'I'm too comfortable.'

That was Jim's first thought as he waded toward consciousness. His head was pounding and his body ached. He felt stiff. He knew he'd been lying down for too long.

Wait, lying down? Jim couldn't remember falling asleep, let alone lying down. And if he'd fallen asleep, it would have been at his desk. Slowly, he ran the pads of his fingers over the surface he was lying on and immediately knew where he was.

Med Bay.

He broke the surface of sleep the moment he realized where he was. Shifting, he cracked his eyes open and squinted at the bright lights of the medical bay. A groaned slid from his mouth. He hated being in med bay.

"Well, well, well, look who's up. Good morning, sleeping beauty." Bones' cheery southern drawl didn't comfort Jim the way it normally did. If anything, it grated on his raw nerves more than usual.

"What the hell am I doing here, Bones?"

McCoy was in his line of sight now, standing over the bed and observing Kirk's vitals. He didn't look at the blonde when he answered.

"You have a nervous breakdown on observation deck three with Spock. After you blacked out, Spock called me and I brought you here. You were severely under fed, dehydrated, and scans told me you'd hardly slept four hours in the last five days. I put you on fluids to combat the dehydration and mixed in some vitamins to—

What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

While Bones had been talking, Kirk had swung his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. He ignored the dizziness at the sudden change of position. Turning his attention to the IV in his arm, he picked at the irritating tape to peel it off and remove the needle. McCoy jumped at him to stop him.

"Back off, Bones, I need to get out of here."

"Like hell you're going anywhere. Jim, your body can't handle this much longer. Yeah, Kahn's blood gave you a super human burst of energy, but as your body produces its own normal human blood, the boost is being flushed out. You're not going to last much longer like thi—"

"I don't care, Bones," Kirk's voice was flat. McCoy blinked owlishly before his eyes narrowed.

"Well, I care, and as your medical provider, I say you aren't going anywhere."

Kirk's eyes narrowed at the challenge.

"I have a ship to captain, Dr. McCoy. Release me so that I may return to the bridge." His voice was deathly quiet and smooth. Leonard ignored the shiver that ran down his spine at the emotionless tone and held his ground.

"No, you don't, Captain Kirk. I've taken you off of duty for the foreseeable future. Spock is the acting captain until I sign off on your medical release personally."

Silence filled the white, sterile room.

Kirk's heart clenched painfully

Once.

Twice.

Three times before he felt like it stopped beating all together. Time slowed down and vaguely, he could hear his heart monitor starting to become louder.

Spock was captain now? He was off of duty?

Crushing failure and inferiority raged through his veins, leaving him numb in their wake. He remembered saying, once, what seemed like a long time ago, that Spock was the captain the Enterprise deserved. And now, he was being proven correct. Kirk had failed. He had failed his crew, his friends, his First Officer.

Frank's words from his childhood ricocheted in his head like bullets, tearing him to shreds in their paths.

'You worthless little piece of shit, no wonder your mom is always off planet. Can't stand to sit and look at your worthless hide all day long.'

'She leaves all the time because you're a pathetic shadow of your father. She wishes you'd died instead of him.'

'Can't you do anything right!? I don't see why she doesn't ship you away already. You're good for nothing here; maybe someone else can find a purpose for your worthless ass.'

Beyond the words, Kirk could barely register that he was shaking. His heart rate monitor was going berserk in the background. He hardly noticed that he was gasping for breath.

McCoy's voice was frantic, but far away.

"Jim, Jim, you need to calm down. Your body can't take this stress."

The words were so loud and he couldn't concentrate, couldn't understand, on what McCoy was saying. Vaguely, he felt something sting against his neck before a sea of calm washed over him. The shaking stopped, the whispers and words quieted before fading away, and his heart slowed down as his eyes drooped. Darkness pulled at him, and the lure was too enticing to fight.

He let the feeling pull him down, submerge him in its sweet bliss. He didn't want to feel anymore, didn't want to remember anymore. Not right now. Maybe, not ever. The ship had Spock now. Why would it need him anymore.

Far away, he heard McCoy speaking.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I'm so sorry."

McCoy watched the last of the tension leave Kirk's body, but none of the tension left his. Guilt and despair filled him to the brim and for a brief moment, he didn't know what to do. For God's sake, he was a CMO, not a psychiatrist! He didn't know if he could even properly help Kirk at this point. All his physical ailments were products of mental problems. What use was he then?

A hand swept over his face in a sign of weary nervousness. What was he thinking? Of course he could help Kirk. Or, he had to at least try. With that thought in mind, he turned to walk toward his office. Jim would be out for a while now, so it was safe for him to make a call to update a certain Vulcan. Flopping into his chair heavily, he opened a channel to the bridge.

"Med Bay to Bridge."

"Dr. McCoy, is everything alright?" Spock's voice came through with a tight edge. It almost made the Georgian doctor smile, if it weren't for the circumstances.

"Spock, please come down to the medical bay. We need to talk."

"Yes, doctor."

The transmission ended and Spock continued to stay seated for a moment longer. The entire bridge had gone quiet; they were staring at him with muted worry and expectance. It was none too surprising that they had all heard of Jim's breakdown the day before. When they had walked onto the bridge this morning, they had all noticed the seeming lack of warmth. It was like Jim was a bright sun, emitting light and warmth in whatever environment he was in. And without him in his chair, something was lacking.

Even Spock could feel it. As irrational as the idea was that one mere human could change the entire atmosphere of a room, Spock was starting to realize that logic didn't apply to Jim Kirk. A prime example of this was the fact that Spock did not enjoy being acting captain.

Logically, becoming the captain of his own star ship should be his goal. It was his reasoning for joining Star Fleet and climbing through the ranks as he had. The only step that made sense after becoming First Officer was to then become the Captain. Now, though, he found the idea of being a captain of a ship entirely displeasing. Being off the Enterprise meant being away from Kirk. It meant Kirk getting a new first officer, a thought which completely repulsed Spock to the point of anger bubbling against his mental barriers. No, being captain did not please the Vulcan in the least anymore. He wished to remain on the Enterprise serving under Kirk, his only captain. And his father had once told him, what is necessary is never illogical. Staying on the Enterprise under Kirk was necessary, and thus, logical.

With that thought in mind, Spock pushed out of the chair. Everyone's eyes followed him as he moved.

"Mr. Sulu, you have the conn until I return. Message the medical bay should I be required until then."

"Aye… captain." The title fell flat in the tense silence.

The walk to the medical bay was a quiet, slow one. Spock knew that if the captain had been in any danger, the doctor would have sounded much more urgent. As Spock could understand it, the doctor sounded tired. He was not surprised, the doctor had taken it very hard, as humans say, when the half human had explained what the captain had said and done. It seemed that the distress of the captain was also the distress of the doctor. A very strange human tendency that Spock found he somewhat understood.

Walking into the medical bay, Spock was greeted by McCoy standing with his back to the door.

"Took you longer than I expected to get down here." His voice was soft, casual.

"Your voice did not convey urgency, so I deemed it unnecessary to hurry. Was I wrong, doctor?"

McCoy shook his head and finally turned to look at Spock. "No. He's still sleeping. Well, sleeping again."

A dark brow inched towards a straight hairline. "Again, doctor?"

McCoy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Spock remembered watching the captain do it many times and eventually associated the action with stress or worry.

"Yeah, he woke up and started trying to tug out his own damn IV. He insisted that he needed to captain the damn ship. I explained to him that if he kept doing this to himself, he was going to crash and burn. He didn't care, didn't even blink a fucking eye. Just kept tugging at his IV. Finally, I told him that he was off duty and that you were acting captain…"

The doctor had to stop talking and his eyes unfocused for a moment as he was lost in some memory. He took a shaking breath.

"He just froze. Completely shock. His heart stopped beating for three full beats before he just started to convulse like he was having a God damned seizure. I tried to talk him down, you know, calm him enough to make him understand. He just kept shaking though. His heart monitor was going crazy, thought the damn muscle was going to race out of his chest—"

"That is illogical, doctor, seeing as a heart cannot literally run out of one's bod—"

"I know, Spock," he sighed, "Sorry, it's a silly human saying." His voice was edged with bitterness and exasperation. "Anyway, I had to sedate him because his body can't take the stress right now."

McCoy turned toward the bed to stare at the sleeping man. "He should be out for another hour or so, but I don't know how he'll take it when he wakes up. I don't know if I should keep him in here or move him to his rooms and change the pass key so that he can't leave. I know he doesn't sleep well in here, shit, he doesn't sleep at all when he's in here unless I knock him out. Probably best if I move him to his rooms, then."

Spock followed the doctor's words and agreed. "It would be best that the captain wake up in the environment where he will be most comfortable, so as to avoid another adverse reaction."

McCoy nodded wordlessly at the statement as he continued to stare at Kirk.

"He's just a kid, Spock. How did it end up like this?" the whisper sounded loud in the quiet room. Spock struggled for a response.

"The captain knew what he was taking on when he took the position as captain, Dr. McCoy. I believe that of anyone, he is the most suitable for the job. I think, though, that he has lost sight of his true potential, his true self. He cannot see himself clearly, so he cannot see the work he does clearly. His mistakes are magnified while his successes are shrunk, within his own perception.

It turned out like this, I believe, because he lost sight of who he is."

McCoy, never having heard the First Officer say so much, was shocked at the small speech on the captain's behalf. It made sense, though. Kirk had a way of not looking at himself too keenly.

"What do we do, then? How do we help him?"

Spock moved to stand beside the doctor and near Kirk's hand. The urge to touch the pale skin of the captain hit him briefly before he smothered it. That was not something to do in front of the doctor when he did not have a clear understanding of his own feelings yet. They both stared down at the golden haired man.

"We must remind him of who he truly is and what he is truly capable of. We must show him the self that he has lost sight of. And when he regains sight of himself, he will be the captain we all need. The… Jim, that we all need."