Title: Nuts

Author: spacegypsy1

Word count: Chapter One - 2000

Rated: PG-13

Number of Chapters: Four

~0i0~

Vala has to pass a different psych evaluation to be able to move off base. Daniel, Cam, Sam, Carolyn and Teal'c will speak on her behalf. D/Vness included.

Chapter One

~0i0~

Personal notes of Lt. Col.(Dr.) Xavier E. Holiday, USAF, Psychiatrist, Washington, DC. And yes, they call me Doc Holiday. My assignment came from Homeworld Security and the White House. They want someone not connected to the project. An outsider that can think like an outsider. Intriguing.

I'm staring at a Top Secret file, one of several, that has been so redacted, each page looks like a giant bar code. Flipping through the rest of the files, on those selected by Homeworld Security to speak on her behalf, I see the same thing.

The subject's name is Val. That's it, that's all I am to know. Each folder has a piece of paper paperclipped to the front with the following in this order. Two sessions with Val,(Female Civilian Contractor, weapons expert). After Val's last session the others come in no particular order. Oddly, no names are given. All that they informed of is: Three civilians. Two male and one female. Two USAF Lt Cols. One male, one female.

I have to confess that I can't quite understand the menagerie that makes up her support group, or what the hell these people do, or why Val isn't allowed off base. Most likely, the two colonels are involved in whatever she does. The civilians, however, are a mystery.

I received the files yesterday, so I've had little time to make some sense out of what small amount of information I do have. From what I can discern two of the civilians are a CMO, and an Archeologist, the other one a closed book, not even much information redacted or not.

I figured all of that out by putting the pieces together from all of the files. It wasn't easy but having a specialty in behavioral science, I have a keen eye for what others might think unimportant.

I was told by the very top brass at the very top of the brass that I am not to delve into her past or for that matter anyone's past but to evaluate how well Val can cope, on a personal level, in everyday life.

Nothing concerning anyone's 'day job' but life off work/base. Which of course is absurd, because one influences the other. I took the job anyway. Who wouldn't want the opportunity to do Top Secret work for the NORAD facility in Cheyenne Mountain?

Unfortunately, at this point, they are coming to me so I won't be visiting them there. The brass wants a completely unbiased opinion. As if THAT exists in reality!

~0i0~

Session one of two. Personal notes. Subject Val.

She entered cautiously and looked around, bottom lip tugged between her teeth.

I greeted her with, "Good morning."

Val appeared worried and said in an accent I couldn't quite put my finger on, "You don't have one of those awful lie... I mean misunderstanding detectors do you?"

"No, nothing like that. Please have a seat."

Taking a cautious step forward she eyed me suspiciously, whispering, "What about the paper game thingies with the nonsensical blobs?"

"No. We're just here to talk." I gave her a warm smile and indicated the large overstuffed chair.

She sat. "Oh this is comfy, where'd you get it?"

From the beginning I was very interested in her story. She's an attractive woman with dark hair, slim, who carries herself confidently, even if her concerns and wording seem odd.

I answered her question. "I don't know where they got it. It was here when I moved into this office."

Val nodded in understanding looking out over the Washington skyline.

"Alright, let's get started." When I spoke, Val turned back to me bobbing her head so I proceeded. "I know you're instructed not to talk about what you do, or names of the others who will speak on your behalf, and no naming anyone, place or thing connected to where you work." I paused, once again thinking how absurd this job is, then asked, "How are you doing?"

"Okay, but I'm still getting over my date from last night."

"Oh?" I prompted, amazed at how quickly she was ready to talk.

"I only went because I think I need to move on. Or maybe I wanted to make someone jealous. It ended not so bad, since we had frozen yogurt with some kind of nuts. Door nuts, or floor nuts or something like that."

It took me a minute but I finally got it, "Wall? Walnuts?"

"That's it!"

"You've never had walnuts?"

"Wellllll, no. My teammates… ah, well that's not right, I mean my friends, mates but not team or married kind, and not like work mates because we can't discuss that, but like friends, they all eat nuts, so I've had a limited sampling. One of the guys, one that I want to... umm, anyway, he likes rocks and statues, books and digging in ruins and eats pistachio nuts. And... ah… the other one that's sorta kinda like our boss… we have a competition to see who has flown the most odd ships and I'm way ahead of him, he likes pecans."

She paused for a half second breath before prattling on. "Muscles, you don't know him, and that's not his name, he has a scary past – like, but not like, me, but he understands me but I think I drive him as crazy as I do Pistachio, but I'm not attracted to Muscles, who eats peanuts, raw, roasted, salted, or otherwise prepared. And then, my best friend, well female friend, the brainy one that theorizes about eeevveerrry thing, she likes almonds and my other best female friend is a doctor."

Nodding almost continuously, I affected a professional countenance, with much effort during her apparently unending speech.

"Well," Val sighed, "oddly, so is the one that eats almonds and the one that eats pistachios, but the doctor, is a CMO doctor who eats macadamia. I just found out what CMO means a month ago and I thought it was GMO, like Genetically Modified Organism, which we have all at some point had experience ourselves with genetic modification. So no. Never had walnuts. They're very good."

I'm surprised I followed that entire conversation and in the process garnered a lot of information. "That's it?"

"Yes. Very good is very good."

"No. I mean the date."

"We didn't eat dates."

"The DATE." I said, thinking, 'THIS is the weapons expert'?

"Oh, well then, the date just wanted to get into my panties. It was awkward. He was upset because he thought I was easy, or so the rumor is that I'm easy. You know, like I've had sex with a lot of people. I haven't had sex since my wedding night. I'm divorced now. I think. Everyone wants to get in my panties except the one I want in my panties. Isn't that always the way it goes? Or so I'm told."

She wiggled deeper into the plush chair.

I remained astonished at her rapidly fired explanation. "So how does that make you feel?"

"That you can't know the names or about the chair?"

Her candid talk followed by her sudden effort to change the subject, or a lack of following the conversation, had me hesitating a few seconds – but I think Val is clever, has a strong and quick mind that works in self-defense. I also think she is definitely NOT from around here. "No, the rumors." I said.

"Oh. Pfft! Nothing new. My team doesn't think that, at least not since I … well, not in a while, and the General, the doctor and the gate guy and a few others know I'm not like that. I can't stop the rumors."

"Very true."

"Actually, I don't think many think that now that they all know me. At first it was really hard, since, well, I came from... way, way out of town and don't always understand their idioms...meanings."

I laughed and told her: "You'll catch on. It's not like you're from outer space."

"Oh. That's so nice of you to say, thank you. See, I can fit in. Especially if, if HE, the pistachio guy, invites me to share his apartment. I think he's thinking about it. He's said some things that make me think he might. You know, just as a roommate."

"Ah, I see. This man..."

"The pistachio nuts guy."

"Yes, Pistachio, he's the one that you want to..."

"Oh, yeah. Him." She shrugged her shoulders forward and grinned wide with her teeth clamped and eyebrows high.

I jotted notes and when I looked up I realized she watched me warily. "Alright." I said. "It says here that you are a weapons expert."

"Not just weapons. I'm an expert at procuring things - Top Secret things - that are difficult to procure."

"Like a cat burglar?"

Her eyes grow unusually large. "No! We can't have cats on base. I would love one, and I wouldn't have to burgle it, I could get it at a shelter. But, I have to go way out of town, a lot, making it more difficult to have one, even if I was allowed to."

"Way, out of town?"

"Yes, way, way out of town. Way far."

Wherever she's from it must be completely off the grid. Surely she's seen movies about cat burglars. "You do watch movies?"

"Um hmm. Since I've been living on base. We have team movie night. Mus... Peanut has over 1000. He's our very own private Red Box except he's kind of a golden brown."

"You've never seen To Catch A Thief?"

Grimacing, she perfected a shiver indicating her distaste. "I absolutely refused to watch that!"

"I see. As a weapons expert do you carry firearms when you aren't on the job?"

"No. Sometimes I like to stash a zat...er, a... well, no."

"I think since they have acknowledged you as a weapons expert you can tell me what you 'stash'."

"No. I can't. It's just a funny thing like a... taser."

I nodded, "Perfectly understandable. Now, let me see if I understand something. The, ah, nuts you mentioned, they're who you work with, aren't they?"

"Oh. Er. Maybe. Except for the doctor, the macadamia, we're a team. I can say that? Or is that what I wasn't supposed to tell you? The work/team thingie. I think you might have led me into saying that. Is it okay?"

"Sure. Let me ask you this. You have feelings for one of the people on your team, right?"

"Did I say that?"

"Do you?"

"Oh. Ah. Nope, a, a guy, a guy in the kitchen. NO! He works at Starbucks, he's crazy about coffee."

"Val," I looked at her panicked expression and gave her an honest smile. "Don't worry, our conversations will remain private."

"Hmm, well, maybe I do."

"Pistachio? You're attracted to him and would like to take your relationship with him further. To be intimate?"

"Intimate! I'm crazy in love with him. I would like to kidnap him, which by the way I should have done the first time I met him. But yes, I'd like to be intimate for days and days on into eternity... Am I in trouble for saying that?"

"No. That's not what we're here to talk about."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Hard to explain. Don't worry, your secret is safe. Nothing you say will get you in trouble. This isn't about what you say about work."

"I can't be crazy because I already passed that test and I'm a standing up member of my team. I mean upstanding."

"You're doing fine. I only want to help you get out on your own if you're ready."

"I'm soooooo ready."

~0i0~

End Session

~TBC