A/N:
This is ramble-y and weird *shoulder shrug*
Enjoy :)
Isaac's whole existence is centered around reasons.
Call him OCD, call him a control freak, call him what you will.
When something goes wrong, he looks for a way to explain it. Most of the time, he's the reason, and he's able to fix the problem and move on. If he gets a bad grade on a test, he blames himself for not studying enough, and the next time around he stays up all night and aces the test. If he gets locked in the freezes, he blames himself for forgetting the dishwasher, and he makes sure to do it as soon as he can.
Reasons are good because reasons are halfway to solutions, and solutions keep you going.
Isaac's philosophy is that you're alive to fix problems, sometimes not even your own, and that's it. Bad things happen for a reason, good things happen for a reason, you fix problems and find new ones. Everything has a cycle; circumstance, reason, solution, new circumstance. Life is one big mishap waiting to happen and you're fed small doses of havoc.
There can't not be reasons.
No reasons means no way to fix it, so there always, always has to be a reason.
Derek doesn't have one.
Do you hate me?
Get out.
Did I do something wrong?
Get out.
There's no reason in that.
He says Cora, but that's a faulty reason, because Isaac can hear his heart stutter. Lies aren't reasons, they're cover ups, in case the liar doesn't want the reason to be found out. In case the liar doesn't want the solution to be discovered. If the liar wants to upset the balance, they won't give a reason. Derek wants to upset the balance, Derek clearly doesn't want Isaac, but why?
There has to be a reason.
Isaac can't take there being no reason.
In fact, it's driving him crazy.
He isn't sleeping at night because he's thinking about reasons.
His grades drop because reasons are more important than Chemistry.
Scott talks to him sometimes about reasons and how there isn't one this time, that it's Derek being a jerk, but Scott doesn't understand reasons like Isaac does. He's never been shoved in a freezer with a sprained wrist and a simple goal in mind; to find out why he's there. And it's okay, because what kind of person would Isaac be if he expected everyone to understand? Not a very good one.
Stiles is a bit better, maybe because he's a lot smarter than Scott.
He helps Isaac think about reasons, but he still tries to tell Isaac that it isn't his fault. That the reasons lie with Derek and, maybe, it's Derek's turn to find the solution. Isaac tells him about his reasoning that liars don't want solutions and Stiles puts a hand on his shoulder, promises to talk to Derek, pleads with Isaac to let himself blame someone else for a change.
Change isn't good unless it has a reason.
There's no reason for Isaac to change, so he doesn't.
He changed once, when he became a werewolf, with the reason being that he needed to keep up with Erica.
He changed again when Scott told him to be careful, with the reason being that he needed to slow down and let Scott catch up. Granted, Scott never really caught up, but Isaac's okay with keeping the pace he's at. Now that Erica's gone, there's no need to live in the fast lane, even though he misses her terribly.
She died and the reason is him because he couldn't find her in time.
He let her go.
He didn't stop her.
He tried to be her friend, but he wasn't as good as Boyd.
He's still trying to figure out the solution to that one, still kind of waiting for the whole thing to be a joke because, after all this time, doesn't he deserve something?
No.
There's no reason for him to get anything because what's he done besides screw things up?
Everything. Runs. On. Reasons.
Life runs on reasons.
Derek didn't give him any reasons, so he has to ruin his life looking for the reasons on his own.
Was he too loud? Too boring? Too indifferent?
Did he make a big mess? Did he say the wrong thing? Did he forget to wash the dishes?
Does he have a curfew? Does he have a chore list? Does he have a GPA minimum that he's fallen under?
What's the reason?
Why is he suddenly out on the street?
When did Scott become his only friend?
Who's going to care about him when Scott doesn't?
Where will he go when no one does?
He holds his cell phone to his ear and listens to Derek's voicemail and Derek doesn't call back. He doesn't text. He doesn't write. He doesn't watch Isaac from the edge of the parking lot.
Sometimes, Isaac sees him at the grocery store with Cora.
His heat skips a beat and they both stop laughing and look at him.
She looks sympathetic, he looks cold, Isaac walks away. Scott tells him not to pay attention, they're just being stupid, but what's so stupid about not giving a damn?
After all this time, Isaac's beginning to like the idea.
Why should there be reasons?
Why should there be solutions?
Why can't he blame someone else?
Why?
There don't have to be reasons.
He doesn't want reasons.
He just wants to go home.