Epilogue II: To Lie About Cake. (Or, Winter Is Coming)

In which Tulkas makes trouble. But it's sort of accidental, really.

Given the results imprisoning a Vala had had before, it was no wonder that the whole of Valinor had braced itself for the day Tulkas would be freed from Mandos… Yet, when the day came it passed without any notable occurrences, to everyone's surprise. And as more time passed without any trouble from the Vala of War, the other Valar dared to relax. Maybe Tulkas had really learned his lesson this time…

Finally free, Tulkas honestly tried to be on his best behaviour. That decade in Melkor's cell wouldn't be lightly forgotten, and he really didn't want to end up there again, ever. So for a while he celebrated his freedom in relatively harmless ways; by running through the woods and rolling in the hay with his wife, by hunting, holding feasts and getting incredibly drunk with Oromë, and by generally avoiding all the other Valar, especially Namo. There certainly was no lack of good will on Tulkas' part. In retrospect, there probably was a little too much good will…

It is fairly difficult to avoid each other when you are as closely related as the Valar are. And although Tulkas had so far succeeded pretty well in not seeing anyone other than Nessa, Vana and Oromë, the day came that he visited his best friend while Vana was having her sister over. The two Valier sat on the patio with tea and cake, and smiled amiably when the Vala of War passed them.

"Ah, Tulkas! Long time no see!"

"Oh, err… Yavanna. Hi. How are you?"

Yavanna had long forgiven Tulkas for his stint in Mandos; she wasn't prone to keeping grudges –life with Aulë would be impossible if she were- and even though it had never been mentioned she realized that she had helped wreck the Halls as well. Hence why she cheerfully offered the blonde warrior a cup of tea and a thin slice of cake.

"I'm fine! Here, have a cup. It's a new blend that I'm working on together with Vana. What do you think?"

Vana looked at the Vala of War holding the fragile porcelain cup in his large hands, and had to suppress a giggle. Being tall and extremely muscled, Tulkas looked ridiculously out of proportion at their patio table, and the fact that he daintily sipped from the cup and tried very hard to look less large and imposing than he was didn't really help with that. He effectively looked about as comfortable as Ulmo in a desert… Another chuckle threatened to escape her mouth, so she quickly took a bite from her cake to mask it. Maybe it was the cake, she thought. She always got a little giggly from her sister's baking…

"It is…" Tulkas halted to swallow his cake "Very good, Yavanna. And so is the cake. Great cake. What's in it?"

The cake Yavanna had brought was one of Aiwendil, but the Valie didn't worry about it. It was a very "mildly spiced" cake, as it was meant for her sister, and the effect of such a tiny slice on someone of Tulkas' size was hardly noticeable anyway. She smiled at the Vala.

"One of my Maiar baked it. Aiwendil, maybe you know him?"

"He is one of the former Istari, no?"

"Yes, and he brought some very interesting and tasty plants with him from Middle Earth when he returned. He bakes the best cake in Valinor!"

"I can't say I have a lot of material for comparison, but this cake is indeed very good. Mind if I have another slice?"

"Oh, not at all! Have at it! You know, you should place an order with him once. Just say I sent you and he'll make you something very special!"

...

After three slices of cake, Tulkas found himself in an oddly philosophical mood, and when his thoughts turned to his recent imprisonment he quietly decided it was a good thing that his family was so kind and forgiving. He had really behaved quite badly in Mandos… Now he thought about it, he was grateful that he hadn't gone through with his plan to hold a large party on Taniquetil without asking Manwë. He really loved snow, but messing up someone's house right after being imprisoned for doing exactly that… well, even he could see that wasn't the smartest idea. At least, he could now, for some reason.

Tulkas took another slice of cake, and mused that it could have all turned out much worse for him. The Vala suddenly realized that, considering the crimes each of them had committed, ten years for him was like three ages for Morgoth. Manwë loved his family, and therefor the Elder King had judged him kinder than his deeds required. He had actually deserved a much harsher punishment… He should really thank Manwë someday...

When Oromë finally returned from his round in the woods and found his best friend at his wife's tea table, he immediately saw something was amiss. Tulkas, always-happy Tulkas, wasn't smiling. Actually he looked so dead serious that it was downright scary. The women were in deep conversation about flowers, and Tulkas was just staring pensively into his cup of tea. The Great Hunter didn't know how fast he had to "save" his friend from the women who were obviously doing something unhealthy to him. Back in the woods, he carefully asked,

"Tulkas, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sure…"

The Vala still looked a bit off…

"You don't look okay… What was in that tea?"

"I don't know, Yavanna gave me a list of all ingredients but I forgot. The cake was tasty, though."

"Cake? You should never, ever eat stuff Yavanna makes. The tea is okay, but stay away from the food. I know it seems strange, but her cooking is dangerous. Like really."

"She didn't make it, one of her Maiar did."

"Still."

"But it was tasty! I'm sure nothing was wrong with it. Besides, no bad cooking can beat Manwë's flaming soufflé incident."

"Oh right, that was bad indeed. I've heard the ceiling is still black in their small dining room."

Tulkas was grinning again, and so Oromë forgot about the cake, and the thing he had wanted to say about Yavanna's cooking. Ah well, it wasn't as if he really needed to remind Tulkas of that shameful time when he had eaten lunch at Yavanna's and spent the rest of the day being chased by angry purple unicorns…

And so it happened that Tulkas never heard which role a certain Aiwendil's mushroom soup had played in that whole event. There is no way to tell what he would have done if he had known, but fact is that he didn't have the slightest suspicion when he sought out that particular Maia for a special request…

...

"We have talked about this. Eonwë and Ilmarë will take care of everything, and you don't have to do anything you wouldn't normally do. Just… do what you always do. I don't know. Nothing unusual. No surprises."

"Varda my dear, it'll be fine, I promise. Just go now."

"Don't try to cook, or clean, or repair something, or…"

"Varda, I get it. Just go enjoy your time with Irmo and Estë. It's been ages since you last went to their gardens and I know you love it there. Just relax, everything will be perfectly fine here."

Varda sighed and looked despairingly at her husband. She loved him with the whole of her being, but it couldn't be denied that the Elder King was a total klutz in all matters practical. And that wasn't a problem when she was around, but somehow every time she left their halls she came home to a complete disaster. And usually said disaster was a well-meant surprise attempt gone wrong.

"No surprises, Manawenûz. Not even if you think I would really like it. Promise me."

Manwë sent her an endearing smile.

"I promise. No surprises. Everything will be exactly as you left it here."

"Okay then. I'll be back soon." She kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too… have fun and greet Irmo from me, okay?"

"I will. Bye!"

And then she was gone. Manwë stared at the empty spot a little indecisively, and then decided to go talk to his eagles. Nothing could go wrong with that, right? Not to mention that they always had the best gossip…

...

"My Lord, a package arrived for you."

"Oh?"

Eonwë was holding a large white-frosted cake in front of him and added unnecessarily,

"It appears to be a cake."

"I… Yes, I... I can see that…"

Manwë had been in light reverie, overthinking matters of great spiritual importance, and suddenly being woken from that state always left him a little fuzzy and confused. He stared non-comprehending at the cake that Eonwë so invitingly presented before him. He liked cake. When had he last had cake? He frowned. Varda should not see this cake; she would think he had tried to surprise her while he had explicitly promised not to. The cake had to go, preferably back to where it came from. But where did it come from?

"Err… Eonwë, where did this cake come from?"

"I don't know; there was no message attached and it was delivered by birds. Not the eagles, just birds from the woods." The Maia hesitated. "It might be a present from Yavanna."

That complicated matters. He could of course get rid of it, but… if Yavanna then asked what he thought of her cake, he would have to lie. And he was terrible at lying. She would see through him right away. And in any case, it was really bad manners to throw a cake away. The Elder King pensively looked at the offending piece of bakery. He really liked cake. And it had been a long while since he last had any. Hmm, now he thought about it, he knew the perfect way to make it disappear. With a nod he dismissed his herald.

"Leave it here. I will take care of it."

Eonwë placed the cake on the table and left with a little bow. After he was gone, Manwë broke off a piece, too full of anticipation to get cutlery. The strange herbal scent confirmed to him where the cake came from… Manwë stuck the piece in his mouth and smiled. He had completely forgotten what a great cook Yavanna was… Why did he and Varda never have dinner at her place anymore? This cake was absolutely delicious! "Making it disappear" would be less of a task than he had thought…

...

Visiting Irmo's gardens was always a pleasure; sleeping in, listening to the birds, having pleasant conversations with Estë, drinking light wine and enjoying bite-sized delicacies… Varda sighed contentedly. Irmo was a gracious host and Estë one of her dearest friends, and it was a pity that she couldn't visit them more often. Maybe if this all went well…

"So, what's on your mind? You look incredibly pensive, my dear."

Irmo smiled at her and Varda sighed again, less contentedly now.

"Manwë. I'm worried about him."

"He has successfully ruled Valinor for thousands of years now, you would think he can survive being on his own for a little while, no?"

Varda laughed.

"Oh yes, you would think that indeed."

"But?"

"Should I remind you of the time he thought having it rain inside was an efficient cleaning method?"

Estë, who was more informed about Manwë's household adventures, chuckled.

"Not to mention his attempts at cooking."

Varda smiled.

"Oh yes, I will never forget his salad with fried pumpkin pieces."

Irmo frowned.

"That… doesn't immediately sound like a disaster?"

Varda dryly added.

"He used a decorative pumpkin. He also somehow managed to set it on fire."

"Oh."

"Indeed, that was my response as well when I got home."

Estë patted the Star Queen on the back.

"Don't worry, I'm sure everything will be all right this time. You have taken care of everything, there is nothing he could do wrong this time, not even accidentally."

Varda smiled at her friend.

"I hope you are right…"

The overstressed Valie leant back in her chair and looked at the sky. It was a lovely day, she was with friends, and nothing, absolutely nothing would happen to Manwë. She should just relax. Having that settled, Varda smiled. With a sigh she allowed her eyes to unfocus in pleasant reverie...

...

Varda woke up when something wet touched her face.

She blinked a couple times, not entirely understanding what she was seeing. The blue sky she had enjoyed -what seemed like- just moments before… was white. Snow-white to be precise, and tiny cold flakes were falling from the sky, covering the gardens around her with a thin layer of pristine white. Oh Eru.

"Irmo? Estë?"

The Healer of Hurts appeared right when she called, a sorrowful look on her face. She bit her lip when she saw the Star Queen's questioning look.

"I jinxed it, didn't I?"

Varda sent her a despairing glance and motioned around her to the elegantly dropping snowflakes.

"Please tell me this is all there is to is."

"I… I'm sorry."

"What else? Oh Eru, what else?"

"Please stay calm Varda, it's not as bad as it looks!"

"What. Else. Estë?"

"Err… It's snowing sort of everywhere, for as far as I have seen… But I'm sure it's not much worse than this…"

That was the moment when Irmo appeared and hurriedly interrupted his wife's hesitant explanation.

"The sea is freezing, Estë! I was just in Alqualondë and if it continues like this they can walk by foot to Tol Eressëa by tomorrow! Their boats are already stuck in the ice! Not to mention the enormous snowstorm over Tirion. You know things are serious when you have at least thirty Teleri and Noldor in the same room and all they talk about is the weather."

Varda's mouth dropped open in appalled astonishment.

"Oh Eru Almighty… I have to go…"

...

"MANAWENÛZ!"

Varda had to wade through snow that came up to her thighs by the time she reached the halls on Taniquetil. A quick overview of the damage on her way there had told her enough. She couldn't for the life of her imagine what had gotten into her husband this time, but it was bad. Real bad. There was heavy snowfall all over Aman, going from light snowing over the Gardens of Lorien to a true snowstorm over Tirion, the temperatures in the Pastures had dropped so low that Yavanna had obliged her husband to shelter as much animals as he could in his mansions –which meant as much as THERE WERE RABBITS IN HIS FORGE- and in Alqualondë the Teleri –plus quite a few "climate fugitives" from Tirion- could only watch how the sea froze over. All in all it was a climatological disaster, and even if she managed to stop her husband now there would still be a winter that no one was prepared for… Varda tried to keep the despair for a later time. To stop him she first had to find him. She reached out with her mind and probed for Manwë's presence, eventually locating him in the yard. She heard him before she saw him...

"Snooooooooow!"

Oh no. It had been bad enough when Mandos lost his mind, why did this madness also have to hit her husband? Manwë was lying in the snow, happily waving at Varda.

"Hiiiiiiii Varda! Look, snow!"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?"

"It's SNOW! Isn't it wonderful? Snow everywhere!"

Varda pulled her grinning husband up and literally dragged him inside, as it seemed that he wasn't entirely capable of standing straight anymore. Inside she dried him up and looked him in the eyes, touching his mind with her own.

"Manwë dear, what have you done?"

He looked at her with wide eyes and a somewhat silly smile.

"It's so sad that no one has snow but us. So I made snow for everyone, isn't that nice of me?" He wiggled his feet and childishly said. "Snow is nice. I like snow."

His mind felt uncontrolled and very strange. He had definitely done something he shouldn't have, Varda decided.

"I will ask you again, Manwë. What have you done?"

"Don't you like snow? I like snow. And cake. Cake is nice too."

"Cake? What cake?"

Suddenly his eyes widened.

"Oh, no cake, no, there was no cake. Absolutely no cake. And I certainly did not eat all of it."

Varda knew enough. She rolled her eyes.

"Of course you didn't."

"Don't you like the snow? Are you mad at me?"

Manwë really sounded like a punished child now... Varda sighed and pulled him close, softly caressing his hair.

"I'm not mad at you now, my love. I'm saving that for when you're sober. Now, you are tired, aren't you?"

He nodded and curled against her.

"Sleepy."

"You should sleep then. Come, I'll put you in bed."

She thought the two of them to their bedroom and tucked her husband in. He dreamily smiled at her.

"I love you very much, Varda. I love you all the snowflakes in the world!"

Sighing, Varda nodded.

"That is indeed a lot of snowflakes, at the moment."

Manwë didn't answer her anymore; he had already fallen asleep with a blissful expression on his face. In the privacy of the room, Varda facepalmed.

"I had no idea what I was getting into when I said yes to you." She looked at him and her expression softened. With a melancholic smile she added, "But I would do it again right away." She pressed a kiss on his lips and whispered. "I too love you very much, Manwë. I love you all the stars in the sky."

...

In the woods of Oromë, the snow had taken two friends by surprise. They were now having roast boar over a campfire in the snow, and the Great Hunter eyed his best friend suspiciously. Tulkas frowned.

"Why are you giving me that look?"

"What look?"

"You know, the "What Have You Done Now, You Idiot"-look."

The Vala of War grinned and bit in a piece of juicy meat, and Oromë questioningly raised an eyebrow.

"So you have nothing, nothing at all, to do with this snow?"

"Of course not. How should I have done that? I'm not in the weather business here, as you know."

"I don't know. I have learned not to underestimate you."

"Nah. I am innocent, completely innocent. You know, I think it's a thank you gift from Manwë."

"Oh?"

"You know that I love snow, right? Well, maybe he was so happy with this cake I sent him that he decided to send some snow my way."

"I doubt it… wait, you sent him a cake?"

But Tulkas had already gotten distracted by other things, namely by in how many ways he could stuff snow in Oromë's armour, and as the two friends were soon wrestling on the forest floor, the question went unanswered…

(Author's Apologies)

The long-awaited very last chapter of this story. Tulkas comes free and makes trouble, even though we can't really say that it's his fault, this time.

Also, Aiwendil/Radagast's cake makes all the Valar ridiculously childish and prone to bad decisions, all except for Tulkas, who gets really mature and philosophical from it. Wonder why that is... xD

Who else thinks High!Manwë is adorable? Even Varda thinks he's cute and she is actually really angry with him. Even though he couldn't help it. Like, it was all a big misunderstanding. Really! And it's bad manners to throw a cake away! (let's not talk about eating a whole cake with your hands, that is totally acceptable. xD)

Now, I want you to imagine all the epic snowball fights that will occur as soon as the storms die down. Oh, and the ice-skating elves. And Tulkas randomly jumping on people (read, Oromë) to push them in the snow. Think of all the awesomeness of winter, and combine it with elves and Ainur. See my point? Valinor needed winter to come. (Even though Ulmo is going to be REALLY pissed about the frozen sea thing.)

PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE?!

I loved writing this story. It was awesome, and I loved the response I got on it. A single review can make my day! This is the end of Involuntary Admission; I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it! Also, if you have questions, I always try to answer them as good as I can!

All my love to my reviewers. And all my apologies to the Valar. xD