Chapter 18: The Match

During the week before a Quidditch Match, every player dealt with stress in their own way. James hexed a Slytherin or two and counted how many steps it took him from the Common Room to the Great Hall, Emma punched her pillow every evening, Liam snogged his girlfriend more vigorously, Troy and Andrew drooled over Emma's legs more often, Evan kept on muttering to himself about tactics and positions, and Olivia made origami birds. Needless to say, everyone was a bit short-tempered.

Liz and Olivia were studying in the Great Hall after classes on Wednesday. Liz was finishing her Care of Magical Creatures assignment while Olivia reluctantly leafed through her Potion's book, looking for material she could use for her essay on antidotes.

"Olivia, thank Merlin!" Emma came running down the aisle between two house tables in complete distress. "You need to help me!" the Beater said with a pleading look, breathing heavily.

"Hold on, what happened?" Olivia asked, motioning for her to sit down.

Emma shook her head. "Not here," she whispered urgently. "Come on!" Without waiting for her response, Emma took Olivia by the sleeve and dragged her out of the Great Hall. She wouldn't say anything until they had reached the grounds. With a panicked expression on her face, she turned to Olivia.

"A bloke just asked me out!" she exclaimed, looking thoroughly distressed.

"And you're freaking out because…" Olivia's voice trailed, waiting for Emma to answer.

"Bloody hell, isn't that obvious? Because someone asked me out!" she repeated. Olivia looked at her for a few moments, the corners of her mouth twitching in amusement.

"Well, who is it in the first place?" she asked.

"Nick Abbott, from Hufflepuff."

"I know him," Olivia said, nodding slowly. "He's nice, right?"

"Eh, I guess," the dark haired girl said gruffly.

"So why don't you just go out with him? Did you turn him down?" Olivia continued.

"No, I just sort of, ran for it…" Emma paused, looking decidedly uncomfortable. "I don't know how to behave on a date!"

"Neither do I. You could've guessed I'm not the right person to get relationship advice from." Olivia snorted and smiled slightly at the petite girl standing in front of her.

"Fair point. I guess I'll just ask Joan or something." Emma was silent for a few moments, a blush appearing on her cheeks. She smiled despite of herself. "Ha! I was asked out on a date. Who would've thought?"

"Come on, you're quite the catch. Just show off those legs and you'll have him eating out of your hand."

"Thanks, Olivia. That really calms me down," Emma replied sarcastically.

"Anytime, my friend, anytime."

They walked to the Common Room together, both absorbed in their own thoughts. Emma immediately rushed to their dormitory in search of Joan, while Olivia lingered in the Common Room for a bit. Remus was sitting in the same place as when they'd talked a few days ago, and for some reason it made her uncomfortable. She had noticed he was in pain then, and without thinking had tried to distract him from it, like how she always did with Katie.

She had talked, just talked and nothing more. It had seemed unsettling familiar, watching Remus' features relax slowly by the sound of her voice. Katie always said she had a soothing voice which was pleasant when, during the days before a transformation, her senses were going haywire. Like a bad migraine. She had talked and talked, all the time very aware of an amber pair of eyes, looking intently at her. She hadn't shown it, but she had felt nervous. An odd tugging feeling in her stomach, a tingling hot sensation on her skin – as if the mere intensity of his gaze made her body react. It had been very discomforting and she didn't appreciate it in the least. Maybe that's why she wanted to talk to him now, to make sure it had been a coincidence.

"Hi, Remus," she greeted him. Remus looked up from his star chart for Astronomy and smiled at her. As his golden eyes locked on hers, Olivia's breath hitched slightly. He looked different. Not in his appearance, but in the way he looked at her. There was something, and even though she couldn't place it, it was very obvious.

"Hey, Olivia," he answered, still watching her. "You all right?"

"Me? Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be?" she muttered defensively.

Remus shrugged, the hint of a smile playing around his mouth. "Just asking. You seem a bit nervous."

Olivia continued to watch him with a sceptical expression on her face, finally having regained her calmness. She would not let herself get distracted, even if his shirt clung to his chest quite nicely.

Anyone could notice that. There was nothing weird about appreciating a good view.

"I suppose I am a bit nervous about the upcoming Quidditch Match," Olivia said after a few minutes of silence. "Hamilton's making me believe every Bludger in a ten mile radius will attack me."

"You'll be fine," Remus answered. " You're a brilliant flier, I always watch you and –" He abruptly went silent, a flush appearing on his cheeks.

Olivia frowned. "And what?" she asked, urging him to continue.

"Nothing." Remus was still quite red. "Just that you're a good flier. I mean, of course you are, you're on the Quidditch Team, but even then. And it gets boring watching James all the time, because he's so arrogant, you know, and I mean you're not bad to look at – no wait, I didn't mean, gah!" He covered his face with his hands in frustration. It didn't help that Olivia didn't say anything and just kept watching him with that calm expression on her face, as if she was analyzing some interesting Arithmancy assignment.

"Don't fret, Remus," she said after a while. "I know that I'm a good flier." She got up and patted him awkwardly on the head.

"You really have no idea how to deal with people, have you?"

"I'm doing the best I can." She smiled and turned on her heel, strolling towards her dormitory.

Out of nowhere, a hand grabbed her wrist. Olivia turned around and saw Remus standing next to her, a glint of cockiness in his eyes. His long fingers almost scorched her cool skin, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

"So we'll have that tutoring session this evening, right?" Remus asked, a smile playing around his lips.

"Uh, what?" Olivia said stupidly.

"About attacking spells. Since Sirius is still as stubborn as a Hippogriff."

Olivia mentally slapped herself, forcing her to focus. "Right. Yeah, sure. We'll just take the usual classroom, yeah?"

"Perfect." Remus let go of her wrist and promptly returned to his seat, picking up his Astronomy book.

Olivia stood there for a few moments, still quite unsure about what had happened. With a long sigh, she pushed the matter out of her mind and focused on simpler things, like the recent equation they had been given for Arithmancy. But a small part of her mind kept recalling how the skin on her wrist had felt when Remus touched it, and she didn't like it one bit.

That evening, Olivia ate as if it was her last meal. She didn't know why, but her stomach was feeling odd and eating baking potatoes seemed to be the logical solution.

"What's wrong with you?" Liz asked with a slightly repulsed expression on her face.

"Dunno. Stomach fweels a bi' odd." Olivia answered through mouthfuls of potatoes. "Think I might be hungry."

"I seriously doubt that," Liz replied dignified with a long look at the half-empty bowl of potatoes.

The Gryffindor just shrugged and kept shovelling baked potatoes in her mouth, downing it all with a large glass of water.

"Gotta go. Tutoring session," she said, grabbing her jumper.

"Oh, now I get it," Liz replied knowingly, leaning back in her seat.

"Now you get what?" Olivia asked confusedly, pulling the jumper over her head.

"Nothing. If you don't get it you're not supposed to get it yet."

"Whatever, Socrates," the Seeker replied as she rolled her eyes.

"There's some potato on your cheek, by the way."

"Great. See you later!" Without further ado, Olivia swung her legs over the bench and set off towards the classroom she normally used with Sirius for their tutoring sessions. He still refused to talk to her though, so Remus would have to do. Inwardly she hoped he would prove to be a better teacher than Sirius, because she had hardly learned anything so far. Her Stunning Spell still had no more power than one of those Muggle laser toys.

Remembering that little fact made her mood turn considerably worse. Her eyebrows locked in a stubborn line, she grumpily opened the door to the classroom and marched towards the centre, sending the tables against the walls with a flick of her wand.

"Uh, nice to see you to," Remus commented from a corner of the room as he quickly dodged a chair rocketing against the wall.

Olivia snorted loudly. "I just remembered the fact that my Stunning Spell is as effective as a Muggle toy."

"Ah well, that's why we're here. And what kind of toys have use Stunning Spells?" Remus asked with a grin.

"The cool ones."

"I see." He seemed to have trouble holding in his laugh. "We'll just get started then, right?"

"Fine," Olivia bit, still feeling annoyed with herself.

"No need to look that excited, it's just me," Remus teased as he cocked one eyebrow.

"Let's just get on with it," Olivia replied as she rolled her eyes, but her eyes twinkled amusedly nevertheless.

Remus pretended he didn't see it and motioned for her to stand in the middle of the room.

"Just show me how you do it once, and I'll correct you the best way I can." With a flick of his wand, he transfigured one of the chairs into a dummy and placed it against the opposite wall. "All yours," he commented with a challenging glint in his eyes as he smiled and took a step back.

Olivia narrowed her eyes for a moment, puzzled by his behaviour. He seemed to actually enjoy himself and behaved much more bold than usual. It was as if he was gradually taking off a mask of his own, revealing a Remus who liked to cause trouble as much as James and Sirius. She liked this Remus.

With a deep breath, Olivia turned her attention back to the dummy she was supposed to hit. Concentrating with all her might, she pointed her wand towards wooden figure.

"Stupefy!"

A burst of smoke evaporated from the tip of her wand with a bang, making her eyes sting.

"That could've gone better," Remus drily remarked.

"You don't say?" Olivia said sarcastically, wiping the sooth of her brow.

Remus chuckled and calmly walked over to her. "So what's going on inside your head when you want try to stun someone? I've seen you do harder spells than that – so it's probably not a magical issue."

The Seeker shrugged tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, leaving a faint trail of sooth on her cheek. "I don't know," she muttered, "I just think about the result I want to see, and how I should get there. Fairly straightforward."

Remus nodded, listening to her words. "Yeah, I think that might be the problem. You approach it like it's a problem to solve – and I guess that works, most of the time. But magic is not just cause and effect."

He started to pace around, trying to put his thoughts into words. The setting sun filled the room with a deep, reddish light and made long shadows on the floor and walls.

"It's like – there's an aspect of emotion involved in magic," he explained. "It's not like physics or maths or something. For example, you know they always say that in order to perform an Unforgivable Curse, you have to really mean it? Uttering the words is not enough, apparently. So I mean, you've got to want it. You have to be emotionally involved."

"That's all brilliant but I'm not trying to do a Unforgivable Curse," Olivia responded, watching Remus with weary eyes.

"I know that – of course I do. But I'm just saying, it's the same thing for Attacking spells. These aren't neutral actions or something. I guess if you like, want to use a Levitating spells then of course you don't need to be emotionally involved – which is why you don't have any problems with those kind of spells. But with curses, it's a different thing."

Olivia didn't respond. As much as she disliked it Remus was probably right. But the prospect of letting emotions interfere with reason scared her much more than she dared to admit.

"Alright so, what should I do?" the Seeker asked, crossing her arms uncomfortably. "I can't just, you know, turn on feelings or something."

"The fact that you have the 'emotions' switch turned off is quite unsettling," said Remus with a huge grin on his face.

"Hey! I have emotions."

"You say that like it's herpes."

Olivia stuck out her tongue as Remus really started to laugh out loud. A sunny, carefree laugh that she imagined to be only for the other Marauders' ears, when they had once again done something stupid but Remus couldn't stay annoyed.

"Alright, we'll just have to get you riled up," Remus said as soon as he was done laughing. "Do you have any particularly intense memories? Like, when something bad happened?"

Olivia swallowed, her good mood instantly forgotten. Familiar scenes flashed before her eyes, some that she'd rather forget. Katie, all bloody and bruised. A deep gash almost exposing bone. Inhuman wailing under a full moon. A mother who handed her wounded daughter a towel, her face expressionless.

"I remember London," Olivia said instead, her voice flat.

Remus nodded slowly. "Good. That girl that was with you then – you feel protective of her, don't you?"

"Yes."

"What if something would happen to her?"

It already has, Olivia wanted to say. She wanted to say that it was already far too late, that her fate had been sealed many years ago. That she knew what it was like.

"I wouldn't be able to bear it," she said instead.

"I can imagine." Remus came closer now, standing behind Olivia so that his breath tickled her neck. "You'd want to hurt whoever hurt her, right?"

No, she wanted to say. Lycanthropy has no culprits. There's no justice to be served. There are only victims.

"Yes," she said instead.

"Good." Remus slowly closed his hand around her wrist and raised it, pointing her wand towards the dummy on the other side of the room. His voice barely more than a whisper, he leaned in closer. "So do it, then."

Olivia knew it wouldn't work. She could see know that it wasn't a lack of emotion that was her problem – It was hopelessness. What point was there in fighting when the battle had already been lost?

"Stupefy," she muttered. A white flash nearly blinded her, forcing her to shield her eyes with her arms. When she looked up again, the dummy was still standing straight as if nothing had happened.

"Huh. I really thought it would work," Remus said confused.

Olivia said nothing. She didn't want to admit that she had failed, that she had unknowingly given up long ago when her best friend's life had been taken away and replaced with something not even the most generous soul would call a life. She didn't want to admit how much it had shaped her, broken her even, and that it had taken so long for her to realize that. Maybe someday she would have the courage to tell her story, but today was not that day.

"Look, let's leave it here," Olivia said flatly.

"Oh come on, you can't just quit because something doesn't work from the first time – we barely got started!" Remus said.

"I know that, I just… I don't know, I lost it. Look, I have Quidditch training tomorrow morning – before classes even. With the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match in a few days. I think I really need my sleep right now," the Seeker said, avoiding Remus's gaze.

"Okay," Remus said after a few moments. "That's fine. Of course you need to sleep. I'll walk you to the Common Room."

"Thanks."

Olivia managed to hold a decent conversation as they chitchatted about classes and Gryffindor's chances of winning. Remus was nice, and didn't asked about her sudden mood swing or let on that he noticed something was off. When they entered the Common Room, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Look, don't feel discouraged," he said quietly. "I know that you'll be able to master it. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"Thanks," Olivia responded, feeling a tiny bit better.

"We'll have the second session after the match, okay? So you can focus on catching that Snitch the next few days," he continued with a grin.

The Seeker nodded. "Perfect. Thanks, Remus. I'll see you around."

Remus smiled, his amber eyes friendly as he turned around and strode over to James, who was shoving Chocolate Frogs in his mouth at the speed of light. James did have the tendency to start binge-eating when under stress.

The thought of the upcoming match gave Olivia an excuse to ignore the storm of emotions that raged on inside her head. She'd deal with it later, she told herself. After the match.

This was it. The day of the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw Quidditch Match. The day that Olivia, according to Evan, would be bludgeoned to death if she didn't pay attention. She might feel a little bit more nervous than usual, but she made sure it didn't show.

As the team went down together for breakfast, James was giving himself his usual pep talk.

"All right, James, you can do this," he muttered excitedly to himself. "You're a star! Nobody can beat you. You're the man!" he finished, jumping from one foot to another in his nervousness.

"That's what I'm talking about, mate!" Sirius said encouragingly as James sat down beside him. He clapped him on the back and James grinned widely. "Who's the man? You're the man! Who's the man? You're the man!" he chanted, Peter eagerly joining in while Remus sighed deeply and shook his head in weariness.

"You'll want to look out, Sirius," he said drily. "Prongs might let all the fame go to his head."

"I'd never do that!" James cried indignantly. Olivia snorted.

"'Course not, James. It's not like as if you ever behave like an arrogant, smug prat," she said with a straight face. Remus shot her an appreciative glance.

"Thank you, Olivia," James said with a meaningful look to Remus who rolled his eyes.

They ate their breakfast in silence, every player trying to deal with their stress in their own way. Olivia didn't feel very nervous, but nevertheless began rattling off the prime numbers in her head. It helped her remain calm when she couldn't play the piano and when she didn't have an Arithmancy problem to solve.

"2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23,…" she murmured quietly to herself. When she got to 107 she looked up from her food and saw Remus and James watching her with slightly concerned expressions.

"Everything okay, Oli?" James asked carefully. He seemed to think she had finally lost it.

"I'm great. Brilliant," she said quickly. "I was just repeating prime numbers in my head."

She was met by two equally blank stares. Remus arched one eyebrow.

"It helps me to calm down," she muttered defensively. The boys still looked at her incredulously before James cleared his throat.

"Anyway," he began, blinking a few times. "You should eat some more. The last match Ravenclaw played kept going for almost 3 hours."

"I'm fine."

"I really think you should –"

"Stop being so concerned, James." She frowned. "You're not my ruddy mum or anything."

"Fine," he snapped, rolling his eyes. He looked like he was going to say something more, but Evan's deep voice drowned him.

"Team, it's time to go to the Pitch." They all stood up, loud applause and cheers drumming in their ears.

"Don't get beat up," Remus said, giving her a warm smile. His hand briefly grazed along hers, sending a faint tingle across her spine, but she didn't notice between the noise and cheers that came from the Gryffindor table.

As they walked across the windy grounds to the pitch, she started counting again. Emma kept jumping form one foot to another. James took a few deep breaths and cracked his knuckles. They were almost at the dressing rooms.

"Olivia, wait!" Remus came running towards her, his sandy hair dishevelled from the wind. "You forgot your wand," he said, grinning sheepishly.

"Oh, thanks Remus," she answered absently. He didn't go away though, shuffling a bit uncomfortably instead.

"Look," he began, tugging at his collar. "I – eh – do you know there's a Hogsmeade weekend in a few weeks?"

"What about it?" She frowned. Remus was behaving very strange.

"Err – well –"

"Olivia! Come on, you need to get ready now!" Evan shouted from his position next to the changing rooms. He looked a bit annoyed and glared at Remus.

"I've got to go. Talk to you after the match?" she asked hurriedly.

"Yeah, sure," Remus said with a frown, shooting a sharp look at Evan. He quickly averted his gaze and smiled at Olivia. "Good luck," he murmured. He abruptly stepped forward, seemed to hesitate, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Olivia!" Evan sounded really angry now. Remus was already walking towards the stands, a smug look on his face. She shook her head in confusion, decided to put the whole thing out of her mind and focus on the match.

"What did Lupin want? I don't like him," Evan growled.

"He just brought me my wand," she said absently. "Come on, Evan." She gave him a grin, her eyes glinting with excitement. "We've got a game to play."

"Potter takes the Quaffle – dives under Bletchey – he throws – ooh!" The crowd gasped in unison as the Ravenclaw Keeper blocked his throw. The blue-and-bronze coloured stands cheered for their Keeper as the gold-and-scarlet supporters booed loudly. James gritted his teeth and flew back to the middle of the pitch. The game had been going on for nearly two hours and they were all getting tired.

"Olivia, now would be a good time to catch the Snitch!" he shouted annoyed as he flew past her.

"I'd like to see you" – she dodged an oncoming bludger –"catch that ruddy thing while having two Beaters targeting you," she muttered darkly under her breath. Evan had been right; the Ravenclaw Beaters had send every bludger her way as soon as the game had started. She had managed to dodge most of them (thanks to Evan's training sessions) but she still had been hit more than in every game combined.

As a loud, ominous wheeee reached her ears, she quickly took a sharp bend, the bludger grazing her elbow.

"Bloody hell," she hissed under her breath. That would leave a nasty scratch. She didn't have time to lose though, as one of the beaters was already aiming to send another bludger her way, and quickly dove steeply to the ground.

"All right, Olivia?" Evan shouted as he knocked the bludger out of her way.

"Absolutely brilliant," she shouted back sarcastically.

"Maybe you should keep close to me, so that you won't get hit –"

"Just let me handle it." She started to get irritated by Evan's overprotective behaviour. "The other players need you too." She didn't wait for his answer and took another sharp turn. A determined expression on her face, she scanned the pitch for a hint of gold – but nothing so far.

"Come on, you annoying little ball of gold," Olivia muttered under her breath while zooming around the pitch. It generally wasn't a good idea to hover in one place for too long, with all the bludgers coming her way. It was very tiresome.

Suddenly, a small golden fleck glinted behind the Slytherin posts. She lost no time in hesitating and immediately pursued it, her hair whipping around her face. The Ravenclaw Seeker didn't stand a chance, flying all the way on the other side of the pitch. She climbed higher, the sun almost blinding her, her arm outstretched. "Come on, come on, come on," she murmured. A whizzing sound approached her, but she didn't pay attention to it. Her fingers grazed the cold, comforting surface of the ball, and finally clasped around it when –

BANG

A Bludger hit her on her chest, knocking the wind out of her, immediately followed by a second one against her head. Olivia was thrown off her broom, her head unusually light, air roaring past her as she fell down to earth. She tightened her grip around the Snitch and closed her eyes, ready for the impact to come.

The impact came, but it was a bit different than expected. A strong body slammed into hers, gripping her around her waist and pulling her on a broom. She coughed, her head pounding and felt like a horde of Centaurs just trampled over her.

"I've got you, I've got you, I've got you," a masculine voice said as if to reassure himself. Evan hold her tightly, his face white with fear though he couldn't quite hide the enormous grin. They were still flying, the crowd cheering in their ears with a deafening roar.

"I caught the Snitch," Olivia said disorientated.

"I know."

"I was brilliant."

"You were."

"I fell –"

But her incoherent ramblings were cut off suddenly by Evan's lips crushing down on hers. He gripped her closer if even possible, one hand tangled in her long hair while he tried to steady his broom with the other. In front of the whole school, with the roaring and appreciative whistling of hundreds of supporters, he kissed her. And she kissed him back.

As they landed, Olivia could hear Emma's teasing shouts, James's laughter and the sound of thousands of students entering the pitch. She stood swaying on her feet, her vision going blurry and dark spots appearing. As everything turned dark, she could see a figure in the distance walking back to the castle, his sandy hair ruffling in the wind and out of nowhere, an unfamiliar pang of regret cut through her chest.

A/N: I don't have any excuses (well, maybe finals and general university workload), but here it is at least! Thank you all for your patience and encouragements, they actually really help me to finish the chapter faster because I start to feel quilty and all that. I really love writing this story though, and I hope you guys like it too. Sorry again about the lateness and feel free to leave me a review! This chapter's quite a cliffhanger after all.