Chapter Sixteen

Sadly, not a real chapter, merely the timeline of events contained within Enemy Of My Enemy: Vanguard. We assembled this firstly to help ourselves keep track of what days events were occurring, but then decided that it would be of some help to the reader. It was intended to be a dry 'just the facts' log of events, but things went awry...

LATE TSCC EPISODES, GOING INTO EOME TIMELINE

NB: All events occur in Los Angeles, California unless specified.

2008

OCTOBER

SATURDAY:

7:30AM, COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO: Justin Perry is terminated by Miguel. Presumably the To The Lighthouse events occur now or next day: i.e. Charley Dixon's death. And that of his dog, whose name I can't be bothered to look up.

MONDAY:

Savannah Weaver's kidnapping (according to FBI Agent Auldridge). Derek Reese's death. Sarah Connor's arrest. John Connor and Cameron book into the Apache Motel in the evening.

TUESDAY:

Agent Auldridge interviews Sarah. The chola and James Ellison visit the Apache Motel. Later (possibly in the middle of the night), Water Delivery Terminator goes to ZeiraCorp and is defeated by Catherine Weaver.

WEDNESDAY:

Weaver and John Henry examine WDT's chip (at 7AM in TSCC, but later on in EOME). John examines Cameron's power cell, but resists the call of her tongue and perky boobies – for now. They head to LA County Jail to rescue Sarah, but Cameron spots a team (that includes a terminator) waiting for them outside, so they head north to 'the woods.' Nope, me neither. Auldridge offers Sarah a deal, she signs. Ellison and John Henry track John and Cameron to the woods; Ellison goes there and repeats Weaver's offer. Lauren and Sidney Fields are terminated; bad stuff happens, you know?

THURSDAY:

Off camera, John eats lunch. John and Cameron go to ZeiraCorp, leave their car in parking lot, have their weapons confiscated. They meet Weaver, then John Henry. Ellison discovers that Weaver is a terminator. John holds Cameron's hand in the basement, refuses to give her to Weaver. Weaver agrees to help him free Sarah in return for John and Cameron doing work for her. The Human-Cyborg Alliance has begun and the future has now changed.

FRIDAY:

4:00AM, VAN NUYS: T-Zero (Ronin), black T-900 (Caesar), white T-900 (Icarus), 'Patrick' and 'Shirley' LMTs arrive, get clothes, kill the real Patrick McKay and steal his Ford Taurus, go to 4882 West Park Avenue, Van Nuys, CA 90137, terminate Shirley, Amy and Brooke McKay, set up base in their house. The Fourth Faction has arrived, though nobody calls it that. Except me.

4:32AM, GLENDALE GALLERIA: Vanguards Thor, Freyr and Aegir arrive. Steal clothes, then Harley-Davidson and Kawasaki motorcycles, head to Downtown LA. Vanguards Loki, Valli and Heimdallr fail to respond and/or arrive.

John wakes up, eats breakfast provided by Cameron from vending machine. She thanks him for standing up to Weaver, kisses his cheek. Yup, that's all. What were you expecting? Last Tango In Paris? Weaver brings disguise items, then gives them Klamath Specialty Alloys mission in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Cameron washes, then cuts John's hair. Meaningful sort-of convo about Riley/jealousy. She doesn't dye her hair, wears glasses and ball cap: fake nerd girl! Ellison gives them keys to a new vehicle (Toyota Tacoma Access Cab), loaded with essential supplies. They depart before 8:30AM.

Martin Bedell and five others terminated by Miguel at Presidio Alto Military Prep School. The ceremony was going so well up until that point – which ended up in Bedell's heart.

Weaver orders Matthew Murch to prep John Henry for transfer to Serrano Point.

Sarah ruminates further on John and Cameron. Meets Lily Anderson, her attorney. Sarah purloins a paperclip, secretes it inside her palm. She's so badass.

Ronin and Icarus go to Depot 37 in Taurus, take out T-888 Carter, remove his chip, put him in trunk of car; wait for Kaliba's Coltan Recovery Team.

John and Cameron, heading north in Tacoma, hear news of Bedell's termination on radio, as well as those of two more key future Resistance men. John connects the dots, but blames himself. Cameron stops the truck, grabs his hand, makes him say it's NOT his fault. Weaver phones, tells them about Perry's death; also, there's a laptop in the locker under the back seat. Back seat locker? WTF? Why do you think we chose the 'Access Cab' version? Years of research. Okay, hours then. They stop at the next diner, find laptop and guns (it's a big locker *cough*), get more junk food, read email from John Henry, watch video showing Perry's platoon versus the talibanators. John says that Kaliba is sending terminators after targets previously missed. He wonders how many T-888s they face. I know, but I'm not telling.

DEPOT 37, McGUIRE GUNNERY RANGE: Ronin and Icarus take out the CRT, including another T-888. They obtain more weapons and the T-888 (with head removed), placing (not stuffing) it in trunk with Carter.

Ronin and Icarus return to the McKay residence, park the Taurus in the garage alongside the dead family's all-American minivan, then bring the two deactivated cyborgs inside.

Ronin issues orders, removes chip of T-888 under water in bath, with no hint of sexual naughtiness despite all the nudity. Then he changes his clothes for those of the late P. McKay – well, they were bullet-riddled. Gets a chip from the canister they brought with them, places it in the Carter body – and why not? It's Carter's chip from the future. Ronin tells him to mend the headless T-888 and get changed out of BDUs. Hello to you too...

Ronin discovers the wonders of the internet. And then searches for a suitable person to get them into ZeiraCorp, finding Matt Murch. Meanwhile, his original crew discover the wonders of the TV: a news report informs them that Sarah is in LA County Jail and John and Cameron are at large. Ronin assigns Caesar and Shirley to the Murch mission, but before that they need to get new clothes for him, Icarus and Carter; well, appearance is important in LA.

7:00PM, KLAMATH FALLS, OREGON: John and Cameron arrive. John decides he prefers small towns like this to LA. They check into a motel using Cameron's Emily Gage alias, paid for with ZeiraCorp credit card. Cameron gets a pizza for John, who then sleeps. What a bummer: call that a hot Friday night date?

The Vanguards continue to watch ZeiraCorp. Aegir has altercation with driver of last bus for the night, moves to alley where he knocks out a homeless drunk. Not seeing the good in these dudes yet...

11:20PM, GLENDALE: Having done the shopping, Caesar drops Shirley off at Matt Murch's house (1063 Elm Crescent), where she imitates the path. It's a great effect, if a bit of a budget-breaker, but obviously makes for boring television; bring on the shooting and fighting stuff.

SATURDAY:

MIDNIGHT: John and Cameron set off for Klamath Specialty Metals, infiltrate and plant the tracker. To avoid suspicion from a security guard, she pulls them into an embrace on the ground, and kisses John, tongues and all: he responds in more ways than one. The ruse works and they return to their motel. He asks Cameron about the kiss; at first she denies it was anything other than a ruse, then admits it was "interesting." John lies awake, while Cameron smiles to herself, the minx.

AFTER 7:30AM: Shirley's spare bit attaches to Matt Murch's shoe, and he sets off for work at ZeiraCorp. Ronin orders Caesar to the LA courthouse, where (after giving a journo a Glasgow kiss and purloining another paperclip) Sarah is found guilty of having too few viewers by the corrupt Judge Ramón Velásquez (who receives the weirdly odd sum of $5.5million from Kaliba for his efforts), and is sent to Pelican Bay State Prison to await execution: death by poorly-scheduled re-runs on Syfy and attempts by obsessed people to resurrect her show, all doomed to failure.

Caesar reports the outcome to Ronin, but not before tossing his parking ticket on the ground: these terminators have no respect for litter laws. Ronin tells him to follow Sarah in the McKay's Taurus to Pelican Bay, located by Crescent City in northern California. They probably won't take the scenic route.

Matt Murch turns up for work three minutes late, unwittingly taking Shirley's blob with him into John Henry's room; gets chewed out by Weaver. Hey, not that, this is a clean, family show. Sort of. The silver sliver of Shirley slinks off his shoe and slips under the table. Dammit, ruined my alliteration... Anyway, she hears lots of stuff. Weaver buys his allegiance with a 20% pay rise and two weeks' vacation. Well, I would. Also, Weaver and John Henry know about Sarah's sentence too. That's 21st century communications for you. Talking of which, the bug planted by Cameron tells them that the Klamath shipment arrived one hour thirty-six minutes previously at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport: call it 6:30AM, but even I'm not sure about exact times, okay?

John is woken from a deep and peaceful slumber by something vibrating loudly on the nightstand. No, it's not Cameron's dildo, but his phone. Though they could be the same thing... Anyway, it's Weaver on the line, and she's got some more donkey work for them. So, no Saturday clothes shopping with the girlfriend for John, then. Bummer. They are to set up a radio base for the Resistance in a nice cabin in the middle of a National Park. Sounds romantic – or it could be. *wink* John decides he doesn't like the Status Quo. What!? Down, Down is an absolute stone-cold classic! Oh well, no accounting for taste...

Meanwhile, back at the McKay residence, Carter has finished repairing the broken-necked T888 and Ronin pops a chip inside his port (don't laugh, this is serious stuff), but unhelpfully doesn't name his new buddy. Shirley phones up to inform Ronin that her blob infiltration has worked and that CAMERON IS ONLY MRS CONNOR IN THE FUTURE! 'Kin 'ell! Drop that one in quietly, why don't you? Also that she and the future Mr Phillips are headed for Crater Lake National Park. Ronin does his best Blofeld impression and then orders Patrick to kill John. Ronin starts hacking the Depot 37-acquired chips.

Cameron drives John up to Crater Lake National Park. John finds it cold, but digs the scenery, man. They stop by a cabin (number 7), dig (for real) a big hole out back, then they bury the stash Weaver has provided. They are interrupted by a satellite phone ringing; it's James Ellison. He's one of Weaver's errand boys too, but is better paid and gets a nicer car. Now John and Cameron know about Sarah's sentence; well, it's only fair. But Weaver wants them to stay out in the frozen boonies; perhaps she sees the romantic potential? Or maybe she's seen The Shining? Heeeere's Johnny! John and Cameron have a nice chat, but he moans about Weaver again. Then he picks the lock of Cabin 7 and they have their love nest. Wait, getting ahead of ourselves...

The Vanguards crash the party in the ZeiraCorp basement via the sewers, then tell a long-with-plenty-of-gore war story about the Battle of Salt Lake City in August 2030, including the skinny on the Vanguards and Ronin, as well as that Cameron is Mrs Connor in the future - so now everybody knows about them and Ronin. Except Sarah. Oh boy, can't wait for that! (And of course, JandC don't know. Yet. But we need something for the climax...) Anyhow, here's the basics: they came from 2034, the year John led Allied forces to victory over Skynet on June 30th at Cheyenne Mountain. However, things have changed... Thor assigns Freyr to stay with John Henry, whilst he and Aegir go rescue Sarah, then meet up with John and Cameron, maybe intercept an attack from Ronin's crew. Yes, it's all serious now. Mostly...

Meanwhile, back at the McKay residence, the henchborgs are sitting around while Ronin scans the CPUs. Shirley calls to inform him that three Vanguards have arrived at ZeiraCorp and what has been said and done there. Ronin calls Caesar, who is the strong, silent type, ordering him to tag along and delay the Vanguards after they've freed Sarah. Then he calls Patrick, warning him about what's heading his way. He briefly considers heading north himself, but it's a 12 hour drive, so he'd be too late anyway. Besides, he's got leader-type stuff to do.

Having arrived at Pelican Bay, Sarah gets a tour of the facilities, including a cavity search and some clean clothes. She's allocated cell number 207; unfortunately, it doesn't come with a sea view or a balcony. She removes the two paperclips that were embedded in the palm of her hand and hides them in the cell. Why? Because she's not given up.

SUNSET: After musing on notions of romance and terminator visibility problems, Cameron punches a tree, then karate chops it into firewood, as you do. Returning to the cabin, she lights a fire. She discusses Future diets with John, but holds back a few details, like always. When will she learn? John asks Cameron what she'd do if he died. She refuses to answer and goes out 'patrolling.' When she returns, John is in bed. She strips off to dry her clothes by the fire, then hears him moaning. No, he's not having a J. Arthur Rank, but yet another bad dream. Naturally, she hops into bed with him. As you do. John calms down and sleeps blissfully. "If only he'd wake up!" scream the jameron fans. As you do.

IN THE DARK OF NIGHT: Miguel and three T-888s parachute from a Nimrod and sink the EOME-verse version of the USS Jimmy Carter, thus denying Future-Derek the many charms of his Australian Significant Other.

SUNDAY:

Sarah wakes up, has shower, a workout and breakfast. Really, there's not much else to do: daytime TV is so dire...

John has another nightmare, wakes up alone, doesn't have a shower, workout or breakfast. Goes fishing, throws the Pocket Watch Detonator in the lake. Yay! for the jamerons, but Boo! for littering a National Park.

At ZeiraCorp, John Henry has tracked the Vanguards to San Fransisco: they're sure to wear some flowers in their hair. Ellison, Freyr and John Henry chat. Well, there's not much else to do on Sundays in the business district.

Patrick arrives at Crater Lake Park, gets an update on the Vanguards from Ronin, kills two Park Rangers. Should have called him Flavio.

Cameron finds John. Having seen him dispose of the PWD, doesn't chastise him for littering in a National Park. Well, she's a terminator, and we've seen that their attitude to littering leaves much to be desired. But she does teach him how to fight a terminator at close quarters: the answer is don't, just run. Um, duh! In return, he teaches her how to fish; she finds a more efficient way to get lunch.

At Pelican Bay, Caesar gets the drop on Kurt and a Kaliba goon, who were lurking in a tree, definitely not k-i-s-s-i-n-g. But if they were, more power to them; we ain't judgemental. He'd previously dealt with the rest of the Kaliba snatch squad, and handily for him, now has a sniper rifle and bullets; could be useful, those.

John prepares the fish by gutting it. Next, he removes the explosive around Cameron's chip, after a cheap gag about his boner. Blame me for that.

Finally, the truck arrives to take John Henry to Serrano Point. Weaver summons Matt Murch; no time off for him yet. Soon though, a vacation with the family, which is better than a 'transfer' to Copenhagen.

Thor and Aegir break Sarah out of Pelican Bay, injuring plenty of guards – not cool: these are just guys doing their job. For action fans, there's lots of 'splosions and plasma fire; bang goes the special effects budget, literally.

In the midst of the above, there's an interlude to the Kaliba boardroom. At last the other bad guys appear: five Grays – old, unfit men; plus two T-888s – Miguel and Vassily. They're all pissed that Weaver is still alive, the coltan has been stolen from Depot 37, and the recovery team has been wiped out as well. Hmm, I've had weeks like that too. Now they know that John has made contact with Weaver, Miguel is assigned to lead a squad to hit ZeiraCorp.

Back at Pelican Bay, Caesar gets a call on Kurt's cellphone, thus Ronin is informed of the attack. Caesar follows the Vanguards, catching them up on the Redwood Highway (that's U.S. Route 199 for completists). He overtakes, speeding ahead to set up an ambush.

Meanwhile, back at the McKay residence, Ronin tells Carter and the unnamed Depot 37 Triple-Eight to go to Century Valley Mall and wait, while he and Icarus will meet up with Shirley and do the exciting stuff at ZeiraCorp. Natch, he takes the only car: perks of being the head honcho.

In Crater Lake NP, Cameron fries the fish and boils some rice on the log fire. They eat it, then Cameron inquires about John's nightmare, deducing that it was about her. They inch closer and she shows him how to deal with a hot terminatrix at close quarters: no tongues this time though. They're interrupted by three knocks at the door: it ain't the postman, because he always knocks twice. Coitus interuptus via Patrickus.

Heading along the Redwood Highway, Sarah is cold and angry – no change there then. Having forced the bikes to stop, she wants to know what's going on. Sarah almost vomits on hearing that John and Cameron are an item in the future. Prison food can take some getting used to, so I hear.

Back at Crater Lake, Cameron rips into Patrick and they escape the cabin. Unfortunately, the Tacoma's tyres have been slashed. After all that time I spent looking those things up! Did you know they're made in San Antonio, Texas, amongst other places? No? Oh, suit yourself... The fight continues: John runs off, but returns to save Cameron as she's about to have her chip removed, shooting her in the process. It might seem cruel, but wait 'til you see Chapter 15: dem slugs gotta come out! Having trashed the cabin, they head for the boat at the lake, but – shock horror! – the engine won't start. John leaps into the icy water – and nearly has a myocardial infarction, never mind balls like raisins. Patrick swims after him: silly John, he thought all terminators couldn't swim; sillier Cameron for letting him think that. Never mind, she gets the boat's engine started and chops Patrick up with the propeller, pulls John out of the water, then heads for shore.

Three hours travel away, and still cold, Sarah and the Vanguards run into Caesar's ambush somewhere in Oregon. At last, a terminator that can hit the target! Bad for the good guys. Caesar sneaks off and heads back to LA, leaving the Vanguards' bikes ruined and Sarah unconscious.

Meanwhile, back in the McKay minivan, now parked in Downtown Los Angeles, Ronin and Icarus are joined by Shirley, just in time to see the ZeiraCorp convoy leave for Serrano Point. They gain access to ZeiraCorp and plant booby-traps, then settle down to wait.

Back on Crater Lake: oh dear, they're out of gas. John has to swim for it, while Cameron takes the road less travelled – the lake bed. Eventually they make it to shore, but John is struggling.

Patrick has regrouped himself and tries to track them, initially going the wrong way.

Now John is suffering from hypothermia; at one point his heart beat is so low and weak, it can't be detected. Cameron thinks he's dead – and worse: that she's the cause. Seems like a good moment to change scenes: my fault again...

Back on the Redwood Highway, Sarah comes around. Despite Thor cushioning her fall, she has injuries. After hearing that the sniper was merely slowing them down to make it easier to kill John, she sets off on foot with the Vanguards. Painfully. But pain can be managed when you're a badass mother.

Back to Cameron: she detects a pulse, so lifts John up and runs to Crater Lake Lodge. If you haven't gathered by now, its design is rustic, quaint, old-fashioned, yadda-yadda. Cameron takes him to a room on the top floor, strips him and plonks him in the shower under hot running water. Fortunate for them that there is some in this place, eh? Yeah... Various other remedies we carefully researched are applied, then the one everyone wants: Cameron hops into bed with John, AND they're both nakey.

MONDAY:

John wakes up and for once doesn't have a boner; but not for long. Soon he and Cameron are snogging and he cops a feel, but she cockblocks him again: twice in one week? Poor guy can't get a break, even if he is the saviour of mankind. But no, Cameron wants it too, however she knows they need to keep running. She's so sensible. They dress and set off, not before John checks his weapon though: it's something he learned off Uncle Derek. While walking, John works out that Patrick the LMT was after Cameron's chip; neither think this is a good thing. And it isn't.

Patrick arrives at Crater Lake Lodge, splits into four mini-Patricks - how did that get through the suits at the network? Oh, wait... Anyway, he picks up the Jameron trail and sets off at speed.

Alongside US199, Sarah is struggling. Aegir runs ahead to obtain transport. Thor explains a few facts of future life to Sarah. Again.

4:00AM, ZEIRACORP, DOWNTOWN LA: Kaliba's goon squad attacks. Unsuccessfully, as it turns out; they're having a really crappy week. Miguel is the only survivor. He's very resourceful, which is why he's Skynet's go-to guy. Or was... Ronin and Icarus have lost some weight on the Kaliba diet (not recommended for humans), but have three T-888 heads to search for clues. Or go bowling with.

4:41AM SOMEWHERE IN OREGON: Aegir finds a gas station open. Well, it is a work of fiction...

5:01AM THAT SAME SOMEWHERE, OREGON: A Jeep Patriot, complete with BMW motorcycle on a trailer, pulls in. How frikkin' convenient is that? Better, the occupants are suitably sized so that their clothing will fit Sarah and a Vanguard. Only in the movies, right? Aegir zooms off and picks up Thor and Sarah, then they head for Crater Lake. Oops, have to pass the gas station again! Not a problem though: the county mounties aren't there yet.

John Henry's various parts have reached Serrano Point, and have been reassembled. After booting up he has a whinge, then updates everyone on the shipment from Klamath Specialty Alloys. What, you'd forgotten about that? Worth keeping an eye on it; just saying. It's at Sheremetyevo International Airport, Moscow. Try saying that after a few vodkas. Freyr says they need to find T-Zero, by tracking signs of TDE activity. Having spotted the Vanguards' arrival, next John Henry finds Ronin's hole. Yes, my thoughts exactly: he watches far too many police procedurals on TV... Oh, you thought that was another double entendre there? Shame on you. Ellison suggests a missing persons check and after sifting through every record imaginable – or those that we could come up with – John Henry produces the McKay's address. Freyr elects to drive James Ellison over there to investigate. On the way he reveals that Jimbo was Skynet's number one Gray – but was really John Connor's number one Mole. Confused? James is. Not least about the spelling of 'Grey.'

7:35AM DAWN, ROUTE 97, OREGON. John and Cameron hold up a couple and steal their blue Hyundai Genesis sedan and cellphone. Hmm, the good guys are all bad these days. Anti-heroes, you say? Maybe: needs must and all that. Cameron phones Weaver, who tells them that Sarah and 'help' are on their way. John isn't convinced. Also, they're low on gas. What, again? Straining credibility here... Oh, wait: it's a new car, and the dealer was too mean to fill the gas tank. Recession and all. That covers it – I mean, explains it. Yeah...

DAWN. A too-old-to-be-called-yuppie (Dinkie?) couple are arguing about who stole their car, confused in their descriptions. Clearly they haven't been watching the TV news, or they'd know how privileged they are to be carjacked by none other than John Connor and his future wife. Although, that latter squeetastic occurrence was in the last future timeline; it may not happen this time around. (NB: "last future timeline" - you only get this size of headache in Terminator!)

Bored, Patrick flees this live version of Cops On Camera until a car approaches at high speed from behind (supply your own double entendre joke). Going too fast to stop and help the carjacking victims, or too selfish? He's a guy in his late twenties driving a Porsche, so I'm plumping for the latter. Anyway, he soon gets his reward for breaking the law: death. Well, this is Terminator, not CHiPS!

Meanwhile, down the road the stars of the show (yes, Sarah, it's a jameron fic) are filling up with gas - or rather the stolen car is: no fart jokes allowed. Ho hum! Who wants to see mundane stuff in an action flick? Next they'll be having Cameron making pancakes... Oops, did I give something away? Tsk. Anyway, Patrick makes short work of the miles and John drives off leaving the gas pumping. Oh dear, missed an opportunity for a huge Baysplosion scene there: big orange and black mushroom cloud hanging over the verdant Oregon landscape. Hmm, that sounds good. Must have a go at this writing malarkey myself; can't be that difficult...

Big car chase, Patrick ends up dead, the end. What? You want more? This ain't Oliver Twist, squire. Yes, well, clearly. There was snow though...

Okay, Cameron stands up, poking out of the sunroof; takes pot shots at Patrick, but without much success. Sarah phones John, tells him the good news: they're coming. The bad news? They're six minutes away... Meanwhile, Patrick cleverly splits in two and takes over another car, using its driver as a human shield, subtly dropping the word 'homunculus' in there; yes, I had to look it up too.

Thor's now driving the Jeep. Yes, casually slipped that in, because you know, they'd naturally stop and change drivers just because Thor wanted a go at the wheel. Totally not a continuity error fixed in one line AT ALL, no way. Nope. Moving on... Aegir (he's the grumpy one) gets on the motorbike attached to the trailer (told you that was convenient way back, but did you listen?) and whizzes ahead, takes the thermite grenade off Cameron, who's waving her bum in the air. As you do. Aegir deposits the grenade in Patrick's lap: Boom! Scratch one Porsche, and Patrick's nether regions: Shirley won't be pleased, if you know what I mean, nudge-nudge, wink-wink...

Patrick tries to take on Aegir with a big appendage, but Vanguards are big guys and laugh that sort of thing off: "Ha-ha-ha!" Yes, exactly like that... Aegir blasts him with his cannon, until he's just a blubbering wreck. If this sounds slightly camp, it's entirely coincidental. John helpfully tells everyone that there's another side to Patrick – no, not the one who bakes cupcakes, just his other half, now slithering towards the woods like an eel. Despite hiding up a tree, Thor and Aegir pump him with their cannons, then pump him for information. Being a good and loyal follower of Ronin, he doesn't grass him up and pays the price: exit in Part One of EOME.

Patrick keeps losing bits of himself. I wonder if he gets dumber as he gets smaller? I did ask KingSteve, but he wisely kept schtum. You notice that Patrick squeals like a little piggy. Instead of making bombs like the others, he filled his hours while Ronin and Icarus were up at Depot 37 by watching Deliverance. If he'd made it back from Oregon he was going to wade through the rest of Burt Reynolds' oeuvre. Fortunately for you, dear reader, you won't have to suffer thirty chapters of a T-1001 with bad facial hair as the antagonist. Unfortunately, there's still Ronin and his goatee. Dude loves his mirror, know what I'm saying?

Staying one step ahead of the law is a phrase probably used in one in three movie trailers, but it works here too. The gang steal a van and some license plates off a red sedan – it was going to be another Chrysler, but since the product placement deal fell through, bang goes the free commercial.

John's eating junk food again. This Cameron girl keeps saying she's gonna get him on a decent, healthy diet, but when's it gonna happen, huh? What will his mother say? Oh right, she's moaning about getting no bacon – get your priorities right, love!

Thor the bore starts regaling everyone with his war stories, but as we've heard it all before, John conveniently falls asleep. Gal pal Cammy lets him rest his head on her lap. Just so you know how much thought goes into this, it's the opposite of when he removed her chip in Crater Lake Park. Except he had a stiffy then.

It may not seem like it, but yeah, it's still MONDAY, just a week since Sarah was arrested.

Meanwhile, back at the McKay residence, here's the latest in a long line of awkward buddy team-ups: FREYR & ELLISON – coming soon from CBS, Thursdays 9PM/8Central. They soon deduce with their astonishing deductive powers of deduction that three people have been murdered here – or maybe that the three little piggies have been caught by the big bad wolf. Talking of Big Bads, the two amigos skidaddle before Ronin comes back – James hasn't changed his clothes for a while, and he promised his mother he'd die with clean underpants on.

John wakes up in the van, from his position of comfort on Cameron's thighs, but tellingly, doesn't freak out at her staring at him. Or his mom and Thor either, so it's not that momentous a Jameron moment. Could have been though, with some judicious editing...

Thor resumes his story of the showdown at Cheyenne. For those who skip the action scenes, Skynet's ass is kicked big time, but by T-Zero, not John Connor. Incidentally, did you notice that it's 'Connor' in the future scenes, not 'John' as he is in the present day? No? Oh well, good thing I'm here, right?

Eventually the van arrives at Serrano Point Nuke Plant in SoCal; hail, hail the gang's all here. John Henry is playing with Legos, as you do, and informs the team that the Kaliba shipment is now in Ukraine, having moved from that unpronounceable airport in Russia. When I say unpronounceable, I could just copy/paste it from earlier, but I know you have to read this, so I'm doing you a favour, really. Unless you're Russian; in which case, Извините! (That's "Sorry!" in Russian – hopefully...)

Sarah is at one end of a large meeting table; ZeiraCorp (represented by Weaver, John Henry and Ellison) on one side, the three Vanguards opposite, John and Cameron together at the head. Although Team Connor is united, Sarah being alone and opposite her son and his protector means she's not completely on board yet. Deep and meaningful symbolism in a fanfic; who'd a thunk it? Anyway, John cottons on that everyone is watching him. He's used to expectations, but this is different. Cameron informs him that actually they're all staring at them, before leading him away for food. Yes, everyone in the room but our heroes knows that in the future they're married, but Sarah prevents this gem from being revealed – perhaps to stop it from happening, but definitely to let John make his own decision. Mothers can be so nice...

After eating a healthy meal (FINALLY!), John sets about removing the bullets he put there from a semi-naked Cameron; boy, does she like stripping off... Job done, John has finally decided. He's decided that he's gonna smear blood all over Cameron's face while doing a spot of tongue wrestling: it's all the rage in remote parts of Scotland. Or so I've heard... Just when things start to get steamy, the phone in John's pocket that Sarah gave him for precisely such an emergency starts ringing. Yes, exactly: Sarah is psychic. Mothers can be so bad...

They've been called to yet another meeting. Gee, this saving-the-world stuff involves a lot of boring meetings; where's the action? Funny you should say that: Catherine (close friends call her 'Cat') Weaver is sending our heroes to Ukraine. Whoa, didn't see that coming. Much.

So endeth EOME: Part One.

Now that you know what Vanguard means within the story, did you know it also means 'the first?' This being the first book of three. You did? Good. What's that you say? Where is Ronin in all this? As they say on television: "Still to come..." Which means in the next book, entitled: EOME: VANQUISHED. But what does that mean? Who is the vanquished, and who is the vanquishee... vanquo... uh, the winner? All will be revealed in EOME: Part Two.

Well, not everything, or otherwise there wouldn't be a Part Three. And there will be. Its sub-title also begins with "V." No, not Vegetable. Might be Volkswagen though, if we can swing the sponsorship deal. So no more Chryslers or Jeeps. Sorry, Clint Eastwood: half-time is over.

FOR THE RECORD, HERE'S THE TIMELINE OF THE FUTURE THAT RONIN AND THE VANGUARDS CAME FROM (It won't be like this again):

2008

John and Cameron team up with Weaver to free Sarah, and then take on Kaliba, but none too successfully, so bad stuff happens:

2012

JUDGMENT DAY

2013

WEDDING DAY (aka JUDGMENT DAY Part 2 for Sarah)

2030

AUGUST

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH, Sunday 11th: The Resistance [aka Human-Cyborg Alliance or HCA] first encounter T-Zero (aka Ronin). Vanguards Baldr, Odin and Ullr bite the bullet. Lt Jack Whitby (OC 6th Pltn, Charlie Co, 2nd Bn, 48th Regt) and Sgt Chalk (TechCom) are only human survivors. Both are leader types. Hmm...

SEPTEMBER

Sunday 1st: HCA retreats, the battle lost.

2031

MAY

The HCA have lost Utah and New Mexico, Nevada is about to fall too. Connor orders a retreat to Mojave to make a stand, there repelling Skynet's forces.

T-Zero vanishes.

NOVEMBER

The HCA counter-attacks.

2034

JUNE

The HCA's final (victorious) assault on Skynet at Cheyenne Mountain. Except Ronin got there first. This timeline is about to be replaced, all that effort for naught.

Ronin and Vanguards travel back in time to 2008, thus creating a new future, which is unveiled in this saga.

RM ©MMXIV