Whose Line Is It Anyway WIKTT Challenge
Chapter Two - Return To Hogwarts
A/N: Jiminy Jilikers is property of Matt Groening and the people of The Simpsons. For disclaimer see chapter one.
A low excited murmur filled the room as students wondered who would be the new contestants on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' Ron and Harry were somewhat jealous of Hermione getting on television and didn't hesitate in telling her so. The room shushed as Dumbledore rose from his chair. "Could I have your attention please? We are about to draw the names of the winners for the second series of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' But first I am please to welcome the regular host of the American series, Mr. Drew Carey. It is unknown to a lot of you, that Mr. Carey was once a student of Hogwarts and one of the finest Hufflepuffs, this establishment has seen." Applause rose from the students and staff. Drew Carey nodded in acknowledgement. "Now, the winners of the lucky draw are, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape. This is mighty unusual, two teachers. If that's what the cup chooses then it shall be. Now let's get this show started shall we?"
Drew Carey pointed his wand to his throat. "Sonorous" placing the wand on the desk, he picked up a handful of cards. "Welcome to another special edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway? We are coming to you from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I'm your host Drew Carey. Tonight's contestants from the muggle world are Colin Mocherie and Ryan Styles, and joining us from Hogwarts are Professors McGonagall and Snape. Please give them a warm welcome." A polite applause fell on the room. "Now our first game is called Superheroes for all four contestants. It's fairly simple. Ryan, you'll be our first superhero, who the audience will name, it will be your job to name the next superhero, then the next will name the one after, well you get the drift. We need a tragedy, audience?"
"Running out of lip gloss" called out Pansy Parkinson. The rest of the students laughed.
"Running out of lip gloss. Now we need a name for our superhero."
"Fart man." Sniggered Dean Thomas.
"Wider man" laughed Seamus Finnegan, nudging Dean.
Drew looked to Ryan for any hints as to which to choose. 'They always said never work with children or animals in show business, I guess they were right.' "Fart man it is. Now, fart man,"
Ryan turned to Drew "Yes?" he lifted a leg and made a raspberry sound.
"Fart man, it appears that you are running out of lip gloss how are you going to solve this dilemma?"
RYAN: (walking around the stage area, miming the opening and closing of cupboard doors and drawers.) Fart It can't be fart I've gasp then fart run out of lip gloss! (Colin enters) Why it's fart stripper-man!
COLIN: Hi fart man. (Colin begins to unzip his jacket)
RYAN: Stripper man, fart it's an emergency. There's no lip gloss!
COLIN: (yanks off jacket) Jiminy Jilikers! What ever will we do? (tries to pull off his right shoe, hopping around on his left foot. McGonagall enters) Thank Merlin you're here lady who is madly in love with feet. (the audience laughs, Colin falls over from standing on one leg too long, the audience are in hysterics.)
McGONAGALL: What is it? (She grabs Colin's shoe and begins to caress it)
COLIN: There is no lip gloss (Ryan farts)
McGONAGALL: Are you sure?
RYAN: (pulls a face and lets off another fart) Positive. (Snape walks grudgingly on to centre stage)
McGONAGALL: It's Gryffindor sex machine! (she runs up to Snape and wraps herself around his legs) Help! We've run out of lip gloss. We don't know what to do!
SNAPE: (trying to wriggle his way out of McGonagall's grasp) we'll go to the store and buy some more. (Snape's voice is filled with a bland excitement)
RYAN: fart Of course.
COLIN: (now wearing only a shirt, trousers and one sock) let us go!
RYAN: fart This way (everyone lines up behind Ryan to follow him out. Ryan lets off the longest fart and everyone begins to gag because of the odor)
Drew holds his nose and hits the buzzer. "Ten points to all of you, minus thirty to Ryan. If I wanted to suffocate I would go and drown myself at a pillow factory. Our next game is song styles, it is for Professor Snape. Now we need an audience volunteer." Everyone remained silent, hands remaining by their sides. "Thought your hand would be up like it always is, Granger you mud blood." Called out Malfoy with his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, grinning gormlessly beside him.
"Well thank you for volunteering Mr. Malfoy, please take a seat." Drew indicated the stool in the center of the stage. "Professor Snape, you will be singing, Like a Slytherin to the style of Madonna."
SNAPE: (hands on hips strutting a circle around Malfoy)
I made it through dark forest, Somehow I made it through Didn't know how lost I was 'Till the hat sorted you
(Walks to the back of Malfoy, Snape put his hand on Malfoy's shoulder)
It was the feast of feasts It was the hat That chose you A Slytherin is real Yeah, A Slytherin is real A death eater too
Like a Slytherin Sorted for the very first time Like a Slytherin When your heart dies Just like mine
The students and staff were now doubled over laughing tears rolling from their eyes. Snape stopped and glared. With a flick of his wrist his wand was pointed at Drew's throat. "Press the buzzer now" he hissed.
"Thank you Mr. Malfoy, you may now return to your seat. And thank you Professor Snape, 20 points to Slytherin." Beads of sweat shone on Drew's forehead. "Our final game this evening is Hoedown. This is for Ryan, Colin, Professors McGonagall and Snape."
"We need a suggestion for a theme."
"Greasy haired gits." Called out Ron.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly Ron, can't you think of anything original?"
Ron scowled "Go on then if you're so smart."
"Fine." She sighed "Little school of Hogwarts' horrors." She called out.
"Ok, little shop of Hogwarts' horrors it is."
RYAN:
Oh this school is full of horrors, It's like the London zoo, The students and the teachers, Are just big baboons, I want to run away, I want to flee and hide, But I know if I do, They'll hex my behind.
COLIN:
I was warned by my father, I was told every night, The horror that lurks, By the lake side, In Scotland, A castle that does reside, Hogwarts is its name, I think I'm gonna die.
McGONAGALL:
I've been here half a century, I've stayed here every night, I've known all the house elves, The ghosts and the sprites, There is no horror, There is no shame, Hogwarts is a fine institution, Of proud traditional fame.
SNAPE:
There was a student, There was a pain, He was a marauder, And teasing was his game, He should rot in Azkaban, But Voldermort had his way, And killed his arse, James Potter was his name.
RYAN, COLIN, McGONAGALL, SNAPE:
James Potter was his name.
"That was Whose Line Is It Anyway. Tonight's winner Professor Snape, now I better run before he Avada Kedavara's me!" called Drue running from the hall.
Chapter Two - Return To Hogwarts
A/N: Jiminy Jilikers is property of Matt Groening and the people of The Simpsons. For disclaimer see chapter one.
A low excited murmur filled the room as students wondered who would be the new contestants on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' Ron and Harry were somewhat jealous of Hermione getting on television and didn't hesitate in telling her so. The room shushed as Dumbledore rose from his chair. "Could I have your attention please? We are about to draw the names of the winners for the second series of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' But first I am please to welcome the regular host of the American series, Mr. Drew Carey. It is unknown to a lot of you, that Mr. Carey was once a student of Hogwarts and one of the finest Hufflepuffs, this establishment has seen." Applause rose from the students and staff. Drew Carey nodded in acknowledgement. "Now, the winners of the lucky draw are, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape. This is mighty unusual, two teachers. If that's what the cup chooses then it shall be. Now let's get this show started shall we?"
Drew Carey pointed his wand to his throat. "Sonorous" placing the wand on the desk, he picked up a handful of cards. "Welcome to another special edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway? We are coming to you from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I'm your host Drew Carey. Tonight's contestants from the muggle world are Colin Mocherie and Ryan Styles, and joining us from Hogwarts are Professors McGonagall and Snape. Please give them a warm welcome." A polite applause fell on the room. "Now our first game is called Superheroes for all four contestants. It's fairly simple. Ryan, you'll be our first superhero, who the audience will name, it will be your job to name the next superhero, then the next will name the one after, well you get the drift. We need a tragedy, audience?"
"Running out of lip gloss" called out Pansy Parkinson. The rest of the students laughed.
"Running out of lip gloss. Now we need a name for our superhero."
"Fart man." Sniggered Dean Thomas.
"Wider man" laughed Seamus Finnegan, nudging Dean.
Drew looked to Ryan for any hints as to which to choose. 'They always said never work with children or animals in show business, I guess they were right.' "Fart man it is. Now, fart man,"
Ryan turned to Drew "Yes?" he lifted a leg and made a raspberry sound.
"Fart man, it appears that you are running out of lip gloss how are you going to solve this dilemma?"
RYAN: (walking around the stage area, miming the opening and closing of cupboard doors and drawers.) Fart It can't be fart I've gasp then fart run out of lip gloss! (Colin enters) Why it's fart stripper-man!
COLIN: Hi fart man. (Colin begins to unzip his jacket)
RYAN: Stripper man, fart it's an emergency. There's no lip gloss!
COLIN: (yanks off jacket) Jiminy Jilikers! What ever will we do? (tries to pull off his right shoe, hopping around on his left foot. McGonagall enters) Thank Merlin you're here lady who is madly in love with feet. (the audience laughs, Colin falls over from standing on one leg too long, the audience are in hysterics.)
McGONAGALL: What is it? (She grabs Colin's shoe and begins to caress it)
COLIN: There is no lip gloss (Ryan farts)
McGONAGALL: Are you sure?
RYAN: (pulls a face and lets off another fart) Positive. (Snape walks grudgingly on to centre stage)
McGONAGALL: It's Gryffindor sex machine! (she runs up to Snape and wraps herself around his legs) Help! We've run out of lip gloss. We don't know what to do!
SNAPE: (trying to wriggle his way out of McGonagall's grasp) we'll go to the store and buy some more. (Snape's voice is filled with a bland excitement)
RYAN: fart Of course.
COLIN: (now wearing only a shirt, trousers and one sock) let us go!
RYAN: fart This way (everyone lines up behind Ryan to follow him out. Ryan lets off the longest fart and everyone begins to gag because of the odor)
Drew holds his nose and hits the buzzer. "Ten points to all of you, minus thirty to Ryan. If I wanted to suffocate I would go and drown myself at a pillow factory. Our next game is song styles, it is for Professor Snape. Now we need an audience volunteer." Everyone remained silent, hands remaining by their sides. "Thought your hand would be up like it always is, Granger you mud blood." Called out Malfoy with his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, grinning gormlessly beside him.
"Well thank you for volunteering Mr. Malfoy, please take a seat." Drew indicated the stool in the center of the stage. "Professor Snape, you will be singing, Like a Slytherin to the style of Madonna."
SNAPE: (hands on hips strutting a circle around Malfoy)
I made it through dark forest, Somehow I made it through Didn't know how lost I was 'Till the hat sorted you
(Walks to the back of Malfoy, Snape put his hand on Malfoy's shoulder)
It was the feast of feasts It was the hat That chose you A Slytherin is real Yeah, A Slytherin is real A death eater too
Like a Slytherin Sorted for the very first time Like a Slytherin When your heart dies Just like mine
The students and staff were now doubled over laughing tears rolling from their eyes. Snape stopped and glared. With a flick of his wrist his wand was pointed at Drew's throat. "Press the buzzer now" he hissed.
"Thank you Mr. Malfoy, you may now return to your seat. And thank you Professor Snape, 20 points to Slytherin." Beads of sweat shone on Drew's forehead. "Our final game this evening is Hoedown. This is for Ryan, Colin, Professors McGonagall and Snape."
"We need a suggestion for a theme."
"Greasy haired gits." Called out Ron.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly Ron, can't you think of anything original?"
Ron scowled "Go on then if you're so smart."
"Fine." She sighed "Little school of Hogwarts' horrors." She called out.
"Ok, little shop of Hogwarts' horrors it is."
RYAN:
Oh this school is full of horrors, It's like the London zoo, The students and the teachers, Are just big baboons, I want to run away, I want to flee and hide, But I know if I do, They'll hex my behind.
COLIN:
I was warned by my father, I was told every night, The horror that lurks, By the lake side, In Scotland, A castle that does reside, Hogwarts is its name, I think I'm gonna die.
McGONAGALL:
I've been here half a century, I've stayed here every night, I've known all the house elves, The ghosts and the sprites, There is no horror, There is no shame, Hogwarts is a fine institution, Of proud traditional fame.
SNAPE:
There was a student, There was a pain, He was a marauder, And teasing was his game, He should rot in Azkaban, But Voldermort had his way, And killed his arse, James Potter was his name.
RYAN, COLIN, McGONAGALL, SNAPE:
James Potter was his name.
"That was Whose Line Is It Anyway. Tonight's winner Professor Snape, now I better run before he Avada Kedavara's me!" called Drue running from the hall.