My most dearest BlindAssassinUK got hitched earlier this month, and I said to myself in the weeks beforehand "I'm going to write her a fic for her wedding!" because what bride doesn't need reading material for her wedding night? Alas, I failed and can only hope she found something else to do instead.

Ficlets. As in, short stories, more than one. Possibly less than four. We'll see where the Lofty winds take this. Thanks to Some1tookmyname for the beta. :D

"Has anyone seen my men's force de l'homme cheveux crème?" Schmidt shouted loud enough to be heard at every end of the loft, before banging the bathroom door open. Jess gasp-squeaked out loud in the shower, and Schmidt walked right up to the curtain to question her.

"Jess, have you seen my men's force de l'homme cheveux crème?"

"Umm… is that hair gel?" Jess asked a little breathlessly.

"Cheveux. Crème. Get with it, Jess."

"Umm… no, I haven't… umm… seen it, Schmidt."

"Unbelieveable. Winston! Have you seen…" Schmidt shouted, trailing off as he left the bathroom.

As soon as the door closed, she exhaled a sigh of relief now that she could move, before beginning her lecture.

"I told you this was a bad idea!"

"They were both asleep when we woke up," Nick replied grumpily, as he tried to reposition her in his hands, her back against the wall.

"Nick, you should put me down before you drop me."

"No. This is my turn for a fantasy, and we're not leaving here until we're done."

"But I'm slipping."

"I've got you," Nick reassured her, before grumpily whisper-shouting, "Why is your skin so damn smooth? It's very hard to maintain my grip with all this water pouring down!"

"That's not the only thing that's very hard," Jess said suggestively, lowering her voice an octave, before picking it back up. "And the shower was your request!"

Outside, they could hear Schmidt shouting throughout the loft again, and froze.

"Just hurry up and do me, before he comes back," she commanded.

"This is so romantic," Nick grumpily grunted as he complied.

- 70 seconds or so later -

"NICK!" Schmidt shouted, in what they guessed to be Nick's room.

Seconds later, a burst of cold air flew into the shower from the bathroom door being flung open, and again they froze.

"Jess, where is Nick?"

Nick eyes widened, and Jess gave him a look that said "Keep. Going."

"Ahh… he went for a walk. To get breakfast. This morning," she managed to stutter out.

"It's like 6:30 am," Schmidt announced incredulously.

"Yeah… well… I really wanted a… a bearclaw. And… umm… he likes to… to listen to birds. That chirp between 6 and 7 am… so he left… to listen to them… the birds. And for… pastries."

"Whatever. Could you hurry up? Other people need to shower too. And it would be nice if someone in this loft helped me locate my missing cheveux crème."

"Okay… Schmidt. Be. Right. Out!"

The door slammed again, and this time, Nick set Jess' feet on the shower floor, resting his forehead behind her, on the shower wall. After a minute of recovery, he looked up at her and asked "I have to go get you a bearclaw now, don't I."

"It was the first thing I thought of, but now it sounds really good."

"How am I supposed to sneak out without Schmidt seeing me?"

"I guess I can go help him search his room for his hair gel."

"Is that the stuff we used to…"

"To get your hand out of that jar? Yep."

"I wanted the cookies. They shouldn't make jars that are both narrow and long. I feel the same way about Pringle cans," he said, handing her a towel.

They walked over to the door, and she peeked out to find Schmidt throwing couch cushions in the air in search of his cheveux crème.

"Get ready to run…" Jess whispered to Nick.

"Hey Schmidt, I think I saw Winston using a jar of hair crème the other day…"

"What!" Schmidt shouted hysterically, bypassing the bathroom for Winston's room across the hall.

"Go, go…" she whispered to Nick, who ran full speed to his own room while Schmidt yelled at Winston, and Winston shouted "I don't have any hair, man!" in return.

Jess continued to stand outside the bathroom door, as Schmidt came walking back out. "So, Winston doesn't even have any hair. Why would he take my men's force de l'homme cheveux crème?"

"That's an excellent point," Jess volleyed. "Hey, isn't l'homme French for man? Doesn't that mean it's called 'men's force man hair cream?'"

"Really, Jessica. Really, at a time like this?" Schmidt asked incredulously.

"Just let me put on my robe, and I'll come help you search your room."

"I've already searched my room. And your room. Nick's too. Someone has stolen my force de l'homme cheveux crème!"

"Well, it wasn't me, so let's re-search your room first… I'll be right there."

Schmidt stomped off toward his room while Jess ran into her own to grab her robe. Hurrying to tie it, she knocked on Nick's door and ushered him out the front door mid-shoe-putting-on, quietly closing it behind her, and considered how to get the can of cheveux crème out of the kitchen trash can, and fill it with something that would pass Schmidt's inspection for the day.

"Jess, where are you? My hair needs its crème!" Schmidt cried.

Yeah. As if he wouldn't notice.

I have at least two more in mind, atm. But, if you were pleased, I would accept suggestions for more. :)