The Curse of Humanity

Part 1

I do not happen to own Adventure Time. If I did, LSP would be fully converted to comic relief.

Before anyone asks, yes, this chapter is a modified version of Time, Space and Chaos Part 1 from Fubblegum: The Gained Years. I felt like the original was too rushed, s I've separated the two stories, with the other as a failed attempt and this as the proper one. I'll establish the AU in another story, as I am separating my plan for F:tGY into several multi-chaptered stand-alone stories.

Prologue (1020 years earlier):

In the infinite cosmic bubble bath was a Universe. In this Universe was a large spiral galaxy. In this galaxy was a yellow main sequence star. Orbiting this yellow main sequence star were four rocky planets and four gas giants, as well as several other objects. One of the rocky planets had an atmosphere composed mainly of nitrogen, and a surface mostly covered by some form of dihydrogen oxide. The planet's tectonic plates divided the silicon based land formations into continents. On one of these continents was a political constituency called the United States of America. This was further subdivided into fifty states. In one of these was a town called Langley. In Langley, there lived a seventeen-year-old carbon-based ape-cousin named Ben.

Ben was known as one of the most intelligent people in the US (as the United States were abbreviated), having mastered multiple forms of physics, a firm grasp of molecular and cell biology as well as chemistry two years prior. Now, he was holed up in his lab, building a device that looked like an oversized gun, which was effectively what it was. The device's barrel was aimed at a large, eighteen-inch thick round chunk of vanadium steel propped up against the concrete wall of the underground bunker-lab.

"It's finished!" Exclaimed the scientist.

"Finally! How long has it taken you? Five months?" Said someone behind him.

"Six. And anyway, you have it easy, Pen."

"Is it really my fault that I'm good ad geography?"

"Shut up."

The person yawned and stepped out of the shadows. He was about nineteen years old, blond haired, blue eyed and slightly muscled. He was known as an expert in several martial arts and swordfighting practices, and was rumoured to be a knife thrower. However, he was also infamous for being a dreamer. But, his dreams were more than just dreams. As he would soon discover, they stimulated a dimensional wormhole, transferring his consciousness the future, where his body would inexplicably follow. He looked towards the steel plate, and asked how the machine worked.

"Well, we've known that antimatter annihilates 'real' matter when they come in contact," stated Ben, "but what about Dark Matter?"

"How do you get your hands on Dark Matter?" enquired Pen, skeptically, "We don't even know how to find it!"

"I just used an experimental teleport system linked to the vacuum of space, which is now contained in that steel cylinder." He gestured to the steel mass.

"Okay. What are you going to do?" Asked Pen, his voice laced with sarcasm, "Seal off the room, lead line it, cover it in steel and fire the antimatter?"

"Exactly. I had lead lining and several inches of steel plating installed in the walls earlier." Stated Ben matter-of-factly.

Pen groaned, found a chair, laid back and waited for Ben to seal off the room. Then, something caught his attention. Ben was usually a neat freak, and his appearance showed it, wearing almost impossibly clean shirts and trousers, as well as neatly combed hair and a calm demeanour. Now, it seemed the exact opposite, with clothes that didn't seem to have been changed for months, and unkempt hair and a sense of eccentricity. As far as he was concerned, that meant business. And when Ben got serious, the final product was almost guaranteed to work.

After the sealing operation was complete, Ben checked the seal, vacuumed the room, and made sure his equipment was in order, before making a dramatic countdown.

"Firing sequence initiated. Projectile will launch in T minus ten seconds. T minus five, four, three, two, one!"

As soon as he said that, the charge reversed particles slammed into the steel, causing massive explosions as a stray positron collided into a Dark Matter WIMP. All of a sudden, the process seemed to repeat itself over and over again, whilst the room appeared to enlarge and shrink over and over. Pen was the first to comment.

"Oh, great!" Moaned Pen, "Now, you've punched a hole in the fabric of space-time!"

"Look, it's stabilised now, okay?"

Pen grumbled as Ben checked the video feed.

"Hey, look at this!"

"What?"

"It looks like real land over there!" Ben practically screamed.

"Where?" Pen started to gain significant interest.

"Through that portal thingy that the hole opened up!"

"Check the readings."

"The atmospheric consistency is within 0.01% that of Earth's, Air pressure is the same, and the probe says that the gravity is about 5% lower."

"Does the probe have a camera and manual control?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Give it to me."

What Pen saw was astounding. Giant mountains of pure ice gleamed in the distance as the small robot rolled over an endless grassland. What caught his eye were two blobs on either side. He focused on one, and saw an igneous rock formation covered in lava and fire, resembling some sort of building. On the other side was a castle of pink and purple with two giant gumball machines on either side. Just then, a pale blue bearded man in cobalt blue robes flew past past clutching a penguin, pursued by a blond-haired boy of about eighteen wearing black shoes, dark blue shorts and a cyan T-shirt with what appeared to be a white bearskin hat sewn onto the back of the collar to make a makeshift hoodie. He was holding an engraved steel sword with a gold hilt with an emerald set into the pommel and sapphires at the ends of the guard. A crimson sword with a tooth in the pommel and a Celtic cross as the hilt design was strapped to his back. Behind him was a girl, about the same age, with similar attire in pink and magenta, as were her body and hair. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, and she held a sword similar to that of the boy's except with round, cyan pearls set into the guard and pommel. The girl seemed familiar, but before Pen could pin down who she was, the boy's sword flew to the probe and sliced through the battery bank. Just before the camera shorted out, an eighteen year old burning girl hurled a fireball at the old man.

Pen told Ben to do something else whilst he comprehended the situation. He was sure that the blue wizard thingy was the Ice King, and that the pink girl was obviously some sort of Candy Person, but he was certain that he had never seen her before. He checked the time. It was half past nine. Ben would have been in bed by then. Pen opened the now-unsealed door, and walked to the portal. He did the cliché act of moving his hand through the portal. Suddenly, his hand went pale, and this spread everywhere almost instantly. His jaw dropped, which was just as well, as fangs popped out of his upper jaw almost instantly. He ran up to the mirror, and found no reflection. Then came the flashback.

Flashback

Pen and Marceline were in her riverside house in the cave.

"Come on, Marcie!" Whined the eighteen year old adventurer.

"What?" Whined the Vampire Queen in a jokingly similar matter

"You said you were going to turn me today."

"You realise what you're sacrif..." began Marceline, but Pen cut her off.

"You don't fool me. I heard you when you said that you don't turn people because you'd hate to be stuck with them for eternity."

"And what makes you think that you would be an exception?" Said Marceline slyly.

"Because you love me."

Marceline sighed. "You win."

And with that, she bit into his neck, as gently as she could to ease any pain that she might cause. Pen let out a brief ecstatic moan before drifting into unconsciousness.

Flashback End

"So, I was right. Ooo is just beyond that portal." He spent about half an hour regaining his bearings, and decided to return to his house. He left a note and floated back to his room through the window.

"I forgot how fun this was." He got a green bag and put in three swords, some "magic" items, an assortment of throwing blades and a few apples, and zipped up the bag. He floated over to the corner where he kept his guitar, and removed most of the body, revealing the demon blood axe-head underneath. He was never sure why they appeared, but they did, so he might as well take advantage of them. Placing the items by the window, he floated over the bed in an attempt at sleeping. Keyword: attempt.

Pen spent fifteen minutes rolling over, feeling somewhat empty without Marceline next to him. He heard rumours that if a vaampire turned somone out of piy or ove, then the turned one would have After a frustrated yell, he picked up the axe guitar and green bag, and floated back to Ben's lab. As he floated over, he saw a small group of armoured men with an assortment of guns, including SPAS 12's, MP5's, Glock 18's and even a few M4A1's. They seemed to be creeping slowly towards Ben's lab. He sped up, and reached the door, giving the gunmen an estimated fifteen minutes away before they arrived at slow speed, five if they ran. After knocking several times, Ben opened the door, and almost let out a feminine scream.

"Pen! What the hell happened to you? Did you dye your hair black or something?"

"Never mind that. Just get whatever stuff you want through the portal. Now!"

"What are you talking about?"

"There's guys with guns five minutes away. If you want to live, get through that portal. Don't worry. I've been there before."

"I don't…"

"Just do it!"

The two quickly loaded up a crate with food, a knife, some camping equipment, a magnum and two boxes of ammunition, then shoved it in the portal room and locked the door behind them. Pen then shoved Ben through with the crate, then himself, before the portal collapsed due to logic and physics regaining their place in the Universe after the hole was patched up.

Meanwhile, outside the Candy Kingdom…

Finn placed a foot over the defeated Ice King's head, holding his crown in his left hand whilst a sword pointed menacingly at the old man's neck was held in his right.

"Can't you tell that my sister isn't interested?"Started a bored Finn, "you've tried to kidnap her five times this week."

"If you try that one more time," continued a certain flame princess, "I'll shave your beard of with the hottest flames I can muster, then dump your crown in the deepest lava pit of the Fire Kingdom."

"Nonononono!" stuttered the Ice King, "Isolemnlyswearnevertokidnapyouagain!"

"Alright then, Ice King." Said Princess Bubblegum, who looked over to her half-human boyfriend, cocking her head to gesture to the castle. Finn nodded, and the two took the long trek back, whilst Flame Princess returned to her and Finn's "Tree Fort Mk. 2". After Jake had tried to kill the both of them due to his duties as a COHP member, they had built a secret Tree Fort in case Jake would come back. So far, he hadn't, but as the old saying goes, "better safe than sorry." When she first met Jake, she quite liked him. He seemed to have a kind heart, and certainly seemed very trustworthy, but as time went on, he started acting more and more suspicious , until he finally snapped. Damned shame, really. He was never that bad. I wonder why he changed. That thought rang through her head even as she was drifting off onto sleep that night.