13 WAYS

OF WOOING

SHERLOCK

Okay, so here it goes, the 4th story I'm uploading, ever.
To be honest, I somehow think this story is more than a bit shitty, but I wrote it for a friend of mine about to years back and... I don't know, I guess I'd just like to know whether others think it's as shitty as I do. (Plus, the format is kinda crap because it's in dialogue...)

That said, I don't own anything, the idea was all mine and I doubt someone would willingly pay me for this.
Enjoy...

Prologue

John shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked up at the taller man in front of him with blank disbelieve.

J: "You want me to what?"

S: "Your hearing is perfectly alright, John."

Sherlock didn't even try to conceal his annoyance.

S: "Now go over to her and… woo that information out of her. Now." he insisted.

J: "Woo, Sherlock? Seriously? What century are you from? And how will you even know it is going to work?"

John was starting to get rather annoyed himself.

The consulting detective made a dismissive wave with his right hand.

S: "John… I am not going to discuss my choice of words with you, now!" and then he started to rattle on in the usual speed with which he always explained his deductions.

"When she walked past you just now she scanned your body, there was a short intake of breath followed by her biting her lower lip, when she reached her seat she wiped her palms on her trousers because they were sweaty. I am certain her pupils were dilated too. Do you need me to go on?" He didn't even wait for an answer.

"So will you get over to her, use some sort of… line so that I can make the necessary observations."

John walked slowly towards the bar and sat down two stools away from their suspect. She smiled at him and he tried a puzzled look.

J: "I'm sorry but... have we met somewhere before?"

M: "It might well be… But I would like to think I would remember you…" she sat down right next to him and John had to fight back the disgusted look that tried to steal itself onto his face.

J: "Maybe… we met at the job?" he suggested.

M: "Yes that might well be… I'm Mary." she extended her hand with a smile and leaned forward just a tat too much.

J: "Yes, sorry… I'm Dexter." he shook her hand with a smile in return and moved a bit closer himself.

"I'm in advertising… My last job was at Common Industries…"

M: "Hey, that's where I work. So maybe we did meet there. But… was?"

J: "Yes I had… It's partly confidential information… Let's just say the boss and I held different views on my job…"

After several more minutes of fatiguing small talk John's phone chimed and he glanced at the text with an apologetic shrug.

- I'm bored, stop flirting, she didn't do it anyway. We're going home. SH -

- WE are going home? How nice of you to at least inform me. JW -

All of the sudden, John heard an almost too familiar intake of breath right behind his left ear.

S: "Oh Dexter! There you are, you naughty one!"

He felt Sherlock's arms around his shoulders and saw that Mary's jaw dropped completely at the sight. John didn't dare to turn his head due to the proximity of the man's breath to his ear. Sherlock extended his hand over John's right shoulder.

S: "I am Rodney Smithe, and you are?"

M: "…in a terrible hurry… I'm really sorry… eh… Dexter" the woman practically ran from the bar.

John finally dared to turn his head but inwardly winced as Sherlock still hang wrapped around him.

J: "Sherlock now that was just bad."

S: "Not as bad as your pick up line. You complain about my choice of words and then utter things like that."

J: "Like what?"

John turned around to face the man that had finally let go of him and was now leaning against the bar, an indefinable look on his face.

S: "'Have we met somewhere before?' The flatness is appalling and… But well, why would I complain, it is just another one of those distasteful things people seem to enjoy to start… something."

J: "Distasteful? Pick up lines are not distasteful, they can be quite… charming."

S: "Charming? In what ever way would it be charming to hear people go on about accidental things which are so plain obvious that it hurts? It would be far more charming if people simply stated their intents and be done with it."

John grinned inwardly. This was getting interesting.

J: "Because sometimes seduction is far more appealing than deduction Sherlock."

John's inner grin now spread to his whole face.

S: "Oh please John. These lines are so transparent which is obviously the whole problem. You see someone and know if you are interested in them and see if they share that feeling. Then you 'make your move'. If you have to abuse our language to get someone to like you then that person is not worth it."

J: "God, Sherlock." the doctor shook his head with disbelieve. "Flirting can be just nice… Although pick up lines can be rather dull sometimes, it can also be fun, being… wooed, you know." He got up and smiled. "I think I'll have to prove it to you or you won't believe it, hm?" With that he walked out of the bar.