FatherLunaLove

Suppository

This is just a crack fic to open off my account. This does not reflect my intelligence.
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Okay Alucard get off your butt, you can do this! God... I don't want to, JESUS, I don't have to, ALLAH, please just kill me.

What is happening, my sweets? Alucard is fat and needs to go for a jog.

So he go out n runned and runnerd until his heart blew up and then he fgot made fun of and now evebery body eherts him and dear god please don't judge my writing ability from this.

So he gave up and tried the insanity work out and got even fatter so he tried to call his best friend forever Anderson.

"Anderson, Broooooo, help me out Maaaaaaaan."

"Ah dunno... what cha got fo' meeeeee?"

"Black Butler on DVVVVVVVDDD Maaaaaan"

"Oh mah Jeezes lawrd in heavne... I be tha' in a minute."

"Thaaaaaannnnnksssss maaaan."

Alucard proceeded to put JB Cds into the hellsing intercom system and he danced to them until he got a boner. "That lady has such a beautiful voice"

little did anybody no or care about was that alucard was secretly a woman.

How do you ask?

Vampires can trade genders with people who are virgins and are willling to a a pact.

Secretly integra is a man.

How so?

The pact involves eat five bags of been burritos, Taco bell Nachos, and reading 2 girls 1 cup the novel. Oh and farting a lot in the same general room.

Lets just say it worked and sometimes Integra cries at knight because now she a a Sir and not a Boss like she wanted to be.

Well back to alucard who is fat now.

He smacked his jiggly thighs and sighed

he patted his wiggly belly and cried

he toddled his squiggly arms and whined

"OH WHAT A FAT BOY AM I!"

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

"Omegerd Andie's here!"

Integra was sitting at here desk when suddenly the door bell rang. It was one of those annoying ones that played Jingle bells over and over until you converted to Mormonism.

Damn those traveling salesmen!

So she he it walked to the door like a Sir and opened it.

WHO WAS IT?!

Gasp

it was Anderson! But he was dressed like Ciel from Black Butler! HOW SEXY!
He stretched a hairy leg out and rubbed his foot on integra's face, bring out the pizza he had hid in his pocket.

"Are you a delivery man now?"

"It's not delivery it's Dijornos"

"Oh thank God."

"WAIT"

"What?"

"Protestant God or Catholic God?"

"Muslim God"

"K thanks."

He suddenly lifted his legs and floated down the hallway until he reached Alucards Basement which was conveniently on the Top Floor.

"BROOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"BROOOOOOOOOOOO!"

They proceeded to hug kiss and have sex and required by any bromance.

"Wait bro this is gay"

"Yeah this is a clean fic. Not a yaoi."

"Yeah we can't just drop our classyness now!"

and then they farted.

After a deep inhale they put the Black Butler DVD in the VHS player.

"Alucard this is amazing~!"

"The Record Player?" (which had a floppy disk spinning sadly around)

"No, this story I'm reading, it's called the bible! I really liked this guy in it called Jesus..."

" Oh yeah I read that one, I can't believe he dies in the end."

"DAMN IT I WASN"T FINISHED YEEEEEEET."

Father Anderson then proceed to curl up and cry, the stress on his Ciel costume caused it to ripp a little in the back revealing his bright pink Grell thong.

"My god, Anderson, that bubble but of death."

"Look who's talking, Fatso."

"At least I'm not Vageeta!"

"Or Integra"

"Yeah haha screw that manly loser."

suddenly Integra felt a pang in her side and she laid down on her desk and cried smoking three cigars.

Walter noticed this and stopped urinating the potted plant in the corner and decided to speak to Seras who was Integra's BBBFF or Big Boobied Best Friend Forever.

"Seras?"

he looked around the bed room and roof. Seras?! Maybe she was mad because they moved her room to the helicopter pad.

Suddenly he spotted her neon yellow uniform but she wasn't wearing and skirt..

"Huh?"

He flew over using his floss (how minty).

Seras was crouched and grunting her face becoming laced with a delicat pink. Her eyes were teary and pale blue and she was the empitome of a british lady.

"What are you doing?"

"Pooping"

"On the Roof?"

"Yeah."

"I need you to talk to Sir Integra."

"About what?"

"Lady things"

Seras agreed and phased through the wall to Integras room office (she sleeps on her desk and uses her paperwork as a blanket.)

Suddenly she knew she was nekkid because it too cold to be reasonable.

Oh no!

She ended up not caring because she was added to this series as a sex object anyway so whatever.

"Integra you just need to get over your uglyness and just be a girly girl like me."

" bu- but my chest is so flat and my testicles are so tecticly"

"You know what I do when I want to girly?"

"what do you do?"

"I Take a big Steaming Dump."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I video tape you sometimes."

"oh."

"And Post them on the internet."

"oh."

"We'll also fund the Hellsing Armory with the Dvd bluray set."

"oh"

…

"Lets just go to Walmart."

"Okay Seras I trust you."

Back down in the Basement two sexy men were staring at they're naked sweaty bodies.

Their breathing became heavy, blood was rushing.

"I can't... take it anymore..."

"Just a few more minutes... you... pussy."

Anderson's Green eyes stared into Alucards letting him know just how felt about him.

It was just so... reassuring.

Alucard's stared on into Andersons. He browes began to furrow and his face turned into a lacy pink. He shifted his gaze and shut his eyes and a tear leaked through.

"HAHA YOU LOOSE YOUR A GAY VAMPIRE!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

"You're just a stinky fart baby"

"You're just a smelly dead body."

"Thats hurts broo."

"Sorry man."

"Lets Settle this..."

"WALMART STYLE."

So they all gathered into the Taxi and drove into the senset.

NEXT WEEK: The WALMART FILES: the suppository that will save your life.