A/N: For some reason, I thought that it would be hilarious if the Avengers sang the song from Team America: World Police (you all know the one ;) ) to Steve for his birthday and to celebrate the Fourth of July. And without further adieu, I present this nonsense.
Disclaimer: I do not own either the Avengers, America, or Team America: World Police
America!
Steve was sitting in the living room, catching up on the Fourth of July parades that he had missed due to his having to ride in the one in DC. It was late, around 11 pm and he was tired from all the day's activities. Right then, all he wanted to do was eat the last of his birthday cake and relax.
Which was why he groaned audibly when the Avengers, plus Jane, Darcy and Pepper, all walked in with the same wide grins.
Tony was also carrying a guitar for some reason.
Steve quirked an eyebrow and placed his tablet on the table in front of him. "Um, hi guys," he said with a note of apprehension. Normally when all of the Avengers where grinning like mischievous children, something crazy and irritating was about to happen.
"Capsicle, since it's your and America's birthday today, and I won't even go into how hilarious that is, I and the others thought it'd be good to sing a song to commemorate the both of you."
As the others assented, Steve nodded amicably. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "That's awful nice of you guys."
"Yeah, we thought so too," Clint said with a smirk. He gave Tony a signal, who began to strum the guitar lightly.
Thor and Bruce both cleared their throats. "America, America," they sang, only a little off key. Steve smiled lightly and sat back to enjoy himself.
Tony gave the guitar a faster strum and grinned evily. "America!"
"Fuck yeah!" Clint yelled.
"Comin' again to save the motherfucking day, yeah! America!"
"FUCK YEAH!" Thor bellowed, still woefully off key.
"Freedom is the only way, yeah!" Jane pointed at Steve dramatically, who was as wide eyed as a deer in headlights.
"Terrorists! You're game is through! Cause now you have to answer to…America!"
"Fuck yeah," Bruce yelled out, causing Steve to clinch up. How did they convince Bruce to be a part of this.
"So lick my butt and suck on my balls!" Tony leaned over and waggled his eyebrows at Pepper, who was laughing to hard to do anything about it. "America!"
"Fuck yeah!" Darcy yelled.
"Whatcha gonna do when we come for you now?!"
Natasha jumped foreward, Black Widow business face firmly fixed in place. She placed her hand over her heart and looked upward dramatically. "It's the dream that we all share! It the hope for tomorro-o-o-o-ow!"
Clint nearly lost his composure. "Fuck yeah!"
"McDonald's!"
"Fuck yeah!" Thor bellowed. Somehow, Darcy and Jane barely kept it together.
"Walmart!"
"Fuck yeah!" Clint sang.
"The GAP!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Baseball!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"NFL!"
"Fuck yeah!"
Bruce was literally crawling on the ground, clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. Clint and Natasha weren't in any better shape either.
"Rock n roll!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"The Internet!"
"Fuck yeah!" Thor yelled again. This time, Jane lost it. She and Darcy fell in a heap as they erupted with laughter.
"Slavery!"
"Fuck yeah!" Pepper screamed.
Steve's eyes managed to widen even more. Not only because Pepper was involved, but she had just agreed to something as abhorrent as slavery.
"Fuck yeah!" Tony finished with a flourish guitar riff. Thank God that's over, Steve thought, only for him to groan loudly as Tony picked the beat up again.
"Starbucks!"
"Fuck yeah!" everyone yelled out like a chorus of hyper five year olds.
"Disneyworld!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Porno!"
"FUCK YEAH!" the guys screamed while thrusting forward. Darcy wad literally about to die from laughter.
"Valium!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Reebok!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Big tits!" Tony turned around in time to be reward with all the ladies shaking their chests.
"FUCK YEAH!" they screamed out.
"Sushi!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Taco Bell!" Thor was having to lean against the wall to stop himself from falling over. Bruce literally had tears running down his face and his cheeks were as red as Pepper's hair.
"Fuck yeah!"
"Rodeo!"
Bruce jumped around like he was riding a bucking bronco. "Fuck yeah!" Clint exploded with laughter. Even Steve chuckled a bit.
"Bed, Bath and Beyond!"
Only Pepper screamed out like an excited two year girl, "FUCK YEAH!"
There was a pause in the singing, thank God, and Steve took the time to try and calm his nerves.
"Liberty!" Tony jumped up onto the sofa and pointed at Steve hopefully, who firmly shook his head.
"Fuck yeah!" Natasha yelled in her best Captain America voice.
"Waxed lips!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"The Alamo!"
Jane saluted theatrically. "Fuck yeah!"
"Band-aids!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Las Vegas!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Christmas!" He again pointed hopefully toward Steve, who again shook his head firmly. He was not taking a part in this, no matter hiw funny and hilarious the others looked.
"Fuck yeah!"
"Immigrants!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Popeye!"
Thor flexed his impressive biceps. "Fuck yeah!"
"Democrats!"
"FUCK YEAH!"
"Republicans"
"Fuck yeah?"
"Sportsmanship!"
"…"
"Books!"
"Fuck yeah!" Jane yelled out.
"Fucking nerd!" Darcy teased before receiving a punch to the arm from the from Jane.
Tony finished the song with another impressive guitar riff and jumped down to emphasis his last strum.
"Phew. Alright, Cap, what did you think?" Natasha asked. Given their wide grins, he knew that they already knew what he thought.
Still, he jumped out of his chair and stared the grinning fools down. "What the hell is wrong with you people?! What do you think America is, some kind of joke to make vulgar songs about?!" He was as red as a beet, both out of embarrassment from when the ladies shook their chests and anger from the whole thing.
"Relax Steve," Bruce said with tears still streaming down his face, "it's just a song from a movie."
"Who the hell would watch a movie with such a terrible song? Who, I ask you, who?"
Everyone glanced at each other and grinned devilishly. "America!" Tony sang out.
"FUCK YEAH!" Everyone yelled before erupting into laughter.
Steve groaned and fell back in his chair.
A/N: Happy Birthday, America & Captain America!