Common Mistake

Chapter Two- Mid-Western Hospitality

Ration time and wait for sleep
One will reflect, one will defeat
Imagine me at seventeen
Depressed and thin, homecoming queen

x

Quinn opened her eyes and immediately snapped them shut again when bright light screamed over them. Several pained tears slipped out and she jerked her head to the side before trying to open her eyes again. When she finally managed to keep her eyes open, it was to find that her vision was swimming enough to make her feel nauseous. And her head, she could feel her heart beat thrumming through her temples. She simultaneously felt like she was being pressed in on from all sides and floating outside of herself about three inches to her left.

She closed her eyes again, hoping that the darkness would help ease her stomach. She breathed deeply and rhythmically, teeth clenched like it would help keep the contents of her stomach down. After several minutes to became aware that she was breathing in tandem with a steady beeping coming from somewhere to her left. She listened to it for a while, trying to understand why it sounded so familiar. It was like trying to find a word that was just on the tip of her tongue, waiting for her to figure it out.

Heart monitor. It was a heart monitor. Heart monitors go in hospitals.

Hospital. She was in a hospital.

How'd I get in a fucking hospital?

Slowly, carefully, she opened her eyes again, adjusting to the light a little at a time until she was able to open them fully without her sight being affected.

The room was private and typical of what could be expected. The blinds were pulled on the window but sunlight sneaked around the edges anyway, and the small tv mounted opposite her bed was on some sitcom but the sound was turned down too low for her to hear it.

Quinn saw the empty chair by her bed and her chest felt tighter, but she wasn't really surprised. She looked down at her left arm and frowned at the bandages that covered her from wrist to elbow. A fuzzy memory of seeing the razor blade in the bathroom tugged at her. She hadn't done it to get attention.

She hadn't even done it to die.

She'd just…done it.

The door to the bathroom opened suddenly and Quinn jerked in surprise. She was even more surprised to see Rachel Berry exiting, still drying her hands on a paper towel.

"Oh! You're awake."

Way to state the obvious.

Quinn tried to push herself up, but pain shot up her left arm as soon as she put pressure on it, and so her efforts left her half on her side. She bit down on her tongue to keep from crying out.

"Here, let me help."

Not having much of a choice, Quinn allowed Rachel to haul her into a sitting position and raise the back of the bed. Quinn's skin prickled unpleasantly under Rachel's hands and she pulled away with as much force as she could manage, which wasn't a lot but Rachel was reading body language for once and didn't let her touch linger.

Once Quinn was arranged more comfortably Rachel backed away and delicately sat in the chair by the bed, hands tucking her skirt under her automatically. Quinn nearly scoffed at how short Rachel's skirt was, at how it showed off the perfect tan skin of her thighs. She looked away and focused on the TV instead.

Neither of them spoke. Quinn stared at the silent characters acting on the screen. It was Seinfeld, she realized after a moment. She hated Seinfeld. She glanced around but didn't see the remote anywhere. It was either watch the show or talk to Rachel. She kept her eyes on the TV.

"Your mother's here," Rachel offered up gamely, trying to draw Quinn's attention. She saw Quinn's shoulders stiffen, but there was no reaction otherwise. "She went to go get some coffee. I told her I'd sit with you."

Ah, so that's why she's here.

"What's the damage?" she rasped out. She was just so tired, even that little bit had made her need to breathe heavier.

"You lost a lot of blood," Rachel's voice shook, "you nearly died."

Quinn hummed and glanced over at her. Their eyes caught and held for a long silent moment and Quinn willed herself not to react.

"I will never forget, Quinn," Rachel said suddenly, her dark eyes dipping closed even as she ducked her head, running both hands through her long hair. "It'll stay with me forever."

Quinn was pretty sure she knew what Rachel was talking about, but she found the question slipping out anyway. "What?"

"The way you looked in that tub…" Rachel trailed off, just a little choked.

Quinn looked away again. She didn't like the way her heart clenched at Rachel's tone. To her embarrassment the heart monitor registered it, but Rachel didn't seem to pay it any attention.

"Why did you do it?" Rachel watched Quinn carefully for any sign that she would respond, when all she got was the twitch of Quinn's jaw muscle, she sighed and leaned back in the uncomfortable chair. "The doctor said you had traces of heroin and cocaine in your system." Quinn's silence remained stony. "I just don't understand how you, how Quinn Fabray, could fall into drugs."

Quinn's jaw was clenched so tightly that she wasn't even sure if she could relax enough to retort, so she didn't. She wasn't going to give anyone the satisfaction. She refused to admit that she'd done anything wrong, that she'd failed just about as badly as anyone could.

"I never thought you were a coward. When did that happen?"

Her teeth felt like they might just crack under the pressure she was exerting now. The rage that always ran under the surface of her thoughts had been quicker to call up since she started using, and it was so nice to imagine just leaping out of her hospital bed and tearing that look off of Rachel's face with her bare hands.

Despite herself, she thought about Rachel's question.

Quinn thought about being high, seeing spots of colored light and wisps of smoke in blue and green. She felt like her heart was made out of hummingbird wings. Every inch of her ached for it. That blissful, divine feeling of floating outside of herself. It was so hard to just be herself without any additives. Just being the failure with nothing to take the edge off the pain. It just made her feel better, feel less like dying would be better.

Such a disappointment. She had seen it in her parents' eyes so many times, had suffered under it, and in it, and was never able to get above it. No matter how hard she beat her arms against the water it just dragged her deeper and deeper.

Like I'd ever tell her that.

And Rachel sat there, with her legs crossed at the knee, prissy and self-righteous, and asked when Quinn became a coward. Like she had some sort of right to say it. She didn't understand. She had always been brave, always rubbed her greatness and talent and superiority right in Quinn's face. She thumbed her nose at Quinn's hard won popularity like it meant nothing. Like Quinn meant nothing.

What kind of answer could she even give to that sort of question? She'd always been a fucking coward, not that it was any of Rachel's business. The accusation in her tone made Quinn's rage flair, but it was directionless. She was always angry, it was pretty much her only emotion at that point.

Quinn wasn't sure if her mother's arrival at that moment was a blessing or just further proof that she was in hell.

"Oh, you're awake."

Quinn rolled her eyes. Is that all anyone can think to say?

Rachel smiled stiffly and stood. "I'll wait outside."

Judy waited until the door had closed behind Rachel before she settled in the vacated chair. Quinn looked at anything she could to avoid looking at her mother's face. She didn't want to see what she knew would be there. She was too accustomed to it already.

"The doctors say that your arm will scar badly without further surgery. I can get in contact with Dr. Smith again if you'd like. She did such a lovely job on your nose."

Quinn had the sudden urge to slap her mother. She clinched her fists instead. "I can talk to her myself if I want."

Judy sighed. "Of course you can dear. I just thought you might like a reminder that you don't have to live with those awful scars."

"If you're just here to discuss my various imperfections, there's no need. I'm well aware of them on my own."

"Are you?"

Quinn was starting to think she'd snap her own jaw with how often she was clenching her teeth. She huffed and started to rhythmically clench and unclench her fists. She couldn't feel her left arm at all, but she could feel the tight pain in her right and it helped to ground her.

Finally, Judy broke the silence. "I thought you were better than this, Quinnie."

Shame settled over her like a heavy blanket, neatly covering and smothering out her anger. She found that she couldn't meet her mother's tired gaze and instead focused intently on the looping weave of the hospital covers draped over her legs.

It was the disappointment again. It had always done her in. In a way she supposed her parents had done one thing right, since she could be so easily cowed.

When Quinn failed to respond, her mother continued. "I'm not going to enable you to continue making horrible mistakes."

"That's rich," Quinn spat before she could stop herself. She could feel her face twisting into some horrible grimace. In a way, she was surprised that her mother had even touched upon the elephant in the room, even if it was in a roundabout way. "You cut me off last month. I've been living with friends."

Some friends. Haven't even been to see me. Probably all still passed out.

Her mother ignored her and continued. "I'm putting you through detox but after that, it's up to you."

"Wow, your support means so much to me."

"I'm done, Quinn."

"Yeah well I'm tired. Bye." Quinn closed her eyes and bit down hard on the inside of her mouth to keep from crying. She willed away the tears building up in her eyes. She was strong, she'd think of some way out of this mess. She had been on her own this way before. The last thing she was going to do was beg her mother for help.

She heard her mother sigh deeply, like the world was on her shoulders. Quinn hated her more than ever in that moment. Her mother stood and silently walked to the door. Quinn measured her progress by the sound of her heels clicking on the tile. The door opened and then closed. Quinn waited another minute before opening her eyes.

Rachel was standing at the door.

"I couldn't help but overhear."

Quinn sneered. "I'll just bet."

Rachel bit her bottom lip and Quinn purposefully looked away. "If you don't have anywhere to stay, I'm sure my fathers would let you stay in our guest room until I go back to New York."

Quinn's instinctual reaction was to violently decline, but she managed to stop herself just in time. She knew she was stuck in the hospital for the next few days, but after that she literally had no plan. She would be on the streets unless her friends let her come back. With no money, no job, nothing to sell, and no leverage, she was basically useless to them. "I don't know if that's a good idea," she said instead, hesitant in her delivery.

Rachel sat up straighter in the chair, her eyes wide and bright. Quinn kept her expression impassive. "Of course it is! You need a place to stay and I really want to help you."

Quinn frowned, honestly puzzled. "Why?"

"We're friends Quinn, that's what friends do. And it's the right thing to do, which is what I will be telling my fathers when I explain the situation." Rachel looked down at her hands, her eyes brimming with tears. "I wouldn't feel right not offering. Not after how I found you. I want to help you get better Quinn."

Quinn nearly told Rachel to go fuck herself. Her sincere expression was sickening. She looked away, pretending to contemplate it.

"I'm sure they'll let you stay, at least until you get out of rehab."

Quinn scoffed. "Like I can pay for rehab."

"Don't worry about it, Quinn. I'm sure my fathers wouldn't mind lending you the money."

Quinn didn't really see the harm in trying. The worst the Berry's could do would be to say no and she would be no worse off than she was already. Rehab was expensive. She could take that money and set out with it, find a new niche somewhere.

"I really appreciate all you're doing for me Rachel," she said finally, her voice quavering just a little. Just enough to sell it.

"You'll stay with me?" Rachel was so excited that Quinn almost felt bad.

"If your dads say I can. Yeah."

Rachel leaped forward off the chair and took both of Quinn's hands between her own. "They will. Don't worry, Quinn. You'll be back to normal in no time. I promise."

Quinn smiled.

x

A/N: Wow. I'm in awe at how much you guys wanted this fic. I'm hoping this chapter lives up to your expectations. It was really hard to write, not content wise, but just because I really can't get into glee anymore. I know a lot of us feel that way, but it just makes it hard to write.

Big thanks to Professorspork, Ellsbells, Poetzproblem, and DoomKitteh

I got a new job. It is awful. But also wonderful at the same time? Like, I wish there was less actual poop handling that went on, but the ladies I take care of are pretty awesome. (24 ladies, only 3 are ambulatory, and they all have a diagnosis of either Profound or Severe Mental Retardation.)

Anyway. Good news! I will be at FaberryCon North. Hopefully I'll see you there!