The Antidote

2.

He knows that Kirk cannot help it, can see how much he is fighting the effects of the woman's tears – but it does not change the way he feels. He wants to be sympathetic, can feel the waves of distress and apology coming from Kirk, a great sure of I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm trying – it would be both kind and logical to accept it, understand that it is not his fault and carry on.

But Kirk has always damaged his capacity for rational thought, has always ripped through his well- constructed logical mind, tapping into his deepest instincts, feelings so dark and so strong that it is the struggle of his whole life to suppress them. But he does succeed. He succeeds so well so much of the time that it hurts more than it should when this one individual looks at him and sees straight through it all, straight into his heart. He remembers how terrifying it was at first, that stab of realisation – You know me. You know me completely, without any of the outward appearance I present – you see straight into me and still love me even when it scares you. That feeling never goes away completely, but usually the outcome in emotional outpouring is ultimately wonderful. It is worth everything to feel so much joy in the other person's love, to feel such ecstasy in their physicality and their bonded minds. Even the passion of his near constant lust for the human – relentless though it is and clouding a great deal of his rational mind – the sweet delirium induced by the images they so often send back and forth to each other – certainly that has its own delicious rewards.

And yet. In the same way that the human fulfils and delights his heart, the anger he can inspire also cuts straight through to a part of the Vulcan he would rather nobody ever saw. A black primitive urge to possess and to kill anything that threatens to come between him and what is his, an urge that he cannot control and which turns him into an animal capable only of hurting and mating. And Kirk has felt the force of it so many times and still does nothing to prevent it – sometimes Spock suspects that he provokes this urge on purpose because he wants to be hurt, raped, bruised and broken, reduced to the whimpering mess that only Spock can leave him in. The first time it had happened he had hated himself for it; now he accepts that, strange though it is, Kirk wants it this way and certainly he too reaches a height of savage pleasure he would never have dared dream of – and so now he no longer holds back.

This time he knows that Kirk is not even provoking him on purpose. But that makes no difference to the savage drum beat that occurs whenever he sees him with the woman, a steady, pounding Mineminemine that work up through him until he is tense and throbbing with it. Fists clenching whenever the woman is near, all the considerable control he has directed into not tearing her limb from limb. , repressing the easy urge to tear her to shreds and scream for all the world to hear You will not touch him, he belongs to me! – until the drum beats are evident in his eyes, eyes that barely leave Kirk the whole time and his mind roars across their bond a steady pounding Mineminemine, strong enough to even penetrate the spell a little ad save Kirk from being completely dragged under by it.

Spock wonders if Kirk has any idea how much it hurts him. To see him smile at another – not the golden smile reserved only for Spock certainly, but too much all the same. To see those eyes going misty for another. To see him fucking touching her boils his blood until he is sure he must be shaking outwardly as much as he is inside. He wants to rip him away from her, drag him anywhere out of sight, fuck him til he breaks and begs for mercy and swear fidelity to him only. But he aits until the woman is gone, escaping to his room to pace the floor, fists clenched until the nails cut into his palms, trying not to growl beneath his breath. He knows it the moment she is gone, can see it in Kirk's mind and pauses only to remind himself how to speak correctly and not growl before calling down to transportation –

"Spock to Captain Kirk"

"Kirk here" his voice sad, mourning the woman, no doubt, though he'll soon forget all about that –

"Captain meet me in my quarters."

It is not a request and it brooks no argument. Kirk knows it and is there within minutes. Spock can see the regret in his eyes and a part of him wants so much to just make it all better – but he can smell the woman on him still combined with Kirk's growing arousal and that at least is only for him and he knows that his logical brain is not far from being swept under completely.

"Lock the door" he says, so softly that the threat is unmistakeable. It never ceases to amuse and to please Spock that the Captain, who will not be told what to do by anyone, obeys his every request like a faithful pet. Not faithful enough though. Spock growls softly at the thought – he really does have to be reminded again and again whose he is. But then again, Spock does so enjoy reminding him.

Kirk locks the door and turns back to face Spock, eyes wide and pleading –

"Spock please, I'm sorr-" he begins but Spock cuts him off, lashing a furious hand around his throat like a whip –

"Shut up!" he roars, hardly able to even hear himself over the banging of his own heartbeat – "Shut up I don't want to hear it!" he slams Kirk back into the wall hard enough to make the whole room shake –

"I will show you sorry" he spits, snarling into his ear, pressing hard against him, grinding his painful erection into Kirk's hip with intentional brutality so that Kir will have no doubts as to what he has coming to him, Kirk's thoughts both frightened and aroused, rushing at Spock –

-Christ – fuck he'll kill me, his eyes – fuckffuckfuck – can't breathe – Jesus fuck and I want him – want him to have me – fuck – Spock don't kill me please –

Spock lets go of his throat and slaps him in the face repeatedly –

"I should kill you. I should kill you every time you do this to me. You are not sorry and you do not learn. I will teach you and I will make you sorry."

He yanks Kirk away from the wall, only to dig his nails into the soft back of his neck and rip bestial scratches down his back. Kirk screams –in a positively orgasmic manner – and arches himself into Spock in supplication –

"Mine" Spock growls, ripping into Kirk's back until he is bleeding through his shirt – "Mine damn you". He closes upon Kirk's lips in a violent, possessive kiss, but not for long, a moment later he pushes him away in disgust –

"I can smell her on you" he hisses – "You disgust me. Strip." He reasons – for want of a better word – that this will serve the twofold purpose of getting rid of much of that smell and getting Kirk naked. Kirk is as ever trembling but obliging, and Spock removes his own clothes almost irritably, though his eyes never leave the human all the while. As soon as he is ready he throws Kirk unceremoniously across the bed, straddling him and pinning him to it, groaning audibly to feel his naked skin beneath his own.

"Spock –" Kirk gasps, still trying – "I'm sorry, really – I tried –"

"And how hard you tried" Spock mocks him softly, that serpentine quiet that terrifies Kirk almost more than Spock shouting at him – "Was it hard for you Captain?" he sneers before pressing down upon him, now shouting – "How hard do you think it was for me? Tell me – what would my tears do to you?"

He feels the pain with which he has stabbed Kirk's heart, feels how unbearable it is for him to see Spock so upset, shaking with the force of his own feelings – he all but hears the crack as the spell breaks and Kirk is his again and tears spill from the human's eyes, washing away the last hold the spell had over him.

Spock – he thinks and Spock can hear the pure unclouded love and passion that is all for him again, as it always should be – Spock I hurt you, I'm so sorry, so sorry ashayam – yours I'm yours only.

Yes – Spock returns, emphatically – Mine.

He caresses Kirk's face, brushing his tears away forgivingly, stabbed to the heart himself by the reminder of how deeply his human feels everything. The urge to hurt him has gone, replaced only by the pure need to take him, be one with him again, inside him. Responding to the sudden gentleness Kirk reaches needy arms up around Spock, drawing him down into a fierce kiss. Spock responds, closing his lips upon Kirk's possessively, running his fingers all over his body almost hard enough to bruise, reclaiming his territory with every rough caress, finally pulling him into a sitting position before he kneels up himself, dragging Kirk into a position of supplication, holding his head close to his cock. Kirk gives him that stubborn face that indicates unwillingness to – quite literally – bow down without a fight but Spock is impatient, wanting that mouth around him now –

"Resist if you wish Jim" he growls – "I shall merely take I to indicate your lack of desire for lubrication." He smirks to hear the Oh fuck in Kirk's thoughts as he thinks that saliva is far from the best lubricant in the world but he sure as hell knows by now that it's better than nothing. He cannot take the Vulcan's cock into his mouth fast enough. Spock taunts him gently with the condescending thought –

Good. Good human. So obedient, so….oh fuck – Jim –

The human is so damn good at this you would think he'd done nothing else but practise his whole life, and that skilled tongue working his over sensitive cock threatens to make him lose all control too fast and he wants to savour everything, not just come in the human's face, tempting though that would be right now. So he pull back quickly, throwing Kirk over on to his stomach, taking hold of his hips to drag him towards him, hearing him whimper as he presses the head of his cock against him. Spock yanks his head back to wrap his fingers around Kirk's throat as he pushes into him, always so tight, however often and hard he fucks him. He can hear Kirk's stubborn thoughts as he forces himself not to scream, emitting tiny whimpers instead at being choked and penetrated so viciously all at once. Those whimpers singing in Spock's ears, the rush of hot blood to the head making him thrust in hard, using the human's hips as leverage to thrust in again and again until he finally hears no more complaints in Kirk's head and he thinks to him –

Yes, fuck yes get used to it, always will be mine, always will use you in this way, so good, so fucking good, mine mine mine –

Slamming into him savagely, releasing his throat to drag his hand down his back where he is still bleeding from his scratches, licking the human's blood from his fingers, the taste of which is enough to turn him feral, roaring incoherent pleasure as he slams his cock into him mercilessly, over and over, loving how the human body starts to shudder with ecstasy and Spock reaches beneath him to take his cock in his hand, thinking the silent, insistent command –

Come now, come for me –

And he does, the very command triggering his response, Spock having learned long ago that he will come on command and never ceasing to love it. Kirk collapses forward, moaning aloud and Spock drives into him with a final barrage of thrusts before pulling out to come all over his skin.

Kirk whimpers a half heated objection at the indignity and Spock chuckles softly and somewhat wickedly as he rolls back onto his side, draping an arm around Kirk's shoulders. Kirk's face is squashed into the pillow, but he turns it awkwardly to smile crookedly at Spock,

"Quite satisfied Mr Spock?" he teases, thinking an amused – I heard you chuckle! Ha! Didn't even know you could!

Spock raises an eyebrow –

"Not remotely Captain". It is a purely factual reply, accompanied by the awareness he imparts to Kirk that he is far from fully sated and that he intends to rectify this later. It is partly the fact that he delivers this awareness so factually that makes Kirk groan with delight – that and Spock sending him some very explicit visuals as to his intentions – and he feels the lust begin to pool once more within him.

"I am – forgiven then Spock?"

Spock stares him down, eyes still dark , struggling for the right words –

"Dular T'nash-veh heh t'nash-veh doh kwon- sum?" – he reverts to Vulcan as the full sentiment translates badly into English, sending Kirk a flurry of translation in silence, it is clumsy but suffices –

Are you mine and only mine always?

Kirk frowns with the strength of his sincerity, his fingers intertwining with Spock's and squeezing hard –

"Yes Spock – yours –" he grimaces, trying to get it right – "T'du kwon sum?" Yours, always. Spock nods, appreciating both the effort and the fact that for once he has correctly conjugated his Vulcan. He smiles –

"Then there is nothing to forgive ashayam."

Kirk grins, then buries his head back in the pillows in despair –

"Urgh – gotta shower and get back to bridge – still technically on shift."

He starts to crawl out of bed and Spock also sits up.

"You are correct in your latter statement only captain."

Kirk looks at him frowning –

"But – I'm sticky and gross!"

"Indeed. And you will stay that way until I inform you otherwise –" he comes round the bed to help Kirk to his feet, a hand on his arm he says, almost gently –

"I know that you are mine Jim – but I feel this reminder will not go amiss."

Kirk opens his mouth to object but Spock silences him with a look that promises pain if he does and extreme pleasure if he submits. Kirk shuts his mouth and gets dressed with no further protest.

_x_

They have not been back on The Bridge long when McCoy comes in to inform them that he has found the antidote to the woman's tears. Kirk does not reply, unwilling to make him feel redundant but Spock, as ever, has no such qualms –

"The captain has found his own antidote doctor."

McCoy looks perplexed, Kirk sort of smirks at Spock, thinking – damn straight and you're it.

Spock looks a tad smug.

Bones looks from one to the other and rolls his eyes as he puts the pieces together.

Those pieces are always coming together whether he wants them to or not.

_x_

Finished!

I love that that is pretty much exactly how the end of this episode really goes :-)