A/N: Hi guys – firstly, I need to apologise for not updating this story for like 6 months. I know it is no excuse but my hands have been completely full, what with university exams, ballroom/latin dance competitions and medals to train for and to top it off, I'm moving to Russia in less than 2 months! So much going on here…I had little inspiration for this story for a while, but the guest review I received about 2 weeks ago really inspired me and motivated me to continue. Just knowing that there was still someone out there (after 6 months of no updates) who wanted an ending to this story, gave me the necessary kick up the arse to start writing again.
My sincerest apologies for being such a bad author and not updating – I hope you'll understand. I'm sorry if this chapter is not up to scratch as well.
As for my next chapter, you as readers can choose whether you would like a chapter with Felix and Calhoun or Ralph and Vanellope. Let me know by means of review who you would like to see next up in this perilous tale of attempted cleaning, failed dates and general mayhem.
New readers are warmly welcomed and the old faithful ones… I hope you're still out there. I'm sorryL
Emmz: Ha ha, do you think Ralph can stop her?*evil chuckles*. Yep, Vanellope certainly can create more problems than she can solve. Thank you for your kind review and I hope you will continue reading.
Dalek: Thank you so much and I hope you are still out there :D I think Felix would definitely notice a room reeking of peanut butter!
Guest: Thank you so much for your review – I really needed that motivational boost! I hope you will enjoy what is to come :D
Here we go then – again so sorry for the wait. Enjoy :D
-WIR-
"Ta Dah! I found something to help us!"
She proclaimed triumphantly, raising the jar above her head. It was at this moment in time, Ralph realised how the little Princess must have felt, when he waltzed right through the door, claiming that his Michael Jackson CD was the solution to all their problems. Confusion just simply wasn't in it. However, he tried to reflect her bouncy attitude and forced out a small smile.
"Gee thanks kid, I could do with some food for thought…"
He eagerly reached towards the container, but was stopped by a firm tap on the wrist.
"Na ah, not for you ham hands. This is for getting rid of the glue."
Stunned, Ralph simply stood there, wondering if his giant 8-bit ears needed washing out.
"Whaa…"
Before he could continue, she raised her index finger, calling for silence on his part. Willingly, he ceased his flummoxed mumblings and awaited her interesting explanation.
"Okay – so about a month ago, we had a bit of a situation in Sugar Rush. While Sour Bill was sleeping, Gloyd decided to stick him to the back of Jubileena's kart, "The Cherriot". Of course, we all thought it was hilarious when Jubileena, who was blissfully unaware of the new addition to her kart, drove off towards the race track, with Sour Bill squealing in tow. Naturally, she heard his screams and stopped her kart, to assess what was going on. At this point, we were all rolling round the floor, unable to stop laughing. That miserable old cough drop must have turned at least two shades greener!"
Vanellope set off a peal of infectious laughter, upon recounting the experience. Ralph himself stifled a small chuckle. Boy, those kids were badly behaved, but the sour cough drop did bring it upon himself with his unremitting grumpiness. Wiping a small tear of laughter from her eye, Vanellope attempted to continue her story between giggles.
"Anyway, poor kind hearted Jubileena was trying her best to console the distressed ball, when Gloyd and I decided to step in and put an end to his misery. However, we when attempted to prise him free of the kart, we discovered he was stuck fast. By now, Gloyd was really beginning to panic, realising he had really gone too far with his practical jokes. Everybody started to huddle round the kart, offering reassuring words to the distressed assistant. Then Rancis showed up, and as cool as a well-dressed cucumber, he produced a small pot of peanut butter from his pocket. He didn't say anything, but proceeded to rub the brittle substance all around the wriggling candy ball and within seconds, the peanut butter somehow dissolved the glue, unleashing him from his sticky prison"
Ralph tittered.
"I bet he was grateful"
"Nope – he was mad as heck!"
Ralph paused for a moment, quickly sussing what this conversation was leading towards.
"So are you saying if we smear peanut butter on the wall, the glue will just 'magically disappear'?"
He was still dubious. Having never heard of peanut butter as a way of combating sticky situations, it was only natural he was reluctant to try it. After all, this was Felix's house and as much as he knew peanut butter was one of the pint sized hero's favourite foodstuffs, he doubted the handyman would want to return home finding the stuff spread all over the walls. Nevertheless, he was willing to try it – if it worked, it would mean neither individual would have to suffer the wroth of Tamora's anger.
"Of course – Rancis said it is guaranteed to work. He has had a lot of experience in the field of peanut butter y'know."
Vanellope chimed. Ralph regarded the enthusiastic being before him. The peanut butter was worth a shot – it wasn't like they had any other option and Rancis seemed the most level headed out of all the Sugar Rush racers. Maybe this ingenious method would actually work.
"Okay, what have we got to lose?"
With a feigned half-hearted sigh, he padded over to the other side of the room. Vanllope stared confusedly in his direction.
"Hey Stinkbrain! Where do you think you're going?"
She called out, hoping to gain the wreckers attention. He said nothing, but proceeded to fiddle with the knobs on the stereo, readjusting frequency equalisers and turning up the bass controls. Having studied the album box carefully, he knew exactly which track would be the most prevalent for their current circumstances.
"We can't leave the third member of our cleaning party out Van. "
Grinning, he waltzed back over to the candy ruler. Vanellope appeared perplexed for a moment before catching wind of Ralph's idea.
"Of course, what is cleaning without a little music…"
She giggled happily before speeding into the kitchen. Ralph chuckled, watching her ponytail bob up and down, as she rummaged eagerly through the wooden drawers. Ralph made a mental note to check on the drawers later – Felix liked his storage compartments well-ordered, a contrast to Miss Von Schweetz who would either cram as much as possible into them or leave their contents scattered far and wide.
Kids
Shaking his head, he continued browsing through the song list, visually searching for his desired track. At last, his eyes came to rest upon his choice of melody and with an air of confidence, he selected the track. His face broke out into a familiar smile, as the machine began to whir with life once again. Vanellope skipped back into room, clutching two cotton cloths.
"Ta da! Did you miss me?"
She smirked, while spinning the cloths alternately round her head - a cow girl with cotton lassoes. Ralph grinned back at her.
"Oh, definitely. It was almost like a part of my code had disappeared in your absence. An empty, sunless void only you could fill"
Ralph was pleased with his sharpish reply. Having been subjected to both Tamora's and Vanellope's frequent use of sarcasm, he decided it was high time he started using some. Unfortunately, this did not come easily to him, being designed as a mindless wrecker rather than a verbal warrior. Vanellope's grin only grew wider.
"Gee Ralph – people with issues like that normally get pets or something. I'm sure if you spent some time with the Oero hounds, you would feel better in no time."
Ralph recalled his encounter with the supposedly highly trained sniffer dogs and their relentless pursuit.
Foiled again
He had yet to master Vanellope's level of verbosity and in the meantime, he would have to continue being the butt of his own jokes. Mockingly, he pointed a giant finger towards her.
"All right kid, you may have won this verbal battle, but you have yet to win the war"
He laid extra emphasis on the final word for effect. Vanellope simply shrugged nonchalantly.
"What is this then Ralphie? Germ warfare? Last I checked, our fight was for the cause of cleanliness."
She pouted smugly, knowing full well she had mentally gotten the better of him. Ralph rolled his eyes. There was no point in arguing – time was ticking by and they wanted the house in ship shape well before the lovers returned. Vanellope stuck out her hand, offering one of the cloths to him. Confused, he plucked the small piece of fabric from her hand and scratched his head.
"Ummm… what are these for Van?"
Vanellope sighed. Just as she was about to come out with another one of her many sharp witted remarks, she thought the better of it.
"Well, we don't wanna just empty the whole jar on the wall. We have to be careful: by using these cloths, we can apply the peanut butter more easily and spread it round evenly"
Ralph nodded, before seeing the wicked glint in her eye.
"That and maybe we will still have some left over for Felix's breakfast"
She tittered to herself. On the other hand, Ralph eyed the jar nervously. Half its contents were already gone and there was rather a lot of adhesive on the wall. Would the amount they had left actually be able to combat the sticky substance? He bit his lip and pondered a moment. Suddenly, an impatient tapping noise brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to face the hands on hips president.
"Well… what are we waiting for Ralph? Christmas? I'm sure it will soon be upon us if you keep standin…"
"Alright I get the idea"
His shoulders slumped in defeat. Truth be told, he was worried. He didn't want to jeopardise his newly found friendship with the Fix It's through totally obliviating their wall paper. This whole thing could end up backfiring horribly and as the adult figure, he would undoubtedly get blamed for it. In spite of her hyperactive eagerness, Vanellope seemed to sense his nervousness. Soothingly, she gently laid a small hand on his arm.
"It's ok Ralph – It'll be fine. Just trust me."
He gazed into those chocolately whirpools and sighed.
"Ok kiddo – let's begin"
Her normal impish countenance reappeared and she raised her pink rag in the air.
"Now that's more like it! Music Maestro!"
He chuckled, as she hopped over to the stereo and pressed the play button. As the disc starting spinning round, she glitched next to Ralph and attempted to prise the lid off the jar, it's brittle ingredients beckoning the cleaning duo. Warbling voices starting droning in the background, signalling the start of the next song, as Vanellope struggled with the stubborn top. Ralph extended his hand as an offering of help, but the feisty little girl was determined she would accomplish this trivial task. A resounding pop marked the sign of success on Vanellope's part, just as the deranged cackles from the stereo were replaced by some groovy guitar riffs. Vanellope carefully laid the jar on the ground, at the base of their designated cleaning area. She starting swinging her hips in time to rhythmic drum beats, before slinging the pink material onto her back. Then she started singing along, once again changing the song lyrics to mirror their current situation.
With a cloth upon my shoulder
Gonna straighten up our act and get right down
Thought the job ain't so appealing
Gonna take it step by step or round for round
Very suddenly, she whipped the cloth from her shoulder and motioned for Ralph to take over the vocals, which he did with some hesitation.
Errr… Cause we're the cleaning people
Whether night or day
Working hard, yeah
It's the only way
Vanellope had seized the opportunity during Ralph's solo to dip her cloth into the pot of peanut butter. Scooping out some of the oozing substance from the jar, she proceeded to rub it rhythmically onto the sticky residue left on the wall, belting out her own abridged chorus as she did so.
So tonight, gotta leave all our concerns upon the shelves
Take it upon ourselves
Smooth, gotta use our time to get rid of this glue…
At this point, Ralph decided to cut in.
Don't look too bad at all
When you've got it off the wall.
Vanellope beamed enthusiastically at her musical chum, scrubbing vigorously. She then attempted to join in with the backing singers, crooning to her hearts content.
Get this glue off the wall,
Ralph joined in, congratulating himself on the perfect choice of song. Their call and response singing was working incredibly well, considering they were somewhat occupied with their scouring chores and the fact that they were both ad libing the vocals. His deep notes bounced off the papered surface in front of him.
Get it off the wall, (Get this glue off the wall) Get it off the wall
Ralph peered nervously at the vertical plane in front of him. Miraculously, the peanut butter actually seemed to be working. Having lifted his cloth from the area he had wiped, all traces of the supposedly irremovable adhesive had somehow vanished. A wide smile spread across his lips, as he waited for the next verse.
Vanellope was equally pleased with the results. The glue was disappearing as planned, meaning Ralph and her royal highness wouldn't get into trouble for re plastering Felix's lounge. Pointing at Ralph with her peanut butter infested cloth, she resumed her singing duties.
You can take five if you need to
But no sleeping on the job, it ain't allowed
She glitched suddenly onto his shoulder, standing on the very tip of her toes to reach a glistening patch of wall Ralph had somehow missed. Rubbing keenly, she swayed back and forth with her rigorous arm movement.
Cause together we can do it
And we won't allow the task to weigh us down
Ralph chuckled and started humming the next section of their inventive melody.
Cause we're the cleaning people
Whether night or day
Working hard, yeah
It's the only way
Having successfully rid the wall of yet another patch of glue, Vanellope leapt down from Ralph's broad shoulders, only to be caught in his giant palm and gently lowered to the floor. She huffed and adjusted her special cleaning belt (aka Tamora's luxury suspenders, now complete with duster and water spray). Plunging her rag into the pot of breakfast spread, the chorus began once again.
So tonight, gotta leave all our concerns upon the shelves
Take it upon ourselves
Smooth, gotta use our time to get rid of this glue…
Don't look too bad at all
When you've got it off the wall.
(Get this glue off the wall, Get it off the wall, Get this glue off the wall, Get it off the wall)
The funky progressive bass riffs reverberated deep within Ralph's code and he shuddered with delight. Vanellope's unorthodox method appeared to be doing a bang up job, so there was no reason he couldn't let loose with a little song.
Do what we gotta do
Get it right girl, it's up to you
Shape up! Yeah… and look alive
And clean on right through the night…
Vanellope suddenly shouted in enthusiasm, before taking the lead vocals for the final verse.
ALRIGGHT!
Put aside your inhibitions
Gotta get this place spotless, that is our goal
We will make it our ambition
To rid this place of glue and dust and…
She paused, hesitatingly, frantically trying to think of a type of dirt to rhyme with "goal". Fortunately, Ralph had already thought ahead of the little candy whirlwind and interceded.
MOULD!
Well, it wasn't a perfect rhyme, but it was as close as they were going to get. Luckily, no mould would have been allowed within a seven feet radius of Felix's house, so they had nothing to worry about on that front. Vanellope grinned wickedly; pleased her companion was getting into the swing of things again.
Cause we're the cleaning people
Whether night or day
Working hard, yeah
It's the only way
Their newly invented chorus echoed through the house one last time, as they finishing rubbing the gluey remains off the walls.
So tonight, gotta leave all our concerns upon the shelves
Take it upon ourselves
Smooth, gotta use our time to get rid of this glue…
Don't look too bad at all
When you've got it off the wall.
(Get this glue off the wall, Get it off the wall, Get this glue off the wall, Get it off the wall)
As the song drew near to its unavoidable end, the backing vocals resumed their progressive crooning noises. Vanellope suddenly threw her head back and cackled manically, imitating the laughter at the start of the track. The tune gradually faded into the distance. However, the little president continued her cackling, oblivious to the songs end. Ralph tittered, turned off the stereo system and approached the giggling mass. Carefully and using just his pinkie, he scooped out a small blob of peanut butter from the jar. Treading lightly, he approached the smaller gamer and spread it on her nose. Shocked, Vanellope immediately stopped her laughter.
"Heyyy Ralllph!"
She giggled, trying in vain to wipe the peanut butter off her nose, using just her tongue. Her cross eyed expression only served to make Ralph laugh all the more.
"Oh kiddo"
With an exasperated huff, Vanellope decided to wipe it off using her cloth. After all, peanut butter was in plentify suppy in Sugar Rush; all she had to do was visit Rancis if she fancied some. Having spread almost an entire jar of the brittle substance on the wall, she wasn't really in the mood for eating it right now. She looked up at the newly cleaned wall.
"So whadd'ya think Ralphie?! Was I right or was I right?"
Grinning like a smug chesire cat, she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Ralph surveyed the wall.
Spotless
He paced up and down the length of the room, examining every inch of the cream coloured paper. Miraculously, the nut infused paste had indeed broken down the adhesive substance and any visible traces of the glue, seemed thus far invisible to his eight bit eyes. He knew Tamora, with her highly trained battle eye would be able to spot the smallest little mark, thus he was erring on the side of caution. However, whilst they had been busy removing all visual imperfections from the wall, it appeared they had overlooked one minor but oh so important detail.
The smell
Ralph screwed up his nose and uncomfortably shifted from one foot to another, trying to think of a way to answer Vanellope's question without offending the eager Princess.
"Umm… great job Van. You were spot on with the whole peanut butter getting rid of glue thing…"
He stammered, trying to avoid addressing the issue. Ultimately, Vanellope had managed to get rid of the gluey streaks, but the unmistakable lingering aroma of peanut butter would undoubtedly be more suspicious to the returning Fix-Its.
"Annnnddd…"
She raised an eyebrow quizzically, sensing something was amiss. Ralph ran a thoughtful hand through his unkempt hair.
"Welll… it's just that…"
"For users sake, what's wrong?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure Felix decorated this place with unscented paper…"
He hoped Vanellope would cotton on to his cryptic explanation; she was normally ahead of him with this sort of thing anyway. Vanellope arched her eyebrow up even further before taking a step towards the wall. Breathing in, she inhaled the savoury odour. Having recently had her nose smeared with the stuff, it had temporarily masked her sense of smell, but now she could see or rather smell exactly what Ralph was concerned about. Gesturing with her small hand, she dismissed his worries.
"Oh relax will ya chump, I got it covered"
Without saying another word, she glitched quickly into the Fix-it's bedroom, leaving a dumbfounded Ralph to revel in his thoughts. Carefully, she began to wade through the items of clothing she herself had tossed on the floor, whilst she had delved into Tamora's drawers and defeated an army of imaginary cybugs.
"Now it was around here somewhere…. AHHHHHAA!"
After quickly scanning a mound of miscellaneous items, her eyes finally came to rest on the object of her desire. She seized the small bottle and headed out of the bedroom, leaving it once again in a terrible cluttered state.
She strode over to her befuddled friend.
"Here you are Ralphie, I believe this oughta help with our problem"
She held the glass object out to her bumbling wrecker. Ralph eyed the container
" J' a – adorrrr-eee. E-au de To- to -il-ette… Toilet!"
He pronounced the branded French perfume with difficulty. Vanellope attempted to stifle a giggle.
"Apparently Sarge must like smelling like doody – HERO'S DOODY!"
Ralph shook his head. Somehow he knew that joke wasn't going to get old anytime soon – after all, it had been a year and the whole issue of "Hero's doody" was still going strong. He glanced at the little President, struggling to suppress her childish laughter.
"Umm okay kiddo, but isn't this an expensive perfume?"
Now Ralph may have been a mindless wrecker with little female experience, but he could tell this was not your run of the mill perfume. The gold edging, the spherical shape and the fancy words inscribed upon the bottle all supported his judgement. However, Vanellope was not going to be deterred from her brilliant plan.
"Nah Ralph, for crying out loud it's got toilet written on it! It ain't gonna be worth much"
Evidently, the feisty avatar knew nothing about older gamers beauty products and consequently, her confidence undermined Ralph's own thoughts. Sure he knew virtually nothing about women, but that didn't stop an unsettling feeling resting in his gut. Frantically, he tried to think of another obstacle in the way of Vanellope's scheme.
"But won't Sarge notice if all her perfume has disappeared? I mean there isn't much left…"
"Oh Cm'on Ralph! Times a wastin'! I'll just top up the bottle with soapy water when we are done. I mean, it's probably only toilet water and won't smell of much anyway"
And with that, she snatched the bottle from Ralph's enormous upturned palm. He could only watch helplessly as the little princess bounded round the room, spraying the mysterious essence here and there. Soon, a fresh fruity fragrance filled the air, masking the former smell of peanut butter. Ralph sighed, thinking to himself.
Well, they might not notice the peanut butter now, but they are certainly gonna notice this.
He crossed his arms.
"So kiddo, after we have cleared off, how d'you think Felix is gonna explain this smell to Tamora ehh? You know she doesn't miss much"
Vanellope grinned smugly; as she continued spritzing the scent round the areas they had recently cleaned.
"Easy peasy! Felix is such a perfectionist and it is his anniversary. Cal knows he will have worked hard to make this a special evening and that includes making the place smell nice. She might not even ask and they will both be too busy making googly eyes at each other anyway to notice anything suspicious"
She retched at the thought of the two lovers and their sickly side glances. Ralph smirked. The little girl certainly had a point. After she had finished fumigating the living area, she looked back at the perfume.
Empty
As cool as a cucumber, she strolled over to the kitchen, unscrewed the bottle lid and filled the ampule carefully with water. She then added a dash of liquid soap. Proudly, she displayed the amended fragrance. On the surface, the costly cologne hadn't really changed in appearance; however, upon further inspection, one might notice a small layer of soap starting to form at the bottom of the vessel. Ralph was apprehensive – he was certain if Vanellope even lightly shook the container, it would start frothing, giving the whole game away. She appeared unfazed by his concerns.
"Like I said…"
She strutted off towards the bedroom, in order to replace the newly modified scent.
"They'll never know the difference"
Ralph watched the cocky princess pad across the hall, the cleaning implements at her waist jangling as she sauntered off. He glanced at the spotless walls and sighed, inhaling a large amount of the floral scent as he did so. He murmured quietly to himself, whilst scratching the nape of his neck.
"Let's hope so kid. Let's hope so…"
-WIR-
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. If you didn't know the Michael Jackson parody, it was "Off the Wall". As for the peanut butter… I spent ages researching obscure methods to remove adhesives and peanut butter was actually recommended by lots of people on forums. I thought it was the sort of thing Ralph and Vanellope might do and as for the perfume… why not give Tamora yet another reason to be mad with the dynamic duo *evil laugh*
Anyhow, let me know by means of review if you enjoyed this chapter and who you would like to see featured in the next one. I was intending Felix and Calhoun, but it is going to be whoever you guys want to see.
Many thanks, большое спасибо!
Honeyglows abounding! x