Note: This is a HijiKagu fanfic. Don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that :)

Their age are just like from the series. No timeskip happened.

Please enjoy.

Chapter 1: Screw arranged marriages

Hijikata Toushirou, the demon vice-commander of Shinsengumi is now clearly irritated and disgusted. He has no idea how the hell did this happen to him.

Taking a singe stick of cigarette from the pack to smoke, he said "What's the meaning of this, pops?" Clearly, there's an irritation in his voice. However, Matsudaira pays no attention to his question. He just continued on what he's talking about. "So that's it, Toushi. I'm counting on you."

Taking the cigarette out from his mouth "I see... my ass! What the hell was that? The readers didn't understand a thing?! Repeat it, repeat it." He exclaimed.

"What I'm talking about is, you will marry this Princess Bubbles of Orangutan Planet" Matsudaira handed a folder containing a picture of Princess Bubbles.

"Why the hell do I have to marry that Gorilla? And also, wasn't this gorilla was once already arranged to marry Kondo-san?"

"As you see, Toushi. After that incident, she went through alot of diet! She shaved all her hair in her body. She's now a beautiful woman inside and out!" Matsudaira exclaimed.

Taking a look at the picture inside the folder, Hijikata froze in shock. His cigarette fell from his mouth and dropped on to the wooden floor. "Beautiful women my ass! She doesn't changed one bit! She's still a gorilla!"

"Please, toushi. The fate of human race in your hands. This is to make up what happened last time with Kondo."

"Just ask Sougo to marry her, I don't have time to deal with this crap." Hijkata said and get up from his position.

"Toushi, you can't decline this one. The bakufu has already decided. There are some ways to avoid this though"

"What did you say, pops?" Hijikata asked

"I said that there is way to avoid this wedding of yours."

Hijikata strolled around the Kabukicho to lighten his mood but every minute he remember the marriage and the gorilla, he was getting pissed and pissed. He remembered what Matsudaira said.

Flashback:

"Toushi, you can't decline this one. The bakufu has already decided. There is a one way to avoid this though"

"What did you say, pops?" Hijikata asked

"I said that there is only one way to avoid this wedding of yours."

"Then what is that?" He nervously asked.

"Convincing your girlfriend to marry you or you can just ask any girl you know to act as your girlfriend and marry you to prevent this calamity. Neither I don't want that gorilla to be you wife. That's all. See ya, Toushi."

End of flashback

"That old man knows better that I don't have girlfriend to begin with, neither a girl I know." Hijikata just sighed.

"No, wait. There's one" he stopped and hurriedly ran to the yorozuya trio.

In the yorozuya~

"Uhm, what can we do for you?" Shinpachi asked nervously while offering a tea to the demon vice-commander who's just spacing out.

"Oi! The hell is that guy doing here? Did his soul get consumed again by Tosshi?! Or maybe they come to arrest you Kagura from being an illegal immigrant?!" Gintoki whispered to Kagura.

"What are you talking about Gin-chan? They would never do that. I'm a good city girl. Or maybe he come to arrest you from being a former big-time Jouishishi" Kagura replied.

"That's impossible! I'm just a normal model citizen right now!" Gintoki defended.

"What part of you is a model citizen?!"

"What did you say?!"

"You want a fight?!" Then Kagura and Gintoki started their daily routine, fighting over stupid things.

"Stop it you two." Shinpachi interrupted. "It's rude fighting in front of our customer"

"Che. I got it, I got it. So, what do you need, Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki asked. But Hijikata just kept quiet. He was still spacing out. "Oi, is that guy okay?" Gintoki added.

"Don't tell me... his soul was being consumed again?" Shinpachi nervously asked. The yorozuya trio just stare at the policeman who's just spacing out with lifeless eyes. "Gin-chan, did mayo become a zombie?" Kagura asked.

"Yes, Kagura. We can't save him anymore. After all, we don't have the antidote for T-virus. Maybe the reason he came here is to let us finish him. He don't want the Shinsengumi to dirty their hands. Such a great Vice-commander" Gintoki said in a very serious tone while whipping tears using a handkerchief.

"What the hell are you talking about, Gin-san?! Shinpachi exclaimed. "Maybe he's just depressed."

"About what? Not getting his regular calorie and nicotine intake?" Gintoki asked then took a sip from his beloved strawberry milk. "Calcium is what people really need. Look at me? I'm always strong!"

"We're getting out of nowhere, Gin-san."

"I'll try to bring him back from reality!" Kagura claimed. She walked towards the lifeless vice-commander and started tapping his face. "Oi, oi, you still alive?" She asked with a mocking tone, still tapping his face.

"Uhm, Kagura-chan. I think it's not a good idea. He might be in a bad mood."

Kagura, ignoring Shinpachi's warning, still continued on tapping Hijikata's face. Her taps are getting harder and harder every tap. Until someone grabs her wrist and brought her face closer to his.

"Oi, china-girl. Would you be my wife?" Hijikata asked with calm expression on his face like there's nothing wrong about it. However, a very hard slap from Kagura was the only respond that he almos turn his head 360 degrees. Shinpachi and Gintoki were completely frozen on their sits with what they're seeing right now.

"What was that for, china-girl? I thought you were one of the Odd Jobs. You would accept any jobs for money right?" Hijikata asked while rubbing his right cheek that kagura just slapped.

Gintoki and Shinpachi were just showing a strong sign of shock in their face.

"Oi, he's turning into a different character now. He sounds like a sex-offender now."

"I agree, Gin-san. What the hell did happened just now? Is that really Hijikata-san?"

"Maybe he got tired from being a loser otaku and bought a new cursed sword that allows him to become a pedo now." Gintoki laughed nervously.

"What are you two blabbing about there?" Hijikata asked. "I have a request from you, yorozuya"

Hijikata explained his problem to clear the misunderstanding about the confession he've just said to Kagura now.

"It must be hard for you, Hijikata-san. To marry a gorilla" Shinpachi said.

"Isn't that nice, Oogushii-kun? You will have now two valuable gorilla in your life, your wife and your commander. And when you're blessed, you might have a child. That would result to 3 gorilla." Gintoki said in a mockery tone while picking his nose.

"Who the hell are you calling Oogushi?! Are you mocking me?! Who would want a three gorilla?! Hijikata exclaimed.

"In the end, you didn't deny your commander being a gorilla too." Kagura said, also picking her nose.

"Can't you just decline the offer, Hijikata-san?" Shinpachi asked.

"Do you think I would come all the way here to ask you idiots to help me if I can just decline it? Unfortunately, it's not that way. It's a political stuff after all. The only thing to prevent it to show them that I'm already with someone" Hijikata lit up a cigarette to calm him.

"So that's why you asked our Kagura to marry you? Did you become a pedo, Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki sarcastically asked.

"Shu-shut up! I don't have any choice! I don't have a girlfriend neither a girl I know. The only thing I can think about is that china girl"

"What about Otae? Gintoki asked. "Oh I forgot, she's a gorilla too."

"Gin-san. I can hear you, you know."

"Shut up, siscon."

"Like I'll ask that woman. It may cause a misunderstanding to Kondo-san"

"What misunderstanding! Kondo-san is not my sister's boyfriend!"

"Back to what we're talking about. You need Kagura's help, right?" Gintoki asked.

"Yeah, I'll pay you how much it cost. And also, don't let anyone know that we're just a fake couple even they're you close friends. I will not pay if you spill it out."

"Just leave it to us." Gintoki said with a satisfying smile on his face. "Kagura, you need to dress more womanly now and act as his girlfriend or wife, okay?"

"Are you selling me, Gin-chan?

"It's just business, kagura. That guy will feed you 24hrs and will buy all you want. Just think of him as a slave."

"Okay, gin-chan. I got it." Kagura nodded and faced Hijikata's nervous face because of what Gintoki just said earlier. "Oi, buy me sukonbu"

"Okay okay" Hijikata just sighed defeatedly. "But before that, go ask Shinpachi's sister to dress you up. We're going somewhere." Kagura just nodded and tag Shinpachi hurriedly to Otae's house.

After the two disappeared in the house. The two older men were just left in complete silence.

"Take care of our Kagura"

"Don't worry, I will, even if you don't ask me." Hijikata said then exhaled a nicotine from his mouth just earning a smile from Gintoki.

NOTE: I'm too lazy to reread it now since it's already midnight xD. So I'm sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors. Also, I have mind lapses so sorry if I missed out any words in my sentences. In other words, I'M SORRY FOR CREATING THIS FANFIC (lol)

Reviews and mockery are greatly appreciated. They inspires me alot to write more. I'm also delighted if you point out my errors so I will know where I lack and how to improve it.

Thanks for reading. See ya next chapter~ (If you'll return xD)