EPOV

I wake up early after a restless day sleep. I cannot rise yet as there will still some daylight shining through the windows in Sookie's house. Since I plan to be spending more time here, I decide I need to remedy that and make at least her bedroom light tight. I smile at the thought of spending more time with Sookie in her home and reliving several of the memories I have played over and over in my head. I feel my body respond to those memories and I am eager to rise and find my Sookie, my Lover…..mine. I reach out through the bond and am disheartened by the melancholy I feel from her.

As soon as the sun dips below the horizon, I rise quickly and ease out of this god-awful resting place. Compton truly is an idiot if this hollowed out hole in the ground was the best he could do. I smell that her shifter boss has been here and I am pleased that he followed my orders. I do not smell any others so I know Sookie has not had additional visitors. I follow her scent into her bedroom and pause at the door.

Sookie is on her bed, shoulders slumped and I can see tears on her face. I am overwhelmed by sadness and longing. It pains me to think I have contributed to these feelings. In some ways I have not been any better for her than Compton and I cringe as I realize this. I have used her, hurt her and left her, but I vow to myself to make my idiocy up to her somehow. I softly say her name but she does not respond and I realize she has headphones on and is listening to music. I am suddenly innately curious as to what she is listening to that has provoked such a strong response in her. I am debating whether I should go to her or leave her alone in her pain, when her head suddenly jerks around and we lock eyes. Her eyes are full of pain and sadness and she looks away quickly, takes off the headphones and wipes her tears away.

"Oh hey, I didn't realize you were up….uh just let me jump in a quick shower and then I'll get us both something to eat" she says as she quickly moves to the bathroom, I can't let her get away so quickly and I need to know what is wrong, why she is crying. I'm suddenly in front of her.

"What has upset you so, Sookie? What has happened? Are you hurting from last night?"

I can't help but reach out and wipe a few stray tears and I lift her chin so I can assess her injuries from last night. She appears to be healing well. She assures me she is fine and says something about needing a shower because she smells like a mop. I smile inside at her funny sayings and make note of the fact that she put a strong emphasis on the word 'chat'. I know she is trying to impress upon me her desire to keep things light and not delve into anything serious. Tough shit, dear one, we will talk about many things tonight, if I have to tie her to the bed and force her to listen. At the thought of tying her to the bed, several images overflow into my mind and I work hard to push them away. It's been too long since I have had her or anyone for that matter and my desire for her overwhelms me, especially since I spent a good portion of last night, remembering our many couplings. I get my desire under control quickly.

"I can feel your sadness, Sookie. Do not lie to me. However, I will wait until you have showered before we have our chat."

It pains me that she does not tell me what is really going on with her or own up to how she feels. She begins to pull away and I am overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her and simply touch her, so I lower my head and kiss her gently. I hear her sigh and begin to yield, but just as quick as she began to relax, she is now pulling away. I don't make any moves to stop her as I am not sure why she is pulling away, it could be a reaction to last night and I do not want to risk pushing her too hard physically. She practically vaults herself into the restroom and I hear the lock click into place. I scowl at her locking me out but point taken—she needs her space and I will give it to her.

While she is in the shower, I spy her MP3 and quickly pick it up and put the headphones up to my ears. I replay the last song to see what she was listening to that had such an emotional impact on her. I listen intently to the words and feel my own eyes well up with tears. I hate myself for walking out on Sookie so many months ago, I hate Hallow for the curse she placed upon me and the pain it caused and I hate Sookie's distrust of me that I sense from her now. This song speaks to Sookie's need for "her Eric", as she calls who I was when I was cursed, and her sadness when the curse was broken and she was left with the Vamp Sheriff of Area 5 and all the politics that go with that position and who I am. One verse in particular wounds me and I feel such regret.

"Do you remember how it used to be/How it felt when you were holding me/
That Chevrolet was like our little get away/All the dreams we used to talk about/
Are all the things that we're livin' now/But without the love, baby it just ain't enough"

"I need that boy/The one that chose me over every other choice/And I need that man/ Whose heart and soul were in this thing when it began/I need that old friend that I once knew/Baby I need you"

"Cursed Eric" who stayed with her did choose her over every other choice but this Eric, the one she believes me to be now, left her and didn't really try to understand her feelings, thoughts or hurt over what we had shared. I just pushed her to tell me the details, not caring how that might affect her too….A few tears make their way down my cheek and I rip the headphones off, not wanting to listen anymore. I decide then and there that Sookie will be mine, I will show her that 'her Eric' is still a part of me and I will be allowed to care for her…love her again.

In the kitchen I begin to try and show her how much I want to care for her and want to provide for her. It is fairly ingrained in my Viking self that men are the protectors and providers….I think about the people in Sookie's life….Sookie hasn't had a man provide for her since she was a small child and even then, I am not sure how well her father did that for her. It is obvious her parents did not know how to deal with her telepathy and did not help her develop it. Her Gran, as far as I can tell, was the one constant in her life who did provide for her as best she could. I think I would have liked her Gran. Her brother is worthless…. realization dawns on me…no wonder Sookie is slow to trust people and is so fiercely independent. People have not shown themselves to be dependable in her world. I vow to change that as I begin preparing food for her, this simple ritual fills me with contentment and I find myself desiring to engage in these human tasks for Sookie. I want to share this and so many other human things with Sookie. I discover that I have a rudimentary knowledge of the things she enjoys eating and this knowing must be left over from our time together. I also notice that the Shifter brought several of her favorite foods and I growl at the fact that he too has this knowledge of her and I did not possess it until last night. Sam is perceptive and can give Sookie things that I cannot, like the sun and children. He is competition and stronger competition than Bill for sure, whether Sookie knows it or not. Luckily, he has not been overly aggressive in his pursuit of Sookie and I plan to use that to my advantage.

Sookie enters the kitchen and stops short. By Freya, she is a beautiful woman. Even with bruises marring her face, she is breathtaking though not in the classic sense. Sookie has an earthiness and sensuality that just cannot be taught or bought, it has to come from within. Ironically, the most remarkable thing about Sookie is her utter innocence about her appeal to others and her lack of vanity. Humans, with their narrow mindedness, cannot fully appreciate her beauty as their view is clouded by prejudice against her telepathy and her differences, characteristics that only make her more appealing in my world.

Her eyes take in the table, the candle, the low lights and I can see her immediate wariness of the situation. Shit, did I push it too hard? She quietly thanks me for making dinner. I inwardly smirk as her manners, as usual are impeccable and in place. I can sense her rising anxiety but also feel a low hum of desire in the bond as well. I will consider it a success if I can ease some of the anxiety I feel from her. I find myself staring at her and I hear her sigh. I say her name.

"Sookie"

She looks up and catches me staring. She averts her eyes, but not before I see the pain there.

"Yes?" she says softly.

"Why are you so nervous? It is just you and I. There is no need for anxiety. Why will you not look at me, Lover? Have I done something to offend you?"

"No. This is nice and I appreciate your making me dinner. Its just….I don't know Eric. The candlelight, the dinner, you and me….it's just kinda weird. And why are you calling me Lover? " She eyes me warily.

I chuckle, "I can not use this endearment for you anymore? You prefer something else?"

"Actually, yes I would prefer you use something different. We aren't lovers anymore Eric. We are barely even friends now."

Ah, there's her fire, I am glad to see last night has not dimmed it any but I also feel her sadness and her anxiety. I look at her and wonder if that song she was listening too is truer than I may of realized at first. It talks about missing the old friend and missing so much about the man she needs. I resolve to contemplate this further. I don't respond to her request that I use a different endearment but simply motion for her to eat. She needs to keep her strength up after last night. I sip the "blood substitute" which is little better than drinking rust water and speculate on how I want to proceed tonight. I want to woo her, win her over. Maybe seduce her some too. I feel my body respond to that idea and secretly hope the night ends with me in her bed.

I notice she is finished and I rise to take our dishes to the sink. I wash out my bottle and place it in the recycle bin, I too, would like this Earth to be around for another 1,000 years. I feel her surprise at my actions. I hold my hand out to her and after a brief hesitation she takes it and allows me to lead her into her living room. I had started a fire earlier and I want to sit in front of it with her, I want to re-experience that time with her. I grab the ugly afghan she loves and motion for her to sit down. She stands and stares at me….I should of known this would not be easy, it's Sookie, nothing is ever easy with her, but I cannot totally blame her for the awkwardness between us, I play a role as well. I am hoping to remedy that if she will allow it.

"I think I'd rather sit on the couch, Eric" and she moves towards to couch.

Oh no, you will not distance yourself from me. I decide to push her limits and gently ask her to sit with me in front of the fire. She acquiesces way too easily and I raise my eyebrow ever so slightly. I'm not sure what to make of this as I was expecting an argument and most likely some sort of compromise, but I will take what she is giving me without too much analysis. I wrap the afghan around her shoulders and lower myself so that I am sitting across from her. I cannot stop my fingers as they reach out and trace the bruises on her jaw, reminders of what one of my kind did to her. She pulls away. I can feel her distrust. It saddens me to know she still does not trust me after all we have been through and meant to each other.

Her voice is sharp as she blurts out, "What, Eric? What is there to talk about? I've told you all I'm going to tell you about the time you stayed with me. You cashed in that favor already."

I feel a twinge of hurt and doubt as she reminds me of how I have been with her these past few months but I quickly bury it. I, again, accept what she gives me as I am deserving of her scorn.

I am nervous about how she is going to receive my news. I foolishly take a deep breath to steel my resolve and I feel her amusement. This gives me hope that we can find a common ground and I regain my confidence. I chide myself, I am not some silly schoolboy or emotional human. I am a 1,000-year-old Vampire. Act like one, take what you want.

Just as I am about to speak, Sookie blurts out, "Oh God Eric, this is bad isn't it? Whatever you are going to tell me is bad right? Just spit it out."

I'm confused for a moment and then reflect on the fact that Sookie could possibly consider the regaining of my memories a bad thing and perhaps she does not want me any longer, though, I do not pick up on that in the bond. I sense her longing. I see her agitation as she wrings her hands and before she can ramble on, I signal her to stop and ask her for clarification. Ah yes, I can see her concern-Mickey and the possible consequences for my staking him. She is full of surprises, though her genuine concern for others should come as no surprise to me, it's just so opposite my nature that I am surprised by her generosity and kindness each time I witness it or am the recipient of it. In this moment, when she could be lamenting what happened to her last night or any number of horrible things that have occurred, she is thinking of me and whether I might need her help. She amazes me and it endears her to me even more. I smile at her and decide to get straight to the point, no more pussy-footing (one of Pam's favorite expressions) around.

"What I want to tell you has nothing to do with Mickey, Sookie. I promise. I want to talk to you about what happened to me in your bedroom last night while you were in the restroom and I was waiting for you. I remembered our time together when I was cursed, Sookie. I remember everything."

I watch her closely, waiting for her reaction to my announcement.