AN: I wrote this today…it was fun to write, but I feel that the Joker was VERY OOC. I just hate making him SUPER abusive towards Harley, because I feel like he really DOES care for her, even if he doesn't show it as much in the comics, games, movies, or shows. I hate it when he beats her :/ But anyways, that being said, this is fluffy. Keep that in mind. But in spite of that, I hope you all enjoy it!(:

"Puddin'?" Harley called from the pair's large, spacious bedroom. She sat on their king-sized bed and was brushing out her thick, long blonde locks while humming a random song. When she received no response, she shouted her pet name for him again.

"What do you want?" He irritably replied, his stark white face appearing around the doorframe.

She tipped her head to the side, a small smile appearing. "Well…I was just wondering…"

"Wondering what, Harl?" A sigh escaped him. "I have better things to do than listen to you mumble incoherent nonsense."

"Can we have a date night?" The tiny henchwoman blurted out. She widened her baby blue eyes innocently.

The Joker sighed for a second time, then strode over to where she was, taking a seat beside her on the purple silk sheets. He grabbed his girlfriend's brush and swiftly smacked her over the head with it, prompting an "ouch!".

"What'd ya do that for?" She pouted, rubbing the sore spot.

"Because you're asking stupid questions." Was his short response.

Harley glanced sideways at him. "You need to relax, Mistah J. All you do is work, no play." She climbed behind him and began to massage his shoulders. "A date night is perfect for that."

He immediately shoved her onto the ground, and snarled at her angrily. "Shut. Up." He growled in his deep voice. His glare pierced her sharply and she shrunk into the rough carpet, curling up like a small animal. She had learned to anticipate his intense mood swings, but despite that, she often would push him. It was part of their relationship. Push, pull. See who would win. Well, he always won, but her effort was commendable to say the least.

"I don't want to." He sounded childish now.

The madman's former shrink stayed on the ground, only sitting up to cross her legs. "It will be fun. We could hit people on the way there, hold up the restaurant, kill the owner and other customers." She waited as he mulled it over. "What do you say?"

"Interesting preposition, Harley…"

She waited.

"It'll be nice to terrorize the citizens of Gotham…"

She waited.

"Okaaayyy."

She started jumping up in the air, whooping and hollering as she dove onto the bed, wrapping the Joker in a tight embrace. "Oh, Mistah J, you're the best! I'm so excited! I'm gonna go start getting ready! I gotta look perfect for my Puddin'!"

He shook her off, rolling his emerald eyes. "Don't bother me until you're done or you're staying at home while I go out."

She nodded fervently. "You got it, Mistah J. You won't even know I'm here." She sprinted to the bathroom, and he heard the shower turn on.

"If only." He muttered, and retreated to his office to create more plans to capture the Bat.

xxx

Harley finished curling her golden locks, then stepped back to admire her handiwork. She had styled her hair so it twisted and fell down past her shoulder blades. It was smooth and she was sure her crazy boyfriend would love it.

She only had on her red silk robe that she had gotten from Mistah J after a heist. She was waiting to put on the dress last. Now it was time to do makeup.

After thinking it over for a long time, she had decided against the usual heavy, white greasepaint that was far from convenient. It often itched and it was a bitch to take off. Today would be more natural.

With that in mind, she did apply some heavy eye makeup and painted her lips bloodred. Her Puddin' adored the color red on her.

The blonde crept over to the walk-in closet, making sure the Joker was nowhere to be seen. She wanted to surprise him. She had been saving the dress for a special occasion.

xxx

"Mistah J?" She called gently, her Brooklyn accent lilting. The Joker huffed impatiently and got up from his desk. When he reached the bedroom door and caught sight of his little harlequin, his eyes narrowed appreciatively and he looked her up and down, a wicked smile curling onto his scarlet lips.

She was wearing a tiny red dress that left little to the imagination, hugging her curves deliciously. It had no straps, clinging to her breasts tightly. The pumps matched, raising her height a few inches and accentuating her long, lovely legs. She wore no jewelry. Her sapphire eyes were framed by luscious lashes, which fluttered at him seductively.

"Like what you see, Puddin'?"

He growled for the second time that day, rushing up to her and smoothly pinning her to the bed, pushing himself between her legs. She laughed softly and scolded him. "No, no, not right now. That's later." She winked and kissed his prominent nose. He stuck his tongue out, slithering out of his position between her legs.

"I'll hold you to it, babydoll."

He stuck out his arm as she got up. He chuckled when he realized she was still about a foot shorter than him.

"Ready for a night on the town, Harls?"

xxx

After hitting twelve people with their purple automobile on the way, the Joker and Harley Quinn arrived at the most glamorous restaurant in all of Gotham. It was known for being the most expensive as well. The pair walked in casually, followed by a dozen or so henchmen. As soon as the Joker walked in, a hush fell over the customers and servers and he could almost smell their alarm. He beamed at them all and quickly began shouting commands.

"Curly, get five others- Secure the restaurant. I want everyone to stay. Larry and Ace- Grab the missus and I a table."

Beside him, Harley was nearly falling over with happiness, giving her cute little squeaks at random intervals. He smirked at her and wrapped a hand around her small waist possessively, glaring at anyone who dared look her way. The Clown Prince of Crime knew that in spite of their fear, all of the men in the room were jealous he had such a gorgeous girl so devoted to him. The thought made his evil smile grow into a maniacal grin.

He escorted her to the tiny table that the two henchies had set up, while waving his hand in the air. "Oy! Would it kill ya to get off your asses and work? Sheesh! Customer service is going to the blazes…" Immediately, a few servers rushed to where they sat, and one placed two menus in front of them.

"Anything to drink, sir?" A short waiter asked timidly.

"Bottle of your most expensive red wine, puh-leaseee." He looked to Harley. "That alright, m'dear?" She nodded enthusiastically.

"I'll be right back, sir." He practically ran to get the wine.

"You do that." The pair scanned their menus. Harley kept shoving it in his face and asking what something was and how to pronounce something else. Eventually he swatted it back at her. "Jesus, Harl, stop bothering me! I thought we were supposed to be relaxing." The Joker then remembered all of the people he was keeping hostage. They were still terrified.

"I'm ready to order!" He shouted. Once again, they were surrounded by men. To no one in particular, he started to dictate his food requests. "I want a steak- medium, of course- with mashed potatoes. No gravy. No skins. It has to be completely smooth with a pat of butter on top. No added salt." The waiters scrambled to write it all down. "I want sweet barbeque sauce for the steak. No vegetables, except for the potatoes. I also want a crab cake, but it can't just all be fried…stuff. It has to have actual crab meat. I want a lobster. Don't take it apart. I want to do that myself." He thought for a moment. "I want fried calamari for an appetizer. Not too rubbery. If I think of anything else, I'll holler. Or kill someone." He laughed at the expressions seen around the room. "Keep you on your toes. Harl?"

"I want an ice cream sundae with a whole buncha cherries on the side. Mistah J likes 'em." She threw a dazzling smile at her psychotic boyfriend. "Lotsa hot fudge, too. Do ya have birthday cake flavored ice cream?"

A thin, reedy boy with acne stuttered. "Um…I'm sorry, Miss, but we don't-"

"Well go get some!" She yelled in his pock-marked face, eliciting a chuckle from the Joker.

"Baby, you're so cute when you yell." He told her. "Ugh. I'm so damn hungry!" He shrieked, slamming a fist into the table, causing everyone to tremble. The chefs in the kitchen hastened their work.

xxx

One hour and twelve dead customers later, the Joker and his infamous henchwench were finishing their main courses. The Joker kept getting distracted and would try and go do something else, until Harley was able to drag him back to their candlelit table. He managed not to get angry each time. They were sharing their food and sending flirty looks at each other. He had ordered several other items, making the demands more and more complicated each time. To Harley's relief, someone had gone out (accompanied by Joe) to get her the ice cream she'd wanted.

"Mistah J," She began, reaching across the table to put her hand on top of his. "I just wanted to say thank you. This has been one of the best days of my life." Her smile made her soft features glow. Her bright blue eyes gazed into his emerald ones with adoration. "I love you so much."

For once, he didn't have that smug smirk on his bone white face. He looked…serious. "Oh, Harley." His head tipped to the side and he seemed puzzled. "But what are some of the other best days?"

"Wellll…" She stopped, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "There was the day I first met you. The day I broke you out- which was the day, we, yanno-"

"I get it, I get it!" He interrupted, laughing again. But when he heard someone mutter, "Freaks." he whipped around to find the source. It was a thicker woman wearing a suit. He promptly pulled out a sleek looking gun and shot her, then turned back to his lover. "Sorry, Pooh."

Harley sighed. "What's wrong with all of you?" She shouted standing up instantly, hands on her hips. "Why is it so hard ta let me spend some time with Mistah J?" Then she took out her gun and started shooting anything in sight. The screams began, then the moaning of people just barely alive.

"Harley, Harley!" The Joker captured her wrist in his grasp. "Wait a sec! I want to kill some folks, too!"

The clowns left the restaurant hand in hand and bathed in blood.

AN: What'd you think? The ending was pretty bad, but I was just running out of ammo and heck, I am REALLY tired right now. You're probably going "Omg, WAY too fluffy and OOC!" Well, sorry. I warned you! But I think that it wasn't too terrible. I'm just practicing writing. With our two favorite clowns, of course.

I'm done. I'm going off to play Harley Quinn's Revenge on Xbox. Can't wait333 (even though her new get-up is hideous, if I do say so myself).

Oh yeah, don't forget to REVIEW, now that you've finished. Constructive criticism appreciated, but hate and flaming is NOT. I want honest opinions.

Until next time,

Mrs. Volterra