Chapter 1: Guilt

I remember, back when life was still normal. Not many people still do. I remember some crazy back in town, always preaching about the end times, a judgment day. He'd rant and rave about man turning on man…blood in the streets. I wonder who that makes crazier – us for not believing him, or him for wanting it. I remember his face the night it all began. He got jumped by a pack of those things, and torn apart. I swear I saw him smiling as I ran.

Jackson County - July 2034

The town was silent. Far off in the distance the hydroelectric dam hummed away in the early morning. Rays of sunlight began to crest over the top of the valley, reflecting off tin roofs, glass windows, vainly trying to puncture through tightly drawn curtains. Around the walls of the settlement guards yawned and stretched, anxious for a shift change so they could stiffly walk back to their homes, perhaps grab a bit of breakfast before kissing their wives or girlfriends good morning and passing out into long-awaited sleep.

One small cottage nestled itself near the edge of town, hugging one of the high walls. Two stories tall and built of smooth wood from the forest nearby it was one of the few buildings not yet needing sheets of roughly welded metal to support it. The sunlight crept up its weathered front, slipping through an opened window on the first floor. It danced around the room, pushing the shadows back into their corners. A man occupied the room, sitting in a plain metal chair by a plywood kitchen table. He sipped at a chipped mug of black coffee, letting the bitterness of the taste fill his mouth. It was a luxury to drink a cup anymore. He stared into the dark fluid, running a hand through his dark hair and failing to stifle a yawn. Time escaped him as he fell deep into thought.

It had been what, three months since they arrived? Three months of living here, three months of something like civilization. Almost three months of righting what felt like such a deep wrong. Somewhere else in the house stairs creaked as bare feet pressed down on them. He glanced up as another figure appeared in the doorway, rubbing an eye with the back of her hand. The cottage was just about the only place she didn't habitually wear long sleeves and the sun crept across her forearms, sinking into the skin, even into the bite mark she tried so hard to hide. She walked across the room, grabbing an apple from a basket, and leaned against the wall, glancing at him as the signs of sleep left her eyes. She yawned deeply and took a bite of the fruit.

"You're up early." She said between bites, "This is your first break in a month, why waste it being awake?"

Joel gave a half chuckle, "You and I both know I don't sleep good. Neither do you, unless that's changed."

She shook her head, pressing the apple against her mouth and sucking the juice out of the bite she made before replying. She spoke as she pulled a chair out and sat down.

"Hell no." She took another bite before tossing the apple lightly in the air. "But hey, bad sleep is better than no sleep, right, and I just keep hoping one day I won't have nightmares anymore."

"Ellie I…" he trailed off, glancing out the window before looking back at her. "They the same as usual? The Nightmares?"

She rolled the apple around in her hand, trailing her eyes from the gashed open fruit down to her forearm. Her eyes flicked back and forth from the food to the scar, and she squeezed the food slightly before putting it down on the table with slight revulsion and weariness. Her hand crept up to brush a lock of hair out of her eyes, and she unconsciously chewed her tongue as she fished for a response. She gave a weak smile.

"Yeah. Guilt, pain, regret," she twirled her finger around at each listing, "the good stuff all chasing me around. But it's getting better. I guess I'm starting to forgive everything. I've forgiven you, still working on myself, still working on the world. I get what you mean, after our…" she paused to blink and think, letting out a quiet laugh before continuing, "little chat a while back. But it's just…just the actual stuff I have to deal with. It hurts still to come to terms with, you know?"

His eyes took a softer light, and he leaned back into the chair, crossing his arms.

"I know baby girl. You've almost got to forgive yourself for trying to forgive yourself. It doesn't always get easier, but you get used to it."

He got up, and walked around the room, stretching his legs. Ellie followed him with her eyes until he walked behind her, letting her gaze fall back to the apple sitting in a beam of sunlight. He lightly rested his hands on her shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze.

"It gets better. I promise." She closed her eyes as Joel spoke, before tilting her head back to look up at him.

"No more lies?" Ellie whispered. He opened him mouth, then closed it, before shaking his head.

"No, no more lies Ellie." She searched his eyes for any hint of deception. All she saw was exhaustion, guilt, and love. She moved a hand to gently rest on his. He leaned down and hesitated before tentatively kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you." He breathed, before reaching over her to take the apple, and placed it in her hand, curling her fingers around the cool fruit before walking out of the room. She could hear the stairs groan again as he made his way up them to his room. She took another bite, rolling the food around in her mouth before chewing it slowly, as she gazed out the window at nothing in particular.

"Anytime…" she said quietly, tracing her free hand across the scar on her arm.

Joel walked up the stairs, and down the hallway. He passed Ellie's room, and looked in it, seeing the meager stack of books and comics he had collected for her piled up by her bedside. On top of the pile sat a Walkman, even though it didn't work anymore. He figured she'd be on the third reading of the lot of them. She needed some new ones, he decided. He walked into his room, gently shutting the door. It was Spartan, with only a bed with tattered sheets, a dresser, and a nightstand in it.

He sat down on the bed, feeling the rusted springs crunch down under him, and he looked across to his nightstand. On it sat a pistol, always chambered. Next to that were two pictures. One torn, tattered, creased and stained. It was the one Ellie had given him – stolen for him, with his daughter, his first daughter smiling next to him. The next was a slightly blurry Polaroid of Ellie sitting with a guitar, smiling tiredly at the camera with one arm draped over the guitar and the other placed with her fingers awkwardly on the strings, seemingly looking unsure of what to do. It was probably the first picture anyone ever took of her. He had to trade half a deer for the chance to take it.

"Our little chat…" He mouthed. The words felt heavy on his tongue, unpleasant. Joel rubbed his fingers into his eyes as he slowly stretched back, feeling his stomach ache from the fall he took so long ago. He screwed his eyes shut as he let out a deep sigh, thinking back to that "little chat."

11 weeks ago

"You fucking swore to me Joel. You…you lied!" She half hissed, half whimpered at him, pushing herself into the corner of her room and sliding down it. She pulled her knees to her chest as the words rocked him, and he dropped down to a knee to look her in the eyes, guilt and raw regret shining.

"Please Ellie, I did it for you…"

"For me?! What If I didn't want you to Joel? What if that was what I wanted?!"

"It wasn't worth it Ellie, can't you see –"she slammed a fist onto the floor, making him stop mid sentence. She pulled the sleeve of her jacket up and thrust her arm out with a look of disgust thrown at both him and her scar.

"Wasn't worth what? Wasn't worth saving everyone at the expense of my life? I could be the cure. I could have saved everyone! I was waiting for my turn to lose. My. Mind. You stole that from me. You think I didn't know you were lying? You think I didn't see the way you looked at me? I tried to forgive you, I tried to believe you, but," she stood up and walked to the window, and smacked a palm against her chest before gesturing madly out the window, "what makes me so special that I get to live when they all get to die? I. Could. Have. Saved. Everyone. You took my purpose away and only left me with guilt."

She threw the last words like boulders, but Joel shuddered for a moment, and stood up. He started out quietly.

"You really think you could have saved them? Saved anyone? Who, Ellie, who was there to save with it? There was no guarantee of a cure! There may have been no cure at all! Then what, how would they have made it, where? You really think they would have saved the world with it? It would have been nothing more than a weapon. Just something to cling on to because it gave them power."

He turned around, and threw his hands up for a moment, before wheeling back around.

"A weapon Ellie." He reached behind him and pulled out his pistol, letting the magazine slide out and bounce off the floor as he racked the slide and let the bullet fall too. He grabbed the gun with his other hand, smacking it against his palm before throwing it to the floor with a crash.

"Do you really think this world needs another weapon? Because I don't." He took a step towards her. "This world needs some hope. That's you, Ellie." He took another step towards her, but she pushed him back and turned towards the corner of the room. She wrapped her arms around herself, and her shoulders bounced up and down as quiet sobs raked her frame. She stifled a whimper, and without turning around spoke in a faltering voice.

"There's nothing in me to give anyone hope. I'm just some girl, going half crazy from a life I didn't even ask for."

Joel walked behind her, moving his hands out to turn her around, before thinking better of it.

"You give me hope. You're looking for people to save? Turn around. You've saved me. Do you know how hard it is to find a second chance in this world? Ellie…you were looking to die for something. How about looking to live for something instead? This world needs hope, it needs innocence. You're the only person that has any of that left.

She spoke again "I've killed people…"

"You've read me jokes." He fired back.

"I've gotten people killed…"

"You put your trust in me." Joel would not let up.

"I steal, stab, shoot…"

"You stole a picture of my daughter for me Ellie…you brought back the past."

She shook her head, her ponytail bobbing against her shoulders.

"And what good does that do?"

He let out a small laugh.

"It lets you see the future a little better."

Ellie turned to him, tears cutting down her face. She looked up at him, an expression of dejection and despair etched across her face.

"There's nothing innocent about me." She unwrapped her arms, and clasped her fingers together tightly as she stared at him.

He let out a breath, and took a step towards her. She didn't push him away as more tears rolled down.

"Oh Ellie…" he reached out and rubbed a thumb down her cheek. She winced from the contact. He pulled his thumb back and let the liquid on it glisten in the fading light "if you had no innocence this wouldn't be here.

She stared down at it, then at him.

"I tried so hard to hate you for lying. But I can't. I acted normal, let it bubble up hoping it would be enough to just leave. I don't know why. But I just can't hate you. I remember two…two gunshots." She looked away, then back at him. "You killed her, didn't you? You killed Marlene." The anger had disappeared from her voice. There was only a certain kind of world-weariness.

He swallowed hard.

"I did."

Her shoulders sagged slightly. "Why?"

"She wouldn't have ever given you peace. Ever."

"Maybe I would have gotten it after the surgery. I'd like to think…"

He Interrupted her "You'd like to think, but you don't believe. You'd be dead Ellie. That ain't peace.

Her shoulders sagged a little more, and she swayed as if caught in a breeze. Joel gently grabbed her arms, and guided her down to the floor. He pulled a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around her, using a corner to wipe her tears away. She didn't fight it.

He continued, "You would have done the same for me, you know it." She closed her eyes as his words repeated. "You know it."

Under the blanket she wrapped her arms back around herself.

"Maybe that's why I can't hate you."

He sat next to her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Oh baby girl…"

She buried her head into the blanket.

"Now what Joel? Where do we go from here?"

He shrugged against her. "We go forwards. We survive. We remember how to act human."

She looked up at him, slinking a hand out to wipe at her eyes.

"No more lies?"

He looked out the window as the sun crept behind the hills and the room darkened.

"No, no more lies."

"Thank you."

He held her till she stopped shaking and her ragged breaths evened out into the slight ones of someone asleep. He gently stood up, scooping her up and carefully putting her on the bed. He turned to walk away but hesitated, turning back to gently kiss the top of her head before walking out, running his fingers across his broken watch.

Author's note: Well, there we go. The first creative thing I've written in almost a decade. To be honest I actually have quite a story planned out with romance, an oc, action, the whole shebang. But the more I read this chapter the more I think it would also be equally good as a oneshot in an odd way. So please let me know what you think of it, and if you want me to continue the story. I may go ahead and do it anyways, but some demand never hurt, especially if I've got the supply. Reviews's are much appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed it!