I am

Jace

I am, I am what? I am the son of a mother who abandoned me before I was old enough to process thoughts. I am the son of a fiercely strict father who was shot and killed before my very eyes when I was a grand total of ten years old. I am someone who still suffers from nightmares pertaining to that truthfully terrifying event. I am the product of an unfortunate upbringing-or so I've been told; I thought my father was a good one. He was strict but relented with me on some things such as allowing me to do anything I desired on my birthday.

I am the foster-brother of the school tease Isabelle Lightwood, the quiet, misunderstood Alec Lightwood and young, kind Max Lightwood. My favorite is Max because he looks up to me and I have to take care of him when Mr. and Mrs. Lightwood are at work and Izzy and Alec are out doing who knows what. I am someone who blocks most people out but it's difficult to have someone depend so much on you and not feel protective of them so I have made an exception for Max. He's more my little brother than theirs.

Unfortunately, I am someone who cannot love, not even in an older brotherly way for my father would always say, "To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed". Clearly this means that if someone loves me then I will be destroyed and if I love someone then they will be destroyed. Life is tragic, life is hard, it's full of despair and misery so how can anyone find love here anyway?

I am someone who physically walks with the popular crowd simply because it makes me appear untouchable even though they all posses the mental capacity of a shed full of tools which is coincidently what most of them are. I am someone who watches people and detects strange activities easily. I am someone who purposely appears oblivious at all times and yet studies everything. I am someone no one truly knows, therefore I remain a mystery to all-a rubix cube that no one wishes to solve.

I am known as a player but I am a virgin. I am known as a flirt but I haven't ever actually dated anyone. I am a jerk but I don't mean it-that isn't a rumor, it's a major part of a carefully constructed act.

I am untouchable on the outside but my heart is made of glass. I am sarcastic but it's a defense-mechanism. I am wanted by many but not for who I am. I am careful with who I let in so I let no one in-not all the way at least. The Lightwoods think they know me but they don't. I am someone who is followed by a huge crowd at school but really has no true friends. I am someone who needs to get his life together but has no idea where to begin. I am someone who needs guidance but all the parental figures in my life are long gone, dead or always at work. I am someone who needs to man up but doesn't want to because I'm not sure how one goes about doing that.

I am someone who is known for having a extra-large ego but I'm actually highly insecure. I am someone who acts like they don't give a crap about anyone but secretly wants to be a doctor or serve to protect the country. I am someone who is supposed to hate school but consistently makes straight A's every semester.

I am Jace Herondale and this dear readers is my ironic and tragic tale.