Chapter 1.

Everyone looks at me as the Evil Queen. Let me die as Regina

She could not shake the thought out of her mind, repeating itself, calling others to the front, making her remember all the instances Regina surprised her, and even impressed her.

The wind was picking up, forcing the small ship to speed up toward their destination. Only half an hour passed after they fell through the portal to Neverland, but for Emma time seemed to crawl, making her believe that she was sitting on the bow of Jolly Roger for days, with her legs hanging over the deck, and leaning on one of the barrels, watching the sea move beneath her. Lulled in the sound of the ways, she was adrift in her mind, her thoughts arranging in their own way after finally having a moment to herself, not having to run, find, protect, argue or rescue. There was nothing to do before they reached the land, and she welcomed the opportunity to think.

The others left her alone, thinking she was mourning the loss of her love, but the truth, as usually, was much more complicated. Neil, or Baelfire as Hook and Gold called him, was very dear to her. They had a son together, for God's sake. But, too much had happened after he betrayed her, and the blond woman just did not love him anymore. Not that way, at least. But she did care for him. If they found him, if he by any chance had survived, she would have to set the record straight. It would cause a lot of pain, but she had firmly decided that she would never pretend for others' sake. Not anymore.

As much as she cared for Neil, she hadn't trusted him again. He had abandoned her, in his self-perceived self-sacrifice - to fulfill her destiny as the Savior. Just like her parents had. At that thought, the old anger resurfaced and she felt her hands shaking against the magic. Breathing in time with the numbers counting in her head, she calmed down. Every decision the people closest to her had made for the sake of her destiny as the Savior had caused her pain and suffering. So, no, she did not trust Neil. And Henry… He would be so disappointed, if his father was ever found. Henry, her sweet innocent kid, smarter and braver than all of them together.

At the thought of him, her heart seized, and she gasped in pain, her eyes filling with tears. The guild assaulted her, along with helpless fury, choking her. She had failed to keep him safe, to protect her kid. His smile appeared before her eyes, and the glinting green eyes he shared with her twinkled at her. The memories of him ran through her mind making her lips turn into a soft smile, even as her eyes filled with tears. He had so many of her quirks, but also he had picked up some of Regina's mannerisms as well.

Everyone looks at me as the Evil Queen, including my son. Let me die as Regina.

At Henry's insistence she had read the infamous Book. The stories inside were written in the classic fairytale language, portraying the good versus evil in slanted views, but Emma had been able to read beyond words and pictures, and understand much more than it had been said. She could see beyond the black and white storytelling. Whether because she had a lot of experiences with the gray areas, or because she was the Savior, she didn't know. But she could finally understand Regina. Although, she would be hard pressed to say that aloud.

Let me die as Regina

Regina - the Evil Queen, Madame Mayor, Cora's daughter, Henry's mother, Daniel's love, her adversary… There were many faces of the woman who raised her son and each of them was a complex part of the woman herself. And the moment she had looked into the resigned and tired woman's eyes filled with pain and odd relief, in the mines, Emma finally had felt all the pieces of the puzzle called Regina fall into the place. The self-sacrificing act of the older woman humbled Emma, and she had noticed something change between them. Something crucial.

Emma heard footsteps behind her. Wiping her tears, she collected herself before the heavy but agile gait brought her father to her. He crouched beside her, kissing her on the forehead, pushing a lock of her hair behind an ear in tender and loving motion. When she looked at him, his blue eyes regarded her with love. "If you want to talk, we are here for you", he whispered looking into her tired and troubled eyes. After she nodded in acknowledgement he patted her shoulder, and rising, covered her with a blanket he had brought, and left her to her thoughts once more.

She followed his retreat with her eyes, noticing the worried glances Mary Margaret was throwing in her direction. Although she loved her parents equally, Snow tended to fuss more than Emma could stand at the moment and she was glad that it was David who came to check on her. It was sometimes still too weird to think of him as of her father, but she was getting used to it, just as she had gotten used to Snow in the Enchanted Forrest. And one of the reasons of the weirdness was occupying her mind.

After being informed of Regina's behavior during their stint in the Forrest, learning about Daniel from Snow and David, and meeting Cora plenty of things were explained. After all, she couldn't think of Regina as the Evil Queen anymore. And, deep inside, she knew that she had never considered her evil, but troubled, damaged even. Again, her experience in the "Normal" world gave her insight needed to see beyond the moniker.

Sighing, she leaned her head onto the barrel, bringing her knee up to lean her elbow on it, arranging the blanket around herself, for the air grew colder, doused with sea water. She knew that the change of position would bring her mother about. It was time, Emma decided, gathering her thoughts. This forced calm before the storm of Henry's rescue helped her organize the information she had into the cohesive and most likely true story.

A memory jumped at her.

"You can use magic?" the unrestrained wonder colored the dark woman's voice, and for a moment, Emma had seen the beautiful young Queen in the face of Regina Mills. Too soon the eyes darkened and the face closed off in a mask of contempt. "The Savior, of course." She had all but spat the words. Emma had noticed that Regina had never deigned to look at Snow and David, keeping her gaze on the blonde. Too quickly the things had gotten out of the control, and Emma had been left standing in the front yard of the Mayor's mansion with the last glimpse of Regina etched in her memory. The broken, defeated woman had a look of such sorrow and impotent anger, enveloped in betrayal and despair, glancing upon the Savior in the last attempt to convince her that she had done nothing. With her plea unheeded, she had fled.

Emma had let her own insecurities obscure her instincts. Her naivety of magic and the new circumstances had made her doubt herself, and she not knowing what to do, had relied on Snow's and David's moral guidance and unflinching belief they knew best, making one of the bigger mistakes of her life. Leaving Regina without any support had pushed the witch into the arms of her mother, and they all knew how that had ended.

Another sliver of past found its way to the forefront of Emma's mind. The day after the curse had broken, when Regina had uncovered Jefferson's hat, Emma had found herself amazed by the woman before her.

"Did Henry really ask you to protect me?" the regal woman asked tremulously.

Emma could not keep the older woman in suspense, and with a short nod, she replied. "Yes." The smile that showed on the Queen's face was sweet and it lighted her face with a charming glow. However, the moment passed and they were as before.

A soft hand on her shoulder brought her back. Looking up she saw Snow's concerned face. "You've been here a long time" Snow said softly. Emma gestured her to sit beside her.

"I've been thinking," Emma murmured, careful not to raise her voice. This conversation needed to be private as much as it could.

"About?"

"You, me, Henry, Regina, Cora… Take your pick." The blonde glanced upon the woman beside her, and pleased that she had her full attention, she turned back to look at the sea. "I need to tell you something, and you need to promise me you will listen without reacting in anger and storming off." She felt the woman beside tense at the firm tone of her daughter.

"I promise," the pixie haired woman said softly after a while.

"I want you to stop antagonizing Regina."

The sentence hung in air for several moments before Snow simply nodded. "I mean it, Mary Margaret. No more quips about the Evil Queen or stuff like that."

"Alright, but why?" Snow asked calmly, although her voice betrayed her confusion. Emma shrugged and looked up into the clear sky, avoiding to look into the eyes so similar to Henry's, to her own. "Emma?"

"Just trust me."

"I do. But, I do not trust her." After a moment of Emma's silence, Snow grabbed her hand hanging of her knee and squeezed it. "Emma, because of her we are in this mess in the first place."

But when Emma finally turned to look her in the eyes, Snow gasped at the anger brewing in her gentle green eyes. Before she could do or say anything, Emma turned her hand, taking hold of Snow's, keeping the other woman in place. The air vibrated around her, and the smaller woman felt tingles on her skin, where their hands touched.

"Do you know she loves you?"

The unexpected words made Snow look up in shock, seeing the absolute truth in Emma's eyes. "Yes, she hates you, but she still loves you. Even after all of this. She loves you just like she loved her mother no matter the pain and humiliation she had suffered by Cora's hands and later by yours and your father." The slight frown on Emma's forehead warned the smaller woman not to interrupt with a staunch defense of her father. "And yes, it is possible to feel both toward the same person at the same time. I have seen it plenty of times in the foster care, and it is common with abused children. If you think about it is very logical." Emma's gaze softened and the magic dissipated, but Snow still kept quiet, in order to let her daughter say what she wanted. "She loved Cora because she was her mother, the only one she had. She provided the shelter, the food and it is in child's nature to love adults around it, even if they give them pain, because they know nothing else." Emma glanced down upon their intertwined hands, and sighed. "I have seen a bow who was being raped repeatedly by his father jump the officer that was arresting the man, defending the very monster that made his life hell because it was the only love he knew." The soft distant voice that Emma used was frightening in its own right. The blonde woman had refused to speak of her childhood and no matter of the cajoling would make her budge. But to share this story of her own free will, just to make a point about Regina… It was unthinkable.

"You were everything she wasn't. Carefree, joyful, innocent. And she loves you for that, for bringing that into her life. But when you betrayed her, along with her mother, it was so much easier to blame anyone and everyone else but her own parent. And, it is not like you were blameless in all that. You made a mistake, a grievous one that had destroyed her entire life… Or so it seemed at that time."

"I didn't know." Snow's whisper, heavy with regret made Emma look at her mother. "I didn't know Cora would kill him."

"I am not trying to make you feel bad. I am explaining her point of view." The soft reassuring tone was immediately replaced with a harder one, with harsh edge. "But, you still broke a promise and a young innocent man lost his life for it. And despite of that she could never kill you. Never leave you without a way out. All the instances she had you in her mercy, she not once moved to end you. It may have seemed that way, even to herself, but, honestly, if she wanted you dead you would be – a long time ago. She could have destroyed you in so many ways." Emma released the hand and placed both of her own on her knee. "Personally, if it was me…" Emma glanced upon Snow, making sure that her mother understood perfectly. "If it was me in her place, I would have ripped your heart out and made you kill David yourself and then live with yourself for the rest of your imprisoned life remembering the last minutes of your loved one."

The calm deliverance of the idea made Snow shudder with horror. But, she could not deny that her daughter was right. She had been aware of Emma's hot temper, but she had never contemplated what the pain of loss would do to her.

"I pardoned her time and time again. She tried to kill me with a knife after Rumpelstiltskin protected us from her." Snow spoke with faltering conviction in her voice.

Emma chuckled bitterly at the miffed face of her mother. "Do you honestly believe that she, a most skilled tactician and master of intrigue, didn't know it was a test? A test she was meant to fail from the start?" Shaking her head at the naivety of the other woman in things regarding magic, Emma sighed, understanding the condescending sneer that would grace Regina's face every time Charmings were mentioned. "I can feel the presence of magic in the objects around me, and even in the people around me that can use magic – and I am still new to this. She as an experienced and practiced sorceress would know its presence the moment she came close to you."

"Why then?" Snow asked bewildered, for the first time taking into an account the magical signatures she had heard about from Blue.

The blonde woman smiled sadly. "If you were faced with an impossible choice of living, banished, alone with nothing but your own sorrow, anger and hatred for company, with no power, home or anything else; and death that would bring you peace and freedom from the anguish that is torturing you, what would you choose?" The silence following the question was an answer enough. "And, knowing Regina, she would never allow you to show her pity, and if she just asked for death…"

"She cursed us, Emma!"

"And, because of it you have a grandson. It was her way of starting again. You are here, with your husband, reunited with your daughter, alive and well." Before she would lose her temper because of the old argument, Emma closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe deeply. After several moments, she looked at her mother, calm enough to continue.

"Yes, she tried to kill me, to hurt us, again and again, but it was her only way to defend and protect herself. I was a threat, and she had every right to do it." Before could interrupt, Emma raised her hand and pushed on. "The way she went about it was a bit over the top, but Snow, Henry was everything she had left. And everything she did was a direct reaction to our actions. Take Henry. He is a wonderful boy, and that is all thanks to her. How could someone evil raise such a loving and happy child? And how could someone evil five their life for saving the very people she wanted to destroy?"

Snow lowered her head, finally understanding her former stepmother, seeing her from Emma's point of view. She glanced at the blonde, watching her daughter with a new appreciation. Emma noticed the poorly hidden scrutiny and raised her eyebrow in question in pure Regina expression.

"You would make a wonderful Queen."

Emma scoffed and slowly lifted herself, gently moving her stiff limbs. "What, the Savior is not enough?" She shook her head and walked away gingerly. The smaller woman watched her, recognizing the need to hide the emotional turmoil in her daughter, knowing that she would not be welcome to follow.

Ignoring the men huddled around the helm, the tall woman went bellow the deck, holding herself upright by touching the walls around the narrow stairs. Going to the captain's cabin, she sighed, struggling with the overwhelming pressure of her emotions. She needed to hide away from the worried presence of her parents and the leering glances of Hook. Gold did not bother her as much, but she was loath to cry in front of him.

She entered her designated room and stopped at once. Right. She had forgotten, they were sharing the rooms. The object of her thoughts was lying on the only mattress in the cabin, huddled in a ball and shaking, holding something in her hands. Obviously, Regina had not heard her, or she would have already been greeted with an acerbic remark. Making a quick decision to risk her life, Emma went to the sobbing woman and molded her own body around the frail woman, holding her close. Placing her arm around Regina's waist, Emma drew herself as close as she could, lying behind the older woman and despite the years of self-conditioning not to show any weaknesses, she let go of her shaky control over her emotions.

Regina froze. There was only one person not only on this ship but at all who would dare to touch her. Her first reaction was outrage, and she was about to move away.

"Miss Swan, what d…?" she started but the gruff voice, laden with tears stopped her, as the arm around her middle pulled her closer.

"Don't… Please, not now." The pain in the whisper shocked the witch and in a move too quick to counter, she turned around, facing the Savior, who was in the middle of falling apart. All the fight left her after she had seen the despair in the murky green eyes. The only thing that played in her mind was her son, and she knew he was also the reason of the Savior's tears. Their son. Regina did not even blink after hearing her mind connecting them together. Lowering her head onto Emma's shoulder, she held the taller woman close, in the only gesture she could think of to ease the burden they shared. Surrendering to the enveloping arms around her, she let go, oddly reassured that she was not alone.

After a long while, they both calmed down and Regina, exhausted by the whole torture and trigger ordeal, fell asleep in Emma's arms, burrowing herself deeper in the safety she felt there. Emma would follow her soon after, but not before she had healed the older woman's burns that had reappeared after the feeding the trigger with the magic. The young woman smiled at the easy feat. Rumpelstiltskin had said that it was about emotion, and right at that moment Emma felt overwhelming need to protect the woman sleeping in her embrace. Moving the soft dark strands of hair of the Mayor's face, Emma let the buzz of magic grow until the marks on Regina's body were gone. Pleased with the result, she finally closed her eyes and let the unconsciousness claim her.

Regina was first to wake up, feeling rested for the very first time in the long while. At first she was confused. Why was her pillow moving? Then she remembered the events of the day before, they were on Jolly Roger. But it still did not explain why she was so warm. Emma.

The gasp she let, opening her eyes and finding herself looking into the neck and chin of the Savior, was loud enough to rouse the other woman who only gripped her closer and mumbled a soft You are safe before relaxing again.

And indeed she had never felt safer. The typical anger was absent and in its stead was a tiny kernel of gratitude, followed by deep weariness of fighting. The woman who had offered herself as a pillow had always kept her safe, even at her own detriment. The Savior was keeping the Evil Queen safe. Regina smiled at the irony. Placing her hand next to her face, on Emma's chest, she focused on the strong heartbeats beneath her ear and hand. The old Regina would have plunged her hand into the blonde's chest and had taken the ultimate prize.

A quiet, sleep roughened voice interrupted her musing. "Even if you wanted to, I don't think you can take it. Cora couldn't." A hand covered her own, keeping it in place. Regina looked up in amazement, seeing the green eyes, still shadowed and blurry with sleep, focused on her.

"She never told me that," the wonder seeped in Regina's voice.

"I have no doubt. It would mean she failed at something."

Regina agreed by humming, settling back on Emma's shoulder, enjoying the comfort she found. Something nudged her memory and she gasped. "You tried to warn me." The older woman suddenly rose up on her elbow, looking down at the startled blonde. "That day, you tried to warn me about the beans without betraying the Charmings."

Emma closed her eyes in resignation. It was not supposed to be found out. A gentle palm leaned against her cheek. The surprising reaction from the Mayor startled Emma again and she blinked her eyes open, finding herself lost in the dark chocolate eyes.

"Why?" Regina whispered, at loss why would this annoyingly wonderful Charming fool of the Savior keep thinking of her. "Why do you keep fighting for me?"

"Because I believe in you. Because I have faith that with help and support you can be what Henry wants you to be, with your own twist on things, of course." The attempt of humor at the end of the soft and honest admission did nothing to break the tension building between them. Emma squirmed under the piercing gaze, uncomfortable with the silence. "I know you probably don't believe that, or that I see the real Regina beneath all the façades presented to the world." She placed her own palm against the one on her cheek, and willed the other woman to accept the truth she was trying to impart. "I heard you in the mines. But I will not let you die. I want to help you live as Regina." Not being able to watch the strong woman's dark eyes fill with tears, she looked away. "You do deserve happiness, after the life you had. And Henry…" Emma's voice broke, and she closed her eyes, feeling the tears glide down her face. Swallowing hard at the knots lodged in her throat, created by their son's name. "And Henry deserves the mother he grew up with."

Regina blinked against the tears, refusing to let them fall. It had been enough crying. Gathering herself, she smiled at the blonde beneath her, sharing a look with her. Using her hand, she wiped the younger woman's tears and rose. There weren't any words of thank you for they weren't necessary or needed. The look of tenderness and gratitude that Regina had directed toward Emma, removing the tears was more than enough.

"But, first we find Henry."

"We are going to fight, manipulate, plead – but we will win at any cost to bring our son home, safe and sound." Emma said firmly, with determination in her eyes and voice. She rose, moving toward Regina, looking at her with stunned attention.

"Our son?"

The taller woman walked to the other one, grabbing her shoulders gently but firmly and lowering head to look into the surprised chocolate eyes. "He is our son." The finality of Emma's statement filled Regina with hope that perhaps this would end well, even for her.

"We are going to save Henry."