Author's Note: I'm not gonna lie, guys, I completely forgot about this. Whoops. Updating specifically because Lone Alpha Wolf asked me too. Here you go, sorry for forgetting about it. It's a little on the old side so it may be kind of rough.

Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs. Blue. Not even on box set. Oh how I wish I did...

Chapter 4: Gunfire and Oreos

I dried my hands on the kitchen towel, looking over at the giant pile of dishes sitting in the dish drainer. You'd think that a high-tech army base with money to throw at just about anything it wanted could afford a dish washer, but apparently it had never crossed anyone's minds. Not that I wasn't used to doing dishes, I did them all the time at home. However, that didn't make the chore any more alluring.

After agreeing to be the Red team's personal maid, Sarge had taken me down to the living quarters and given me a tour. He showed me the kitchen, living room, bedrooms, showers (a shared shower room, joy oh joy) and bathrooms, laundry room, and the location of all their cleaning supplies. I got to work immediately with the assumption that the sooner I got done meant the sooner I could go to bed. It was still early my time, but the packing had worn me out.

"Who the hell are you?"

I looked up to see a man slightly taller than myself in an orange t-shirt and grey sweatpants standing in the doorway. More than likely, this was Grif.

"Your maid, apparently," I grumbled. "Hey, is the orange coffee mug yours?"

"Yeah, why?" Grif asked with a quizzical look.

"Because I just washed it," I answered, pulling the heavy mug out of the dish drainer and drying it off before handing it to him. "Here, put it in the sink when you're done and it'll be clean again when you need it. Because I'm efficient like that."

"Oh God, you're not going to be another Simmons are you?" Grif asked, making a face.

"I'm efficient, not a suck up," I chuckled.

"Good, it's hard enough avoiding work with just one of him," Grif huffed. He then looked around the room. "Hey where's the coffee?"

"I don't actually know how to make coffee," I said with a sheepish smile.

"What, does someone else make it for you?" Grif asked as he got the coffee tin out of the cabinet.

"Actually I don't drink coffee," I said, leaning back against the counter. "It's too bitter for me."

Grif shrugged. "Can't say I blame you, it's an acquired taste." He went silent for a moment, cocking his head to the side. "Hey, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" I asked.

"That weird noise," he said. "Listen."

I went silent, listening for the noise Grif was talking about. Sure enough I heard it, a quiet but shrill chirping coming from my room.

"Oh, that's just Chirp," I shrugged. "He does that when he gets scared, the new room must freak him out a little."

"Chirp…?" Grif questioned, giving me an odd look.

"God damn it what the hell is that noise?!"

Grif and I both looked over towards the bedrooms only to find and enraged Simmons standing in his doorway.

"Donut, I swear if that's your fucking new ringtone I'm gonna—"

"Sorry, this one's on me," I called from the kitchen.

Simmons looked over and squinted at me for a moment. "Hey, aren't you the girl who woke me up earlier?"

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said with a sheepish smile.

"Doesn't matter," he sighed. His eyes trailed to the sink and he looked at it in confusion. "Who did all the dishes?"

"She did," Grif answered before I got a chance, nodding his head towards me.

Simmons looked at me with surprise. "You did all of them?"

"There wasn't that many," I said with a shrug.

"If you say so," he mumbled. "Hey, where's the coffee?"

"She didn't make any," Grif answered for me yet again.

"Seriously?" Simmons said, looking back to me. "You did all the dishes but you didn't make any coffee?"

"I don't know how," I said defensively.

"How can you not know how to make coffee?" Simmons asked. "How do you every drink any? Don't tell me you buy a $5 cup of coffee every morning."

"I don't drink it," I explained before Grif got the chance to answer for me again.

Simmons stared at me for a moment before shaking his head. "Fucking nuts."

I frowned, this wasn't anything like the Simmons I knew from the show. Was everyone really that different here? I watched as Grif finished making the coffee and, as soon as he and Simmons both had their share, my eyes followed Simmons out the door.

"Hey, don't worry about him."

"Huh?" I looked up at Grif.

"Simmons," Grif elaborated. "He's always an ass hat when he wakes up. He'll be better after he has his coffee."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said with a small smile. "Hey, Grif, do you guys have any hot chocolate?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's- Wait, how did you know my name?" He asked, giving me a puzzled expression.

I paused for a moment, quickly coming up with a logical explanation. "Sarge told me," I said as I started to dry off the dishes. "Simmons is the maroon one, Donut is the ligh- I mean, pink one, and you're the orange one."

He stared at me for a moment, turning this over in his mind before shrugging. "Makes sense. So, you know us, who are you?"

"KC," I replied, wiping the water from a cup with my towel and putting it in the cabinet. "It's only two letters so it's really easy to remember."

"Your last name is KC?" Grif asked, giving me an odd look.

"No," I said, "but you're not calling me by my last name because KC is cooler and it's easier to write down."

"So, wait, let me get this straight," Grif said, setting his mug on the counter and turning his gaze towards me. "Your parents gave you a name that's only two letters?"

"No, I changed the spelling so it would only be two letters," I explained. "Trying to tell everyone how to pronounce it before was too much work, plus it's easier to write down now."

Grif went silent for a moment, staring at me before speaking. "Do you like Oreos?"

"Of course," I scoffed, flashing him a grin.

My grin was quickly returned as the orange soldier shook his head before taking another sip of coffee. "You know, I think we're going to get along just fine."

"Hey, Grif!" chirped a cheery voice that I instantly recognized as Donut. Sure enough he bounced through the kitchen doorway a moment later, wearing matching pink pajamas. His light blue eyes quickly found me and he brushed his blonde hair out of the way with a grin. "Ohhh who's this? New recruit?"

Grif nodded. "This is KC," he said, gesturing to me with his mug. Apparently talking for me was his new thing. "New recruit, just came in today."

I just nodded with a small smile. If I didn't have to talk I wasn't going to.

"Oh, cool!" Donut chirrped. He held out his hand with a broad smile. "I'm Donut, it's really nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you to," I said, taking his hand and shaking it. "I take it the pink mug is yours?"

"It's lightish-red," he corrected. "And yeah, why?"

"Because that's clean too." I reached into the dish drainer, easily pulling the pink mug out from a pile of bowls and cups without disturbing them. I then dried the mug off and held it out. "I'll wash it again when you're done."

Donut took the mug before looking behind me, eyebrows flying up. "You did all of the dishes?"

"Well, yeah," I said. "Why is this so surprising to everyone?"

"There were a lot of dishes," Grif said, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Yes, I'm aware," I said with a touch of sarcasm. "I washed them, remember?"

Donut looked the dish drainer over in puzzlement. "How did you even fit them all in there?" He asked, looking over to me.

"Years of practice," I sighed. I stood straight and stretched before yawning. "Hey guys, I think I'm going to bed. I've been up cleaning all day, er, night, and I could really use some sleep. Can you remind Sarge to order my armor?"

"Will do," Donut said with a smile. "Don't sleep too late though, don't want Sarge to yell at you on your first day."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said as I walked through the kitchen door. I kept walking until I reached my room and slipped inside, closing the door behind me with a heavy sigh. At first I had thought this was a dream, but now I wasn't so sure. Everything just felt too real. Either that or I'm doing dishes even in my dreams. Go figure.

I looked to Chirp and Tex. Both had seemed to settle down, staring at my while clinging to their little stick. This was something they had often done at home, so at least that much was familiar. I went over and took out their water dish, quickly filling it with the water I kept in my backpack before placing it back in their carrier. I would have to find food after I got some sleep. Normally going bug hunting out in the open with no armor would have been an issue on the middle of a battle field but, considering I knew how good the other team's aim was, I probably didn't have much to work about. I only had to be concerned if Caboose got a hold of a gun, which hopefully wouldn't happen. The last thing I needed was to be another person who "just fell over".

On that happy note I decided to change into some more comfortable clothes. I may not have been able to sleep in my own bed, but darn it I was going to be comfortable. I dug through my duffel bag, searching for appropriate pajamas. Luckily I had already been planning on spending the night at my grandparents until my apartment was situated, so I had everything I needed packed. It wasn't too hot so I decided on a long sleeve pajama set with light and dark red stripes and gold painted buttons. The cool, silky material easily slid over my skin, the sleeves going halfway past my palm and the pants bagging slightly at my heels. In my book, a perfect fit. I then shoved my belongings off the bed and let them fall to the floor before curling up on the bed, pulling the thin blanket over me. I saw the electronics box tip over and some wires and game systems fall out, but I was too tired to care. Hopefully this was all a dream and I would wake up in my room, everything packed neatly and ready to go.

-xxx-

I didn't wake up in my room.

Instead of waking to the sound of the TV playing downstairs and my younger brothers fighting over God only knows what, I was lucky enough to wake up to the sounds of gunfire and the Reds and Blues fighting over God only knows what. Then again, that really wasn't too different.

I sat up and stretched with a yawn before slinging my feet over the edge of the bed and standing. My eyes wandered towards my watch before realizing that was completely useless. Sarge had already made it pretty clear that time was different here.

"Hopefully I didn't sleep too late," I mumbled to myself, already pulling up my duffel bag and digging through it. I quickly located a pair of jeans and one of my novelty tees before tossing the duffel bag back onto the floor. A few articles of clothing slipped out, but I was in too much of a hurry to care. Instead of straightening them up I quickly got dressed, shoving what few belongings I liked to keep on me in my pockets before jogging out of my room and up the stairs. As I made my way up the sounds of fighting got louder until I could finally make out the voices.

"Fuck you, we're not giving you any fucking Oreos!" I heard Tucker scream from across the canyon. It was amazing how well the sound carried.

"Oh yeah? Then you're not getting your fucking parts!" I heard Grif scream back. "No food, no parts!"

"Hey, ask if they have any morphine!" The voice had to be Sister. I assumed she was talking to Tucker, though she was yelling awfully loud.

"What? No!" Grif shouted. "Damn it get back inside before someone shoots your sorry ass!"

"I already shot into her ass! Bow chicka bow wow!"

"God damn it Tucker, SHUT UP!" Church screamed.

"She's my sister you sick fuck!" Grif cried.

"Why the fuck should I care, she's not MY sister!" Tucker shouted with a hint of a laugh.

"Do I even want to know what's going on?" I called, sticking my head out of the base's entry way.

"No, you really don't," Simmons sighed. He was hanging near the entrance, no more than ten feet away from me. Grif was further out with the Warthog, and Donut and Sarge were nowhere to be seen.

"You stay the fuck away from her!" Grif screamed.

"Make me!" Tucker shouted back.

"Tucker shut the fuck up! We just want the fucking parts!" Church yelled. He clearly hadn't discovered the use of the megaphone function, which made sense seeing as how we were still in Blood Gulch.

"Well you're not getting any parts unless I get my God damn Oreos!" Grif shouted back.

"FOOD!" Simmons cried. "We're negotiating for FOOD, not just Oreos fat ass!"

"Fuck that, I want my fucking Oreos!" Grif shouted.

I watched for a moment before shaking my head. "Hey, what time is it?"

"Noon," Simmons said without hesitation. "You slept pretty fucking late."

I ignored the comment, instead turning to walk back into the base. "I'm going to go make lunch, I'm assuming we're low on food so I'll try not to use too much."

"Yeah, whatever," Simmons sighed.

I walked back down to the kitchen and went for the fridge. Luckily I had gotten the basic idea of where everything was when I had cleaned earlier. After a moment of thought I grabbed some cheese and butter and tossed them on the counter. Hopefully no one would be too opposed to what I was making.

Final Thoughts: Okay, I'm not forgetting about this again. I'm making a new chapter right now. Seriously, I have paper right here. Writing away.