"I've been here three days," Finn said out of the blue, staring expectantly at his brother who was sitting at the kitchen table busily coloring in the sketch of a very nice modern-looking suit with his right hand and awkwardly typing something into his laptop with the left. "I go back home in four."
"Glad to know that college has sharpened your math skills," Kurt shot back absently, putting the rose pencil he had been using to highlight the tie his drawing was wearing between his teeth and picking up a gray pencil to add definition to the shoulder-line of the suit.
Finn huffed, waiting until the busy artist was finished perfecting the lines before stealing his paper when Kurt went to change colors again.
"Hey! I'm not done with that!"
Rolling his eyes, Finn picked up the page and studied it closely. "I know you're not done. You're never done, and that's the problem. This is a really rad suit, by the way. I'd wear it, though I think I'd rather have a different tie. Paisley always makes me think of germs."
Kurt snatched his paper back, hunching over it and folding one arm protectively around it as he resumed his work. "Germs," he grumbled under his breath, quickly scribbling in a bit more detail along the double-breasted lines of the suit coat.
After a moment, Kurt straightened back up with an annoyed look on his face. "And what do you mean, I'm never done? I've only been working on it for an hour. Isabelle said she'd like to see what I've been working on, and I hadn't done anything new in a while so I had to do some fresh designs. This could be a big opportunity if she likes what she sees!"
Finn held up his hands in a placating manner. "Yeah, I know, I get that you want to impress her and everybody else at the magazine. This is your job, maybe your career in a few years, and that's important." He shrugged. "I just thought family was important to you too."
Finally realizing what he had been hinting at, Kurt looked at the clock, grimacing when he saw that what he had assumed was an hour was actually stretching closer to two. Finn was only visiting for the week, while his classes were taking a short summer break and Kurt had promised to spend all of Saturday with him. So far, Rachel had been entertaining Finn most of the time and Santana had been entertaining herself by showing him the most shocking sights she could find in New York, and messing with him every chance she got. (And Kurt was not letting her out of buying a new mattress to replace the pee-soaked one that his sleeping brother had ruined when she pulled her nasty water-bowl trick on him.) Kurt had barely even seen the other man since his arrival on Wednesday night.
"I'm sorry," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and putting his pencils aside, grunting as he straightened his spine and felt his shoulders and neck crunch with relief at the improved posture. "God, I was supposed to be taking time off this week after we both somehow managed to get the same holiday schedule for once, but instead of spending my time relaxing and visiting with you, I've just been obsessing over getting ahead in my classes and catching up on some of the things I've let slide at Vogue. I'm really sorry, Finn."
The taller man shrugged, his easy-going smile lighting his face as soon as he had Kurt's full attention. "Don't sweat it. Being a grown-up isn't quite as easy as we once thought it would be, is it?"
Kurt snorted. "I'm not sure I ever really thought that, but no. It's not."
Pausing for a few seconds, probably waiting to see if Kurt would slide straight back into what he was doing if the conversation lapsed, Finn said, "Sooo, are you finished enough to take a break? Like, a real break? With your ass coming unglued from that chair and your brain not staying at work while the rest of you does other stuff." Seeing Kurt's surprised face, he laughed. "Dude, multi-tasking has kind of been your thing ever since I first met you, but lately you're like Spider-Kurt."
His brow scrunched. "Spider-Kurt? Is that your weird way of telling me that I look like I'm about to start climbing the walls?"
"It wasn't, but that's pretty funny! Might be what'll happen if you don't dump the stress and take some time for yourself, though. I mean the multi-tasking habit has gone viral, like you're doing eight different things all at the same time and probably thinking about another dozen things that you should be doing. Building a responsibility web, like a spider … get it?"
"Sort of," Kurt admitted, not liking to think that he'd become so caught up in his assorted duties that he really was becoming all work and no play.
"That's not healthy, bro," Finn told him wisely. "Forty year old guys are supposed to do stuff like that, not almost 20 year old guys. You know, Burt once told me that he wasn't the first Hummel to have a heart attack. His own dad keeled over when you were a baby and didn't get up again."
Not liking to be reminded of his dad's heart condition, much less the grandfather he had never had the chance to know, Kurt grimaced. "I'm well aware of that. What's your point?"
"My point is that I don't want that to be you, dummy!" he declared, throwing a handy bread tie at Kurt's head. "Look at yourself. You eat healthy stuff, mostly, and you get lots of exercise with dancing and video-workouts and whatever, but you're piling on the stress like it's gold and you're trying to turn into Judas."
For a moment, Kurt was stumped, then he ventured, "You mean Midas?"
"Oh … yeah, maybe so. What I mean is, you can't keep stressing yourself out all the time. And don't tell me that you aren't! Every time I talk to you on the phone, you're either worrying about work or doing something for school. I know you're overcompensating for everything you missed during the fall term and trying to catch up with Rachel."
"I am not!" Kurt protested, cheeks flushing as it occurred to him that maybe he kind of was. He was taking twice her class-load, as well as holding down two part time jobs, making every effort to pull his weight and not depend on anyone. He had learned that lesson in high school. It was pointless to hope for good luck and favors from the universe that would never appear. If he wanted to become a top-flight fashion designer or a Broadway star someday, then it would only happen by getting the best training available and putting in the work now while he was still young. The rewards, hopefully, would come with time.
Finn just gave him a look, like he was reading every thought Kurt had as it occurred. "You don't have to push so hard, you know. You're doing great in all your classes. I know because you sent your first semester transcript home to Burt and he told everybody we know that you pulled perfect grades, so maybe it's okay to relax and enjoy it a little. And quit trying to be the best intern your boss ever hired so that she won't fire you and you'll get to stay at Vogue. Cause, bro? Newsflash; she already likes you. She thought you were unique and cool and worth her time when she hired you and nothing you've said about her makes me think she's changed her mind. A lot of people, like me, took too long to figure out that you're all those things, but she got it right off. She's a smart lady, I think."
Kurt swallowed, strangely touched by Finn's unasked for show of support. "Why are you telling me all this?"
The other man smiled at him, the sweet, open-hearted, genuine smile that had made Kurt crush on him so hard back when they were sixteen. The one that, as brothers, always made him want to wrap the big lug in the tightest hug he could muster and never let him go.
"Because I don't think you hear it enough," he replied. "Because you're a great guy and sometimes I don't think you really get that. I know that Blaine accused you of being at fault in you guys' break up because of working too hard, but then you actually started to do just that. Like you were wanted to push yourself until you broke, or punish yourself and let him off the hook by actually doing the thing he accused you of."
Kurt gaped at him. That observation was frightening in its perception. "You … I … I wasn't … you don't really think that, do you?"
"I kind of do. I thought about your life here a lot after I started going to college myself. I mean, you know, after I decided that partying all the time wasn't as great as it sounded and started going to class and stuff. You never gave yourself a party phase, and that's just weird. Especially since you go to school with actors and singers and sword-fighters and all kinds of fun-sounding people. Like Adam. Am I ever going to meet this guy you keep talking about? Or, wait, are you testing him?" Finn asked, continuing his roll of insights with enthusiasm now that he'd gotten started. "With the overwork? Trying to see if you're worth sticking around for and if Adam will see you guys through the way Blaine didn't?"
Startling them both, tears sprang to Kurt's eyes at that question. Hastily dashing them away before they could begin to roll down his cheeks, he sniffled pitifully and looked down at the table, unwilling to meet his gaze.
Finn noticed and instantly became contrite. "Aw, man, I'm sorry. I wasn't saying that to upset you. Just ignore me, Kurt. I'm probably being dumb and seeing things that aren't there anyway."
Gulping back the sudden emotion, Kurt shook his head. "That's just it, though. I don't think you are. You're just having one of your unexpected moments of clarity." He paused, then mumbled, "I hate it when you do that."
"Sorry."
After a tense moment, their eyes met and the two step-brothers suddenly began to laugh, weakly at first and then with increasing fervor as the tension melted, until both were gasping for breath and wiping tears from their eyes.
Kurt let go a long breath. "Ooooh, Finn. What am I going to do? You're right, I can't keep pushing myself the way I have been. Or Adam either. I don't mean to test him; didn't even realize I was doing it, but when you said that, I knew that you were right. I really care about him, so much that it scares me. I think I might even be in love with him. Every time I let myself consider that possibility, though, my instincts tell me to run far and fast before I can get hurt again. I start to throw up every barrier I can to keep him from getting too close to me. That just isn't fair to him."
"It's not fair to you either," Finn countered quietly, "but I get it. When Quinn cheated on me with Puck, I did everything I could to keep from falling for Rachel. And if I'm honest with myself, I didn't even love Quinn. It was mostly pride, but it still scared the crap out of me to think that if I let somebody else get close to me they could hurt me again."
"And she did," Kurt remembered. "Rachel, that is. You hurt each other, badly and often, but somehow you guys always manage to get back together in the end."
Finn smiled. "Some people are just meant to be, whether they like it or not. You're not like me, though, Kurt. You're smarter and once somebody breaks your trust it's hell on earth to get it back. I should know. The thing is, though…"
"Yes?" Kurt asked curiously, wondering where his brother's wandering thoughts were headed this time as he paused mid-sentence.
"When you give your heart to someone, you give it openly," he said at last. "There's no angle or second guessing like I do. You just go for it and it's up to the other person to accept and take care of your heart or not. I haven't met your NYADA guy yet, but it's been almost six months since you went on your first date with him and he's still there, still being awesome from what you've told me. I think maybe you found a guy like you. Somebody else who'll give his heart and hope you take good care of it. Maybe he's worth more of your time than homework and ugly pink ties."
Kurt smiled, looking down at his drawing and shaking his head. That tie was beautiful, totally chic and fashionable, but he would not expect Finn to see that. Sometimes, though, his brother could see things a lot more clearly than Kurt could. "I think both of you are worth that."
Shutting down his laptop with a soft click, Kurt rose from his chair and put it and his design safely away. Neither was needed until late next week and right now he had more important things to think about.
"What do you say you and I put on something comfortable and go into the city? I'll take you to the Kraft restaurant and buy you the biggest, most artery-clogging lunch we can find. I'll call Adam and see if he's free to meet us and we'll go sign up for a session at this place I know that has batting cages. We'll smack the shit out of some baseballs for an hour and work out all of our stresses."
Finn was grinning like he'd won the lottery. "Since when do you play baseball?"
"I don't. I hate fielding and having gorillas twice my size trying to take my head off from the pitcher's mound, but a batting cage is different. It's just you, your strength and some hand-eye coordination. Very soothing actually."
"Sounds great," Finn agreed happily. "Afterward, maybe the three of us can go find a park someplace and fly some castles, get to know each other, then I'll spring for dinner and we can maybe catch some kind of show. Nothing fancy, but there has to be some place around this city with live music."
Kurt nodded, pleased with that suggestion. 'Flying castles' was what his mother had liked to call getting lost in thought and spinning pleasant daydreams. The phrase had stuck with him and his dad, later being passed on to Finn and Carole. "One of the Adam's Apples has a cousin who owns a little karaoke bar. Mandy works there part time and her cousin lets all of us Apples in without a cover charge."
"Cool," Finn agreed, digging through his travel tote for a clean shirt to replace the wrinkled t-shirt he had slept in. "You call your boy, I'm gonna go take a shower real quick."
"Sounds good," he said, then paused. "Finn?"
"Yeah?"
Moving to his side in two long strides, Kurt gave in to his earlier urge and threw his arms around his brother, hugging him tightly. Finn's arms circled him at once and hugged back fiercely. "I really love you, you know," Kurt said quietly but sincerely.
Finn smiled and held on a little tighter. "I love you too, man. Please don't get so busy looking after everybody else that you forget to look after yourself. I don't want to think about life without you. You're the only brother I've got."
He laughed. "I know. I will. Thanks, Finn."
Releasing each other, they studied each other's faces for a moment. Then, satisfied with what they found, they split up to complete their tasks. Finn headed for the bathroom while Kurt retreated back to his curtained bedroom.
In a rare fit of disregard for his neatly made bed, Kurt flopped back on the mattress and just lay there for a few moments, basking in the rare pleasure of doing nothing. Then his phone rang and he smiled, recognizing Adam's ringtone. He picked up at once. "Hey, you! I was just about to call you." He paused to listen, smiling at his boyfriend's cheerful greeting and query as to his plans for the day. "My brother and I are going into Manhattan to spend the day. He really wants to meet you; any chance you could join us? We're going for lunch and then to that batting cage you introduced me to."
His grin widened when Adam asked if he was sure that three wouldn't be a crowd.
"No, not at all. I feel as if I haven't seen nearly enough of you lately. Either one of you. Let me spend my Saturday with two of the most wonderful guys in the world, okay?"
Adam laughed and agreed at once, saying the words that Kurt never tired of.
"I love you, too. We'll meet you at the Kraft in about an hour? Okay, bye."
Hanging up, Kurt lay still for a few minutes, listening to the pressure sound of the active shower and not moving until he heard the distinctive thump of the water being shut off. Finn was not like him, he would not take an additional half hour to get ready. He'd be dried, dressed and starving for that promised midday meal within minutes. Kurt levered himself up and hurried to get dressed in some comfortable fitted jeans, sneakers, Adam's favorite green Henley (which Kurt would deny all knowledge of borrowing from his apartment after the last night they'd spent together) and a teal and white scarf that set it off just perfectly.
Sure enough, just as he finished tying his shoes, Finn appeared, a bit damp but smiling brightly. "I'm ready."
Kurt smiled. "Me, too. Let me just grab my wallet and we'll get going. Adam is going to meet us there."
"Sounds good," Finn declared, sounding so sincerely pleased that Kurt had no worries that he had only invited the other man to be polite or something. "Hey, isn't your guy British? Does he even know how to bat?"
"Of course he does. He's a lot better than either of us have ever been," Kurt huffed. "In fact, he loves that silly sport so much that I'm half convinced it's the real reason he came to America. NYADA was just a convenient excuse. Can you believe that he and I had an hour-long argument one day over the pros and cons of stirrup pants? I refuse to be shaken from my position that they're hideous and unacceptable under any circumstance, but he says they're a safety measure because it's too hard to slide into home or whatever without skinning your legs up."
Finn laughed. "As somebody who played both Little League and JV ball, I'd have to agree with him. Sliding can be a bitch without any padding."
"All the more reason you shouldn't go diving head-first into the dirt," Kurt said, a decided "duh!" clear in his tone of voice.
"Yeah, but sometimes that's the only way to get on base ahead of the guy guarding the bag," Finn countered. "See, Kurt, what you don't realize is …"
Their voices continued down the hallway as they closed the door behind them, happily bickering like the siblings each of them had longed to have growing up, and had finally gained almost too late. They relished these rare times together when there were no distractions from girlfriends or boyfriends or parents or the demands of adult life.
The affection flowed as easily as the conversation. It had taken them a long time to reach this rapport, but neither of them would give up what they had now for anything else in the world.
THE END