If you are reading this, you are one of two groups of people. The first group are my current fanbase who are scratching their heads nad saying, 'the fuck is Samuel thinking?' Well I'd like to clarify that i ma perfectly sane at the moment and I did this on purpose. I want Gearbox (the guys who made Borderlands 1 and 2) to see this stuff so they might add some of it into Borderlands 3. I personally don't care how they add it, I just want my name in the credits, like a minor post-it or something. Believe me, I'd know if they took an idea from my stuff and the pride of that would make it completely worth it. Now I won't abandon any of my stories, so please don't worry. This is just something I really wanted on paper.

Now the second group of people have absolutely no idea who I am and just want to read a really good story, so I hate wasting your time. So go on ahead.

Side Note: The messages in bold/italics are the words you usually see during the actual game, like when you meet Nine-Toes (Also has 3 balls). I thought it would be a cool idea.

The cargo barge floating through the air that afternoon may have been mistaken for a flying scrap heap. In all fairness, it was patched and glued together from three different crafts. When you didn't have a legitimate factory, you relied on duct tape and spit in your backyard. At least, that was how the Crimson Raiders put it.

"We got ten minutes left before we hit Sanctuary" said the pilot turning to the passengers behind him. "Get ready."

The four passengers noted this with different levels of attention. All of them had various weapons on them, and they weren't your ordinary citizens.

One of them, a particularly tall and lean one, looked around. He wore faded armor that appeared to be from Dahl scraps and carried a huge mace-like weapon at his waist. "Well ladies and gents, I feel like we should get to know each other."

He pointed to himself. "I guess I'll start. Name's Baldemar. Expert inventor and technician. If it was built by someone, I can take it apart and put it back together in half the time."

Baldemar: Super Genius, Soldier, Gentleman

"Interesting" noted another man on the barge. Oddly enough, he had light lime hair that was very messy and looked like a ball of fuzz. Despite this flamboyant hair, his face and eyes were very downcast, as if he rarely slept. His eyes were a deep blue and his skin was deathly pale. He wore a skin suit that was colored completely white with touches of padding over his chest, shoulders and knees. Over his neck and arms were elegant pinstripe tattoos that were colored completely black.

"Who are you then?" asked Baldemar. "Your hair makes me…curious about you."

"Curious eh? That sounds mildly gay, but whatever. I'm Dion. I like killing things and I came here for a purpose. That's about it."

Dion: Don't Call Him Adorable

The female of the group smirked. She wore a cowgirl-like outfit, complete with a duster jacket and a black sombrero. She had a deep tan that looked beaten into her skin and had short black hair. "Figured guys like you would be so blunt. You got that look in your eyes. My name is Taika if you wanted to know."

Taika: Love is a headshot at 100 yards

She turned to the fourth person on the barge. "But I can't even see your eyes, so I don't know what to think of you."

The fourth member was covered head to toe in what looked like a biohazard suit. His face was covered partially with a gas mask that covered his lower jaw, but he also had a pair of goggles over his eyes. His skin color was a slight grey color that made him look like a corpse.

"I apologize for not showing my face" he said in a menacing bass. "It is something I cannot avoid without costs."

"Well either your body can't adjust to Pandora's atmosphere, or there's more to you than meets the eye" said Baldemar.

"There is always more" muttered the masked man. "And if you want to know, my name is Saprus."

Saprus: Touch Me I'm Sick

"Saprus eh? Nice name" responded Taika.

Something hit the side of the barge and all of them snapped to attention.

"What the hell was that?" asked Baldemar.

"Whatever it is, I hope I can shoot it" muttered Dion.

The pilot turned. "Don't be too worried. The bandits have started doing these air raids, but…"

An explosion rocked the ship and the pilot struggled for control. "Prepare to fight! I'll…"

The side of the barge ruptured the four passengers struggled for grip.

A marauder slammed into the hold, his jetpack still warm. He raised his gun, but something quickly fired back.

Dion stood tall, his hand glowing a light green. His tattoos were shining a jasmine color and his eyes were notably white.

He ran forward and grabbed the stumbling bandit. Gripping his head, he twisted it violently and sent the marauder to the floor.

He pulled out a large Jakobs pistol and loaded a single round into the downed bandit's skull. Ripping off his jetpack, he threw it onto his own back.

"Get moving shit-stains" he ordered sternly.

He turned and pressed a button on the jetpack. He flew out of the barge, his pistol still in hand.

The pilot looked out. "What the hell is he doing?"

"Helping get rid of the air raiders" explained Baldemar. He knelt down and opened up his SDU. "Well, no point in just letting him go alone."

He pulled out a similar looking jetpack, but this one looked rather professional. It appeared to be Hyperion tech, a rarity at the current time.

"Let's go" he said running out of the barge. He activated it and spun into the air, following Dion closely.

Taika grinned. "Boys will be boys I guess."

She went over to the hole and knelt down. Drawing a Maliwan sniper rifle from her SDU, she began taking crack shots at the Banshees around the barge.

Saprus looked out the hole. Indeed, they were being attacked by bandits. While Sanctuary in the distance was the primary target, they obviously were fine in attacking them as well.

"How troublesome" he muttered. "And here I thought I'd have a relaxing day."

He adjusted his gas mask. "I'm not sure how I can help them. They seem to be doing a good job as it is."

BREAK

"Wahoo!" yelled Baldemar sailing through the air, firing his Vladof assault rifle. He was being chased by a Banshee and had rockets and bullets and all sorts of shit flying around him. It felt awesome.

"I'm happier than a slut in a men's locker room!" he yelled doing a barrel roll.

He felt something breeze past him and turned. Sure enough, Dion had barely clipped him to attack the Banshee behind him.

The green-haired man slammed into the aircraft and grabbed the pilot. Looking at him coldly, he threw him from the cockpit and looked around.

"I'll just take your little plane for a moment" he said gripping the joystick.

He manipulated the Banshee up and around, smashing it into a second Banshee near it.

Dion jumped and the two aircraft exploded, covering him in flames and shrapnel.

He dive-bombed for a little while, then skyrocketed upwards.

"God I love doing shit like this" he muttered adjusting his flight pattern.

Baldemar grinned. "Having fun?!"

"You have no idea" replied the green-haired man smiling slightly. He looked like he was drowning in ecstasy, with his eyes half-lidded and a small grin on his face. He really did enjoy killing people.

Suddenly a Banshee near them exploded and began to fall. As it fell from the sky, they noted how it was rotting away. Unlike most acid that was weaponized for military use, this was an odd purple acid.

They looked and saw that Saprus had taken his right glove off, revealing his hand. It was a sickly dark purple color and looked like it was covered in scars and sores.

"That's revolting" muttered Baldemar.

"I would say the same thing, but I've got something similar on my cock before" replied Dion doing casual rolls with the jetpack.

"That's even grosser."

"I'm not sure that's a word."

They stopped when they realized that there was a huge Badass Banshee approaching them, firing everything from rockets to bullets.

"Well, let's kill this thing new best buddy" joked Dion.

"Roger that."

They flew at the thing, only to note that someone was rapidly firing sniper rounds into it. Judging by the fact that Saprus didn't have one, they assumed Taika was taking the shots.

"Just call me butter, cause I'm on a roll!" yelled Baldemar flying around the huge aircraft, firing his machine gun one-handed.

Dion was firing a Bandit shotgun in his fist, pumping it by moving his entire arm at once. Had to love the irony of that one.

"I met puddles of cum smarter than you bricks" he taunted reloading his shotgun and continuing his assault.

The Badass Banshee exploded violently and the two flying men stopped. Turning around, them saw Taika had a large grin on her face and a smoking rifle.

"Damn. She got the last shot" murmured Baldemar.

"Now I'm pissed off" said Dion. "Better find a few more things to kill later."

They flew back to the ship and landed inside. Saprus was taking a nap judging by his pose, and Taika was cleaning her sniper rifle.

Dion ripped off his stolen jetpack and threw it out the window. It spiraled uncontrollably and exploded, something he noted with delight.

"Awesome" he muttered looking at the explosion.

Baldemar slid his jetpack into his SDU and sat down. "Well, I think that's a decent way to start off our introduction. We protected Sanctuary from a little attack."

"Not really" replied the pilot. "That was a tenth of the attack force. But you did help out. Saved my ass anyway. Appreciate it."

Taika nodded. "Always willing to help."

"There was murder involved. I was more than happy to go along with the idea" said Dion sitting down.

The pilot resumed flying the aircraft, but he did have a small smile on his face. "You must be some Vault Hunters eh? Only real badasses fight like that."

"I guess you could say that" murmured Saprus without moving. "I did come here to find some of the Vaults."

"It's the biggest money I can make, so that's why I'm doing it" said Taika leaning on the side of the barge.

"There's cool shit in the Vaults I want" stated Baldemar. "technology we have never seen, and it could be worth so much money. I can't wait."

"Personal reasons" muttered Dion.

The pilot nodded. "You'll definitely get along with Lilith then. She could use guys like you in the Raiders."