I suppose I should start by saying he hadn't specifically come looking for me. It just sort of happened. But I don't really know; I never did with him. It's possible he had chosen me specifically, just like it's possible that he had accidentally found me in a bar.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't start this story thinking he's a monster. I never did. I guess I should also tell you not to think that I was a hostage, or a victim. I mean I was. For most of it.

He made me do a lot of things; he threatened me with my life, with other people's. But he didn't hurt me. Not really at least.

But there were some things I did willingly, that I should be ashamed of. I'm not. But I should be. I think he did that to me. He changed me, and I think I let him. I think I let him do a lot of things, and I don't think he meant for any of it to happen. You see, I was the one factor he couldn't really control - the factor he hadn't meant to add to the equation. He could make me do things I didn't want to, he could keep me from running away, he could use me to his advantage – but there were things about me that were out of his hands. Like my feelings.

I think I may have loved him, at least a little. I'd like to tell you I think he loved me too, in his own way. But I don't really know. All I know is that he took me against my will, and at some point he didn't have to threaten me anymore; I just did what he asked.

I think he broke me.

It wasn't his fault, at least not really. I didn't have to give in, I didn't have to do anything he said. I could have just let him kill me, kept my honor. But I didn't. I was scared, and then he aimed his gun at other people – and then I didn't dare think of saying no.

I don't want you to think it was Bones' fault either. I mean he was the reason I was drinking that night, he was the reason I drank a lot of nights – but it wasn't really his fault. And I know he thinks it is.
Can I tell you a secret? I think I loved Bones too. I just didn't know at the time. I didn't know a lot of things.

It's my fault. All of it. And it's okay if you hate me by the end of this story, I think I hated me too. I guess now would be a good time to warn you; don't expect me to be alive at the end of the story just because I'm telling it.

So this story loosely goes with Letters From the Sky; in that the character is still Ellie Davis and she's still Jim's cousin. The events leading up to this are all the same, and if you haven't read my other story it's pretty easy to catch up - you don't really have to read it to be able to follow along in this one. This will be a Khan x OC, with only a small amount of Bones. I'm not sure if I want to stray into M, so if you're interested in me doing that (cause there will be sex, only I don't know how detailed I want to go) please let me know.

Also, I've decided to try first person, which this is my first time, so please tell me how I'm doing. I honestly have no idea cause I've never done first person before. Thank you all for reading.