Suffering 1

How did anybody ever decide what method they wanted to use to end their life? Their were so damn many ways to die but he only needed one. As long as he got it right, that is. Jumping from his eighth floor apartment would work as long as he didn't freeze up and end up with the police and fire departments called. Same problem with a bridge. He could try slitting his wrists and sitting in a warm shower. If the water stayed warm and he managed to cut deep enough. He couldn't overdose on pills or drugs since he didn't use them and wouldn't even know where to get them. The list went on but what would have the highest chance of success? Now that he had decided that death was the only way to end this living hell, he needed to make up his mind on how to do it. The blonde sat up in bed and reached for his cigarettes. Why did his every thought lately have to be so fucking complicated?
He had been fighting a growing attraction for his friend for the last few years. The problem was they were both men. While he had never had feelings for another man before he had gotten used to the uncomfortable thoughts. He knew that his friend wasn't quite as open minded about sex he was. He had tried ignoring his feelings at first, hoping that they would go away. They had gotten worse instead. Over the last few months it had gotten to the point where he had been dreaming of the other every night. He hated himself every waking moment and knew he had to end his life before he spiraled out of control any further.
He crushed the cigarette out in an ashtray and lay back against the pillows. He ran his hands through his blonde hair, leaving it to stick out in every direction. Maybe he should just go step out in front of a bus or something and be done with it. That might work if it was the middle of the night and there where no busses running at this time. The trains would be running though. It would be quick and he probably wouldn't even feel anything. He waited for the usual thoughts that always followed an idea but none came this time. It was like his mind had finally found a way out that didn't have a drawback. Five minutes later he was at the door to his apartment pulling on his shoes. For the first time in recent memory he felt at ease. It was finally going to be over and he was almost faint with relief. His mind was peaceful as he started walking the few blocks to the nearest station. He started humming tunelessly as his feet carried him the last block to his final destination. He turned the corner and was about to head to the platform when a familiar and dreaded voice called his name. Fuck, he thought, what the hell was Ruki doing here?
"Hey, Reita. Where you headed at this time of night?" the other asked closing in on him.
"Just out for some air," he taller of the two men answered. He looked around a little desperately. When the was the next train due to stop?
"I was at this great new club tonight. The place was packed with wall to wall women. You should have been there."
"Maybe some other time."
"Are you alright?" the brunette asked, concern in his voice.
"Yeah. Fine."
"If you say so. Hey, have you got a smoke? I ran out and if I stop I'll probably miss the train."
"Sorry. I'm out."
"Damn. I'll just grab some when I get off then."
He turned and headed to wait for the train leaving Reita wondering why he had thought this was going to work. It had seemed like a good idea back at his apartment but he should have known. He couldn't very well step in front of the train if the object of wayward desires was on it. That was even more screwed up than he was willing to get. He turned around to go home and stepped out into the street. He heard a horn blare and tires squeal as they tried to stop suddenly. He looked up to see a car flying towards him, the driver trying to control it as the tires locked up. He heard screams coming from behind him as people saw the accident about to happen. He could have sworn he even heard Ruki's voice over all the others. A lopsided smile crossed his face as the impact happened. He felt a searing pain in his legs as they connected with the front end of the sports car. Then he was flying through the air for hour long seconds. As soon as his head hit the pavement his world went black. The blackness didn't last though and his eyes were forced open as a light shone into them. He tried to look away from the light and thought he saw his friend just beyond whoever was holding the damn thing. He could hear a faint sound of voices, like his head was under water. His eyes shut once more and the voices grew dimmer as he felt himself slipping away.
The first thing he noticed was an annoying beep was intruding on the quiet. At first he thought it was his alarm but it was slower and not as shrill. He listened to it as he slowly came around and realized it was an electronic heartbeat. Then the smells of disinfectant and sickness assaulted him. His eyes fluttered open and he saw that he was in a hospital room. The lights were dim in the room but there was no way to mistake the machines surrounding the bed he was in. Then he noticed that he wasn't alone in the room. His four closest friends and bandmates were all there. Now if only he could remember what he was doing there in the first place.