Juggling Act

"Okay, so we should have a routine," Rose announced, coming into the kitchen in her pyjamas and accompanying bedhead hair. "A schedule, rota, something like that."

Both Doctors, who were sitting at the kitchen table demolishing a plateful of toast, groaned loudly.

"Yep, you'd better believe it, boys," she muttered, turning to boil the kettle. "Things are about to get even more domestic."

"I hardly think a rota is necessary, Rose," complained the fully Time Lord Doctor.

"I had each of you creep into the bedroom at different points last night. Or should I say, last night - " she pointed to the Time Lord. "And then the early hours of this morning," she continued, pointing to the part-human Doctor. "And, quite frankly, I'm exhausted."

Both of them grinned smugly, then promptly realised the implications of her sentence and glared at each other. "I thought we agreed that it was my turn," huffed the part-human to the Time Lord under his breath.

"Excuse me?" exclaimed Rose, upon hearing this remark. She put her hands on her hips and fixed each of them with disapproving looks. "Are you seriously referring to me as though I am a toy, a possession, for which you take turns?"

"Of course not!"

"Except that he completely did, Rose Tyler, which is why you should always love me the most," grinned the other Doctor.

"How dare you suggest that she loves you more than me!" exclaimed the part-human, outraged. "She loves us equally. And if she didn't, then it's obvious that she'd love me more, because unlike some people I have no trouble telling her how I feel - "

"- well at least I don't have all those human-y bad habits like you," he retorted.

"Like what?"

"Like forgetting to put the toilet seat down - "

"Enough!" shouted Rose. "I will not stand here and listen to you compete with each other all day."

"All right, Mum," muttered the Doctor.

"I heard that!"

The part-human Doctor smiled wistfully. "Which is why you would make an excellent mother one day, Rose."

She wrinkled her nose. "I don't think so. Anyway! Seeing as the only way we can solve this is if you take turns - "

"Hey, I thought you shouted at me for phrasing it like that earlier," pointed out the part-human.

"That's because it wasn't on my terms," she corrected, sitting down in between them. "Look, you two act like kids when you fight over me. Which makes for an unhealthy, uncomfortable atmosphere. So! I'm gonna give you both time-slots for potential love-making."

"Kind of takes the spontaneity out of it," the Time Lord Doctor sniffed.

"Well, do you have a better idea? Because I swear, I will go hook up with Jack if you two don't cut it out."

They both stared at her in horror. "She wouldn't," they said simultaneously, trying to reassure each other, "Would she?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Look, you two have made it clear that you don't want to sleep in the same bed as me at the same time. And there's no way that I'm only getting to sleep with you – and I mean that as in actual sleeping – only if sex occurs too. There are some nights I just want you to be there, yeah? Nothing sexy, just cuddles. So. Either you decide which days you want, or - "

"I bagsy Saturday night," announced the part-human.

"Bugger."

"What's so special about Saturdays?" asked Rose, bemused by the Time Lord's evident distress.

"Everyone knows that Sunday-morning sex is one of the best kinds," the Doctor explained to her wisely. "So whoever gets to sleep in your bed the night before has the best chance of experiencing that."

Rose groaned and put her head in her hands. "What happened to the old days when you wanted me for more than just sex?"

Both of them hurried to assure her. "Rose! Don't be silly, you're far more than that."

"You're everything," one-upped the part-human.

"Hmph," she muttered.

"Listen, we'll work it out, Rose," said the Time Lord. "We've got all the time in the world to work this out."

"It's just a matter of adjusting, that's all," put in the other Doctor. "Because unless you're going to dump one or both of us, then this is how it's going to be."

Both Doctors watched her warily after this statement, readying themselves for her response. She glanced up at them and took in their nervous expressions. "I'm not going to 'dump' either of you, don't worry." There was an audible sigh of relief from both men. "It's just so tiring. It's like I'm managing two relationships. With that, on top of saving the world every other day, I'm knackered."

The part-human Doctor stood up, and came around the table to rub her tense shoulders. "Let's go to a tropical beach today. Have some relaxation time."

"Really?" she asked.

The Time Lord Doctor smiled. "I'll go and set the coordinates."

That night, the Doctor poked his head around the doorframe. "Rose?" he whispered.

Rose rolled over onto her front. "I'm sleeping," she mumbled into the pillow.

"I know, I know, I just…I was wondering if perhaps I could join you."

She lifted her head and regarded him tiredly, idly noting from the colour of his suit that this was the fully Time Lord Doctor. "I'm knackered, I can't - "

"No, it's okay, I didn't mean…that. I'd just like to stay with you for the night. Just…just sleeping. Like you were talking about this morning."

She yawned and shrugged a shoulder. "All right then."

He smiled and stepped fully into the bedroom, shedding his clothes as he made his way to her. Once he was down to his boxer-briefs, he climbed into the bed. She turned onto her side and he snuggled up against her back, curling his arm around her waist. He dropped a quick kiss to her shoulder, and murmured, "Goodnight."

Barely a few minutes later, the other Doctor showed up, took in the sight before him, and was instantaneously jealous. He crept over to Rose's side of the bed, and whispered, "Rose?"

"Go away," muttered the Time Lord Doctor sleepily.

"No. Rose?"

"Mmm?" she answered, her eyes slowly blinking open.

"May I?" He gestured to the empty space beside her. "The bed's big enough."

She lifted the duvet and the part-human Doctor, dressed in his stripy pyjamas, climbed in.

"Hmph," mumbled the Time Lord, tightening his grip around Rose's waist and pulling her back against his chest more fully. The other Doctor rolled his eyes and settled down so that he was facing her. He and Rose shared a smile, and he leant in to give her a peck on the cheek, as his hand rested casually on her thigh.

"Okay?" he asked her softly.

Rose's smile widened. "I'm in the middle of a Doctor sandwich. Of course I'm okay. I've been angling for this arrangement for ages, but you two have been so stubborn about it."

"Yes, well, there's something distinctly disturbing about that idea, so I'm going to ignore he's there if it's all the same to you," he replied.

"It's not like it'd be incest or anything," Rose mumbled, as she starting dozing back off.

The Time Lord Doctor made a noise of alarm in the back of her neck. "No, no, no, no threesomes, don't even think about it."

"I don't share, Rose Tyler," the part-human Doctor added, backing the other one up.

"Fine," she sighed. "But it is my birthday in three weeks…"

"You humans and your emotional blackmail," huffed the fully Time Lord Doctor.

"We'll take you to New York, instead," added the part-human hurriedly.

Rose was already asleep, so they received no response to that.