TIMING IS EVERYTHING
By Mnemosyne
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. *downhearted sigh*
SUMMARY: Julie and Adam share a tender night before the Ducks part ways after college.
RATING: R, for implied sexual situations and a little profanity.
NOTES:
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my other MD stories - it means so much to me that you've enjoyed them! I'm sorry for the extended leave of absence - Real Life stepped in and took the wheel for a while. I hope to wrest control again, though. ;) LOL! If you enjoy this story, please review! But if you feel the urge to flame, may I direct you to some OTHER story? Thanks. ;) LOL! Read on!
ADDENDUM:
Is it just me, or do people ALWAYS have Adam joining the Detroit Red Wings? LOL! I wonder why that is… But who am I to break the pattern? ;) LOL!
********
"Hold on to the nights,
Hold on to the memories.
I wish that I could give you something more,
That I could be yours."
-Richard Marx
"Hold on to the Nights"
*********
The party had been going strong all night, but as the clock rolled round to 1am, Adam Banks slipped out the door of the Tin Roof Bar and Grill to get a breath of air and collect his thoughts.
This time tomorrow, he'd be somewhere else. That alone was a lot to wrap his mind around, but on top of that, he'd be joining the ranks of the Detroit Red Wings. Some part of him had come to terms with that, but the rest of him was a nervous wreck. Playing in the college leagues was one thing, but PROFESSIONAL hockey? That was a different thing entirely! What if he choked his first time out and blew his chances at a career? What if he did something stupid, like shoot the puck at the wrong goal on his first play? That was all he needed - to earn himself a stupid nickname before anyone even knew what his REAL name was. Adam "Outta Bounds" Banks. Adam "Busted!" Banks. Adam "Asshole" Banks.
He could hear the crowds chanting it already.
"Adam?"
The young man blinked as his chorus of internal voices were interrupted by a single external one. Turning on his heel, he stammered a little, caught off balance. "Uh…Julie? What are you doing out here?"
Julie "The Cat" Gaffney smiled at him, and Adam felt his heart plummet into the pit of his stomach. They'd known each other for close to ten years, but the effect her smile had on him had never diminished. //She looks like a cat,// he thought absently. //Her nickname fits.// At least it wasn't something derogatory, like Julie "Can't Catch Crap" Gaffney.
"I saw you leave," she said, coming closer. "Aren't you having fun?" The only illumination in the parking lot came from the windows of the teeming establishment, and one sputtering streetlight ten feet away near the road. What light there was played over the sequins of her black halter top - or, as Averman had coined it, her "Hoochie Mama Fly Threads." Adam had to force his eyes not to rove down to her slim, toned legs and criminally tight leather pants. It just wasn't fair, testing him like this on his last night in town; final exams had finished a week ago!
"Oh, yeah," he assured her quickly, managing to remember a smile as he said it. Her sequins - and what lay beneath them - were distracting him. "I just wanted a little fresh air. That guy three tables over smokes like a chimney."
Julie laughed a little, stopping about a foot away from him. //More like a foot and a half. Maybe a foot and three quarters.// Adam decided that analyzing the distance between himself and a beautiful woman had to be a sign of a sick, desperate mind, and abandoned that line of thought immediately. Or tried his best to do so.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," she agreed, tilting her head a little, her soft blonde hair feathering around her face and dark-outlined eyes. Cat's eyes. She started tapping her sequined purse absently against her leg, and Adam found his eyes straying down to watch the motion as she continued. "I can't believe we're splitting up tomorrow."
"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I know." //Focus, dammit! Come on, Banks. You've faked out goalies before. At least make Julie THINK your mind isn't in the gutter, okay?// "We've all been together for so long. It's like the end of an era, you know?"
"Absolutely. Where will the world be without the mighty Ducks?"
Adam chuckled. "Well the world won't be losing us entirely. We'll just be a bit more scattered now."
"Tell me about it. Portman and Fulton off to Boston, Goldberg to Philadelphia. Charlie going for his psych degree…" She laughed, and Adam soaked it in, memorizing. "And Connie and Guy!"
"I know!" He grinned. "Course, we all knew they'd tie the knot someday."
"Yeah, but I don't think ANYONE was expecting it to be the day after graduation." Her eyes sparkled. "They STILL haven't come out of that corner booth yet," she said, jerking her head back towards the bar. "I'd ask them if they want anything else to drink, but they've had their heads buried in each other's necks all night, so I haven't been able to."
Adam chuckled, shaking his head a little. "The more things change, the more they stay the same, right?"
"Yeah," Julie said with a smile.
They stood in silence for a while, listening to the party that still raged behind them. Adam stared at the pavement the whole time, unsure where else to put his eyes. If he looked up, he'd have to look at her, and if he looked at her, he might start saying things that should have been said years ago if they were going to be said at all. Things he should have said after they won the Junior Goodwill Games. Earlier - after they'd met on the ice that first day, when Mr. Tibbles had introduced the five "honorary" Ducks to the rest of the team. He'd still been a kid then, though; too wrapped up in a career that wouldn't be within his reach for another ten years. Then there'd been Eden Hall, and the new class of Varsity players he'd found himself up against. Then college, and trying to impress the scouts at every game…
Somewhere along the way, he'd grown up. And as he'd grown up, he'd forgotten all about telling Julie Gaffney he thought he loved her. It just hadn't seemed that urgent.
Until now.
"Adam?"
Looking up without thinking, Banks was surprised to see that Julie was actually standing much closer than the foot and a half he'd estimated earlier. While he was lost in his thoughts, she'd drawn nearer to him, so that now she was just over a hand's length away. "Yeah?"
Her smile had faded, replaced by something wistful. "I'm really going to miss you," she murmured.
Adam gazed down into her gray eyes for a moment before replying. "Me too," he answered softly.
"You were a great sparring partner," she continued, reaching out to lay a hand on his forearm, stroking gently.
Adam smiled, nodding. "You too, Julie the Cat."
She smiled up at him. "Julie the Cat. You almost never call me that."
He shrugged a little. "It really suits you tonight," he said, absently taking her hand from his arm and running his thumb over her palm. "The eyes…"
"You like my eyes like this?" She chuckled. "It's a big process to get them right, but I figured I'd make the effort for a special occasion."
"I like your eyes all the time. You have beautiful eyes, Julie."
He couldn't believe he'd said it. For a moment, he wasn't sure he even HAD said it; perhaps it had just been an aural hallucination. But when her face melted from affectionate teasing to thoughtful contemplation, he knew he'd uttered the words. Whether that was good or bad, he still wasn't sure. Trying not to let his palms sweat too much, he watched her quietly, waiting for a reaction.
"Thank you," she murmured, and twined her fingers through his as she smiled faintly.
Adam forced himself not to sigh with relief. "You're welcome." He squeezed her hand.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?"
She didn't say anything this time. Moving forward in a swift, smooth motion, Julie slid her hand up his chest and buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him down and forward for a world-changing, mind-blowing, life-altering kiss. It took Adam by such surprise that for a second he didn't know how to respond. Then, slowly, he melted into the moment, letting his eyes drift shut as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against him.
There were no fireworks, or rockets exploding in mid-air. It was more like a low, intense, searing line drawn across his chest, pulsing with each beat of his heart; as if someone had pressed a red hot poker over his pectorals.
He loved every moment of it.
When they separated minutes - lifetimes? - later, they didn't say a word. Gazing into one another's eyes, unmoving save for the gentle rocking of their bodies from side to side, they didn't NEED to speak. It was with some amazement that Adam realized he wasn't the only one who'd neglected to speak his heart over the past decade. Staring down into the soul of the young woman in his arms, he could see everything he'd ever wanted to tell her reflected back at him, just as strong.
Which was why he didn't argue or question when she slowly turned in his arms, clasped his hand, and led him away from the bar, back towards the small house the team rented just off campus. The party kept rollicking behind them, as they were swallowed by the night.
******************
AN HOUR (OR SO) LATER
Julie Gaffney had never felt so relaxed in her life. Every muscle in her body was loose; her eyes drooped dreamily as her slim fingers made playful circles on Adam's sweat-skimmed back. She couldn't resist a giggle as he kissed her stomach, just above the navel, before moving up and paying close attention to her collarbone with his soft, soft lips.
"Mmmm…" Julie moaned, arching her neck to give him easier access. "I've got to hand it to you, Adam. You're really great with your stick."
Adam laughed at the double entendre. "The better to score with, Cat lady," he said against her neck, and she ruffled his hair as she laughed in response.
"What do you think the others are doing now?" she asked, glancing at the glowing green numbers of the digital clock beside her bed. They hadn't heard anyone return to the house during their…encounter.
"My guess? They're all passed out cold behind the Tin Roof's bar, and Connie and Guy are starting their honeymoon off with a bang."
Julie laughed again, and kissed the top of his head. "Good. Wouldn't want any of them interrupting our fun."
Adam chuckled and started dropping light, nibbling kisses down her neck. Julie sighed, closing her eyes and focusing all her sensory perception on the slow, torturous trail of his lips. It occurred to her that she could have had this years ago, if she'd just had the guts to ask him; this could have been a nightly ritual, like brushing her teeth and washing her face. There were worse things in the world than having Adam Banks make slow, steamy love to you on a nightly basis. //Scooter isn't even in his LEAGUE,// she thought dreamily, letting her fingers trail through the young man's sandy blonde hair.
"I wish I didn't have to catch a plane tomorrow."
All of Julie's mental meanderings came to a screeching halt with those words, and she was thrown headfirst into a brick wall of reality. The plane. The Red Wings. Adam was leaving tomorrow afternoon, and God alone knew when she was going to see him again. "Oh. I… Right." Her heartbeat, which had slowed to a rich, sensual rhythm suddenly began to speed up again, as fearful adrenaline started to pump through her veins.
Adam sighed and pushed up onto one elbow. Julie fought back a squeak of loss as his warmth moved away. She watched wistfully as he raised one hand to run his fingers through his tousled hair. "Our timing sucks, doesn't it?" he murmured, not meeting her eyes. Chuckling self-derisively, he nodded. "Yeah, it does," he answered his own question. "It really, really does."
Julie didn't know what to say. Truthfully, she wasn't sure she could summon the courage to speak at all. If she did, she'd probably start bawling or whimpering or doing some other stupid, foolish, girly thing. There was no denying Julie Gaffney had been a tomboy from the first time she picked up a hockey stick - she'd never seen much use in tears. All they did was make her thirsty and give her a pounding headache.
But that didn't make it an easier to keep them from falling.
"I don't get it," Adam said quietly, raising his bright blue eyes to gaze at her. She hoped he didn't see the tears building behind her lashes. "You and me… When we're on the ice, we're the best. No one can outplay us. I get the goal, you stop the goal. We're the perfect mix." Leaning forward, he rested his cheek on her chest, ear over her heart.
"So why did we wait so long before making this play?" he murmured, his breath tickling down her body and brushing over her bare stomach. "How did we screw up perfect?"
Swallowing hard, Julie slid a hand up his back to stroke his hair. "Maybe because hockey's just a game," she managed, her smooth alto voice made raspy by unshed tears. "When all's said and done, we take off the pads and put away the sticks and the world goes on." Closing her eyes, she ignored the burning tears behind her lids and continued. "But this … This is life, I guess. You can't just put it in your locker and forget about it between seasons."
"Life sucks, then. I'd rather play hockey."
Julie couldn't help but smile, which helped fight back her encroaching tears. "I wouldn't. I'd rather stay in bed with you than get slammed into by some fat enforcer wearing too many pads who just sharpened his skates."
Adam laughed a little, but it was half-hearted. With a sigh, he slid one hand up her leg to rest on her stomach, making faint circles around her navel with his thumb. She shivered.
"I don't have to go," he murmured.
Julie stopped breathing. The world started spinning faster on its axis - she knew it did, because she could see it. The popcorn bumps of her ceiling were moving in crazy, licentious circles, making her dizzy and nauseous. Adam Banks had just offered to give up his future, his career, his lifelong dream, all to be with her.
And she was going to tell him no.
The world was nothing if not cruelly ironic.
"Yes you do," she whispered - her voice wouldn't go any louder.
He pushed up onto his elbow again, but kept his body close this time, hovering over her. "I don't want to," he murmured, blue eyes wounded and unsure.
Forcing a smile, she raised one hand to cup his cheek. It was hard to find his face through the blur of her tears - none had fallen yet, but they had cast a pall over her sight. "Yes you do," she said again, running her thumb over his cheekbone. "Hockey was part of your life years and years before you even MET me, Adam Banks." With a shuddering sigh, she blinked away her tears and moved her fingers down to graze over his lips. He kissed her fingertips gently. "And now you think I'm going to let you make me the reason you give all that up? No way, buddy. I couldn't live with that guilt."
"I wouldn't have to give it all up. I could coach. Pee Wee league and all that. I could be the next Minnesota Miracle Man."
Damn him, he was making a case. Why couldn't he just gracefully back down, so that she wouldn't have to fight with him, when what she really wanted to do was agree? "That's not what you want, Adam." Tough love. She'd have to practice tough love. Dammit, why did this have to hurt so much? "I know you. You want to have your name on the marquis. You want them to read your name on ESPN and Fox Sports Network. You want to be known as the phenomenal rookie, fresh out of college. You want your father to FINALLY realize that you're really, really worth something. But most of all, you want to prove to YOURSELF that you're worth something. And you're not going to do that coaching Pee Wee hockey on a pond in Minnesota. You know that, and so do I."
"Julie - "
"No. Don't argue with me, Adam. Don't tell me that all you really need is me, because we both know that's not true. Like you said, we're both the best - you're the best at scoring the goal, and I'm the best at blocking it. And I know that if I were in your position, I wouldn't stay. I'd get on that plane tomorrow and fly off to training camp, and make damn sure I checked all my regrets at the gate with my luggage." //Tough love, tough love, tough love…//
Adam was staring at her as though he'd never seen her before, and it tore Julie's heart to shreds to watch him. She wanted to add that if she were in his position, she'd also write letters home every single day, and that if she were him, she'd keep a picture of him in her helmet as a good luck charm. And she wanted to tell him that if she were him, she'd have a jersey with "Gaffney" on the back, but that if she were him, she'd have a backup jersey with "Banks" on it, for the day after that special trip to Vegas, and the Chapel of the Rising Elvis. It seemed there were a hundred things she wanted to say to him, but nothing came. It all stalled on her lips as she waited for him to say something; anything.
"Julie?"
"Yes, Adam?" She almost choked on the words in her eagerness to get them out.
He looked deep into her eyes, with a surprisingly calm gaze when compared to Julie's racing pulse. "Are we ever going to be here again?"
She knew he didn't mean Minnesota. "I want to," she murmured, and meant every word.
"But you're not sure." It wasn't a question, but a sad statement.
"Adam…" God, why did she have to be the one delivering the hard speeches? "We've been living virtually on top of each other for years. How long did it take before we finally did anything? I don't know… How could we survive a long distance relationship?"
"People have done it."
"I know." She sighed, nodding faintly. "I know."
Adam slowly slid down to the bed beside her, and Julie rolled onto her side to cuddle into his chest. His arm curled tightly around her waist. Tilting her head up, Julie gazed into his eyes. "Do me one favor before you go?" she said quietly.
"Anything," he murmured, rubbing her back rhythmically.
"When you get up in the morning, don't wake me."
Adam frowned. "Why?" He sounded a little hurt.
Looking away, Julie pressed her face into his throat, closing her eyes. "I don't want to have to say goodbye," she whispered.
He was silent for a minute. Then, very slowly, he moved his hand up her body and caught his fingers delicately under her chin, guiding her face up. Their eyes met briefly, and she saw a sad smile flicker across his face before he brought his lips down to cover hers. Closing her eyes, Julie raised a hand to cup his cheek, and forced herself to forget sad things like goodbyes and hockey sticks. And for a long time after, all she knew was Adam.
******************
EPILOGUE
"Adam? You okay man? You haven't said two words since we left the house."
Adam dragged his gaze back from the passing scenery and turned to look at Charlie Conway, who was chauffeuring him to the airport. "I'm fine, Charlie," he replied, though the words sounded unconvincing even to his own ears.
"Now why don't I believe you?" The other Duck looked back to the road ahead of the car. "Is it Julie?"
Adam quickly looked away. The somber, almost solemn tone of the other young man's voice had told him all he needed to know. Charlie obviously knew all about what had happened last night. "I don't want to talk about it," he said, a little too sharply, but he didn't bother to apologize.
Charlie didn't seem to mind. "What did she say when you left?"
"What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' don't you get, Conway?"
"I get the hidden message behind it, which is blaring loud and clear that you DO want to talk about it. Now spill. What did she say?"
Adam sighed, and stared out the passenger window again. The scenery was dull and flat. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Charlie sounded surprised. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Adam snapped. "You think I'm deaf or something?"
"Easy, boy." He could feel Charlie glancing at him, but didn't return the look. "So she gave you the cold shoulder?"
Adam was silent for a moment.
"Adam?"
Sighing, Banks shook his head. "No, she didn't ignore me." Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back against the head rest. "I didn't wake her up."
"What? Why not!"
The near accusal in Charlie's tone did nothing to help Adam's mood. "She asked me not to, okay? Last night. She told me not to wake her up when I left in the morning."
"Oh." Charlie sounded mollified. There was a slight pause, then the other young man asked, "Why not?"
Adam sighed. "She didn't want to say goodbye."
"Ah."
"Yeah."
They rode in silence for several minutes.
"I should have woken her," Adam finally said.
"Why's that?" Adam could tell from the tone of his friend's voice that Charlie had been waiting for him to say that very thing.
With a heavy sigh, Adam opened his eyes and raised his head. "Because she didn't want to say goodbye," he murmured, staring out the windshield. "But I did."
They drove the rest of the way in silence.
***********
Julie Gaffney was in agony.
It wasn't only physical agony, either. It was complete, body numbing agony - pain of the body, the spirit, the soul. Every inch of her seemed to ache, from stomach to shoulders to mind to memory.
"Come on, hon," Connie Moreau murmured, rubbing her friend's shoulders, but Julie could barely feel the other girl's touch. "It's okay. Everything's going to be all right, okay? Shhhh…"
Julie shook her head, hugging her knees. "He listened to me," she whispered hoarsely, rocking faintly back and forth. "The idiot, he listened to me. He didn't wake me up. The stupid… Why did he listen! Why didn't he ignore me!"
She felt Connie hug her tightly, and let the other girl draw her head down to rest on her shoulder. Connie smelled like lavender - it was soothing. "What happened, Julie?" the dark-haired girl asked softly, stroking her friend's arm.
"He didn't wake me up."
"Adam?"
Julie nodded morosely.
"He told Guy you didn't want to be woken up. That's why he used our shower this morning." Julie stifled a sob, and Connie hugged her tighter. "Was he lying?"
"No," Julie whispered.
"Then why are you so sad, babe?"
Julie shivered, curling up tighter. "Because I forgot to tell him something," she moaned. "I forgot to tell him, and now it's all ruined. I should have told him last night, but I forgot. I forgot!" Burying her face in Connie's neck, she sucked in a shivering breath. The lavender wasn't calming her anymore.
"What did you forget to tell him? Maybe you could just call his cell phone or some -"
Julie cut her off. "No! No, I had to tell him this face to face. One on one. Last night, when everything was perfect." She paused, then laughed self-mockingly. "God, we did it again. We screwed up perfect. Our FRIGGING timing was off, and we screwed up perfect! Again!"
"Julie, calm down." Connie was really sounding worried now. "Please, just tell me what you're talking about. Please? I want to help you, honey. Please let me help you."
Julie closed her eyes, trying to remember what Adam's eyes looked like. It wasn't' a difficult exercise - she'd had them memorized for years. She tried to picture them as they'd looked last night, as he hovered over her. That was harder, but worth it. It made it easier to talk again.
"I forgot to tell him I loved him," she whispered, ashamed of how broken her voice sounded. "And I kind of think he forgot to tell me the same."
Then Julie Gaffney, the girl who'd never had need for tears, broke down and sobbed on her best friend's shoulder, while her lover checked his luggage at an airport gate. Perhaps it would have eased her heart to know that, try as he might, he couldn't check his regrets as well.
Or maybe that would have just made things worse.
THE END
By Mnemosyne
DISCLAIMER: They aren't mine. *downhearted sigh*
SUMMARY: Julie and Adam share a tender night before the Ducks part ways after college.
RATING: R, for implied sexual situations and a little profanity.
NOTES:
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my other MD stories - it means so much to me that you've enjoyed them! I'm sorry for the extended leave of absence - Real Life stepped in and took the wheel for a while. I hope to wrest control again, though. ;) LOL! If you enjoy this story, please review! But if you feel the urge to flame, may I direct you to some OTHER story? Thanks. ;) LOL! Read on!
ADDENDUM:
Is it just me, or do people ALWAYS have Adam joining the Detroit Red Wings? LOL! I wonder why that is… But who am I to break the pattern? ;) LOL!
********
"Hold on to the nights,
Hold on to the memories.
I wish that I could give you something more,
That I could be yours."
-Richard Marx
"Hold on to the Nights"
*********
The party had been going strong all night, but as the clock rolled round to 1am, Adam Banks slipped out the door of the Tin Roof Bar and Grill to get a breath of air and collect his thoughts.
This time tomorrow, he'd be somewhere else. That alone was a lot to wrap his mind around, but on top of that, he'd be joining the ranks of the Detroit Red Wings. Some part of him had come to terms with that, but the rest of him was a nervous wreck. Playing in the college leagues was one thing, but PROFESSIONAL hockey? That was a different thing entirely! What if he choked his first time out and blew his chances at a career? What if he did something stupid, like shoot the puck at the wrong goal on his first play? That was all he needed - to earn himself a stupid nickname before anyone even knew what his REAL name was. Adam "Outta Bounds" Banks. Adam "Busted!" Banks. Adam "Asshole" Banks.
He could hear the crowds chanting it already.
"Adam?"
The young man blinked as his chorus of internal voices were interrupted by a single external one. Turning on his heel, he stammered a little, caught off balance. "Uh…Julie? What are you doing out here?"
Julie "The Cat" Gaffney smiled at him, and Adam felt his heart plummet into the pit of his stomach. They'd known each other for close to ten years, but the effect her smile had on him had never diminished. //She looks like a cat,// he thought absently. //Her nickname fits.// At least it wasn't something derogatory, like Julie "Can't Catch Crap" Gaffney.
"I saw you leave," she said, coming closer. "Aren't you having fun?" The only illumination in the parking lot came from the windows of the teeming establishment, and one sputtering streetlight ten feet away near the road. What light there was played over the sequins of her black halter top - or, as Averman had coined it, her "Hoochie Mama Fly Threads." Adam had to force his eyes not to rove down to her slim, toned legs and criminally tight leather pants. It just wasn't fair, testing him like this on his last night in town; final exams had finished a week ago!
"Oh, yeah," he assured her quickly, managing to remember a smile as he said it. Her sequins - and what lay beneath them - were distracting him. "I just wanted a little fresh air. That guy three tables over smokes like a chimney."
Julie laughed a little, stopping about a foot away from him. //More like a foot and a half. Maybe a foot and three quarters.// Adam decided that analyzing the distance between himself and a beautiful woman had to be a sign of a sick, desperate mind, and abandoned that line of thought immediately. Or tried his best to do so.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," she agreed, tilting her head a little, her soft blonde hair feathering around her face and dark-outlined eyes. Cat's eyes. She started tapping her sequined purse absently against her leg, and Adam found his eyes straying down to watch the motion as she continued. "I can't believe we're splitting up tomorrow."
"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I know." //Focus, dammit! Come on, Banks. You've faked out goalies before. At least make Julie THINK your mind isn't in the gutter, okay?// "We've all been together for so long. It's like the end of an era, you know?"
"Absolutely. Where will the world be without the mighty Ducks?"
Adam chuckled. "Well the world won't be losing us entirely. We'll just be a bit more scattered now."
"Tell me about it. Portman and Fulton off to Boston, Goldberg to Philadelphia. Charlie going for his psych degree…" She laughed, and Adam soaked it in, memorizing. "And Connie and Guy!"
"I know!" He grinned. "Course, we all knew they'd tie the knot someday."
"Yeah, but I don't think ANYONE was expecting it to be the day after graduation." Her eyes sparkled. "They STILL haven't come out of that corner booth yet," she said, jerking her head back towards the bar. "I'd ask them if they want anything else to drink, but they've had their heads buried in each other's necks all night, so I haven't been able to."
Adam chuckled, shaking his head a little. "The more things change, the more they stay the same, right?"
"Yeah," Julie said with a smile.
They stood in silence for a while, listening to the party that still raged behind them. Adam stared at the pavement the whole time, unsure where else to put his eyes. If he looked up, he'd have to look at her, and if he looked at her, he might start saying things that should have been said years ago if they were going to be said at all. Things he should have said after they won the Junior Goodwill Games. Earlier - after they'd met on the ice that first day, when Mr. Tibbles had introduced the five "honorary" Ducks to the rest of the team. He'd still been a kid then, though; too wrapped up in a career that wouldn't be within his reach for another ten years. Then there'd been Eden Hall, and the new class of Varsity players he'd found himself up against. Then college, and trying to impress the scouts at every game…
Somewhere along the way, he'd grown up. And as he'd grown up, he'd forgotten all about telling Julie Gaffney he thought he loved her. It just hadn't seemed that urgent.
Until now.
"Adam?"
Looking up without thinking, Banks was surprised to see that Julie was actually standing much closer than the foot and a half he'd estimated earlier. While he was lost in his thoughts, she'd drawn nearer to him, so that now she was just over a hand's length away. "Yeah?"
Her smile had faded, replaced by something wistful. "I'm really going to miss you," she murmured.
Adam gazed down into her gray eyes for a moment before replying. "Me too," he answered softly.
"You were a great sparring partner," she continued, reaching out to lay a hand on his forearm, stroking gently.
Adam smiled, nodding. "You too, Julie the Cat."
She smiled up at him. "Julie the Cat. You almost never call me that."
He shrugged a little. "It really suits you tonight," he said, absently taking her hand from his arm and running his thumb over her palm. "The eyes…"
"You like my eyes like this?" She chuckled. "It's a big process to get them right, but I figured I'd make the effort for a special occasion."
"I like your eyes all the time. You have beautiful eyes, Julie."
He couldn't believe he'd said it. For a moment, he wasn't sure he even HAD said it; perhaps it had just been an aural hallucination. But when her face melted from affectionate teasing to thoughtful contemplation, he knew he'd uttered the words. Whether that was good or bad, he still wasn't sure. Trying not to let his palms sweat too much, he watched her quietly, waiting for a reaction.
"Thank you," she murmured, and twined her fingers through his as she smiled faintly.
Adam forced himself not to sigh with relief. "You're welcome." He squeezed her hand.
"Adam?"
"Yeah?"
She didn't say anything this time. Moving forward in a swift, smooth motion, Julie slid her hand up his chest and buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him down and forward for a world-changing, mind-blowing, life-altering kiss. It took Adam by such surprise that for a second he didn't know how to respond. Then, slowly, he melted into the moment, letting his eyes drift shut as his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against him.
There were no fireworks, or rockets exploding in mid-air. It was more like a low, intense, searing line drawn across his chest, pulsing with each beat of his heart; as if someone had pressed a red hot poker over his pectorals.
He loved every moment of it.
When they separated minutes - lifetimes? - later, they didn't say a word. Gazing into one another's eyes, unmoving save for the gentle rocking of their bodies from side to side, they didn't NEED to speak. It was with some amazement that Adam realized he wasn't the only one who'd neglected to speak his heart over the past decade. Staring down into the soul of the young woman in his arms, he could see everything he'd ever wanted to tell her reflected back at him, just as strong.
Which was why he didn't argue or question when she slowly turned in his arms, clasped his hand, and led him away from the bar, back towards the small house the team rented just off campus. The party kept rollicking behind them, as they were swallowed by the night.
******************
AN HOUR (OR SO) LATER
Julie Gaffney had never felt so relaxed in her life. Every muscle in her body was loose; her eyes drooped dreamily as her slim fingers made playful circles on Adam's sweat-skimmed back. She couldn't resist a giggle as he kissed her stomach, just above the navel, before moving up and paying close attention to her collarbone with his soft, soft lips.
"Mmmm…" Julie moaned, arching her neck to give him easier access. "I've got to hand it to you, Adam. You're really great with your stick."
Adam laughed at the double entendre. "The better to score with, Cat lady," he said against her neck, and she ruffled his hair as she laughed in response.
"What do you think the others are doing now?" she asked, glancing at the glowing green numbers of the digital clock beside her bed. They hadn't heard anyone return to the house during their…encounter.
"My guess? They're all passed out cold behind the Tin Roof's bar, and Connie and Guy are starting their honeymoon off with a bang."
Julie laughed again, and kissed the top of his head. "Good. Wouldn't want any of them interrupting our fun."
Adam chuckled and started dropping light, nibbling kisses down her neck. Julie sighed, closing her eyes and focusing all her sensory perception on the slow, torturous trail of his lips. It occurred to her that she could have had this years ago, if she'd just had the guts to ask him; this could have been a nightly ritual, like brushing her teeth and washing her face. There were worse things in the world than having Adam Banks make slow, steamy love to you on a nightly basis. //Scooter isn't even in his LEAGUE,// she thought dreamily, letting her fingers trail through the young man's sandy blonde hair.
"I wish I didn't have to catch a plane tomorrow."
All of Julie's mental meanderings came to a screeching halt with those words, and she was thrown headfirst into a brick wall of reality. The plane. The Red Wings. Adam was leaving tomorrow afternoon, and God alone knew when she was going to see him again. "Oh. I… Right." Her heartbeat, which had slowed to a rich, sensual rhythm suddenly began to speed up again, as fearful adrenaline started to pump through her veins.
Adam sighed and pushed up onto one elbow. Julie fought back a squeak of loss as his warmth moved away. She watched wistfully as he raised one hand to run his fingers through his tousled hair. "Our timing sucks, doesn't it?" he murmured, not meeting her eyes. Chuckling self-derisively, he nodded. "Yeah, it does," he answered his own question. "It really, really does."
Julie didn't know what to say. Truthfully, she wasn't sure she could summon the courage to speak at all. If she did, she'd probably start bawling or whimpering or doing some other stupid, foolish, girly thing. There was no denying Julie Gaffney had been a tomboy from the first time she picked up a hockey stick - she'd never seen much use in tears. All they did was make her thirsty and give her a pounding headache.
But that didn't make it an easier to keep them from falling.
"I don't get it," Adam said quietly, raising his bright blue eyes to gaze at her. She hoped he didn't see the tears building behind her lashes. "You and me… When we're on the ice, we're the best. No one can outplay us. I get the goal, you stop the goal. We're the perfect mix." Leaning forward, he rested his cheek on her chest, ear over her heart.
"So why did we wait so long before making this play?" he murmured, his breath tickling down her body and brushing over her bare stomach. "How did we screw up perfect?"
Swallowing hard, Julie slid a hand up his back to stroke his hair. "Maybe because hockey's just a game," she managed, her smooth alto voice made raspy by unshed tears. "When all's said and done, we take off the pads and put away the sticks and the world goes on." Closing her eyes, she ignored the burning tears behind her lids and continued. "But this … This is life, I guess. You can't just put it in your locker and forget about it between seasons."
"Life sucks, then. I'd rather play hockey."
Julie couldn't help but smile, which helped fight back her encroaching tears. "I wouldn't. I'd rather stay in bed with you than get slammed into by some fat enforcer wearing too many pads who just sharpened his skates."
Adam laughed a little, but it was half-hearted. With a sigh, he slid one hand up her leg to rest on her stomach, making faint circles around her navel with his thumb. She shivered.
"I don't have to go," he murmured.
Julie stopped breathing. The world started spinning faster on its axis - she knew it did, because she could see it. The popcorn bumps of her ceiling were moving in crazy, licentious circles, making her dizzy and nauseous. Adam Banks had just offered to give up his future, his career, his lifelong dream, all to be with her.
And she was going to tell him no.
The world was nothing if not cruelly ironic.
"Yes you do," she whispered - her voice wouldn't go any louder.
He pushed up onto his elbow again, but kept his body close this time, hovering over her. "I don't want to," he murmured, blue eyes wounded and unsure.
Forcing a smile, she raised one hand to cup his cheek. It was hard to find his face through the blur of her tears - none had fallen yet, but they had cast a pall over her sight. "Yes you do," she said again, running her thumb over his cheekbone. "Hockey was part of your life years and years before you even MET me, Adam Banks." With a shuddering sigh, she blinked away her tears and moved her fingers down to graze over his lips. He kissed her fingertips gently. "And now you think I'm going to let you make me the reason you give all that up? No way, buddy. I couldn't live with that guilt."
"I wouldn't have to give it all up. I could coach. Pee Wee league and all that. I could be the next Minnesota Miracle Man."
Damn him, he was making a case. Why couldn't he just gracefully back down, so that she wouldn't have to fight with him, when what she really wanted to do was agree? "That's not what you want, Adam." Tough love. She'd have to practice tough love. Dammit, why did this have to hurt so much? "I know you. You want to have your name on the marquis. You want them to read your name on ESPN and Fox Sports Network. You want to be known as the phenomenal rookie, fresh out of college. You want your father to FINALLY realize that you're really, really worth something. But most of all, you want to prove to YOURSELF that you're worth something. And you're not going to do that coaching Pee Wee hockey on a pond in Minnesota. You know that, and so do I."
"Julie - "
"No. Don't argue with me, Adam. Don't tell me that all you really need is me, because we both know that's not true. Like you said, we're both the best - you're the best at scoring the goal, and I'm the best at blocking it. And I know that if I were in your position, I wouldn't stay. I'd get on that plane tomorrow and fly off to training camp, and make damn sure I checked all my regrets at the gate with my luggage." //Tough love, tough love, tough love…//
Adam was staring at her as though he'd never seen her before, and it tore Julie's heart to shreds to watch him. She wanted to add that if she were in his position, she'd also write letters home every single day, and that if she were him, she'd keep a picture of him in her helmet as a good luck charm. And she wanted to tell him that if she were him, she'd have a jersey with "Gaffney" on the back, but that if she were him, she'd have a backup jersey with "Banks" on it, for the day after that special trip to Vegas, and the Chapel of the Rising Elvis. It seemed there were a hundred things she wanted to say to him, but nothing came. It all stalled on her lips as she waited for him to say something; anything.
"Julie?"
"Yes, Adam?" She almost choked on the words in her eagerness to get them out.
He looked deep into her eyes, with a surprisingly calm gaze when compared to Julie's racing pulse. "Are we ever going to be here again?"
She knew he didn't mean Minnesota. "I want to," she murmured, and meant every word.
"But you're not sure." It wasn't a question, but a sad statement.
"Adam…" God, why did she have to be the one delivering the hard speeches? "We've been living virtually on top of each other for years. How long did it take before we finally did anything? I don't know… How could we survive a long distance relationship?"
"People have done it."
"I know." She sighed, nodding faintly. "I know."
Adam slowly slid down to the bed beside her, and Julie rolled onto her side to cuddle into his chest. His arm curled tightly around her waist. Tilting her head up, Julie gazed into his eyes. "Do me one favor before you go?" she said quietly.
"Anything," he murmured, rubbing her back rhythmically.
"When you get up in the morning, don't wake me."
Adam frowned. "Why?" He sounded a little hurt.
Looking away, Julie pressed her face into his throat, closing her eyes. "I don't want to have to say goodbye," she whispered.
He was silent for a minute. Then, very slowly, he moved his hand up her body and caught his fingers delicately under her chin, guiding her face up. Their eyes met briefly, and she saw a sad smile flicker across his face before he brought his lips down to cover hers. Closing her eyes, Julie raised a hand to cup his cheek, and forced herself to forget sad things like goodbyes and hockey sticks. And for a long time after, all she knew was Adam.
******************
EPILOGUE
"Adam? You okay man? You haven't said two words since we left the house."
Adam dragged his gaze back from the passing scenery and turned to look at Charlie Conway, who was chauffeuring him to the airport. "I'm fine, Charlie," he replied, though the words sounded unconvincing even to his own ears.
"Now why don't I believe you?" The other Duck looked back to the road ahead of the car. "Is it Julie?"
Adam quickly looked away. The somber, almost solemn tone of the other young man's voice had told him all he needed to know. Charlie obviously knew all about what had happened last night. "I don't want to talk about it," he said, a little too sharply, but he didn't bother to apologize.
Charlie didn't seem to mind. "What did she say when you left?"
"What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' don't you get, Conway?"
"I get the hidden message behind it, which is blaring loud and clear that you DO want to talk about it. Now spill. What did she say?"
Adam sighed, and stared out the passenger window again. The scenery was dull and flat. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Charlie sounded surprised. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Adam snapped. "You think I'm deaf or something?"
"Easy, boy." He could feel Charlie glancing at him, but didn't return the look. "So she gave you the cold shoulder?"
Adam was silent for a moment.
"Adam?"
Sighing, Banks shook his head. "No, she didn't ignore me." Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back against the head rest. "I didn't wake her up."
"What? Why not!"
The near accusal in Charlie's tone did nothing to help Adam's mood. "She asked me not to, okay? Last night. She told me not to wake her up when I left in the morning."
"Oh." Charlie sounded mollified. There was a slight pause, then the other young man asked, "Why not?"
Adam sighed. "She didn't want to say goodbye."
"Ah."
"Yeah."
They rode in silence for several minutes.
"I should have woken her," Adam finally said.
"Why's that?" Adam could tell from the tone of his friend's voice that Charlie had been waiting for him to say that very thing.
With a heavy sigh, Adam opened his eyes and raised his head. "Because she didn't want to say goodbye," he murmured, staring out the windshield. "But I did."
They drove the rest of the way in silence.
***********
Julie Gaffney was in agony.
It wasn't only physical agony, either. It was complete, body numbing agony - pain of the body, the spirit, the soul. Every inch of her seemed to ache, from stomach to shoulders to mind to memory.
"Come on, hon," Connie Moreau murmured, rubbing her friend's shoulders, but Julie could barely feel the other girl's touch. "It's okay. Everything's going to be all right, okay? Shhhh…"
Julie shook her head, hugging her knees. "He listened to me," she whispered hoarsely, rocking faintly back and forth. "The idiot, he listened to me. He didn't wake me up. The stupid… Why did he listen! Why didn't he ignore me!"
She felt Connie hug her tightly, and let the other girl draw her head down to rest on her shoulder. Connie smelled like lavender - it was soothing. "What happened, Julie?" the dark-haired girl asked softly, stroking her friend's arm.
"He didn't wake me up."
"Adam?"
Julie nodded morosely.
"He told Guy you didn't want to be woken up. That's why he used our shower this morning." Julie stifled a sob, and Connie hugged her tighter. "Was he lying?"
"No," Julie whispered.
"Then why are you so sad, babe?"
Julie shivered, curling up tighter. "Because I forgot to tell him something," she moaned. "I forgot to tell him, and now it's all ruined. I should have told him last night, but I forgot. I forgot!" Burying her face in Connie's neck, she sucked in a shivering breath. The lavender wasn't calming her anymore.
"What did you forget to tell him? Maybe you could just call his cell phone or some -"
Julie cut her off. "No! No, I had to tell him this face to face. One on one. Last night, when everything was perfect." She paused, then laughed self-mockingly. "God, we did it again. We screwed up perfect. Our FRIGGING timing was off, and we screwed up perfect! Again!"
"Julie, calm down." Connie was really sounding worried now. "Please, just tell me what you're talking about. Please? I want to help you, honey. Please let me help you."
Julie closed her eyes, trying to remember what Adam's eyes looked like. It wasn't' a difficult exercise - she'd had them memorized for years. She tried to picture them as they'd looked last night, as he hovered over her. That was harder, but worth it. It made it easier to talk again.
"I forgot to tell him I loved him," she whispered, ashamed of how broken her voice sounded. "And I kind of think he forgot to tell me the same."
Then Julie Gaffney, the girl who'd never had need for tears, broke down and sobbed on her best friend's shoulder, while her lover checked his luggage at an airport gate. Perhaps it would have eased her heart to know that, try as he might, he couldn't check his regrets as well.
Or maybe that would have just made things worse.
THE END