Well. I warn you – THIS IS GROSS. THIS IS MIND-EFFING. THIS IS M-RATED. Please don't go on if you don't think you can handle it.

On the other hand, for those who can handle it, I applaud you.

The Story of Three Little Kids

By Janine (see profile)

In a normal little town lived three normal little kids named Edward and Alphonse and Winry and they were very normal but that's enough of that because they were very normal at first but then as they grew up they weren't so normal anymore anyway when they were normal as in when they were really little they had normal happy families with mummies and daddies even though that sounds like they had multiple mummies and daddies which they did because plural nouns are being used here but it still sounds wrong and anyway it doesn't matter because this whole thing is grammatically incorrect as it's intended to be and now it's going off-topic so going back on-topic those three little kids had mummies and daddies and Winry had a granny as well and everyone was very happy but then Ed and Al's daddy left because he was a man-eating monster who wanted to stop some sort of conspiracy being made by other man-eating monsters so it's hard to see how he could be of any help but the point is he left so Ed and Al and especially their mummy were very sad and then Winry's mummy and daddy got themselves killed at war because of the conspiracy and the man-eating monsters and then Ed and Al's mummy died from a mysterious illness that was probably not caused by the man-eating monsters but after she died Ed and Al grieved and after they grieved they tried to bring her back to life but obviously that failed as any sane person can imagine and then to top it all off a mass of squirmy wriggly black hands appeared and stole two of Ed's limbs and Al's whole body

so as you can see these three little kids who had once been normal couldn't possibly stay normal after all that so they started doing strange things in their spare time like Ed for instance after he went off to infiltrate the government with Al even though he didn't know about the conspiracy which was after he got Winry to make him fake limbs he took a liking to tight leather pants but he soon found that they made his manhood very visible and that was a problem because he couldn't infiltrate the government if he felt uncomfortable about everyone looking at it so he sticky-taped it to his leg but that wasn't a viable solution because then it was even more uncomfortable physically that is and besides when he had an erection the sticky-tape came off and he didn't think it was a good idea to use superglue so instead he tried to roll it up as tightly as possible and bound it with metal but the pain was unbearable and once he went so hard that the metal snapped and there was a lot of blood so after that he'd learnt his lesson and put a stop to the whole thing

but Al on the other hand tried to do strange things in his spare time but he'd been reduced to a suit of armour that couldn't feel anything unless he touched the bloody doodle inside it but he didn't want to commit suicide so he gave it up that is until he got his real body back and that's when it all started so basically he didn't like the feel of having a manhood after not having one for so long so during the day he used alchemy to shrink it down to a microscopic size and that suited him much better and he also discovered that for some reason his fluids had turned into apple juice and who knew what those black hands had done to his balls because they'd turned into apples but he saw that as an advantage and started producing apple juice commercially and before long he was a billionaire

and as for Winry she didn't have a manhood but felt left out because her good friends did strange things in their spare time and she didn't and anyway she was traumatised too so she started shoving objects lying around her workbench up herself like nails and hammers and spare prosthetic parts but she especially liked the feel of wrenches and soon developed a wrench fetish which increased in intensity so much that she got them all bloody and threw them at Ed afterwards but he had no idea what was going on so that was all good

and so ends the story of the three normal little kids whose normalities were stripped away by man-eating monsters and conspiracies and other such things but never mind because none of it was real and anyway grammatically incorrect stories are never appreciated.

Well, I guess there's an exception to every rule – in actual fact, some grammatically incorrect stories are appreciated. But that's beside the point. I don't even know if you'd call this story grammatically incorrect or just incorrectly punctuated. Or with a severe lack of punctuation. Or all of those. Well, whatever!