Loved and Left Behind

Written by: Adventure-Seeking-Juliet

For: Round two of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, where I play second Beater for the Kenmare Kestrals. I will be using three prompts for this one-shot, starting with these lyrics from Within Temptation's song Hand of Sorrow: "So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed. Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind? So many years have passed, who are the noble and the wise? Will all our sins be justified? Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear. For the dreams we had to silence, that's all they'll ever be. Still I'll be the hand that serves you, though you'll not see that it is me." If you're curious as to my interpretation of the lyrics in accordance with this story, just leave me a review or PM me for my analysis of the song. My other two prompts are bits of dialogue that I have to use…and they are: "Please tell me you're not serious, please," and "But would you have it any other way?"

A/N A brutal attack by a group of neo-Death Eaters leaves Teddy Lupin injured and unconscious; however, upon his awakening, he discovers that the most painful tortures are not physical, but emotional, when it becomes apparent he has been transported to a time before his own birth. Finally faced with the ability to confront the issue of his parents' final sacrifice, Teddy struggles to find a balance between morality and mortality.

Teddy opened his eyes to near darkness.

He was crammed into a small, uncomfortable space, which he had hoped to be a bed, but judging by the hard planks of wood digging into his spine, he suspected he was actually sprawled on the wooden floorboards of 12 Grimmauld Place.

To his surprise, the room remained dark and hazy even after his eyes had adjusted. His senses felt sluggish and, despite his best efforts, he found himself unable to sit up without uttering a groan of pain.

His groaning seemed to alert someone else in the room, who leaned forward and helped him into sitting position.

"Oh my, you're awake," the woman was saying," well this is quite a surprise. Dumbledore was sure you'd be out cold for another few days." Teddy blinked up at his helper with the intention of thanking her, but instead, the words died in his throat.

Fortunately, Molly Weasley only smiled," Don't worry, dear. You'll have your strength back in no time. I've spoken with Severus about a potion that aides the healing process…"

Teddy blinked, his brow furrowing in confusion," I'm sorry, but-erm- did you just say Severus? As in Severus Snape?" Now that Teddy was looking properly, he wasn't sure if he actually was in Grimmauld Place. The whole place seemed darker and dingier than he remembered it. The Death Eaters must have done a real number on the place…

Teddy's eyes widened, and with sudden urgency, he attempted to jump to his feet," Are they alright? Where are they? Lily…"

"Oh yes," Mrs. Weasley cut in quickly," Jamie, Al, and Lily are all fine. They've been worried of course, but this whole situation is rather trying, I suppose."

Teddy took a deep, calming breath, feeling his panic recede," Trying, yes, that's a good word for it."

Mrs. Weasley smiled at him again," Yes, so, you just need to rest," She stood and turned to a make-shift table that was hovering a few feet away, a steaming pot of tea and china cups clinking in her haste to pour a cup," How do you take your tea, Teddy dear?"

He thought it rather odd that Mrs. Weasley didn't remember his strange taste in tea. Usually, she poured it without so much as asking, then made a comment about how his father had liked it the same way, but instead, Teddy said," Just a little cream and five spoons of sugar, please."

Molly gave him a bemused look as she fixed his cup," Five sugars, eh? You must have a bit of sweet tooth."

Teddy didn't miss the rather calculating look Molly gave him as she handed him his cup and saucer, so, to explain, he said," Well, it's like you always say, I get it from my dad."

Molly's brow wrinkled," I say that often, do I?"

Teddy nodded, confused," Yes, don't you remember?"

Molly's face hardened and took on a look of such utter seriousness, Teddy felt himself go cold. What was going on? For a moment he worried if Molly had been attacked too. Couldn't the Cruciatus Curse cause memory impairment? What if Molly has been under the Imperius Curse? Was that how the Death Eaters had floo'd into Grimmauld Place?

As if noticing his sudden distress, Molly placed a comforting hand on his shoulder," Please, try to be calm, Teddy. After the torture you've been put through, I dare say panic could cause even more harm."

Teddy, unable to speak, merely nodded. Molly was right. He'd been in a right state of panic since he'd woken up, and it was obviously taking its toll.

Once he'd calmed down a bit, Molly started again," You see, Teddy dear, during the attack on your family, there was a little accident," she paused, watching his face intently," Ironically, the…accident probably saved your life."

"What happened…exactly?" Teddy asked, his voice was still a bit hoarse from the attack. He had no idea how long they'd tortured him, but judging by the state of his vocal cords, he must've screamed and yelled quite a bit.

"Well," Molly replied," According to the children, Al couldn't take seeing you in such pain, so he went to grab the extra wand your parents stored in the study, but when he came back with it…he and James got into a bit of a squabble over who should use it, and unfortunately, the Death Eaters heard them. This part of the story was a bit, erm, confusing, but I believe James was a bit hasty in his wand work, being inexperienced, he sent the contents of the drawers exploding in all directions. The Death Eater easily took the wand, but while he was distracted by Jamie and Al's arguing, Lily picked up a…time-turner. Once the three of them were gathered in the living room, where several of the Death Eaters were…torturing you, Lily broke the time-turner…and here you all are."

Teddy was deathly silent for a moment.

"A…time turner."

Molly gave his shoulder another pat," Yes, that's right."

Finally, Teddy said, in a quiet, strained voice," Please say you're not serious, please."

Molly opened her mouth, but with a sudden bang, the door to the room, which Teddy now recognized as the room that would eventually become Al's bedroom, burst open, revealing a tall man with an appearance that suggested he had once been quite handsome, though his good looks had been stolen by either time or something more…heinous. Teddy recognized him immediately.

"Actually, I am Sirius," the man said, gray eyes twinkling inside his waxy face," And you," he continued, despite Molly's steely stare," must be Teddy. I definitely see the resemblance. You and Remus favor considerably."

Sirius looked positively thrilled with his conclusion, but Molly was livid," Sirius, now is not the time for one of your jokes. The boy needs his rest."

"Yes, yes, of course," Sirius said, coolly," but don't you agree, Molly? He looks remarkably like Remus."

Molly's face was flushed an angry shade of purple, but before she could utter the ear-splitting admonishments she was infamous for, Teddy said, quietly" Remus Lupin? Is he here?"

Much to Molly's distress, he then attempted to get to his feet, but stumbled over his tea-cup, which smashed against the wall when he landed face-first on the ground at Sirius's feet.

"Ah yes," Sirius chuckled," There's a bit of Tonks in there too, I see."

Teddy struggled to his feet," She's here to?"

Teddy felt an overwhelming surge of anxiety when he imagined meeting his parents. It's the kind of thing every orphan dreams of, and Teddy was no different. He had a wonderful, loving family, but his parents were…all he'd ever wanted.

Molly walked over, placing herself between Sirius and Teddy," Enough of this, Sirius. Teddy needs rest…once he feels better he can speak to Remus and Tonks."

"I feel fine," Teddy protested. Unfortunately, his voice came out as a pathetic rasp.

Molly and Sirius both gave Teddy a look that plainly said "Who are you trying to kid, Ted? You look like death warmed over." Or, at least, that was what Teddy imagined they were thinking, so he plopped himself down on the make-shift bed and crossed his arms in defeat. He'd spent enough time around Mrs. Weasley to know when arguing was futile.

After Sirius had huffily excused himself, Molly fixed Teddy another cup of tea and explained the situation with his parents," Tonks hasn't been by Headquarters yet, and Remus tried to make it in early this morning…but last night's full moon was rough. He could hardly stand, so I thought it best if he took the spare bed," She gave Teddy an apologetic look," which is why we moved you in here."

Teddy took a tentative sip," So…do they know about me?"

Molly chuckled," Oh no, of course not. We thought it might be a bit of shock, considering they aren't even together yet."

Teddy nodded, trying to appear calm and complacent, despite the way his innards were churning.

"How is it you and Sirius know about me, Mrs. Weasley?"

Molly, who was waving her wand over the broken shards of Teddy's first tea cup, said," James just couldn't keep his mouth shut, poor boy. He is so like Ronald. He told the whole story to me, then Sirius, and Arthur, before Dumbledore arrived and asked him to be as quiet as possible about the incident."

Teddy smiled," That sounds like James. Did he manage to blurt it out to Harry and Ginny?"

Molly lit up like a Christmas Tree at the mention of Harry and Ginny's impending relationship," They're still in school, luckily enough. Dumbledore thought it best not to…say anything to them. They have a lot to deal with, I reckon. Especially, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, their OWLs are coming up soon."

Teddy nodded. He couldn't quite rap his head around the fact he was actually older than his Godfather. He'd taken his OWLs a year ago…and it just felt unnatural to imagine Harry sitting the test.

The two of them sat silently for a moment, idly sipping their tea in a way that reminded Teddy of the "tea breaks" his Gran and Molly enjoyed in his own time, although he suspected there was much more gossip involved in those meetings.

"You know," Molly said, finally breaking the calm silence," I always thought Harry and Ginny would get together. They make a lovely match, don't you think?"

Teddy wasn't allowed visitors until later that evening, but to his surprise, Sirius brought James, Al, and Lily up an hour or two earlier than Molly had asked him too.

James immediately began helping himself to Teddy's lunch, and although he occasionally tried to speak through a mouthful of potatoes, Teddy gave up trying to understand what he was saying. Lily had attached herself to Teddy's side and no matter how hard he attempted to extricate himself from her grip, she only held on tighter.

Al was the first one to form a coherent sentence, despite the fact he had also helped himself to a bit of Teddy's meal, "We were all really worried. You were out for three whole days."

"Three days?" Teddy repeated, startled," Mrs. Weasley must've forgotten to mention that part."

Al shrugged, unhelpfully," Gran's been a bit stressed today. She and Sirius have been fighting."

"Yeah, I don't think they get on too well," James added, after swallowing rather noisily.

Lily, who had burrowed deep into Teddy's jacket nodded against his collar bone," I heard them talking about some big meeting tonight. Gran didn't seem very happy 'bout it."

"Yeah," James said," Sirius says you should come and talk to your parents. He thinks they'll feel better about this whole thing if it comes from you."

"But," Al interjected, "Gran thinks it'll be too much of a strain."

James smirked through a mouthful of treacle tart," Of course she does. Some things never change. "

Teddy sighed and gently pushed away from Lily, who, to his surprise, had tears streaming down her pale, freckled face.

"I wanna go home, Teddy."

Her lips trembled against a silent sob, and without really thinking about it, Teddy pulled his god-sister back into his arms. He leaned down to envelop her and placed his chin on top of her deep-red head, and then with a small and unrecognizably sad smile, he metamorphosed his to match.

Lily hadn't seen his little trick, but James and Al had. The two of them smiled fondly at the familiar scene. Teddy had always enjoyed changing his features to match theirs; it helped them all to remember they were family…even if they didn't have the same blood.

" Well, then I know what I have to do," Teddy said, more to Lily than anyone else," I'll just have to go that meeting tonight and ask Professor Dumbledore to send us back."

Lily smiled up at him, and although her face was still wet with tears, Teddy thought it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

"But what about your parents," Al asked, dumbfounded," Aren't you going to…say anything to them?"

Teddy sighed," If you guys don't scamper so I can change, I won't be able to say anything to anyone." He thought he came off a bit more annoyed than he actually felt, but he didn't want to talk about his parents to anyone. For some reason, they felt like something that should be private.

The Potters reluctantly agreed to vacate Al's eventual room, but not without carrying away the last bit of Teddy's dessert.

James was the last to leave. He had lingered in the doorway for a few minutes, looking like he was stuck between saying something and running off to convince Sirius to pull a prank with him, just for irony's sake.

"Is there something I can help you with, James?" Teddy finally asked, that little tick of annoyance working its way back into his voice, despite his attempts to sound pleasant.

"Not really, no," James replied, absentmindedly raking a hand through his messy hair," Only, you know…we could change everything."

Teddy stared at his god-brother vacantly, waiting for him to continue.

James sighed," I only meant to say that if you wanted to…if you decided to, you could save their lives, Ted."

The meeting room was hot and crowded.

Teddy felt a bit claustrophobic about the whole thing. Molly had rushed him into the room, but like a mother-hen watching a cracked egg, she hovered around him throughout the dinner. Teddy assumed she was afraid he might break if she left him alone for longer than fifteen minutes at a time, but still, he appreciated the gesture, especially considering Mrs. Weasley had scarcely known him for three days…and a good two and half days of that time he had been unconscious.

Teddy was promptly seated between Molly and Arthur, the latter of which, started off his introductions by lamenting his lack of toaster ovens. Teddy indulged his pseudo-grandfather happily. He'd always enjoyed talking to Mr. Weasley, even when the subject of the conversation usually revolved around obscure muggle artifacts.

Dumbledore headed one side of the long table, flanked by Mad-Eye Moody and Severus Snape, who seemed to enjoy sneering at Teddy a bit too much. The Minister of Magic (or, as everyone else knew him, Kingsley Shacklebolt) sat opposite Teddy, next to Fred and George Weasley.

Further down the table, however, was where Teddy was most interested. Sirius sat at the head, flanked on either side, by Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin, respectively. Both of his parents, along with the majority of wizards across the table, seemed politely bothered by the mysterious boy with brown-turquoise hair, though Teddy liked to imagine his parents stared at him a bit longer than the rest.

Dumbledore, Teddy had discovered, was an enigma. Teddy had learned about the former professor in school, but nothing had prepared him for the real (and very short) conversation he'd had with the famous, white-bearded Headmaster.

The meeting had been surprisingly boring, but when Teddy had broached the topic of his need to return to his own time, Dumbledore was, at first, very pensive.

"Time is a very difficult thing to predict…and impossible to control, Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore had said, his long fingers delicately tapping against the wooden table.

Teddy's heart plummeted," So you can't help us?" He could already see Lily's disappointed face floating behind his eyelids.

"Now, I didn't say that," Dumbledore replied," As it just so happens, I helped one of my oldest friends layout the original design for the time-turner. With a little study and a bit of luck, I believe I can send you back the day after tomorrow."

"Sir-if you don't mind my asking-why the day after tomorrow?" Teddy asked.

Dumbledore smiled at Teddy conspiratorially," I imagine you have some things you need to work out before leaving." He nodded toward Remus and Tonks, and to Teddy's astonishment, winked and said," Good luck."

Teddy spent the rest of the night in a dust-filled, but cozy, armchair by the fire, trying to think of a way to approach his parents. However, he had barely started to rack his brain when the woman who would one day become his mother settled herself into the other armchair.

Her eyes were watery, but her smile was bright when she said," Wotcher, Teddy Lupin."

Teddy's answering smile was just as bright when he replied, quietly, with," Wotcher, Mum."

Teddy spent his last day with Tonks.

The two of them shared stories about being raised by Andromeda, and Tonks happily answered all of Teddy's questions about her personal life, but as the day continued, their conversations became more and more centered upon Remus.

"Your father is a good man, Teddy," his mum said," He's just afraid, I think."

"It's fine. I understand." Teddy had told his mum (and several others) the line so many times he thought he'd start believing his own lie…but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried to understand, a crushing mix of anger and disappointment always drowned out his efforts.

All his life, he'd been compared to his father. Teddy couldn't count how many times he'd been told "You're just like Remus" and "You are so like your father. He'd be proud." But for the first time in his life, those comments didn't feel like compliments.

His mother gave him a shrewd look," Teddy Remus Lupin, I think you should know your mother is not a dunce. I can tell when you're lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Bollocks," Tonks declared," You have the same lying face as Remus. Your eyebrows shoot way up and you widen your eyes to make yourself look innocent."

Teddy scowled at the comparison," I don't want to be like him. He hates me."

Tonks only shook her head," Your father doesn't hate you, but he is dead stubborn. It's not fair sometimes, trust me, but if you want to talk to Remus, you're going to have to corner him."

Teddy sighed," I shouldn't have to force my own father to talk to me."

"No," Tonks said," It's not right. Not at all, but Remus loves you, I know he does. He just never expected he'd end up with a family."

Dumbledore arrived bright and early the next day, but as the Potters gathered in the spare room, Teddy found himself walking the opposite way.

According to Tonks, Remus stayed in a small room on the second floor, so with his heart hammering in his chest, Teddy ignored Lily's protests and steeled himself for his first and only argument with his dad.

By the time he'd found the right door, Teddy's hands were shaking. The door was cracked open, and Teddy could hear the lulling tones of a seventies band that sounded vaguely familiar.

He didn't bother with knocking, but Remus heard him enter all the same.

The older man's face paled in recognition, and in a harsh whisper, he said," Teddy."

Remus made Teddy's name sound more like a muttered oath than a greeting, but Teddy ignored it," Why did you leave me?" He asked, his voice shaking with the effort to keep from screaming," If you can't bother to speak to me now, at least answer that question."

Remus nodded, still white-faced," I can't know for sure, as it hasn't happened yet, but I imagine your…mother and I never left with the intention of not coming back, Teddy. I know I haven't been the best dad to you over the last few days, but please believe me when I say I would never willingly leave you."

Teddy was surprised by the look of desperation that had fallen hauntingly over his father's face, so he forced himself to look away as he said," I needed you. Isn't that more important? You chose a war over me. I needed you."

"No," Remus said, softly," We chose a war for you. If you had to grow up in a time even darker than this…we couldn't have…" Remus's voice broke and despite himself, Teddy looked up into his father's pre-maturely aged face," I'm sorry, Teddy. You deserved the best life you could possibly have…and that's why we did what we did."

"The best life I could possibly have is with you. With my real parents." Teddy and Remus were mere inches from each other now, and Teddy couldn't help but notice that they were the same height. He and his father could see eye to eye.

"What about the Potters?" Remus asked," They…they are a good family."

"They're the best," Teddy answered," They love me and accept everything about me, but they're not you. There are parts of me, the parts of me that are parts of you and mum…that Harry and Ginny will never understand."

Silent tears were streaming down both of their faces, but Remus still managed to smile, albeit sadly," But would you have it any other way?"

Teddy couldn't speak. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him if he so much as said a word. He launched himself into his dad's arms, and to his surprise, Remus held on even tighter than he did.

They remained like that for a long time, lost and clinging to each other in away that only those who had been loved and left behind could understand.

When Teddy finally pulled away, his tears had dried, and Grimmauld Place seemed to be brighter than before. Remus was smiling…and an upbeat song was playing on his antique gramophone. Teddy could almost recognize it.

"Do you like riddles?" Teddy asked.

"Love them," Remus said, grinning," I was nearly sorted into Ravenclaw."

"Me too, but it was Gryffindor in the end," Teddy said," The hat said I was brave at heart…like my dad."

Dumbledore had told Teddy he'd be obliviating the minds of the rest of the order. He'd said it wasn't safe to know so much about the future, but that didn't stop Teddy from giving his mum and dad one last gift.

A riddle, scrawled on the back of the wrinkled parchment( that had originally been Teddy's DADA essay on Dementors) he'd found folded in his pocket:

Hogwarts 1997

Bellatrix Lestrange Antonin Dolohov

final battle

_T.R. Lupin_

A/N I'd like to thank everyone for reading (and reviewing) in advance. I hope you enjoyed the story!