Chapter One: Inner Ramblings Of a Bitter Wolf

Seth

I have always loved La Push; I loved the people and the beach. I loved the life that grew everywhere around me. But, before leaving for Canada with Jake, all I had wanted to do was get out. It seemed every pack member was imprinting . . . except me. Jacob also had yet to imprint, and finally seemed to come to terms with Bella leaving. I loved Bella, I loved her dad too. Charlie, who has basically been my step father for a couple years now, made my mother happier than I've ever seen her. But, Bella left a gaping hole in Charlie's life. Which, in turn affected my mothers life . . . mine . . . Leah's, and eventually her disappearance impacted our entire community. All Charlie was allowed to know was that she was alive, and he was on a 'need to know' only basis.

Basically, we all knew she was a bloodsucker now except Charlie. Who, as a human, could never know why his daughter suddenly felt like a brick of ice the last time her saw her. That was almost ten years ago.

Everyone knew she was stringing Jake along, and would chose Edward in the end. It would always be Edward, and we warned Jacob. Sam told Jacob to let her go, and he didn't. It was quite possibly; the biggest mistake he has ever made.

Now, Jake's a pretty logical guy . . . but when it came to Bella? Dumb as a brick. It took him years to forget about her and stop moping. At least, that's what I thought he did.

Nope.

A few years ago he randomly freaked out, left the pack to – you guessed it – search for Bella.

I, of course, being the loyal friend I am, followed him. He wasn't pleased about that. But, after awhile of running around the North American continent he eventually warmed up to the idea of not being totally alone on his existential crisis mission. We narrowed her location down to somewhere in Canada. Randomly, we came across the scent of bloodsuckers one day a few summers ago – we followed it. And of course; it was the Cullen's.

I was ecstatic when Jacob wanted to settle in this town near Vancouver, finally a chance to be somewhat human again. I thought I would maybe meet a girl, and possibly imprint. I was looking at the brighter side of this situation, trying to make light of his insane plans. He decided we were going to infiltrate them, one way or another, and figured they would be going to the local high school in natural Cullen fashion. His plan was a bit outrageous, and really had no direction or realistic outcome what-so-ever, but he was my friend and my Alpha and you don't question your Alpha. He got a job as a Spanish substitute teacher, and I walked into that high school pretending to be a student. Hoping I would just have that chance to imprint here . . . but soon changed my mind.

Now, don't get me wrong - I would love to imprint, but seeing every girl in that school made me realize most of humanity was being ruined by one fake teenage girl at a time . . . and that really dampened my spirits.

And of course . . . the one girl, who was quite possibly the only normal girl at that school - Jacob imprinted on.

Yep.

Him and I come to Canada, build a house, and the first days we're at that fucking school Jacob Black imprints.

I was happy for him, ecstatic he had found his soul mate and could be happy. But, I was once again pissed at the the wolf spirits for cursing me with bad luck. I wanted a piece of that happiness my brothers who imprinted had. Everything in the world could go wrong, but their only thought would be about their imprint.

Nearly all ten years of being a wolf I had looked forward to the day I would meet my soul mate. The day I finally imprinted would be the best day of my life, because I could have that final piece of happiness my brothers explained as being the final puzzle piece. The first couple years, I waited. Hopeful I would see her. I looked at every woman that passed me, prayed time would freeze, gravity would cease and the feeling of fire running through my body pleasantly would happen and I would meet my soul mate.

It never did, so I stopped waiting. I finished school, began working, occupying my time with work constantly. If I ever imprinted, I wanted to be able to provide for her. I saved my money by living with Collin and Brady, until I left with Jacob.

But, here I am again. In La Push. Doing exactly what I was doing before my grand Jacob fueled adventure; working. I wished I could just leave sometimes, travel to every city in the world, meet every woman in hopes she would be the one. But, with being back in a complete pack I have duties. I have responsibilities.

I felt like I was soon becoming a somewhat nicer form of my sister. Bitter about love, thinking imprinting was bullshit.

But, there was still some hope left in me.

My mother always taught me to see the brighter side of life, and to always have hope. I'm a positive person, I probably always will be . . . even if everything is crumbled and going wrong in my life; I think it could still go right. But, every year I didn't imprint the harder I found it to want to be positive. I knew I would never be a negative person, just a less hopeful man.

I had faith in my ancestors that they wouldn't let me down. I knew she was coming eventually, but I wanted her now. I pinned for the feelings my brothers shared of their imprints. I wanted to have her on my mind at all times, I wanted to worry about her well being and I wanted to obsessively wonder if she wondered about me. I just wanted a her, like my brothers had.

It was a never ending cycle of constant thoughts, constant scenarios, constant hopes of an imprint. I always wondered what she would look like. Would she be Quileute? How beautiful would she be? Well, I knew to me she would be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but I still wondered. I wanted to know the color of her skin, I wanted to memorize the touch of her hands and the softness of her lips. I just wanted what my brothers had, and that was happiness.

Constant happiness. I would treat my imprint like the amazing woman I know she would be. I learned all the angles to work from my brothers, I knew how I could make her happy, and how to make her feel worthy. How to please her, how to worship her body. I knew so many things, but I had no imprint to show my talents too. It was a downer, knowing she was walking the same Earth as me . . . but had no idea I existed.

She was out there, though, somewhere. Maybe waiting for me like I was waiting for her, hopefully.

Maybe I would be 90 years old, still phasing, still hopeful . . . maybe that's when I would meet her.

Damn, that would suck

A voice popped into my head, someone had decided to join me on my patrol.

Yeah, well can't leave you hanging

Brady replied to my thought, he began to buzz about Collin's sister coming into town. He kept picturing all the magazines she's been on.

Collin's sister?

I asked, picking at his mind to find out more about her. She intrigued me. Her beauty was evident, and she was easily the most beautiful woman I had seen. Suddenly, something triggered a memory. It was faint, but I remembered it. She was a year older, a sophomore. I was a freshman, just about to phase any day; constantly on edge. I was in the lunch line, when Paul and his girlfriend suddenly appeared next to me.

"Hey, Clearwater. Whatcha up to?" Paul asked, ruffling my long hair.

I narrowed my eyes at him and balled my fists, but the dazzling girl hanging onto his arm distracted me. She was beautiful. Dark, jet black hair that came to her naval. Flawless copper skin and the most interesting blue eyes I've ever looked into were framed by long, thick black lashes. She gave me small smile but turned her attention back to Paul.

It kind of upset me now that I thought about it. She didn't look at me again, or ever for that matter. Within that week, I phased, and soon a newborn army was threatening the Cullen's. That was when Paul's sister went missing, and the dazzling girl was gone from La Push. We all knew a vampire was in the area the girls were in when Paul's sister disappeared, except Cora Littlesea. She left, thinking everyone blamed her for the disappearance of Kelly Lahote.

Cora, I thought. Her name was beautiful.