A/N: I do not own New Moon or the characters in it, nor do I own the text written by Stephenie Meyer, it is merely here to help guide the story.

Chapter One

Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.

If I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder…I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I froze.

Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door

"Wait." I wanted to say, "Just a minute."

Jacob dropped his hand and turned to look at me as I blinked, surprised to realize I had spoken the words out loud. Quickly, I tucked the memory of Edward's voice into the back of my mind for safe keeping and closed my eyes. I let what I hoped was a calm expression fall over my features and raised my head so I could see Jacob's face. His slightly concerned gaze raked over my body and I knew what he was seeing: limp tangled hair, wrinkled salt-stiff clothes, eyes still bloodshot and irritated from opening them underwater. The knowledge made me cringe.

He turned his body so he was angled toward me and searched my face, "Are you all right?"

I dropped my eyes, suddenly shy. The butterflies had not stopped their frantic dance in my stomach.

"Bella?" Jacob asked, concern now leaking into his voice.

I took a deep breath in a futile attempt to calm myself and looked up at him through my lashes. Slowly and deliberately I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tight in both of mine before twining our fingers together.

The warmth of his hand was reassuring and I was finally able to meet his eyes. "I want to try," I told him. My voice was still hoarse, but strong. Sure.

At first he didn't seem to understand. His eyebrows knit together and I was worried I would have to elaborate when his eyes fell on my hand holding tight to his.

Jake's face lit up for a fraction of a second before his mouth turned down at the corners and his expression turned sad, almost longing. Suddenly I was crushed against his bare chest again.

"I wasn't lying when I said I didn't mind that you don't feel the same way about me. I don't want you to feel like you need to do anything for my sake. You don't owe me anything," he murmured into my hair.

I might have laughed out loud if the sorrow hadn't been so evident in his voice. I owed this boy nothing less than my life, several times over. He had pulled me out of my pit of despair, taught me how to live again. What I was about to do should have been only for him, he deserved it. But if I was being honest, what I was doing was just as much for me as it was for him.

The thought brought me up short, was I using Jake again?

The weight of his warm arms holding me close to his chest was like a balm. Jake was the only one who could soothe me like this, the only one who could make me feel so whole. Yet, the fingers that wound absentmindedly through my tangled hair did more than comfort, they made my breath catch in my chest a little longer than it should and the skin at the base of my neck tingle. They made me want to move closer and wind my own fingers in his glossy black hair. For the first time, Jake's more-than-friendly actions didn't make the hole in my chest ache and urge me to squirm away. Didn't he deserve to know that?

Be Happy. I wanted to, I wanted to be happy with what I had left, and even more than that I wanted to make Jacob happy.

No, you aren't using him, a small voice in the back of my head murmured, you're paying him back. The idea reassured me; I wanted this for me, but I was doing it for Jake.

One of Jacob's hands still held mine, but the other released my hair and gently pushed me back so he could see my face.

"Bella, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to." He admitted, and I could hear the truth in his voice, see the sincerity in his eyes.

He was too good for me. More than I could ever deserve. And even as he said those words only relief rushed through me because I knew it meant he wouldn't make this any harder than it had to be. I still didn't know if my body would listen to the things I told it to do, I had shied away from anything romantic for so long and I wasn't sure I could change my ways so easily. But Jacob's words left me feeling confident that he wouldn't push me.

As Jacob watched the emotions flicker across my face he seemed to sag into the seat. His shoulders bowed forward and he turned his face away from me, but not before I saw his agonized expression and felt the slight tremor run through his hand.

It dawned on me that this decision could break Jacob. Not as badly as I had been broken, but bad enough. This was the only option, it was clear now, I loved him too much. I could never bring myself to hurt this boy. Just his pained expression was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

I sighed inwardly, he must have seen my relieved expression and assumed I was glad I didn't have to try to make this work. I squeezed his hand one last time and unwound our fingers, only to press my palm against his warm cheek.

His eyes opened and found mine, the look he gave me was so ridiculously hopeful that it was distracting. I struggled to take even breaths, to remember what I was doing.

Gently, I pulled his face down closer to mine. My heart was beating erratically now, I had no idea if this would cause the kind of pain my memories did. This love I was surrendering to Jacob was a different kind of love, nothing like the other love, but would that make it any less painful?

I steeled myself, pushing all my worries from my mind and pulling Jacob's face fractionally closer until our foreheads were touching.

"I won't," I promised, and gently brushed my lips against his.

I had planned for the contact to be feather-light. Just enough. That much I knew I could handle. But as my lips grazed his I could feel no yield, no response, and I could tell he was holding his breath. The familiarity of the situation was almost too much. I could feel the ripping and rending at the edges of the hole in my chest and suddenly it was very important that I get some sort of reaction from Jake's frozen form.

Fearing the onslaught of pain and cursing Jacob for being cautious now of all times I pressed forward and slammed my free hand into his chest. He didn't seem to notice.

Quickly, I changed tactics and slid my palm up the broad plane of his chest and over his shoulders, up the back of his neck and tangled my fingers in his silky hair.

This, at least, kick-started his breathing.

The connection with Him - I didn't dare think his name now - had already been made though, and the feeling that my chest was tearing itself apart had not stopped. I ran from the link I had made, the resemblance I had found between the two boys in the ways they handled me was too much. In the confines of my own mind there was not far to run, so once again I ran to my saving grace.

I was not so gentle this time. I crushed my lips hard against his mouth and reveled in the heat radiating from his skin. I breathed deeply of his musky scent, willing it to cloud my mind, but his arms were wrapped so tightly around me it didn't matter where my mind went. I couldn't have fallen apart if I'd tried.

I attempted to calm down. I was okay, Jake was with me, but my breathing and heart rate still wouldn't slow. I found that I was completely unwilling to remove myself from Jacob's strong grasp. And his lips, which now moved rhythmically against mine, I was even less likely to give up. Their spicy taste was unlike anything I had expected, but it somehow fit. His body felt so alive against mine, it practically hummed with energy. It was this reaction to my presence that finally pulled me away from his soft mouth.

I lay my head against his chest and gently raked my fingers through his hair. I could see his entire body was flushed and his eyes were bright.

This was new. I had never received a response like this from Him and as a result I had never been so sure of the way He felt about me. I could only trust that what He told me was true. That He cared. That somehow He loved me more than I loved Him. I wondered; if He had been more human would his body have given him away? Would I have known what was happening? What was coming? It seemed that with so many indicators I should have been able to.

I sighed out loud and nestled further into Jake's embrace. I didn't need any more "what ifs". I needed to move forward. I had taken the first step but I knew it would take much more. Tomorrow I would explain everything to Jacob. Every last gory detail. And then I would slowly begin to rebuild myself, if not for my sake then for Jake's. He deserved much better than what I was right now.

One of his large hands stroked my hair. My eyes were slowly drifting shut when they focused on the clock glowing green on the dash. It had been an hour since we had left Billy silently mourning the loss of his friend, Charlie would be home soon.

Gingerly, I extracted myself from Jacob's arms and was more than a little surprised I didn't break into a million pieces right there in the cab of my truck. He smiled at me and it was all Jake, not a single hint of the bitter twist it had adopted in the recent weeks. I couldn't help but smile back and he caught my face between his hands, "I am so happy," and this time he kissed me.

His kiss was soft and slow and so intoxicatingly sweet that I was gasping for air when he finally chose to release me.

"Promise me I'll be able to do that again."

I laughed breathlessly, "I promise," I was surprised by how much I really meant it. By how much I had enjoyed every second of our contact. It was as if the tiny portion of my love I had planned to hand over to him had multiplied. It was still nothing like what I had been capable of, but it was a living thing, growing and changing and developing with every moment that passed. I refused to think of what would happen if one day it grew to surpass my love for Him. For now I was just grateful I had more to offer Jacob than I had thought.

I gave him one more small reassuring smile before my eyes flickered over to the clock. "Charlie will be home soon, " I voiced, slightly dismayed by the disappointment underlying my words.

Jake sighed, clearly disappointed as well, and took a moment to tuck a stray lock of my hair behind my ear before opening the door.

Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck.

"Oh!" The breath wooshed out of Jacob like someone had punched him in the gut. "Holy crap!"

He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition in the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I don't know how he managed it.

"What's wrong?"

He revved the engine too fast; it sputtered and faltered.

"Vampire," he spit out.

The blood rushed from my head and left me dizzy. "How do you know?"

"Because I can smell it!"

Jacob cursed as his wild eyes raked the dark street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that were rolling through his body. "Phase or get her out of here?" He hissed at himself.

He looked down at me for a split second, and then he was scanning the street again. "Right. Get you out."

The engine caught with a roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward our only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house.

I froze.

The car was black, a Mercedes S55 AMG. I knew the horse power and the color of the interior. I knew the feel of the powerful engine purring through the frame. I knew the rich smell of the leather seats and the way the extra-dark tint made noon look like dust through those windows. I knew who the car belonged to.

I focused on my breathing, in and out, as I struggled to understand what I had seen. There was no doubt in my mind that the car belonged to Carlisle Cullen, what didn't make sense was that it was parked outside of my house. He had made it very clear when he left that he had no plans to come back, at least not in my lifetime. None of the Cullens would have come back if He didn't want them to, and he didn't, he wanted me to forget they existed. I chased the same thoughts around in my head, where was the exception? Then it hit me; something had happened, something was wrong. I doubted anyone was hurt because Carlisle was here, but his presence was a bad omen all the same.

I glanced out the window; Jake had just turned us onto the highway, but we needed to go back.

"Jake," I croaked, "pull over."

He eyed me liked I'd just grown a second head. "What?" He hissed.

I leveled my eyes at him and spoke as calmly and clearly as I could manage, "Pull over."

He jerked the car onto the shoulder but didn't cut the engine. There was no break between the tremors now, his whole body was vibrating so violently his features began to blur together.

I glanced around the cab of the truck and then back at Jacob. If he didn't stop shaking he would phase soon, and I was pretty sure there wasn't enough room for any kind of wolf, let alone a werewolf, in the tiny square of space. Quickly I clapped both of his hands in mine and held them firmly.

"Bella, you really shouldn't do that." His voice was a low, pained growl, "I could hurt you."

I squeezed his hands tighter and began to smooth my thumb against his skin in small, soothing circles, "Jake, relax. You have to relax." My voice was climbing and I forced myself to speak more slowly, more calmly. "It wasn't Victoria."

His teeth barred at her name and the tremors continued to ripple through his body. I released his hands and scooted over in my seat so I could reach his face. "It. Was. Not. Victoria." I repeated, my hands now framing his face, forcing him to look in my eyes, to understand each word I said.

His furious expression turned strained as he tried to focus on what I was saying. He managed to push a question through his clenched teeth, "How do you know?"

"Because Carlisle's car is parked in front of my house." I murmured, trying not to think of the implications of the statement.

Jake's eyes narrowed, he didn't believe me, or he didn't trust me to make such an identification in the dark while in my current condition.

"It's not worth it," he muttered, half to himself, his breath still coming in short puffs. He locked eyes with me, "Too dangerous."

I bristled, "Carlisle is not da-"

"What if it's not Carlisle? What if it's something worse?"

I didn't know if he meant Victoria or, no - I couldn't let myself hope that He might be here; but had Jacob meant to imply it?

"It's not Victoria," I said again, pressing slightly harder against his cheekbones, "If you won't take me back I'll go myself."

"No!" He growled, and the roughest tremor yet ripped through his frame.

"Yes," I countered, as forcefully as I could, "So relax and come with me, or I'm going alone."

"No!" He growled, but his breathing hitched at the same time so it came out more like a gasp. "Bells, you can't do this. Not now, not when- " his breathing hitched again and that was when I realized he was on the brink of tears.

Alarmed, I pressed myself closer to him, nearly climbing into his lap so that I could be level with his eyes.

"Jake," I murmured cautiously, "Hey, Jake, what's wrong? We don't have to go back right now, we can wait a bit, I was just thinking it would be easier to deal with Carlisle before Charlie gets home." I smoothed his tight-knit brow with my finger tips, "Shhh, we can wait, we can wait…"

A moment later a deep, shuddering breath ran through Jacob and slowly his shaking subsided. I kept my hands pressed to his burning cheeks until even his heart rate slowed to its gentle, rhythmic rate again. He glanced sullenly at the stubborn set of my jaw, "Why can't you keep out of trouble for more than five minutes?"

A small smile tugged at my lips and I slid my hands from his face into my lap.

Jake didn't see the humor. He popped the door open and climbed out of the truck. "Since you're so confident Doctor Death is the only one at your house, I'm sure you'll be fine waiting here while I make sure he didn't bring any friends." The words were icy, punctuated effectively by the sharp clanging of the driver's side door slamming shut.

I watched as Jacob jogged into the woods and immediately I began to feel anxious. What if I was wrong? What if I had just sent my best friend into a horribly dangerous situation? My arms wound around my torso instinctively as I settled in to wait.

I had counted five thousand breaths before I heard the first growl. It was low and close and not quite full enough to be that of a wolf. A musical tinkling of a laugh followed and I nearly fell over myself in my hurry to open the door.

As I flung the door wide and clambered down from the seat my eyes surveyed the area, my head craning to see every bit of the woods that stretched out before me.

Jacob appeared from the shadows, striding purposefully toward me. "I thought you said it was Carlisle's car," he growled as he stopped in front of me and angled his body into a protective stance.

More tinkling laughter sounded from the woods and I had to fight the urge to run wildly into the dark tree line.

Alice Cullen slipped lithely out of the trees and practically sashayed to the side of the truck. "Bella," she cooed, her voice like a soothing balm to the jagged edges of my chest, though her face was twisted in something strange. Confusion?

"Why are you alive?"

Now it was my turn to look confused, "Were you expecting something else?" I mean, I knew I fell down a lot, but I'd managed to survive every one so far, even this most recent one… "Oh."

Alice quirked a delicate eyebrow, "'Oh?' That's it? I see you throw yourself off of a cliff, Bella, and all I get is 'oh'?"

She was angry and I shied away from her, trying to casually place Jake between the two of us. "I was cliff diving," I muttered.

A/N: I never really intended to finish this story, but I didn't want to leave it written and unposted. if I get a decent amount of feedback I may decide to continue or adopt the plot off to another writer.