Hey anyone who's reading,

Thanks for stopping by! This story takes place after prom and after Eli and Clare's first time. However, in the story Clare doesn't have cancer. I'm thinking about doing a story with that soon but I'm not sure. Anyways, thanks for reading and let me know what you think!

Whatever. It. Takes

~JuliaGoldsworthy

"And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace"

-Fix You.

-Cold Play.

"Hello?" I heard from the other side of the phone. Clare had sent me a text earlier this morning asking if I could call her later and even if I only had five minutes to talk I wanted her to know I didn't forget about her.

"Hey." I said. "I got your text. What's up?"

"Oh, um, I, I have something that I need to tell you." her voice was shaky. "Some news."

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so, I just-"

"Goldsworthy!" I heard my nam called from the set.

I ignored it. "What did you say?" I asked, covering my other ear.

I heard her sigh. "It's nothing. I've just missed you. A lot."

I smiled. "I've missed you too Clare." It had only been about two weeks since prom and graduation but it had felt like an eternity. I missed Clare like crazy already so I knew that the rest of the summer and school year would be hard. But I also knew I would visit her soon.

"Could we Skype later? I just really need to see you."

"And tell me your news." I reminded her.

"Right." she paused for a second before continuing. "So ten o'clock?"

"See you then." I said. "I love you."

"I love you too." she said. I hung up and went over to see where I was needed.

I loved being on the set of a movie. It allowed me to experience what the rest of my life would be like. One day I would be on the set of my movie, yelling at my own assistant to get me smoothies and run my errands and pick up my dry cleaning.

But for now, this was good enough. Even though I missed Clare, it was worth it. I knew we would be together soon. I knew that I would get to hug her and kiss her and hold her in a matter of weeks. Tonight though, Skype would have to be good enough.

I held Alli's hand as I hung up the phone. It was so hard to hear Eli's voice and know that by tonight his world would be upside down. I knew mine sure was.

"You didn't tell him?" Jenna asked from the other bed.

"No how am I supposed to tell him something like this over the phone?" I asked.

I collapsed back on the pillows and started crying again.

This wasn't supposed to happen to someone like me. I'm an honor student. I'm involved in tons of extra curricular activities. I go to church every Sunday. I'm supposed to go to Columbia next year and live with Eli. I'm a good girl. This isn't fair.

It was one time and we used protection. How could this have happened? I was so confused and I just needed to talk. I didn't need to hear what Alli thought I should name it and how she would be the greatest aunt ever. I didn't need Jenna to compare what K.C. said when she told him to what Eli might say later. I needed Eli to know and be able to talk about this with me. I needed to hear his voice telling me that it was okay. I needed to cry into his chest instead of a pillow that smelled like too much hair product. I needed his arms around me and his hands on my back and for him to understand.

But that was so selfish. How could I pull him away from something he loved? It was his dream to make movies and just weeks after he's starting to make that dream come true, I'm going to ask him to leave it all behind for me and this baby?

I thought for a few seconds while Alli and Jenna talked about what they thought I should do with it. Jenna said she thought I should try my hand at keeping it because she thought I would be better at it than she was. Alli agreed and started thinking of all the cute outfits it could wear. I was running through my own plan in my head.

"What if I just didn't tell him?" I said quietly.

Their voices stopped before Alli spoke. "Clare are you crazy?"

"I thought you said you wouldn't get an abortion. That it was against your faith." Jenna said.

"I'm not saying I would have to get an abortion." I sat up to face them. "Eli is going to be away for months at a time without seeing me while he's on this movie. I could have a baby and give it up for adoption without him ever having to know."

"Yeah but isn't he supposed to visit you, like, all the time?" Alli asked.

"Only like three or four times in the next few months." I said. "And when I get really big I can come up with a reason that he shouldn't come. I could say I'm sick and wouldn't be any fun to be with anyways. Or that my family is going on vacation. He probably wouldn't question it."

"Yeah but don't you think Eli has a right to know that he has a kid?" Jenna said in a rather snarky tone. For someone who had worn these shoes before she sure wasn't being very supportive about it.

"If he ever did find out it would be years from now. He would probably be thankful that I didn't make him deal with it."

"Yeah but this is his responsibility too. It's his baby just as much as it is yours." Alli said. Jenna started talking again and they were back in their own world.

I turned over in the bed to lay down.

Whatever I was going to do I only had a short amount of time to figure it out. I had to talk to Eli at ten o'clock tonight and he was expecting some sort of news.

What had happened to me? I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub waiting for the alarm to go off telling me three minutes was up and I had to see what my future held for me. I was supposed to be going to college next fall, not planning to have a baby.

A baby. A baby. That still sounded so insane. Even after almost three weeks of thinking about it and wondering if I could be pregnant and even some picturing of what a mini Eli would like it still seemed crazy to think that months from now I would had a swollen belly with a baby growing inside of me.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would totally understand and come home and tell me he wanted to be a family. Maybe he would help me tell my parents and that no matter what he loved me and that he would be there every step of the way in this child's life.

But maybe he wouldn't. Maybe this would all go terrible and he would leave me and tell me that this was my fault. Maybe he would tell me that I was stuck with this kid for the rest of my life and that he wanted nothing to do with it.

And there was still the third option of not telling him. I'd planned it out a few days after I realized what I thought was a stomach bug was probably morning sickness. Maybe I didn't have to tell him at all and I could figure things out for myself. Have the baby secretly and give it to a great family who had the ability to take care of it. Eli would never have to know and we could still live in New York next year and lead normal college lives.

Then, there was always the possibility that I wasn't pregnant at all. That it was a stomach virus that caused that flipping feeling in my belly and that I was just being paranoid and silly.

The timer went off. I froze. I had to look at it.

Taking painfully slow steps, I walked over to where the test had been laid.

I looked at myself in the mirror before picking up the test.

My eyes fell upon two pink lines on the white stick.

I looked back up to the mirror. I saw the same girl, it was just that now she would never be the same.

I woke up in a sweat. Even in sleep I couldn't get away from the nightmare that happened earlier in Alli's bathroom. I couldn't keep reliving that.

It was nearing nine and it was almost time to talk to Eli. I'd come home at about four and seeing my mom was awful.

She acted so normal. Like she always had. Like I was still her little St. Clare. Her Clarebear who had grown up in Sunday school.

It would be hard to tell her about this. What would I do to her? What would she do to me? I doubt that she would be happy about being a grandma at forty-five.

It had been impossible walking through today. Everyone was so normal. My mom had said 'I love you' before she left for work this morning and before I left for the drugstore to buy the test. Adam, who I'd seen at the Dot, only blinked an eye at me because he noticed that I'd gotten tea instead of coffee, but he otherwise acted normal. Alli and Jenna had greeted me with girly chatter as always before showing them my recent purchase.

Eli's normalcy hurt the most. His concern when he thought something was wrong, his simple I love you when he was saying goodbye. I hated knowing that I would have to be the one to take his current reality and shake it up entirely. The thought of it broke my heart and I started to tear up.

Just then there was a knock on my door. I stopped my tears before they could continue falling and the door opened.

"Hey dinner is ready." Jake popped his head in the door. "Chinese." he smiled, thinking that would sound great to me. Right now though it just made me want to barf. Is that what pregnancy does to people?

"Yeah, I don't think I'm having dinner tonight. Go ahead and eat without me." My voice sounded strange from crying all day.

His eyebrow raised and he walked in, shutting the door behind him. "What's wrong?" he took a seat on my bed.

"It's nothing." I said. "I'm just being emotional." I looked at my hands.

"Oh, so it's that time of the month again." he scoffed.

"I wish." I mumbled. Apparently it was still loud enough to hear.

"Well then what's wrong?" I loved that Jake cared so much but there was no way I could tell him before Eli. It just seemed wrong.

But then again I didn't know if I was even telling Eli. Maybe a guy's perspective would help me figure things out a bit.

After a few moments of contemplation on my part Jake spoke again. "Listen, I don't want to, but if I need to go down to New York and give Eli a beat down I will." he said matter-of-factly.

I smiled. "No Jake that's okay."

"I mean I would do that for you. I'm pretty sure I could take him."

I shook my head. "Yeah I'm sure you could. That's not why I'm upset though. Well it kind of is, but it's not something that he did. Okay, well it's not something that he said. It's just-" I sighed. "I'm going to have to tell Eli something and I'm not sure how to tell him or if I should at all or how he'll react if I do. I'm just confused and I-I don't know."

"Well I do know Eli pretty well. I might be able to help you figure it out." he shrugged.

"Jake I don't think getting high with someone a few times qualifies as knowing 'knowing them pretty well'."

"Hey, Eli and I are friends...kinda. We have spent time together without being high and we've had some pretty decent conversations." I contemplated that for a moment. "You know, if you want my help come get me later because that General Tso's chicken is calling my name." he started to get up and I stopped him.

"Wait," he turned to face me. "I want your help but you have to promise that you won't tell my mom or your dad before I figure out how to."

His face suddenly grew concerned and serious. It wasn't a look he wore well so I'm glad he stayed chipper most of the time. I was just hoping that he wasn't another person who would look at me different after I told him. Then again, how couldn't he. "Okay." he agreed.

I took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

His face didn't change for a second but then he smiled. "Yeah okay so what's really going on? You don't know how to tell Eli that you don't think his title on his last essay was very centered? Or wait, is it that you're starting to get uncomfortable because he's starting to wear more eyeliner than you again?" he laughed and I didn't move.

"Okay." I nodded and turned to lay back down again. The time was nearing ten and if Jake wasn't going to give me real advice then I had to figure it out myself like I planned.

"No, come on Clare, what's the real problem?" he held my shoulder so I couldn't look away.

"I'm pregnant.' I nodded.

He looked into my eyes for a minute and squinted. He must've realize I wasn't kidding. "No way." he said quietly. "No way!"

"Jake!" I warned I didn't need my mom to be reminded that neither of us were at the table yet.

"Eli finally did it huh? He popped St. Clare cherry? Good for him."

"Jake!" I said and I started crying again. Is that what people would really think after they found out.

"Oh, damn. I didn't mean it like that. Okay, um," he pulled a tissue from the box on the nightstand and handed it to me. "What are you going to do?'

"I don't know. I know I'll have it, I just don't know if I want to keep it. I don't even know if I'm going to tell Eli."

"What?' he seemed more surprised than Alli was.

"Well think about it. He'll be in New York all summer and he won't visit much in th fall. It'd be easy."

"Okay do you want my advice?' I nodded and he got comfortable on my bed. "If my girlfriend was pregnant, I would want to know. We could talk about it later, you know, the future and stuff, but I would want to know that there's a piece of me growing inside of her. Something that we both created."

"That's really sweet Jake."

"Thanks, I've actually thought about having kids a lot."

"Really? Why?" I asked. I was surprised to hear that someone as care free as Jake had thought about having real responsibilities.

"Well mostly when I was working on the garden. You plant something and watch it grow and you're proud of it when it stands tall in the sunlight for everyone to look at. Really gardening it a watered down version of parenting." he laughed and I couldn't help but do so too.

"So how do you think Eli will feel?'

He stood. "I can't say for sure. I mean, I know he's not an asshole or anything so I don't think he'll leave you totally alone or anything. If he can't be completely involved then I think he would probably at least support you."

His words were a strange kind of comfort. He wasn't like Alli who was 'totally and completely' sure that Eli would be a great father or like Jenna who thought he would most likely leave me behind to fend for myself and my baby. Jake brought me back down to reality. It was realistic that Eli might stay in New York and send money when he could. It made sense that he would support us from a distance and still go to school. It wasn't what I would prefer but it seemed like that's what the compromise might turn out to be.

"Then again," he said. "I've heard New York can turn even the nicest of people into assholes so I might be wrong."

"Okay, go eat dinner." I said and smiled.

"I'll tell them you're not feeling well." he nodded and started for the door.

"Hey Jake," he turned to look at me again. "Thanks."

"Anytime." he nodded and shut the door behind him.

I looked at the clock and noticed the time was nine forty.

I walked over to my door and locked it.

Even if I didn't know what I was going to say, I knew that no amount of time, let alone twenty minutes, would be enough to figure it out.

I'd finally gotten back to my apartment around nine thirty. It was strange to find that running errands all day was actually really tiring. I now have a newfound respect for stay at home moms.

I noticed that it was almost time for mine and Clare's Skype date. It was going to be interesting figuring out this whole long distance thing but I think it was something I could get used to eventually.

After making myself some dinner and changing into a better shirt I turned on the computer. I expected Clare to be online already but she wasn't. It was a few minutes before ten so I excused it.

I was still half worried about what news she had to give me. Maybe she had decided that being so far away wasn't such a good idea after all so we should just end things. I thought our relationship was stronger than ever, especially after prom, but Clare might not agree.

What if it turns out that she was disappointed and needed some space to think about it? What if she somehow felt pressured into doing something she wasn't comfortable with? I mean, I tried to ask before doing anything I thought she might have a problem with. I was constantly asking if it was 'okay to take this off' and 'if it was okay to do this'. I was gentle and I tried to be patient but it was so hard when she was so beautiful.

She was incredible. Laying right beneath me like that with the candle light flickering on her skin, making her glow. The way she moaned and said my name when I touched her. How her unexperienced hands moved across my body, somehow knowing just what to do. It was hard not to take her as soon as we got on the bed.

I thought that it was perfect and there wasn't a day that passed where I wasn't thinking about that night. Maybe she didn't think it was as great. I guess I would just have to talk to her to find out.

It was ten after ten and she still wasn't online. I texted her to see if she had fallen asleep or didn't notice what time it was. Without a response she signed on her Skype.

The window expanded and my beautiful girlfriend was looking at me from the other screen. The lighting wasn't exceptional and her screen was kind of fuzzy but she was still perfect.

I'd tried to stall and I even considered not getting on at all. Maybe I could just tell him that I fell asleep and missed it. But I knew that he would call and text and who knew the next time we would have time to sit down and actually look each other in the eyes instead of just hearing the other's voice.

Mostly, I couldn't stall because I couldn't go through another day without knowing how Eli felt.

Finally, after he texted asking if I was still getting on I opened up Skype and clicked his username.

When I saw his face I couldn't help but relive this morning when I looked in mirror and saw myself once, and then again and I was totally different. Did I really want to do this to him?

"Hey blue eyes, you're looking beautiful tonight." he smiled. "I would've brought you flowers but it seemed kind of pointless."

I smiled and tried to make most of the call seem normal. "Thanks, you look pretty handsome yourself." He really did. With his new, grown up, New York apartment as the background and his unshaven jaw looking very manly I couldn't help but melt at the sight of him. "And don't worry, I understand about the flowers." I smiled. "So how was your day?" I asked.

"Fine, surprisingly tiring. But, I don't want to talk about that now. I want to hear you news." he settled into his bed and stared contentedly at me.

"Are you sure? I want to hear all about you being a production assistant. It sounds very exciting." I smiled.

"It's really not. I pretty much fetch smoothies and get dry cleaning. I'm actually barely around the filming at all besides when I deliver things to Brett. It's not as glamorous as it sounds Edwards."

"Well, are you sure that you don't want to talk about it? After I tell you my news, I'm not sure if we'll be talking about much of anything else."

He tensed. "Listen, Clare, if this is about prom night-"

"It is." I said.

"Okay, I know that it might not have been what you expected but if I could just-"

"We used protection right?" I interrupted.

His face froze for a second. He blinked and then spoke. "Yeah. Yeah of course I did. I used a condom." I could tell he was trying to keep his voice level. I started to cry again.

"Clare," he said in the same tone.

"Well, it's just that-it must not have worked or it must've busted or something because, um. I-Eli, I'm-'

"Clare," he said again, his voice was harsher.

"Eli," I took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

And then he was different.

Okay, and that's my first chapter :) Be sure to leave a review letting me know what you think and how you think Eli will respond to Clare's news.

Thanks for reading! Update next Friday-see you there!

Whatever. It. Takes

~JuliaGoldsworthy