'Where am I?'

The realization that I can't feel sets in slowly; slower than it should. It seems like my fingers should be twitching right now, but they won't.

In fact nothing seems to be moving.

I can feel my heart drumming; or maybe it is my blood pounding in my head.

I try to open my eyes but find they are heavy. It feels suffocating... As if I'm pressed in a narrow, dark cave.

'Where is this?'

A sudden burst of heat seems to jolt my body, but I still can't move. What was that? Screaming? The titans must be here.

'Come on, wake up.'

My heavy limbs won't cooperate and I'm sure I would have had a headache if I wasn't wherever I am.

Another jolt. A shake. Heat, and cold on my chest.

'Dammit move!'

One last effort makes me shudder then what feels like flopping back to the solid beneath my back. Why the hell couldn't I move?

"Oh God."

My lip might have twitched when I heard that. A hand touched my face. It caressed and spread warmth in my body.

"Oh. Oh God. Does Eren-"

"Irvin!"

Yes, Irvin will be able to wake me up. Get him here.

"Guys have you seen Levi?'

That voice.

Of course it is him. He can't get through his head to use my proper title.

"Eren, you don't-"

"What's going on here?"

I swear I can feel Zoe's tense stance. Footsteps and scuffling; someone had been shoved.

"Eren,"

Oh how I wished I could kick him right now. He had been so incredibly stupid earlier-

"Le...vi?"

Yes, idiot.

Warmth surrounds my shoulder and a breath is on my face. A hand is touching my cheek lightly and shaking with hesitation. This wasn't like Eren at all.

People are talking and rushed movement is all around me. Someone pulls at the boy touching me but he rips free and lunges back to clasp once again.

I can tell they are trying to reason with him. (But why?) Finally he growls lowly and snaps back at them. Zoe clears her throat and shoos whoever else is near away.

The touch warms my skin. Eren has always had a habit of doing that. It seemed like... No matter how dark I began to sink, he was there. When I couldn't bring myself to rise from bed for fear of sending another comrade to their death. When I had horrible dreams and woke shaking. He was there.

"Levi?" His voice was barely a whimper. A fearful puppy.

"Levi, get up. Open your eyes please..."

Don't you think I'm trying, idiot?

More shouts and loud footsteps; someone almost trips as they run behind my head. I hear him gasp but then is moved along by his officer.

Eren's hand is cool to the touch and yet it makes me feel warmth spreading through me as he runs down my arm, then up my chest and lays at my neck. I can feel his forehead against mine.

"You're the strongest of us all. How are we supossed to fight without you?" His voice is cracking.

Wait...

I try to ask him what is going on but my lips don't want to listen. This is the first time I realize that my heart is abnormally slow, and that must be why I feel so cold. My lungs seem to be incapable of completely filling, for my breaths are short and slow.

Eren...

What is going on?

His breath breaks into sobs and he tries to say some things that I can't make out. His tears are hot on my face where they land, and I cringe at how gross I must be to feel them smearing the dirt on my face.

"Levi, please..." He breathes.

Something is steadying my body, and it seems to have given me ability to move somewhat. I force my eyes open; cringing at the beautiful sunset above me. Smoke and shouts are all around, so it must be a titan attack. There is the smell of a dead one that makes me gag. These idiots better get those cleaned soon.

And then my eyes land on Eren.

God he looks awful.

But the spark that suddenly lights his eyes makes what's left of my heart jump.

"Levi!" He sounds surprised. What the hell? He leans back down to me and carefully runs his hands all over my face and through my hair. Ew. Now I've got titan blood all over me. Thanks, brat.

I try to make words again but I guess that wasn't on the agenda. Eren shuts his eyes and sobs over me with incoherent strings of affectionate promises and reminders that he loves me. It wasn't like I had ever said it before anyway (what the hell do I know about loving someone or not?) but the torn feeling in his words made my chest ache. Maybe I should have told him that I had no idea how I felt about him. Maybe I should have said that teasing was the only way I knew how to distance from people so I'm not hurt when they die. Maybe I should have told him about that time I saw him spinning in that old building late at night; smiling and singing.

Maybe I should have said that I wanted to live through all this. With him.

Somewhere in me I knew it to be true. How stubborn do I have to be to have hidden that kind of thing? God I'm an idiot.

Eren is staring at me with loving eyes and I can't help but meet them. He looks lost and lonely and frightened. I can't understand why.

"Levi." He starts again slowly. "I.. I do love you. I know you probably... Don't, really,"

No.. That isn't true.

"But I want you to know that I will fight so you can rest."

Rest? That's cute. I never get breaks in this damn place.

Unless...

"Okay? So rest, and I will defeat them all. I will keep everyone safe.." His voice broke again and he had to bite his lip for a few seconds. "For you. I just wish.."

A heavy feeling had settled on my body and now I began to gasp for air. Gasp to stay above, in the light. Gasping to stay with Eren.

He clutched at me tighter and pulled me gently to cradle in his arms and lap. The angle let me see my body and where I had been laying.

Oh.

"Levi.."

It took me awhile to realize he was kissing me lightly. Just one; on the lips. But it was enough.

I knew what was happening now.

Tears formed in my eyes and I had no energy to stop them. How was I supossed to avenge all my friends if this happened? How was I supossed to keep Irvin thinking realistic?

How was I supossed to explain to Eren all these secrets I had?

Shit.

My fists would have clenched, but then if I had been able to there would have been no need for it. Instead I just let myself cry while Eren cried onto me as well. His smell was comforting and his presence made me feel extremely safe. I wish I had realized sooner.

Eren, what do you wish?

I could feel it coming and gave all I could. My hand went up to grab Eren by the shoulder limply; making him pull back just enough to meet my eyes.

"Eren.." I said slowly. My breath was running out. "Please.. Don't let anyone.. Else die." He gulped and nodded and pulled me closer. I felt him inhaling my hair. "Promise."

"I promise Levi."

I took my own weak gulp. It was almost here.

"Eren, please...remember. I do..." I had never said this. It stuck in my throat like a rock that forced tears down my face again. "I do lo..ve, you. And I'm..sorry."

His eyes went wide and as happy as they were sad. I managed a small smile at him. Eren pulled me even closer and sat there with his head in my shoulder, as I felt my whole life seem to slip out. My lungs weren't taking in air and my heart was barely thumping anymore. My fingers were cold and my legs were numb like I had frozen in an iceberg.

Nope.

Instead, I lay among my friends, as they fought to survive. My survival had already been decided when I stopped to protect this brat. I guess that's what I get for falling in love.

At least I got to see Eren...one more...