First of all I want to apologize in advance for some of the OOCness of some of the characters, but as you see in the tags, this story is a comedy. (borderline crack) Also I wanted to give Death a different kind of personality.

Searching for Deadpool.

Chapter 1

Deep in the vastness of space, stood a floating castle invisible to the eyes of lesser men. Inside this ominous castle was one of the most powerful beings in the entire universe. Death.

Death was the physical manifestation of the concept it represented. Death oversaw the demise and the passing of all and every single life form. From the most powerful and enormous creatures the universe could produce to the most basic microorganisms. Every living thing had to die, and no one was immune to it. Of course there were exceptions to every rule: only those it deemed worthy or had its favor received immunity to dying.

One would think that such a powerful individual with that kind of responsibility would've been far too busy all the time, but in fact, Death didn't have to do anything beyond existing until the end of time when the last living creature ceased to exist.

And since Death didn't have to do anything; it spent most of its time observing the events and lives of those it found interesting. But even that turned boring after a while, so Death decided to spent the last few years watching the 'cultural imports' from planet earth.

Gotta hand it to the human race, they make good television.

Death was currently enjoying a particularly funny animated series from the country known as Japan. Most of the things that came from that country were really weird and sometimes uncomfortable (for some humans) and that make Death love it even more.

"Ha, poor, poor Harima, He can never catch a breath!" Came a very different voice one would've expected for the representation of death to have. It wasn't as dark and ominous as one would think and didn't bring despair and madness to those who heard her.

Yes, Her. Although Death was just a metaphorical concept given form; it didn't have a set or default body or form, so throughout the years Death decided to take the form of a female. And she preferred it that way.

As another episode of her current 'favorite show' came to an end, Death decided to turn around and look out to the lives (and deaths) of all the living beings she found so interesting.

"Mmm, let's see…" The Gardians of the Galaxy were patrolling space in their pointless attempt to protect and bring peace to the galaxy. A foolish crusade indeed, but she enjoyed when that darn cute raccoon blew off the head of another space criminal.

The avengers "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" were having a downtime after the last world changing/shattering event that seemed to happen every few months. Nothing of particular interest.

"Maybe I should bring back an old foe or bring back another fallen hero" Death would occasionally bring back deceased or killed heroes and villains to spice things up or change team dynamics or to restore the status quo after some particular death didn't bring the entertainment value to her favorite "reality show".

"I wish I could mess around with Spiderman" She thought. But right now Peter Parker wasn't Peter but that Dr. Octopus guy. She didn't know how to feel about the whole development, but she decided to give this 'Superior Spiderman' a few views before trying to correct the status quo.

Death then moved away from earth and looked at the entire universe at large for some entertainment. There were the classics, like heroes forming a rebellion and bringing down a power hungry dictator; The drama of an interplanetary war with no defined 'good guys and bad guys' which threaten to destroy their whole solar system; or a star going supernova destroying the whole planet, eliminating an entire race except for that one spaceship containing a baby which will travel to another planet where he would be Super powerful: geez, how many times had she seen that last one? A lot in her opinion.

The second to last person Death observed was her long time suitor Thanos the titan(or Thanos-Baka as she just recently began to call him. Thanks Japan!). She always had a soft spot for the titan but a relationship him could never be.

Why? Because the guy always tried too hard to gain her attention and affection, that's why. He was like a little kid trying to constantly impress his hot teacher. And when she didn't pay him any attention or reward him for a 'job well-done' he would throw a tantrum and brood on his throne on that asteroid of his. The only thing missing was him listening to Linking Park's 'Crawling' all day.

The guy was so into her that she knew Thanos would spend the rest of his immortal life chasing after her (just get over it, dammit!). Sometimes, Death wished she could take away his immortality so he would stop bothering her. Not that it was impossible or even that difficult for her, she could take it away any time.

The only things holding her back was that despite the annoyance he was, Thanos' affection flattered her and she couldn't imagine not having it anymore. Yes, it was selfish of her leading him on like that, sue her. The second was that she gave him his immortality as a gift, he earned it and she couldn't take away a gift she gave willingly. She has a reputation to maintain, you know.

Although there was one time she almost did take away his immortality. It was when Thanos pulled that stupid stunt a few years back, preventing her from been with the love of her life by cursing him with immortality on his own. Jeez, Possessive much, Right?

Speaking of which, how was her cutie-pie doing lately? She had been too busy watching television and intergalactic genocide to pay attention to his beloved. It had been 3 months since she 'watch him from afar" which is totally not stalking, okay!

Death felt awful. The last time she spent this long without 'observing' him, was when she saw him trying his charms on another woman. She was so angry (totally not jealous, BTW) that she consciously ignored him for two months straight. Heck she even paid attention to Thanos for awhile just to get even (again not jealous).

But during that time, while she was blocking out Thanos' inane poetry, (really?! She couldn't believe that guy) she had time think it through. It wasn't his beloved's fault! He was just lonely and longed for affection and companionship, like a puppy. And insane, crazed, loudmouth puppy, but her puppy, dammit! Also her visits every time he died, where getting shorter and more far in between.

Damn that healing factor of his and damn Thanos-Baka for his stupid curse. It broke her metaphoric heart.

"One day we will be together, my love! But for now I shall watch you from afar!" Death then tried searching for him using her powers but it turned out that she couldn't find him.

"What the…? Where is he?!"

Where was he? Where the heck was her beloved Wade? Death tried and searched all over earth but she couldn't find him.

"Wait! Maybe he's in space!" Yes that was probably it! Deadpool usually had the most strange and wacky adventures. So it wasn't farfetched that he was sent there for a mission, or he teleported on accident, it had happened before. Death tried searching through the entire universe but still she couldn't find him at all.

"What about dimensional travel? He could be in other dimension!" Death reasoned so she turned to search there too. The good thing about being and metaphoric concept is that she existed in every part of the multiverse. They were all connected, so she could peer into her other selves. But like before the search was fruitless.

Looking throughout the entire multiverse could've taken her hours, days or years but for her time was meaningless. Wait! Time? That's it! Maybe her 'Love Platypus' was trapped in the past or helping that Cable-guy in the future! It was another thing that tended to happen to her 'Sugar-Pie'.

Death tried looking into the future first but everything was foggy, she couldn't see anything! Then she tried the past but it was the same! She tried to pint-point the exact moment of Wade's disappearance but the farthest she got was when he received a called for a Merc job, then everything turned hazy.

"Something is blocking my powers" Or maybe it wasn't something but someone. Very few had the power or the influence to affect her powers directly. So the list was very short, but who and for what motive?

Both the Living Tribunal and 'The-one-above-all" were out since those guys never pay attention to anything unless you cause the demise of a few universes.

Her brother Eternity? No, he was far too boring and busy trying to prevent the demise of all life in existence. The idiot.

Big Bro Galactus? ("Maybe I should start calling him 'Gyarakutasu onii-san' like in those anime shows") Pfft. Eff No. Her Onii-san just thought with his stomach, the big oaf!

The Dread Dormammu? He-who-sleeps-but-shall-awake Shuma Gorath? Eehm…probably. Both of those guys only did stuff when it was convenient for them for furthering their plans or when someone pissed them off. And her dear "Deadpool-chan" had a track record a mile long for pissing people off.

*Sigh* "Staying here doing nothing, will not solve anything! I think this calls for old-school detective work… or maybe just blackmail and intimidation. Yes blackmail and intimidation works better." She giggled to herself. Look at her acting just like Wade.

[]

On the deepest end of the fiery pits of despair and torment known as Hell, sat the lord of Darkness Mephisto. Doing…whatever the demon lord did when he was not torturing souls or raging his war against god. Maybe jerk-off or something.

"Well, this sure is interesting! To what owe you the pleasure of your visit, Death." Mephisto greeted her with that wicked tongue of his. Kind of cliché if you asked her.

"Cut the crap, Mephisto! This isn't a social visit!" answered Death with a very Deadpool-y reply . "I'm looking for a certain someone, and I want to know if he is here!" continued with a no-nonsense tone.

"And if this person is here, what then?" Mephisto asked back, not showing his annoyance for the disrespect Death showed. "You know I don't part away from souls, unless there is something of great value to make a trade!" There was his serpentine tone again. Always looking for gain something and sink his teeth on an easy prey.

"Do not think for a second you can bargain with me, Mephisto! You don't have what it takes to do so!" she insulted him and demeaned his entire 'deal-with-the-devil act'. "If the person I'm looking for is here, I'll just take him and go. As easy like that"

"And what makes you think I'll allow that" Mephisto forgot all pretense and showed his true anger. " You are on my realm! Here I am invincible; you don't have any power in here!" and just as his prideful words left out his mouth so did his energy and power. "What..? What is happening to me? What did you do to me?!"

"What? I'm just reclaiming what is rightful mine." said Death with a matter-of-fact tone. "You pride yourself for all these souls you claim as your own to further increase your power, but the truth is that none of these souls are yours! There are all mine! You were just holding them on for me!" Death ended in a mean chuckle looking at the "All-mighty" Mephisto crawling angrily at her.

"NO! You lie!"

"Nope! It's all true and now that all your souls are belong to me (Lol, old-school meme) , you are as weak as any other soul."

"NO, NO!"

"Yes, yes! I get it, you can't believe it and you're angry but I don't have time for you to process all of this since you're stupid and it would take hours, so listen up! Right now I own you, you're my Byatch!"

"What?" Mephisto asked weakly. Been at the mercy of someone else was a very foreign experience for him.

"Now tell me! Where is Wade Wilson?"

[]

After Death's little visit to hell proved fruitless, she decided to visit other realms were souls were held.

"I do not hold the soul of the man you are looking for" said a feminine voice coming from down her feet. Death just sent a mean glare to the woman at her feet. "I do not hold the soul of the man you are looking for…Mistress!" The woman added.

"Now was that really so hard, Hela?" Death smirked at the fallen asgardian "goddess of death". What a joke. Currently the true ruler of all the dead and spirits was sitting at the throne that previously belonged to Hela.

"Now, now! Remember I don't like been lied to!" said with a disapproving frown like a mother looking down on a misbehaving child.

"Mistress!" answered Hela, grinding her teeth. She couldn't believe she was bowing like a lowly commoner. "I do not lie, I do not have the soul of Wade Wilson" Death sighed in disappointment. He wasn't here; he wasn't in hell, just where in the world was he?

"Ok! I'll leave now. I shall return some of your power so you can keep running this place . But remember, you work for me! And I'm your Pimp!" Yes, that was something Wadey would say. Oh! How much she missed him. "And the next time I come to visit I expect a better reception"

"Yes mistress!"

/

"You know! I really like this Dark Dimension of yours. I should visit more often. Well if it isn't an inconvenience to you Katou-Chan*" Death said this while sipping the most delicious tea the Dark Dimension could offer. And her host ´Katou-chan' was non-other than the Dread Dormammu himself who was serving tea to his 'guest'. His eye twitch in annoyace at the nickname.

"Ha! Katou-chan! I shall remember that one!" said another feminine figure enjoying the tea Dormammu served. It was his twin sister Umar.

"Hey Umar? Is it true that thing about The Hulk? Was he really 'The Strongest There Is' down 'there' too?" asked Death with a knowing smirk enjoying the opportunity to gossip.

"Well, I have to say his 'thing' really is something to behold…"

"I do not wish for this conversation to continue!" said Darmammu with clearly uncomfortable with the topic of discussion.

"No need to be shy, Katou-chan! Unless you are feeling self-conscious!" teased Death once again enjoying the reaction from her host. Dormammu didn't answer but the flame of his head grew higher showing his anger.

Why was HE lowering himself to serve tea to these women? He was the Dread Dormammu! Lord of the Dark Dimension! The Eater of Souls! The Lord of Chaos! His power was equal to the Phoenix Force, Odin, and the Elder Gods combined. He could take on Galactus single handedly! Heck, he could beat The Living Tribunal too! (Yeah, he wished.)

"I know what you are thinking!" said Death out of the blue looking at him with a bored look. "Why am I doing this? I'm Dormammu, no one is more powerful than me! I can beat 'The-one-above-all' if I wanted!" Death said imitating his voice in a perfect manner.

Dormammu looked at her with a stare that could shot daggers.

"I admit that you are very powerful! You even defeated my brother Eternity!" continued with a more serious tone. She wasn't mocking him she was just stating the facts.

"But when it comes right down to it, I am more powerful than anyone else; I mean really, you can't kill me I am Death! And if by some contrived manner you were to kill me, what would happen next? If I don't exist there is no death in the universe and without the natural balance of life and death the world would implode in itself."

Dormammu had to admit that he didn't really put that much thought into it. She was really untouchable. But then Umar asked in a curious manner. "Hey! Didn't Loki capture you that one time?"

"I was just playing along! it is rare, almost unheard of when someone tries to attack me, let alone capture me. So decided to humor him because there was nothing more fun to do at the time." Death answered sighing and rolling her eyes in annoyance. Really, she let herself get captured once and everyone thinks she's a pushover.

"Now about the reason for your visit. It must be important because you never make social visits." Umar commented wanting to get to the point. Although she enjoyed the visit there were matters to bede attend in the Dark Dimension.

"I'm looking for a certain someone. He's name is Wade Wilson also known as Deadpool." Umar raised an eyebrow in curiosity. She had never heard of such person and if Death was looking for him, he must be a big deal.

"No, we do not have anyone named Wade Wilson here at the Dark Dimension, and even if he came I'm sure he's already dead." Dormammu answered expecting Death to go away any second now. Death just gave him a look that said 'You are really stupid, aren't you?'

"If he was dead I wouldn't be looking for him, would I? Come on Katou-chan I thought you were smarter than that!"

Dormammu couldn't take it anymore and just exploded. "Stop calling me that! We don't have this person so get out of my domains!"

"How rude! That's not how we treat guests!" scolded the Twin sister. "Now Death! How does this Wade Wilson look like?"

"His body is covered in his scars so it's not that hard to tell him apart, but he mostly wear a red and black costume, lots of guns, katanas, pouches, and a red mask with two big black dots the surrounding the eyes.

"No, it doesn't sound like anyone we have here, what about you brother? Have you seen anyone like that?"

"As a matter of fact yes." Daormmamu said surprising both women.

"Where?!" Death asked a little too excitedly, but either Dormammu didn't notice or didn't care to take the advantage and bargain for the information. In reality The lord of the Dark Dimension just wanted the annoying cosmic entity out of his dimension as soon as possible.

"I saw a person like you described became Galactus' new herald! And before you ask, No I was not stalking him I was just assessing his strength for our confrontation in the future when I take over the universe and later all reality."

"Thank you all for the tea and your hospitality." she said her goodbyes to both Umar and Dormammu. Despite, Dormmamu's pissy attitude, she really did have fun in the Dark Dimension. Maybe she should visit more often and drink more of that delicious tea.

"Come back and visit any time." said a cordial Umar.

"Better yet, never come back!" Ahh Dormammu, never change.

After she left she left the Dark Dimension, she returned home through a portal. Looking into deep space she located the ship where his Older Brother Galactus was.

"I think it's time to visit my Onii-san!

Author Notes

Fun Fact: This was supposed to be two chapters but I condensed it into one. Also I wrote this when I was waiting in line for a doctor's check-up. Around 4 hours.

*Katou means Fire Head in japanese.