"Being a good shinobi isn't about having the best hand of cards, it's about playing well with the cards you have."

Konoha, Hyuuga Estate

Hyuuga Hiashi didn't care much for the clan elders. He didn't like that they were the real powers in the clan and that he was mostly a figure head so they didn't have to deal with the rest of the village. He didn't like that they still tended to call him things like boy and lad. He didn't like the old person smell. He didn't like their arrogance. But mostly, he didn't like them because they were a bunch of assholes.

"Elders, why have you summoned me?" The clan head of the Hyuuga asked, sitting himself at the table before his father and grandfather.

"We've grown troubled by the branch family." His grandfather said.

"Indeed," his father agreed with a nod, "they grow bolder each day. Why just this morning one of them passed me in the hall and didn't even put down the boxes he was carrying to bow. Shameful."

Hiashi sighed. "I don't really see what more we can do," he said, "we've taken away their bathroom privileges in the main buildings, so now they have to run clear across the estate to use the outdoor facility. We've increased the amount of money the main house takes from their missions an additional six percent over the last year. We've started applying the branch seal earlier… I'm not sure what more we can do to remind them of their place." Honestly Hiashi didn't think the branch house needed to be humbled any more. In fact if he had a freer hand he'd probably reduce most of the restrictions on his cousins.

"Yes, you have been rather busy of late. But don't worry," His grandfather said, "We have a plan."

"Oh?" He asked.

"We castrate them." His father said.

"What!" Hiashi exclaimed, shock breaking his diplomatic guise. "Why would we do that? That's a horrible, unethical, and even illegal. Hokage-sama will never let us, castrate," Hiashi snarled the word out, "all the men in the branch family."

"Actually," his father said pulling out a legal document, "we already got her to stamp an approval form."

Hiashi's eye's bulged as he saw Tsunade's signature and the formal Hokage stamp. "How? She never signs anything, and even when she does…how?" he stammered.

"Rather easily," his father said. "I stuck it in the pile of chunin exam paperwork. Actually, I stuck it in the pile for the chunin exam six months ago, but it looks like she finally got around to stamping it. She didn't even call us in to discuss it."

"A woman Hokage," His grandfather snorted, "She probably doesn't read half the things she signs."

"It doesn't matter," Hiashi said, "even if Tsunade… unintentionally… gave her approval for this plan, there's no way I'm implementing it. It's too much. I'm not cutting the dicks off of nearly a hundred cousins just to humble them!"

"Well it's also about the women," his father admitted.

"Yes, with all their men castrated we'll move all the girls-" His grandfather said.

"The good looking ones anyway!" His father interrupted cheerfully.

"All the good looking ones into the main building! We'll be rolling in women. And soon one of us will sire a proper heir. Not one of those girls you've got."

"On second thought, I can see I won't sway you with this. I'll go set up a room for the operations." Hiashi uttered getting to his feet with a sudden energy. It would be nice to have a few women in the main building.

"That's the spirit lad!" His father cheered.

BREAK

Grayfalls

Ninja bookstores were always odd places. Very, very few ninja wanted to publish their secrets and tricks in any kind of wide publication. Yet at the same time, young and even some veteran ninja were willing to shell out considerable sums for any kind of leg up on their rivals. This meant publishers were willing to waive very large amounts of money in front of jonin or even older chunin to write books. Throw enough money at them and eventually you'd find someone willing to write something. A lot of the books out there were limited print texts, sold only in their own villages, and were thoroughly censored by a team of high level shinobi to prevent anything important from leaking out. But that meant that most of them were well… mediocre. Ironically, the best volumes written about ninja techniques, traps, and tactics were published by missing nins. They had no ties to their former villages, and a big enough sale on books meant they had enough money to disappear and retire from the shinobi life anyway, so they had a lot of incentive to make their books worth the purchase.

"The Demon of the Hidden Mist," Akado mumbled as he pulled a book from the shelf. "Written by a former member of the 7 swordsmen of the Hidden Mist, sounds promising, what do you two think?" he asked his teammates.

"Truly sempai, I did not know that you practiced with a sword." Ami mumbled as she fiddled with a compact. Never much of a reader, it was only team camaraderie that had gotten her through the door of a bookstore.

"I don't," Akado said, "but we just got all that extra bounty money I wasn't counting on, so why not splurge a little. Might be nice to know about some of the tricks one of the 7 swordsmen might use."

Sakura looked up from another section. "Wait, you said Demon of the Mist?" At Akado's nod she continued, "He was really strong, so was his apprentice."

"You've heard of him?" Akado asked. Sakura gave a nod.

"I met him on a mission. My old team fought him and his apprentice in Wave Country."

"Did you do battle with him?" Ami asked.

"Hell no," Sakura deadpanned. "I didn't even get to fight his apprentice or henchmen, I guarded the client. But anyone who can go two rounds with Kakashi-sensei is really strong."

"I think we have a winner." Akado said, taking the book to the counter. It only took a few minutes to cash him out and for team 83 to depart the store. "You're not getting anything Sakura? You seemed really interested in that book you had."

"Uh, no," She mumbled red faced, "it was just an old book by Jiraiya, so I thought I'd take a look…"

"Comrades," Ami interrupted gesturing across the courtyard in front of the Gallows, "What is happening over yonder, I wonder?"

"Looks like an execution." Akado said as the three ninja slowed down to watch. A few other ninja milled around the courtyard, and a gaggle of prospective clients. But everyone seemed to be slowing down to watch the show. Jonin Captain Ma Kensei stood atop a raised platform, next to him a chunin held a handcuffed prisoner down, his head over the executioners block, and another stood silently with a raised blade. It took Akado a moment to recognize the pirate from his last mission without the straw hat.

"Can we go," Sakura asked as the captain started listing some of the pirate's crimes, "I don't really want to watch this."

Ami gave a very unladylike snort that she desperately tried to turn into a polite cough.

Akado just shrugged, "let's watch, he busted most of my ribs, so I'm actually going to enjoy this."

"That's kind of…dark sempai."

"I've gotten my ass kicked by twelve year olds, so on those rare occasions that I get a win, I wanna watch."

Sakura just grumbled a bit, but she stood and waited as the team watched.

"And with his crimes read, we sentence Money Luff," Captain Kensei recited in a bored monotone.

"MONKEY D LUFFY!" the pirate shouted.

"…Monkey D Luffy to death. Off with his head."

"ZORO! SANJI! USOPP! NAMI! I'm dead." The chunin with the sword gave a great swing, and off came the pirates head.

Sakura looked away.

Ami gave a sadistic grin.

But Akado just gave the small smile of a man satisfied with his job.

"Hey, you two want some waffles?" He asked, as someone stuck the head on a pike.

"I like waffles." Sakura said as the chunin dragged the body off the tower.

"I could, perhaps, eat brunch." Ami said as the chunin threw the corpse onto the back of a refuse cart.

"Nothing like waffles after a win." Akado said as team 83 headed off in search of breakfast.

BREAK

Konoha

Nara Shikamaru was silent as he stood in the Hokage's office with his fellow chunin Neji and Lee. Lee was his usual energetic self, but something was off about Neji. Normally Neji was all discipline and focus. A professional, you could almost feel the self-control and confidence rolling off him just by standing next to him. But today… he was like a shell, he was almost slouching as he stood there, like some kind of puppet without his strings, and all the intensity and focus had been cut out of him. It was throwing Shikamaru off his game.

"Suna is hosting the chunin exams this time around," Tsunade said, oblivious to Neji's odd behavior. "But I'm going to send the three of you to help with the test and judge if any of the Konoha genin are good enough to promote."

Lee gave a cheer, "of course Hokage-Sama, we'll prove we're worthy to take on this youthful and manly task!"

"Can you stop saying manly?" Neiji asked with a wince, lacking any of his usual commanding presence.

"Actually…" Shikamaru muttered, "Isn't it our turn to host? "

Tsunade gave a snort and waved off his remark. "It was a paperwork thing, so they're hosting again. Don't worry about it. Anyway, get out of here, you need to report to jonin Baki in Suna.

BREAK

This is a really short chapter, I was fiddling with the suna exams and writing some bits for it, then I sat down tonight and just wanted to do something short and funny so I pumped this chapter out and decided to post. Next chapter takes place at the start of the Suna Exams. Timeline wise we're roughly a year after the Chunin Exam and invasion arc of Naruto.