A/N I was watching Captain America the other day (because I am always going to tell you what my inspiration for my stories is) for maybe the fifth time and I put subtitles on just to know EXACTLY what everyone was saying and when I got to the bit after Bucky falls where Steve is talking with Peggy, it shocked me when I finally understood that Bucky didn't just fall because he couldn't hold on any longer, he fell because he LET GO ON PURPOSE.

. . . 0.o

Because he knew he was a liability to Steve or some totally WRONG bull like that. And it made me really sad. Because Steve was sad. And since I can always imagine Bucky singing Taylor Swift's "Safe and Sound" to Steve before he had the Super Soldier Serum, this fic was born.

I vaguely address a couple of Tony's issues just because I think it works. Tell me what you think of my story in a review, please, I know you'll have an opinion and I want you to share it. But if YOU don't want to publicly share it, you can always PM me.

And thanks to lovestorywithatwist for being my beta reader.

xxXXXxx

Steve knows that Tony is fast asleep because his eyes are closed and his breathing is even. Whatever Steve's boyfriend is dreaming about must be something nice, as there's the beginning of a smirk on Tony's lips, one that is so familiar and comforting to Steve, possibly because it reminds him of another dark haired man, a man who also has – had – deep brown eyes like Tony.
Steve gently rests a hand on Tony's arch reactor, the dim blue outline of it shining through Tony's shirt. They've been an official couple for a whole year now, and it was only last month that Tony allowed Steve to touch his arc reactor. Steve has always been allowed to touch Tony whenever and wherever he wants, except the arc reactor.

Obviously this has something to do with how Tony was used to people touching him and using him and ultimately betraying him. Trust issues, to sum it up. But after working on a team for a year and half, Tony is on his way to completely resolving this problem, and Steve will always be here for him. Steve is here to help Tony save himself. Unlike the time Steve was unable to save Bucky.

But no, Peggy had made it clear that they should respect Bucky's decision and try to move on.

Bucky.

Peggy.

The seemingly bottomless hole in Steve's chest aches as he remembers his two closest friends. The feeling doesn't ebb away as easily as one would hope, which is why Steve rarely allows himself to bear the pain that comes for reminiscing about his past. He presses himself closer to his lover, one arm slung across Tony's stomach, his head resting in the nook between Tony's jaw and shoulder, and he closes his eyes.

The sound of a voice lifting above the noise of a downpour fills Steve's head and there's a pang in his heart as he remembers that particular night.

It was several years before the Super Soldier Serum, when Steve learned of the death of his mother. Although Bucky had grown up as an orphan and never even knew his own parents, he was still there for his best friend with a sympathetic hug and soothing words whispered in Steve's ear. And on that rainy night, in that cold, secluded house, he had whispered,

"Steve, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about your mother. I know how you're feeling right now, and you've gotta believe me when I say you're not alone; you'll never be alone. You'll always have me, and we've got each other. I'm sorry about your mother, Steve, but you're going to get through this." Bucky mumbles in Steve's ear, after having wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him into his lap, without any protest from the blonde, who now sniffles quietly, his head resting under Bucky's chin.

"I know, but . . ." Steve hiccups slightly, mildly embarrassed to be crying in front of his friend. He knows, however, that Bucky has never and will never think of Steve as weak or as a coward. But it's frustrating, trying to get the words out through his tears. "We're seventeen, we're . . . still young, still teenagers."
"No, Steve, we're men, and we can rely on each other. We'll get through this, trust me." Bucky promises, gently rocking his friend, something he remembers seeing Steve's mum do when Steve was younger, and Steve remembers this as well. It's warm. It's comforting. It's Bucky.

"I . . . I know. I believe you." Steve whispers, squeezing his eyes shut and wiping away his tears.
"I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go. When all those shadows almost killed your light." Bucky starts to sing softly. "I remember you said don't leave me here alone. But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight."

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be all right; no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound."

Safe and sound. The song that Steve's mother, Sarah Rogers, used to sing, to both Steve and Bucky as children, on particularly bad nights when the war was impacting them more than usual.

"Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on."

Steve shifts and lets out a small, content sigh, and Bucky smiles softly and kisses Steve's head before continuing to sing. "Hold onto this lullaby, even when the music's gone."

Cut to approximately eight years in the future, where one second Bucky is dangling off the train, and the next second, he's gone. And Steve has still held onto that memory, that lullaby, even when his mother was gone and even after Bucky was gone.

When he feels someone squirm next to him, his mind comes back to the present moment, and his eyes flash open as Tony cries out.

"Tony!" Steve leans above the man, face full of worry. Tony opens his eyes, and blinks up at his boyfriend, before becoming still and smiling with relief.
"Steve." He whispers. He reaches up and grasps the nape of Steve's neck with his hand and pulls him down for a sudden, hungry kiss. When they pull apart, Steve studies Tony's face and says, "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No, it was nothing –," Tony shakes his head.

"Don't lie to me." Steve suddenly cuts in, taking Tony by surprise. "Tony, please tell me. I won't love you any less if you tell me, you know that."

And Tony does, because it's one of the trust exercises they had been working on, after Tony had admitted to the fact that he was worried that if Steve knew the things that went on with him, he wouldn't want to be with him anymore. Which Steve had immediately and passionately protested against, because he never wants Tony to think that way, because it's far from the truth.

"You got me. A nightmare." Tony sighs.

"What was it about? You looked happy in your sleep a little while ago." Steve sits up properly and strokes Tony's cheek.

"It was about you. And me. We were, well, you know and then . . . it was Loki's attack all over again." Tony starts. "Except this time, I was the one on the ground giving orders. And you were the one flying the nuke up into the portal, which started closing on you, but you got through."
"That's a good thing, at least." Steve gives a small smile.
"Except . . ." Tony looks down, away from Steve's eyes. "The Hulk didn't catch you. Nobody . . . caught you. You just fell straight from the portal and . . . hit the ground."

Tony is immediately scooped up into Steve's arms, Steve's back resting against the headboard of the bed as he kisses Tony's head and says, "it was just a dream. It didn't actually happen."
"I know." Tony sighs.
"What happened instead?"
"What do you mean?" Tony frowns.
"I didn't die. You didn't die. We're all . . . safe and sound," Steve explains softly, "and we ended up together. Just keep reminding yourself that." He feels rather than sees Tony nod and then Tony is saying, "Steve, what song is that?"
"Sorry?" It's Steve's turn to feel confused.

Tony shifts in his arms and ends up kneeling in between Steve's legs.

"That song. That you were just humming." Tony explains placing his hands on Steve's torso, touching him as if to make sure he's real. This is what Tony does sometimes after having a nightmare, and Steve lets him, not that he can say he minds anyway.

"I wasn't aware that I was humming anything." Steve admits, as Tony runs his hands down Steve's sides, and then they come to rest on his thighs.
"You were." Tony leans forward and pecks Steve on the lips. "And thankyou."
"For what?"
"For . . . being here." For not leaving me is what Steve's mind translates.

"I'm always here." Steve grins and Tony nods.
"Yeah, I know, especially before when you implied that you had been watching me sleep."
"Well . . . ok, that's true." Steve blushes.
"It's fine, Steve. It's . . . cute." Tony grins.
"Cute? You mean like baby animals?" Steve raises an eyebrow.
"Uh, no. I meant to say, you're so terribly strong and masculine and . . . warm." Tony starts kissing Steve's neck.

"Um, thanks." Steve chuckles, and Tony feels the vibrations through Steve's neck.

"Wow I love you." Tony breathes, and pulls back to look his boyfriend up and down. "You're so beautiful."

Steve smiles and goes to say something, but Tony quickly cuts in with, "oh, not to say that I only love you for your looks. I mean, having a boyfriend that has the most gorgeous soul is . . . so amazing, and it's a definite bonus that said boyfriend has beyond Godly looks."

"I feel the same way about you." Steve says earnestly.

Tony stares at him for a moment, before smiling and looking away.

"See? Beautiful." He whispers, leaning in to kiss Steve on the lips again.

"I had a flashback, before." Steve says quietly as they come up for air.

"About . . . Bucky?" Tony guesses and when Steve nods, he reaches up his hand to brush Steve's hair off his forehead. "That's understandable. Do you want to talk about it?"
"It was nothing, really. Just me thinking back to when . . . my mum died and Bucky was there for me, and he was singing to me. And then he . . . died as well. But . . . you know that already, so it doesn't matter."

Tony cups Steve's face with his hands and protests sternly, "It matters. I have no idea what sort of pain you went through, and are still going through, but remember that I'm always here for you. Don't think you can just push your problems away so as to not burden me with them."
"I . . . I know." Steve lets out a heavy sigh. "Thankyou Tony. I'm so, so lucky to have you."

Tony smirks that one smirk, and Steve's heart skips a beat, but before he can feel anything other than love and gratitude, Tony leans in and kisses him, settling down his memories and silencing his thoughts.

A/N Also, happy birthday Steve Rogers! :D