"We never got to get out own place together. We never got to talk about where we wanted to go next, or how many children we wanted and when, or...Finn never even figured out what he wanted to do with his life! He was passionate about so many things. He just needed to figure it out. He just..." Rachel covered her face with her hands and felt Kurt rub her back, vaguely aware of the swarm of people around them. Burt was socializing with the masses so that Carole, Rachel, and Kurt wouldn't have to, and Kurt and Rachel were sitting on a bench in a corner being as inconspicuous as possible.

As things were just starting to wind down, Puck and Quinn went over to the bench and Puck asked Kurt if he could talk to him about something. Quinn sat down next to Rachel when the two guys went off.

"What's this about?" asked Kurt once he and Puck were out of earshot.

"Getting you away from Berry," said Puck.

"Why?"

"Because you've been focused on her this entire time. She's all wrapped up in her own feelings right now, which makes sense because one, she just lost her husband, and two, she's Rachel. But you've got to think about yourself too, man. Your brother just died!"

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "Thanks, but I really didn't need a reminder of that."

"It's cool," said Puck. "I knew you wouldn't want to talk to me about this. But I know someone you might want to talk to."

Kurt let out a tiny gasp when he saw who was waiting in the corner Puck had brought him to.

"Blaine. I thought your parents were making you drive up to your grandma's house after the service."

Blaine smiled and squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "No one could keep me away from you right now."

After the reception, everyone returned to their homes. For the next few days, more family members and friends dropped by or called the Hudson-Hummel house to offer their condolences. A few of them brought meals. Some people who hadn't been expected to reach out pleasantly surprised them. Others did the opposite.

But after a few weeks, it was all over. The phone and doorbell stopped ringing. The casseroles and cookies stopped coming in. There was nothing left for Burt, Carole, Kurt, and Rachel to do but watch the dust settle around the broken pieces of their lives.

For the first four days after the funeral, Rachel hadn't eaten, gotten dressed, or left her room to do anything other than use the bathroom. She wouldn't talk to anyone other than Kurt or see anyone who didn't live in the house. Her Dads had tried several times to convince her to come back home and be with them, but she wasn't ready to leave yet. She wanted to leave every trace of her marriage to Finn the way it was. Her wedding ring stayed on her finger, his dirty clothes stayed in the hamper, and his phone stayed plugged in. Carole wasn't ready to change all of those things either, and while she would have understood if Rachel had wanted to go back to her Dads' house, she also didn't mind keeping her daughter-in-law around for awhile. There were very few people who knew what it was like to lose Finn the way they did.

It was a couple of weeks after the funeral when Kurt woke up to the sound of Rachel's voice drifting up from the kitchen.

"I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turn-"

Her voice caught on that note and she froze. That part wasn't true. Finn's world wasn't going to go on turning without her. It was going on turning without him. She could not imagine anything worse.

"It's okay." Rachel didn't even look in the direction of the voice around her. She felt Carole's strong arms wrap her up. Her forehead brushed against the older woman's wet cheek for a moment.

"You're very passionate, Rachel," Carole remarked. "It was one of the things Finn loved most about you."

Rachel still couldn't speak. She just let out a shaky breath.

"Sometimes I wish I had something like your singing. Something I could put all of these feelings into."

It was another ten minutes before they let go each other. Rachel ate breakfast at the table with Burt, Carole, and Kurt. She went out for a walk afterwards but didn't speak to anyone.

"Of course you don't need to worry about her," Blaine assured Kurt as he handed him the bowl of popcorn and snuggled closer to him on the couch. "Everything she's doing is a natural response to..." he wasn't sure how to finish that sentence most respectfully, so he let the words hang.

"I still don't believe that he's gone, Blaine. I can't. In the mornings when I wake up I expect to hear that horrible screamo music his Pandora channel tends to play, then I expect to hear him banging on the bathroom door during my moisturizing routine wondering why I'm taking so long. Whenever it's mine or Rachel's turn to set the table we accidentally set a place for him, and by the time we've realized we did it everyone is already eating. No one can bring themselves to get up and put the plate away so it just kind of sits there, reminding us what's missing." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "Reminds me of how long it took my dad to throw away my mom's toothbrush and pack up her clothes after she died. It was months before he let me start using her shampoo."

Blaine hesitated before asking, "What do you think will happen to Finn's things?"

"I don't know. Technically they're all Rachel's now. My dad suggested that she put his old clothes in boxes in the attic, but she wouldn't even talk to him about it."

Blaine half smiled sympathetically. "So...um..." he fumbled. "What should we watch?"

"Ah...I don't know. Right now every romantic movie that ends happily sounds too cheerful and the rest of them sound too angsty."

"We can do something else if you want," Blaine offered.

"No, no, I definitely want to watch TV," said Kurt. "All Rachel ever wants to do anymore is listen to the Les Miserables soundtrack over and over until we cry like babies and then cry even harder when we remember the real reason we're sad." Blaine winced sympathetically and just squeezed Kurt's hand even harder. A minute later, Kurt got up. "I know what to watch. Moulin Rouge. It's the perfect mix of sweet and romantic and depressing as hell."

"Sure," Blaine agreed. He wasn't sure that he wanted to watch something where one of the characters dies at the end right now, but it wasn't about him.

A little over two hours later, Burt walked into the living room and found the two boys curled into each other on the couch as the credits rolled. Kurt had fallen asleep in Blaine's arms during the chorus of Come What May. When Blaine noticed Burt was there, he looked a little startled, worried that his boyfriend's father would find their current position suggestive. Burt just smiled, walked over, and turned off the TV. Then he left the room for a moment and came back with a pillow and blanket. Blaine wordlessly wriggled out from under his sleeping boyfriend and helped Burt tuck him in. It hurt a little how content Kurt looked right now, his thin lips almost in a smile and his normally perfect hair squashed against the pillow.

"I don't always know what to say to him anymore," Blaine whispered softly as Burt tucked the blanket around his son's shoulders.

"Sometimes there is no right thing to say," Burt replied. "What matters is that you're here."

Tina Cohen-Chang slowly chewed her breadstick as she took in the atmosphere around her. Happy customers. Good food. Pleasant music. Across the table from her, Brittany and Santana were joking about a song they'd heard earlier that day. Joe was feeding Quinn a bite of his spaghetti. Mike and Puck were playing tic tac toe with packets of ketchup and Sweet & Low.

"Doesn't anyone feel guilty about this?" Tina finally snapped. Everyone turned to look at her.

"Guilty about what?" Quinn prodded.

Tina shook her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Finn has been dead less than a month and here we are all out having a good time while Rachel and Kurt are probably at home crying and Finn is never going to do anything again."

Santana leaned forward across the table. "Okay...you stop right there."

"But...but..."

"No. Uh-uh. I'm serious. Every single one of us is completely aware of the fact that we lost our friend."

"A few of us were even closer to him than you were," Quinn cut in. "And up until now, this was the first time since it happened that I felt like I've been able to forget about it for a few hours. I needed that, not because I want to forget about Finn, but because some of us don't like crying all the time."

"Yeah, and now you've taken that away from us," said Puck. "Thanks a lot. Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Tina got up from the table and ran in the direction of the ladies room, her sobs growing louder as they faded away. Santana and Quinn were both starting to tear up. Puck looked like he wanted to punch something. Mike was torn between wanting to be a good boyfriend and follow her and being angry with her because he felt the same way that the others did.

Brittany smiled and patted Santana's arm comfortingly. "It's okay. Finn's not really dead." Everyone turned to look at her. "Frosty the Snowman taught me that when someone you love melts, they always find a way to come back to you someday." Santana smiled a little. "That's why I've decided that this Christmas, I'm asking Santa Claus to put Finn back together."

Puck and Mike looked at each other, both of them wanting to say something but being a little afraid of how Santana would react if they did.

"Brittany," said Quinn gently. "Santa only makes things. He can't fix broken things."

"Of course he can. He's magic."

Everyone stayed silent from that point until when it was time to order. Then slowly, the conversation faded back into peaceful lighthearted chatter.

Sometimes, grief has a way of showing people who their true friends are. More often it changes people, and those who still love and accept them at the other end aren't always the ones who were closest to them before. And then there is the kind of soul-shattering heart-shattering grief that reduces someone to a pile of broken pieces of their former self. The ones who help them put themselves back together are the ones who care the most.

"When you love someone, as I loved Finn, they're a part of you. It's like we were attached by this invisible tether, and no matter how far away he was, I could always feel him. Now when I reach for that tether and I know there's no one on the other end, I feel like I'm falling into nothingness."

Rachel turned to glance at Kurt, who was standing in the doorway watching her monologue to herself in the bathroom mirror. "What are you looking at?"

"Isn't that the exact same speech Sue wrote about her sister?"

"Sort of," mumbled Rachel as she brushed her bangs out of her face. A few seconds later she burst into tears and let Kurt wrap his arms around her.

"He was my...he was..."

"Shh," said Kurt. Tears were sliding down his own cheeks as well

"He was everything. I don't...I don't think about anything else anymore...all I do is...I just...I only ever sit around and...and wonder why. He didn't deserve this...I...I didn't...you didn't...he didn't...he..." Kurt held her more tightly as she released hysterical sobs into his shoulder. It physically hurt that she was crying so hard and there was absolutely nothing he could say to make this easier, and it hurt even more that he was afraid to let himself cry with her.

After a few minutes, Rachel's crying began to subside.

"I can't do this anymore, Kurt," Rachel mumbled.

Kurt froze. "What are you talking about?"

She gave him a final squeeze and pulled back. The drained expression on her face looked so much like it belonged to someone three times her age it was painful. Kurt watched ever muscle on her face as her frail hand slithered out of the sleeve of the giant grey sweater she'd been wearing for three days and reached for the full Tylenol bottle sitting on the counter.

"NO!"

Kurt's scream jerked Rachel out of her stupor as he threw the bottle of pills across the room. It thunked into the shower door and rattled when it hit the ground.

"What the hell?" snapped Rachel. "I just wanted a painkiller for my headache!"

Kurt starred at her for a moment before realizing she was serious. "Oh."

Rachel sighed and bent over to pick the bottle up off the floor. "Doesn't your head hurt from crying all the time?"

"I don't physically cry as much as you do."

"Right." Kurt was more of a tear up and silently stare at whatever had just reminded him of his lost brother while cursing it under his breath kind of guy. Until some song that reminded him of Finn or that Finn had sang in Glee club came on. Those were the most painful.

"But what do you mean by, "I can't do this anymore"?"

"I can't just think about him all the time," Rachel mumbled. "It's too painful, but if I try thinking about something else for too long I feel horrible and I just want to wrap myself up in everything that reminds me of him and bring him back."

Kurt sighed and kissed the top of her head. "I know."

"Is it stupid that happy love songs make me even more depressed than sad songs do?"

Kurt shook his head. "No. No, that makes sense."

Rachel sniffed. "I don't get it. Why can't I make him be alive again?"

"It makes as much sense to me as it does to you," Kurt replied softly.

As summer vacation drew to a close, none of the former members of the New Directions were feeling much like they'd had a vacation. Nevertheless, it was time to move on. After a final dinner together at Breadstix, Joe and Quinn parted ways on friendly terms. Mike and Tina broke up in the polar opposite fashion, complete with a public showdown outside her parents' house. Most of their friends believed it was the ways they were dealing with Finn's death that had ultimately driven the couple apart. Tina had dealt with it by talking about it whenever she could, Mike had wanted to deal with it by avoiding it. But there had been other issues, and deep down they both knew that even if Finn were still alive their relationship wouldn't have lasted. Tina just barely managed to be civil when Mike, Santana, and Quinn left for college and everyone went down to the airport to see them off.

Meanwhile, Brittany, Blaine, Artie, Joe, Tina, and Sam all prepared to go back to high school. Puck and Mercedes boarded the train to Los Angeles.

"It's going to be so weird being at school without all of you," Blaine confessed when he was alone with Rachel and Kurt.

Kurt squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "I'm never saying goodbye to you, remember?" Blaine lightly planted a kiss on Kurt's lips. Rachel turned away to hide the pain in her eyes. The only thing keeping her from being jealous of Kurt in moments like that was knowing he was dealing with almost as great a loss as she was.

"I need to get home," said Blaine.

Kurt half smiled. "Okay. Talk to you later."

Kurt and Rachel got in Kurt's car and began the drive back to the Hudson-Hummel house. The car Rachel had once shared with Finn had been destroyed in the accident that killed him.

"So what about you, Rachel?" Kurt asked.

"Huh?" Rachel turned to him. She'd been lost in thought.

"I mean, where do you think you're going next? You've always been the one who knows exactly what you want."

Rachel shook her head. "I'm not sure anymore. One of the most important things I wanted is dead."

"But you're not," Kurt replied softly. "You know, I'll bet there's still time to call NYADA and tell them you changed your mind."

"I've thought about it," said Rachel. "But I'm not sure I'm ready to be that far away from everyone."

Kurt's lips twitched into a small smile. "Not everyone." Rachel raised her eyebrows. "I haven't told Dad or Carole yet, but I'm planning on going to New York in a few weeks myself."

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked. "What about Blaine?"

"Blaine and I will be fine," Kurt assured her. "He's been amazing."

"I noticed," said Rachel as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Don't you dare go letting him slip through your fingers, okay? Life's too short."

Kurt smiled. "Never. So what do you say, Berry? You and me? Big apple?"

"I'll think about it."

"Finn would have wanted this, you know. His only reservation about marrying you was that he was afraid he'd be holding you back."

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "He really thought that? Love doesn't hold people back, Kurt."

"That's what I told him."

Moments later, Kurt pulled into the driveway at the Hudson-Hummel house. Rachel went upstairs without saying anything else to anyone. Then she went to her bedroom where Finn's phone charger was still plugged in next to hers. She took a deep breath and picked it up. She was afraid there would be texts or voicemails from people asking where he was, but aside from a few frantic ones from her and Carole on the day of the accident, right after they heard the news and were praying that it wasn't true, there was nothing. She scrolled through his pictures and sent all the good ones to herself for safekeeping. Then she held down the little red button and felt the device vibrate in her hand as the words "Your phone will shut down" flashed across the screen for a few seconds. Then it went blank.

It was a small thing, but it was the first step to a new normal.