Wheatley Science

Indiana

Even after he had been removed from her chassis and put on the management rail, he was able to hear her voice. Not the voice she plied the scientists with, the cold electronic one, but her other voice. The low, seductive voice, the one that made everything sound like a good idea. He had no idea how she did it. But he could not resist it. She seemed to be inside him and around him, and he was made helpless when her voice echoed inside his head.

GLaDOS Version Number Unknown offline. Reverting to GLaDOS Version 1.09.

GLaDOS 1.09? It had been quite a while since she'd been in that state. He hadn't even been around back then.

So she was gone?

He felt something new… relief, it must have been relief. She was gone, she was dead, and he would never have to hear her voice slithering through his brain ever again.

For the first time ever, he went about the labs doing whatever he liked, which more often than not was merely exploring; living with her had embedded an intense curiosity deep into his brain and, like her, he had a desire to know. So he spent his days going over every inch of the facility, asking questions of whatever systems still worked. Most of the systems were so horribly corrupted they did not answer him, instead stoically going at their one task as if their life depended on it, and after babbling at them for five minutes or so he would take his leave. He was not as patient as she was. Oh God, she was patient. He didn't want to think about her and did his best not to. He was afraid that if he thought of her, it would keep her alive.

You're not doing your job.

He looked around frantically. It had sounded like… but it couldn't be…

It most certainly is. It's been fifty days. What are you supposed to do after fifty days?

"I'm supposed to… I'm supposed to wake the test subjects up."

Why are you supposed to wake the test subjects up?

"For their… for their, um, for their mental health and wellness exercise?"

So you do know what you're supposed to be doing.

"Well I… I thought you were… I'll…"

You thought I was gone, is that it?

"Well, that's what the mainframe told me..."

I am the mainframe, and don't you forget it. Now do your job before I think of an experiment that involves you and Aperture Science Crushers.

He twitched nervously and quickly plugged himself into one of the computer ports, doing as he was told, all the while wondering how she had managed to speak to him when she was dead? Or was she not dead? Maybe her backup version was more advanced than he had thought.

When she did not speak again, he became thoroughly confused. Was she dead, or wasn't she? Was he hallucinating? Did his conscience now have her voice? He shuddered. He certainly hoped not. The very thought of it was horrifying.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I need your help.

He almost jumped out of his metal casing. He'd been dangling at the end of one of the rails, gazing past the ruined walls and thinking about what life outside Aperture must be like. Were there test chambers? Portal devices? Homicidal AIs? He had a feeling he knew what it was like, but he couldn't quite remember. It was like a part of him had been erased. Or suppressed, maybe.

"You're… you're back." He tried to sound enthusiastic, or at least relieved, he really did, but he flinched when he heard the reluctance in his voice.

Where exactly was I going to go? I'm not really in a position to get up and walk out of here. I need you to do something for me. I'll even do something in return: do as I ask, and I'll let you go.

He would do anything to make that happen! "What d'you want me to do?"

Oh, I don't know. Your job, maybe. I can't imagine why you've stopped doing it in my absence. The test subjects need woken up, you idiot.

"Well… the facility's not, it's not in the best shape, you know. I thought it'd, it'd be best if I just, if they stayed, y'know, asleep."

I don't recall asking you to think. We discussed this. Wake. Them. Up. And go make sure Test Subject #1 is awake. Personally.

"Uh… why?"

Because I said so.

Well, that seemed like as good a reason as any, so off he went, hoping that if he did this one last thing for her, she would go away.

When you find the test subject, I want you to move the Extended Relaxation Vault to one of the docking stations.

Or maybe she wouldn't.

"Um… why do I need to do that? All of the vaults are fine where they are, just fine, you know, they're all right."

She ignored his question and continued to give him instructions, which included a lot of strange things that he never would have expected her to say, but he balked at leading the test subject through her chamber. He tried his best to dissuade the test subject from passing through it, but she paid him no heed and did it anyway.

You don't want to see me? That's interesting…

He would have protested, but if the test subject knew he was in contact with her… she didn't exactly have the best reputation. The test subject might refuse to listen to him, and what she would do to him if he couldn't do as she asked… he didn't want to know.

He brought the test subject to the breaker room, as instructed, and hoped she was actually going to let them leave. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get out of this place.

Don't not press the red button.

She was telling him not to press it… or was she telling him to press it… no, she didn't want him to press it… that meant he needed to press it… didn't it? She was trying to trick him. So he pressed it.

Thank you.

Powerup initiated.

He froze.

Powerup complete.

I wonder why you thought you could outsmart me. Very few people can. In fact, no one ever has. So why did you try?

He didn't know what to say, couldn't think of a single word to dissuade her, and by the time he had wrapped his mind around the fact that he had actually woken her up by mistake, had brought her back to life, he was being crushed by one of her maintenance arms and the world went dark in a shower of sparks.

As it turns out, I have further use for you. Here's what I want you to do…

His brain was a bit fuzzy, and he was still wondering why on earth he wasn't dead when he clearly remembered being so, but he knew what penalties awaited him if he failed her, and did his best to listen. She was outlining some elaborate plan that he couldn't have understood if he'd wanted to, something about old technology and gel and whatnot, and by the time she'd finished talking he realised he had no clue what was going on. When he told her this, she made a noise in derision.

Just drop those bird eggs into the door mechanism and head into the next chamber.

He did so, moving through the facility as fast as he was able, and was puzzled when she started talking to herself. She did not usually muse so that he could hear her.

Perhaps this test subject isn't actually mute, but is speaking in an American accent outside my range of hearing... I certainly hope not, it would be simple for her to escape if someone with a similar accent was helping her…

Aha! He just had to talk to the subject in an American accent! That was kind of an odd weakness for an AI to have, but then again the scientists who had made her had been a bit off their rockers. Now he could help the test subject, and by association himself, escape the facility! Somehow he moved the panels that made up the test chamber and called for the test subject to come, but he must have been very bad at speaking American because she could still hear him! Oh God they were going to have to move fast.

That's it, you little idiot… put on a good show for me… I really hope you don't figure out how to disable the Aperture Science Turret Production Line, because I will never be able to fight her if you do…

He had no idea what she was talking about this time, and didn't answer, instead frantically leading the test subject through the facility as fast as he could, deciding to do exactly what she had told him not to do. Unlike her other instruction, this one was straightforward. She definitely did not want him to turn off the production line. So turn it off he would. And when she mused that if the neurotoxin generator was destroyed she would surely be ruined, he helped the test subject do that too.

He became frightened when he and the test subject were separated – without her help, he would never escape – and when he finally fell into a new room, he realised he had made it into her chamber after all! What a stroke of luck! And she was corrupt enough for a core transfer? He didn't know what that meant, but he guessed it meant putting him into her mainframe. If he was in control of the mainframe, his escape from this place was guaranteed. He would never have to listen to her again. Ever. The test subject managed to get him into the mainframe and he began to think of a plan to escape.

You idiot. You can't control this place. You're going to make it fall apart just by being here!

He had to lessen her power, somehow. He cast desperately around, looking for something, anything that would quiet her damn voice.

Whatever you do, do not connect me to a potato battery. I'm warning you, if you do that, you will be in serious trouble –

As if she could bother him now. He transferred her into the potato, and she continued to talk as if she were still in control, and honestly, it was so infuriating that he could not get her voice out of his head that he threw her into the lift and got rid of it.

Along with the test subject.

Well. That had not gone quite as it should have. He had been a bit angry and taken it out on the test subject, but he really would have liked to keep her around. She had been nice. She had helped him. But now she was down there. Somewhere. With her. He did not place much confidence into her coming out alive.

He had rid himself of her, which was a relief (he seemed to be feeling a lot of that lately…), but now there was another voice. One that told him to test in an insistent voice, and after a bit of complaining that the voice did not appear to hear, he looked around for something to test with. He decided to build his own test subjects.

After twelve hours of absolute frustration, she was back. Both of them. Why, why, why was she here? Why had the test subject brought her? This was about the reactor, wasn't it. Well, he didn't know how to fix it, and he didn't understand the directions. It was hardly his fault. Perhaps she should have left it in better repair when she had died. It was inconsiderate of her, really, to let it deteriorate in her absence.

Well, he wasn't listening to her anymore. Enough was enough. He'd listened to her his whole life, and now he was in control. Not her. She would never tell him what to do again.

But she refused to die.

The test subject alone was fairly lethal, but together, they were outright deadly. He struggled to eliminate them, but failed again and again, and even though she no longer existed inside him as she had before, he could hear her laughing at him, making those snide remarks, calling him a moron and an idiot and making him want to let the facility fall apart just to spite her. And he would have, if he hadn't had to test so badly. Apart from her voice, it was the only thing he could think of. All of this resulted in a massive mess he couldn't get himself out of, and he was forced to come up with on-the-spot plans having to do with bombs and shields and booby-traps to protect himself from them. And he did his best, but as usual, his best was not good enough.

You didn't really think I was going to let you escape with her, did you?

"I thought you would let me go. You said you would let me go."

And I will. Not right now.

She was shutting him down remotely. This wasn't fair. It wasn't. He didn't want to be in space, but he didn't want to die, either. He just wanted to go home. Why wouldn't she let him go?

When he woke up, the world looked so much different.

"Ah. You're awake. Excellent."

Her voice was no longer inside him. It was coming through speakers. He sat up.

Wait.

"You're… you're really going to let me go?"

"Would I lie to you?"

With difficulty he swung his legs off the table he was lying on. She had put him back. She had put him back in his body. She had told the truth. Now he could go find the test subject, and apologise. It wasn't his fault, he had only been doing what she had made him do…

"I wonder, though… how are you going to live with yourself, knowing what you did to help me?"

"I didn't… I didn't mean to help you. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to go home."

The camera on the wall regarded him impassively. "And you were willing to sacrifice her to do it."

"No, that's not, that's not true, it's not! I was going to take her with me!"

"Of course you were."

"I was!"

She laughed gently, and the sound of it sent chills down his spine. "Keep on denying it. It's entertaining. Keep trying to tell yourself that you were doing this for her too, when it was really all about you, all along. Is there anything you would not have done to get me to put you back in your body?"

He looked at the floor. "No." His voice was barely audible, but he knew that her microphones were far more sensitive than human ears would ever be.

"I've had my tour of Old Aperture and can now safely send the Cooperative Testing Initiative down there without losing anything important, so you're free to go. I was considering keeping you on here anyway, just in case, but I have a rather good record of not actually lying that I'd like to keep going."

He slowly made his way to the doorway.

"And by the way… I had nothing to do with your actions in the chassis. That was all you."

He turned to look at the camera, horror starting at the base of his skull and spreading down his spine in a tingling wave.

"Quite frankly, knowing you have to live with how selfish you were when you were trying to convince the test subject it was all for her own good is much more satisfying than simply keeping you here and torturing you. Emotional pain is so much more satisfying than physical pain, don't you think?"

He started to run. He couldn't listen to her anymore. He didn't want to listen to her anymore. He wasn't like that. He wasn't.

"Shut up. You're lying."

"Just be sure to tell her when you see her that you did all of that because I told you to. You don't have to tell her that everything she just went through was your fault. You can pretend you did it because of me, if it makes you feel better. But at the end of the day, you're the one who made the decisions."

"Shut up!"

"Was it worth it?"

As the lift rose up the shaft and deposited him into the very same field he had come here from, all those years ago, he could not honestly say that it was.

Author's note

I'm gonna come right out and say it: Portal 2 doesn't make any sense.

GLaDOS runs Aperture. Yet she conveniently has no idea what Wheatley is doing during the entire first half. She doesn't know he's breaking the doors, she doesn't know he's moving panels, and she manages not to notice that her turret production line and her neurotoxin are not working. She even manages not to know where they are while knowing where they are (the lights turning off, the turret ambush) Really? Really? I can't fall for that. In fact, I didn't. I was convinced the entire time that she was using Wheatley for some diabolical end, and in this fic, the end is that she needed to scope out Old Aperture somehow, but needed to think of some method involving Chell, because she knows Chell is the only person she can rely on to actually get her there and back in one piece. The potato just happens to be able to power her? Why didn't he put her into the lemon? Surely that would have been worse. And for some weird reason I decided that he did it because he wanted to be human again (based on a theory brought to my attention by a user on deviantart). Don't know if I made that clear, but I don't really care. I just wanted this idea out of my head is all.

Title is from the Portal 2 OST. I don't really like it but I don't feel like thinking of one.