Okay, so this is my first attempt at humour, so be gentle. Anyway, this is more or less based on Creature Feature's 'A Gorey Demise'. I don't know if it's been done before, but I worked hard on this one. I usually write angst, so this is new territory for me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or the song used.

Hollow Demise

Aizen was late. That was the only thing that came to mind. All of the Espada, as well as a few of the other Arrancar, were ordered to wait in the throne room. They had been waiting for half an hour, and still no Aizen.

"Come on," Yammy complained. "I've got better things to do than wait around."

"Like what?" Aaroniero asked. "Eating and sleeping. That's hardly anything better."

Lilynette looked over to Stark, who was fast asleep. And for once, she couldn't blame him.

"Well," Szayelapporro said, "this does give me an opportunity to sate my curiosity."

"We are not going to be your labrats," Ylfordt said calmly, used to his brother's crazy suggestions.

"Nothing like that," Szayelapporro said. "Why don't we pass the time by telling each other how we died? I'm curious, and we have nothing better to do."

Many of the Arrancars shared glances, quite a few of them were intrigued. Lilynette jammed her elbow in Stark's chest and explained the suggestion.

"I'm okay with it," Stark said, yawning a little.

"I as well," Baraggan said.

"As am I," Harribel said.

With the three top Espada agreeing, they all decided to proceed.

"I'll start," Harribel said. "It wasn't really glamourous. I drowned in a pond after my friend pushed me in. I wasn't a good swimmer, and my feet were trapped by an aquatic plant."

"Makes your water-based powers kind of ironic, don't you think?" Mila Rose asked.

"Better than mine," Aaroniero said. "While I was alive, I was eaten by an entire group of Hollows. So now, I get to return the favour."

"Your eating habits have always managed to disgust me," Szayelapporro said. "Now I know what the reason behind it was."

"Mine wasn't very fun," Tesla sighed. "I got a tumour. It was excruciating pain, this big lump pressing against my brain. Near the end, I think it started to drive me crazy. It was a death that took two years to take me."

"Mine wasn't particularly fun either," Shawlong said. "I was on my way to meet my fiancé after months of being apart, when the train I was travelling on decided to hit a piece of shrapnel on the train tracks, which resulted in the train being derailed. Mine was tragic, but at least it was swift."

"That sucks," Grimmjow said.

"Your death was fast," Stark said. "Mine was slow. And lonely. The one friend I had betrayed me. Knocked me out, tied me up, and buried me alive."

"Now, that sucks," Lilynette said.

"What are you all talking about?" a voice interrupted.

They all turned to see Gin Ichimaru at the door, but still no Aizen.

"We're telling each other how we died," Nnoitra said. "For example, some bastard thought it would be funny to stab me in the eye."

"That explains the Hollow hole," Szayelapporro muttered.

"Sounds like fun," Gin said. "And since Lord Aizen will be busy for a while, I think I'll listen in. I know my friend Rangiku died in the womb. For that reason, she had no birthday."

"Wow," Lilynette said, looking solemn. "Died before living. Now that's harsh."

"Died in birth," Baraggan said. "I died among the dead. I was a nobleman, very powerful. And then my wife decided to take my fortunes and leave with another man. She sealed me in my family's tomb."

"Harsh," Gin said. "No, I was riding with my bike. I was still a kid at the time. And then my front brakes decided to abandon me. Downhill. With a train coming."

"Ouch," Sung Sun said. "No, I was bitten by snakes."

"Ironic that you are one," Apache said.

"How about you, Lilynette?" Stark asked.

"Um, well," his other half stuttered. "Some robbers decided to hold me hostage and I got shot in the head. Instant kill."

"And now you can turn into a pistol?"

"Yeah, but it would help if you didn't hold my butt all the time!"

"How am I supposed to know where your butt is?!"

"Anyway," Mila Rose interrupted. "I don't remember exactly how it happened, but there were slashes on my neck, wrists, and from a stab wound in my stomach. There was so much blood, I didn't know how long it took until I was dry."

"That reminds me," Ggio said. "Have you ever heard about the myth of Sekhmet? It's an Ancient Egyptian legend. The god Ra became disgusted with humans, and so released a bloodthirsty lioness to kill them all. After much bloodshed, Ra decided that it was enough, and tricked the lioness into drinking a sleeping potion."

"I guess it is applicable," Mila Rose said.

"As for me," Edrad said. "I got stuck in a burning building. The ceiling collapsed on top of me, and I can still practically feel the skin burning to a crisp."

"And your Resurreccion uses fire," Di-Roy said. "Interesting."

"Well," Charlotte said, "mine was quite an ugly death. Imagine, a group of oafs surrounding poor, helpless little me. Their fists rained down on me, breaking bones, bruising, tenderising my flesh. All while they dare to insult me. It was jealousy! They were jealous of my beauty!"

The Granz siblings shared a glance, Barragan sighed, and the rest of the secunda's Fraccion rolled their eyes.

"I was wondering when he wanted to take the spotlight," Ggio muttered.

"Well, at least I had some fun with mine," Grimmjow said. "I was always a thrill seeker, I lived for danger. Then one day, danger decided to bite me in the butt."

"So, you were an adrenaline junkie," Nnoitra stated, snorting.

A sigh was heard, and they all turned to see Ulquiorra attempt to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Grimmjow demanded.

"I am going to see how far along Lord Aizen is," Ulquiorra stated. "Besides, this activity is a waste of time."

"Oh yeah?" Nnoitra called out. "Then how did you die?"

Ulquiorra came to a stop, back facing the others. There was silence, all of them waiting for Ulquiorra to speak. Finally, a sigh was heard.

"It started when I was very young," he said, his voice quieter than usual. "After my mother died, my father started beating me. I had to suffer his abuse every day. And then there were the other people in my town. They would always abuse me, physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. If my life had no meaning, then I would take it away. After my father threw me against the mirror, I was left to bleed among the glass. I wasn't satisfied, so I took a few shards that were both small and large enough, and I swallowed it."

There was silence, and then…

"You poor thing!"

Before Ulquiorra knew it, he was being embraced by all the female Arrancar, including Harribel. Many of the others sniggered when they saw the normally white face have a small tint of pink.

"Well," Szayelapporro said. "That's one way to get the women's attention."

"That is disturbing on so many levels," Ggio said.

"I never thought I'd see the day that Ulquiorra blushes!" Grimmjow said, throwing his head back as he howled with laughter.

"But remember," Gin said lowly, smirk growing wider, "right now, Ulquiorra is getting all the attention from the women, while none of you are getting any action."

There was silence as the other men processed this.

"That's unfair," Luppi pouted.

"How did you die?" Grimmjow asked.

"I was walking through the woods when I took the wrong trail," Luppi said. "There was a serial killer using an old cabin in the woods as a hideout. The games he played made me think of Red Riding Hood and the Big, Bad Wolf."

"You got killed because you got lost?" Yammy asked, incredulously.

"Well, how did you die?"

"I rotted in jail for a crime I did not commit. I mean, sure, I was in the wrong place in the wrong time, and I know I had a motive, and I know I had no alibi, but I STILL DIDN'T DO IT!"

"No need to yell," Sung Sun said.

Ulquiorra took deep breaths as he was released by all the women, his face still red.

"Mine wasn't fun either," Abirama said. "I was a great warrior in my tribe. And then there was another tribe that decided to attack us in the dead of night." He snorted. "Gutless. Last thing I remember is an arrow through my chest."

"Ouch," Findor said. "My death, on the other hand, was slow. It was winter, and my little brother got lost. It was late at night, and we decided to search for him. Eventually, I became lost as well, and a blizzard came into being. All that was left was to wait for death as I froze."

"Now that's what I call a cold death," Gin said.

"What about you, Ylfordt?" Di-Roy asked.

"Our grandparents had a farm," Ylfordt said, glancing at Szayelapporro. "I was attending the cattle when we heard the howl of wolves. Szayelapporro was inside, busy tinkering with his toys."

"Not toys," Szayelapporro said.

"Anyway," Ylfordt interrupted, "soon enough, the fifty cattle started to stampede, and I was caught in the middle of it. I was a pancake when they found my body."

"He's not kidding," Szayelapporro said.

"Mine was a long drop," Apache said. "I had a fight with my boyfriend and I ran towards the roof of our apartment building. Since it was dark, I didn't see where the edge was. And then the moron tells the police that it was a suicide. Like I would throw myself off a twenty storey building without taking him with me."

"The events leading up to your death sound a lot like mine," Ggio said. "I had a fight with my girlfriend and she ran away. Feeling guilty, I chased after her. Right in front of a truck."

"I was unlucky enough to discover that there were tar pits near my home," Zommari said.

"What about you, Loly?" Menoly asked.

"I was in a plane when the engine failed," Loly said. "I jumped, but apparently what I grabbed wasn't a parachute."

"Looks like we have another pancake," Szayelapporro said.

Ylfordt, Apache and Loly glared at him.

"Alright then," Loly said. "Why don't you tell us about how you died? After all, this was your idea."

"Well," Szayelapporro said. "Isn't it obvious? It's simple, really. I merely went insane."

There was silence, then…

"Are you kidding me?"

There was an uproar, demanding better detail. No one noticed when the doors opened. No one saw Aizen standing there, Tosen by his side. No one saw Aizen look at the chaos.

"Should we stop them, Lord Aizen?" Tosen asked.

"Explain to me how," Aizen said.

"Oh, hello Lord Aizen!" Szayelapporro called out, waving cheerfully.

Everyone froze and slowly turned to face their lord and master.

"Do you mind telling me what is going on?" Aizen said, his calm façade barely masking his anger.

"We were just telling each other about how we all died as humans," Gin said, chuckling nervously.

"Well then," Aizen said. "I'd love to hear it. Perhaps we could arrange for you to experience a repeat. So, who's first?"

One by one we bite the dust. Kick the bucket and begin to rust. Give up the ghost when your number's up. We all fall down.

Ashes to ashes, bones to paste. You wither away in your resting place. Eternity in a wooden case. We all fall down.

Review, and tell me what you think. Like I said, this is new territory for me, and I hope I managed.