hear Amy's voice.

"I know." But I didn't move.

"Do you mind if I give you a hand?" I shrugged, and the next thing she did was to kneel in front of the large blood stain, take the brush and start rubbing. "Did you know that this is the hardest substance to clean? Some people say it's chocolate or oil, but blood is the worst of all. Always leave a trail, no matter how much you rub, clean or disinfect. It never completely disappears."

"Amy, what are you talking about?" She dropped the brush down, and sighed heavily. "I have no idea!" She cried and laughed at the same time. "You know, I thought if I came here…I don't know, I thought everything would be different. I'm not blaming you for what you did, in fact I'm grateful for that, but…"

"I feel the same." I interrupted. "Suddenly I feel like I'm the villain, cold-blooded murderer who killed without hesitation. And I don't like the feeling." I confessed, furious with myself. "I don't want to feel that way!" I screamed. "I hate what I did and I wish I could take it back!"

"Take it back?" She asked, her voice full with anger. "Why would you want to do that, Eric? You know what he did to those girls, what he was about to do to me. Would you really want to take it all back?"

She crawled until she was in front of me, and when she stopped, stared at me, unblinking. "Bill Compton is dead. That's the only reality we're facing, and I feel the responsibility to end with him had to be mine, but I didn't. I was scared, and I thought a part of me still believed that deep down he was a good person." I was going to interrupt, to tell her that she was wrong, but was not necessary. "Now I realize it was never like that. He couldn't be a good person because it wasn't inside of him. His first instinct was always to cause pain, and you know as well as I do. You knew him better than us, you saw what he was."

"If I had killed him when he was with me, none of these girls, or you, would have to endure what he did. But I did not. I also believed that deep down he didn't deserve to die. He's just a jerk, I said to myself, but I knew he was capable of much more."

"Now he's dead, Eric."

"Yes, he is."

She took my hand and squeezed it, showing me a shy smile. "We are safe. And not just us. Sookie, Pam, Felicia are as well. Eventually Bill would have looked at those little girls…"

"No." I cut her off. "Please, don't even make me think on it."

"Okay. I won't." I was grateful because those two girls are like my daughters, and imagining something so terrible would cause me nightmares I didn't need. "But I'll ask something in return." I frowned, and saw her chuckling. "Take another brush, and help me clean."

We finally got rid of all the blood, and I didn't feel as bad as before. I believe talking to Amy, finding she was as lost as I was, was good for both of us. Talking about what had happened, dehumanize Bill Compton, I think were the necessary steps to start the path. I know it won't be easy, that I'll remember for the rest of my life, but I am convinced that it really was necessary for the welfare of all.

The weight I carried on my shoulders, thanks to Bill's death, felt lighter, as if it was easy to carry it now. Would this be a signal to start to stop feeling guilty? It's a long way to go, but you have to start somewhere, I suppose.

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"Come with me." I told Sookie when I walked into our "bedroom" and saw her sitting on the bed, reading another book about pregnancy.

"What?" She placed the book on her belly, and looked at me confused. "Where do you want to go?"

"Strolling."

"Alright." She started getting up, and I ran to help her. She wanted to do things for herself, but every time was more and more difficult. "I can do it, Eric." She replied grinning, but I helped her anyway. "This baby Northman is going to be a giant like its father."

I laughed, and put her shoes on. The last time she tried to she ended up wearing two different shoes.

"What's going on, Eric? It's late, almost everyone is sleeping, and…" I took her to the rooftop, and picked her up when I opened the door. We were alone under the starry mantle, with only false candle lights whose flames never turned off. "What is all this?"

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful." Sookie kept looking around, enjoying the light and shadows play created by perpetual flames. "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but what are we doing here?"

I took her hands in mine, and stared at her for a few seconds before talking. "I love you, Sookie. I never thought something good could get out of this, great actually; such a frightening and distressing situation we live in. You and I are survivors, and fate, or anything else that I can't understand, has united us for a reason." I knelt before her, still holding her hands. "Only two crazy people like us would dream of having a child in the midst of this madness, Sookie," I added laughing, and I saw that she was doing exactly the same. "But it has happened, and I couldn't be happier. If we've learned something from what happened in the last few days," I said, referring to Compton's death, "is that life is too short to waste it. We can't live anymore thinking about the future, so we live day by day, praying the next is not going to be the last." The smiles disappeared, but the sorrow did not show up at any time. "I want a future with you, Sookie, with our baby and our family. It's what we both deserve, and that's what we're fighting with all our strength."

"Eric…"

"Sookie Stackhouse, will you marry me?" I cut her off, leaving her mouth open when I showed her the ring I had for her. "No big deal, but…"

"It's perfect." She interrupted, placing two fingers on my lips. "It's much more than I expected, than I deserve."

"You deserve this and much more, my angel." I got up, looking into her eyes and kissing her soft and delicate lips. "But I'm afraid that you still haven't answered my question."

"Yes…" she barely whispered.

"I haven't heard you." I teased her.

"Yes, Eric. I'll marry you." She replied, wearing a dazzling smile.

"I still don't hear you well. Say it again?"

"Yes, Eric Northman!" She shouted in full voice. "I will marry you! And now put that damn ring on my finger if you don't want me to kick your ass!" I burst out laughing, but I didn't hesitate for a second, and put the ring on her finger. "I love you, Eric…I love you so much…" She threw herself into my arms, and we kissed passionately, completely forgetting everything else around us. Just she and I. The rest did not matter.

"I will love you for the rest of my life," she murmured, her lips still pressed against mine.

Tray POV

"Are you gonna kill him? Like Eric did with Bill?" Amelia and I were in bed, completely naked, and still sweaty after making love. "It's what he deserves."

"I don't know yet, Ames. Quinn's a jerk, and what he did was terrible, but…maybe he can be useful."

"How?" She stood up, supporting the weight on her elbow, and looked down at me expectantly. "He's a bastard. He'd sell his own mother if the offer was good enough. We can't trust him, Tray."

"And I don't trust him, but trust is not necessary to use him. Madden will be pissed off when he finds out that Quinn hasn't found you all, so he'll pay his frustrations with him. That gives us an advantage, and an opportunity."

"Madden has an army, and we're less than two dozen. How in the hell are we going to win?"

"No need to win, baby. If Victor falls, others will not follow him."

"How do you know?"

I smiled, brushing the hair off her face, and stroking her cheek. "Not all of them are as crazy as he is."

"I'm not too convinced, I think getting rid of Quinn is the best choice, and the safest." I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me, and caressed her soft skin with two fingers. "Do you trust me, baby?"

"Of course." She answered without hesitation.

"So trust me on this." After a few seconds she nodded and laid back on the bed, this time with her head leaned on my chest. "I know what I'm doing, and it's gonna be okay. I promise you."

Sookie POV

Dear diary,

I believe I couldn't be happier even if I tried with all my strength. Seems the stars, the moon or the planets have aligned in my favor, granting me everything I've ever desired: a man who loves me, a family and a life full of surprises. Some good and some bad, true, but surprises after all.

Before I met Eric, even before the fatal vaccines and undead people, my life was an absolute chaos. Trapped in a dead-end job, starting and ending relationships with men that added nothing to me, and the feeling others were moving on with their lives and dreams while I stood aside, seeing everything. I used to think it was not fair, that I also had the right to make my dreams come true, but a day passed, and another, and another, and all remained the same. Nothing changed.

And I thought I wouldn't survive for long when the epidemic began spreading quickly. I wasn't special, and I believed my days were numbered although I fought to change it. The danger of contagion and death were all around me, regardless of the place where I tried to hide, it seemed there was always a way to find me.

But now everything is different. Better even. People like Bill Compton no longer pose a constant risk for us who survived, and although it may sound harsh, cruel, his disappearance was what we all needed to move forward.

Sometimes I hate myself for being so cold, but when I think of all the evil Bill did, my mind changes quickly.

But all that is in the past, and now I just want to look forward to a bright future, with a baby on the way, and an upcoming wedding.

Yeah! I'm engaged!

I feel like if I was a girl playing with dolls again, and imagining that I'm a princess trapped, waiting for my prince to rescue me. The wicked witch with her dangerous spells and…and I begin thinking that I read too many fairy tales with Felicia. But I don't care, I actually love it, and I know I'll do the same when my baby is born. I will even tell it the story of how its parents met, but omitting certain details.

That's my bright future, and I hope to get it. I wish, I wish so badly that I can almost touch it. It's weird, I know, but it's a feeling we've all ever had throughout our lives. The difference is that now we cling so hard to the good stuff that I don't think we'd be able to accept defeat.

I don't know when I'll get another opportunity to write again. I am pregnant and almost ready to give birth. And when that happens, I'm not sure if I'll have the time to relate my experiences, but I'll be fine. We both will be.

And now the bad part.

Soon, although I don't know when, we will abandon this mall, as we have done in the past, and we'll go to a dangerous place and into an uncertain fate. We're going to war, I think it's a good way to define it. We'll fight for our lives, for our future, and we'll have to do things that we didn't even think before. It's that simple, and unfortunately we are going to kill people, but we'll do to defend ourselves. They want to kill us too, or leave us alive to torture us. I can't accept that reality, or the woman we're giving hope to.

Eric and I try to keep the moral high, but it's becoming more and more difficult. Guess it has to do with the imminent time when we'll have to go, not knowing if our plans will work out or not. I wish we're not making a big mistake. I want everything to go well, even though we'll do ugly things to get it, but I can't help thinking about what they'd do to us if they had an opportunity. I have to protect my baby, my two little girls, Eric and myself. It's the enormous pressure I am under, both physically and mentally, and though I know that I don't need to do it alone, in the end I'll be the only one to take care of this child that is growing inside me. Not even Eric, willing to lose his own life, could protect it. It's my task, and I am going to do it until there is no hope.

And these are the words I use to say goodbye. I hope the next time I can say my baby is healthy, beautiful, and we're all safe. I wish I can do it, really.

Goodbye…

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I closed the notebook and put it in my backpack. I know I told Eric that one day he could read it, but I don't want him to finish reading this.

I want him to…

"Oh shit!" I muttered terrified, and I froze. "It can't be…" I looked down at my feet and saw a large puddle. My water broke, my baby is on the way and I'm all alone.

"HELP ME!"

Hope you liked this one.

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:K