This has to be the most rewritten chapter thus far. I have about five different versions of this chapter, but this is the one that felt closest to what I was wanting. Grrr, I still don't know, but I could waver between them forever, so I made up my mind and finished/polished this version. It may or may not change in the future...probably not, since I'm lazy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! And remember, if you follow or even like my stories, be sure to go bookmark my livejournal page from my profile, because if I get deleted off of here, I'll put everything up there. Thanks!

Wearied by his long, sleepless night and exhausted by his worry, Yumichika shed his clothing, intending to try for a little sleep. He paused, however, on his way to bed and reached out to smooth Ikkaku's bedding, which he'd prepared for the man before he'd left the night before.

"You can take care of yourself, Ikkaku," he whispered, saddened because Ikkaku had never needed him the way that he himself had needed Ikkaku. Trying very hard not to think about what he was doing, he got into Ikkaku's bed and finally fell into troubled slumber.

His respite only lasted a few hours before he made himself get up. Yumichika knew if he didn't do this right away, he'd never be able to do it at all.

The Captain was in his office, which was usual for him in the early afternoon. They had an unspoken agreement on timelines - Yumichika had free rein to do what he could, and then he would leave a stack of papers that the Captain would sign in the morning, or else leave carefully written instructions for. They both made very sure not to cross paths, Yumichika out of respect, and the Captain out of his reluctance to get dragged into it anymore than was required.

"Captain Zaraki, may I come in?" Yumichika asked, composing himself.

"What is it?"

Yumichika took that for agreement and let himself in, closing the door quietly behind him.

Lieutenant Kusajishi was, oddly, not with the Captain. Perhaps she had gone to make a report of her own, as Yumichika had promised would happen.

Captain Zaraki's unusual, unsettling eyes picked apart his appearance. Yumichika still found him intimidating, through no fault of Zaraki's - he was just a big, glowering, powerful man and radiated a kind of dangerous instability that put people on edge, despite how thoughtful and perceptive he truly was.

"Ah, Ayasegawa. What do you want?"

"Captain, I've come to request a transfer," Yumichika said, keeping his eyes lowered because saying it to his Captain was as awful and difficult as saying it to Ikkaku himself. "I'd like you to approve of me going to the Kido Corps."

Zaraki said nothing, just reached for his lit pipe and took a contemplative pull on it, settling back in his chair in a plaintive groan of stressed wood.

"He's tough," the man said, plucking his pipe out of his mouth to sigh a cloud of smoke out into the deepening day. "He'll live."

"Yes, he will, Captain." Yumichika had no idea what to say or do, and he wasn't entirely sure just how much his Captain had witnessed out there. Whatever the case may be, he couldn't stay. Having witnessed Ikkaku's death once already with such devastating results made bearing it again an impossibility. Everything else was just long history and regret.

"You know why I like to fight so much?"

The question surprised him into saying, "No, Captain. Why?"

"I met a woman once, when I was a kid," the man said, a strange, distant longing in his deep, harsh voice, his lids dropping to hood his eyes. He'd taken his patch off at some point and idly twined the straps in his free fingers, as if from habit. "She was the most powerful person I've ever fought. Amazingly powerful. I've never found anyone like her again, but I dream that I will some day. So I keep fighting, hoping that she'll get sick of hearing about me and finally come settle things."

He laughed darkly, relishing the idea of it, confounding Yumichika in the process.

"I hope for that for you, Captain," Yumichika finally said, at a loss.

"That woman, you know what kind of sword she has, Ayasegawa?"

"N...no, Captain," he admitted, not having the first clue who this mysterious woman was in the first place. He hazarded to guess, "A melee type, like everyone in Squad Eleven. That's the only type worth anything, isn't it?"

Captain Zaraki laughed again and took another deep pull on his pipe before saying in his low, raspy voice, "Nah, not that. The strongest sword I've ever crossed is a kido blade."

Yumichika stared at him, stunned, knowing his secret was no longer just that, but shocked that his Captain didn't seem to mind.

"Strong is strong, eh?" Captain Zaraki said, and blew out his smoke, grinning his sharp, wide grin. "Strong doesn't have a type. Get some sleep, Ayasegawa. You look like hell."

"C...Captain? My transfer - "

"You want to go to them Kido people, you go," Captain Zaraki said, his shrewd eyes sharply watching him. "Men don't really ever leave this Squad, Ayasegawa. Wherever you go, you'll always be part of the Eleventh. Now get out of here."

"Th...thank you, Captain," Yumichika said, bowing deeply.

Yumichika left the room as quietly as he'd come in, wondering why the idea of leaving hurt as badly as it did. He'd always thought that his ties to this place were solely through Ikkaku; he hadn't counted on forming bonds of his own to people he'd come to cherish.

But it was all necessary in order to do this one thing for himself, in order to avoid the inevitable future. He would not watch Madarame Ikkaku die again. He would go to the Kido Corps, and live out the rest of his days making his old instructor proud. Ikkaku would wonder about him for awhile, but he had enough distractions to keep him from pursuing it, especially if Matsumoto worked her infallible magic.

He went to their room and closed the screens, shutting out the irritating light and also any watchful eyes as he gathered his belongings. The last thing Yumichika wanted was the answer questions or cause a scene. He would go quietly and without anyone's notice, and that would be that.

The sum of his life lay in his pale, white hands - an aged, much-worn scroll casing with its gold long since flaked off to reveal the pale wood beneath, a brittle book of kido spells with its cracked binding and loose spine, and the sliver of a file which was the latest in a long line, all treasured thanks to the first. That was what he had to show for his long, long life - everything else, like himself, had simply aged until nothing was left.

Yumichika deposited those things inside of his uniform, rolled his bedding up, and packed away his other uniforms, making a neat bundle that fit easily on his slim back.

And that was it. After all of this time, after all of the pain and heartache, all of the laughter and fury and delight of being with such a man, this was how easy and quick it was to extract himself from Madarame Ikkaku's life and vanish like so much smoke.

"I'll miss you," he breathed, gazing at Ikkaku's bedding and the scattering of small personal things he kept on a lacquered box next to his bed. The ache in his heart urged him to leave a note, some clue that Ikkaku could follow, and maybe, maybe he'd come, and...and...

And the same nonsense. And the same misplaced hope and childish dreams of romance.

"Stupid Yumichika," he hissed at himself, wishing the Azure Peacock would chime in and goad him a little, but his Soul Cutter was somberly silent. "How many times does your hand have to be smacked before you learn not to reach?"

He resolutely turned away, opened the door, and left the Squad Eleven grounds for the last time.

It was only by sheer stubborn resolution that he did not look back.

"Ayasegawa, sir, it seems that we still haven't received your transfer paperwork."

Yumichika sighed, not surprised, and angled a dark glare at Tamotsu whenever he laughed.

"This isn't funny, Tamotsu," he said to him, and then, to the anxious page awaiting his reply, he said, "Squad Eleven is notoriously terrible at paperwork. Send it again or else send someone to speak to the Captain in person. His verbal agreement should suffice."

The page hurried off, presumably to search out the Captain, and good luck to him, poor kid.

"Yes, but we need the official stamp and signature to make it all complete," Tamotsu reminded him, grinning. He'd been shocked and dismayed to see Yumichika, thinking that Ikkaku must surely be dead for him to show up at the Kido Corps. He'd been more than willing to speak to his superiors, however, and within an hour of his arrival Yumichika was given a place among them.

It was a pleasant, lovely place tucked away in a corner of the Court of Pure Souls where no one really ventured. Yumichika had just found out that it was an illusion created by kido in order to keep others from disrupting their work. A little effort on everyone's part - hardly more than a tickle at the back of their mind - and everyone in Soul Society unconsciously gave that part of the Court wide berth. Easy.

"Yumichika...are you settling in?" Tamotsu asked. He'd grown up, too, since Yumichika had last seen him. He was no longer a scholarly youth with his nose stuck in a book and his head in the clouds. Time had worked its magic on Tamotsu as well and left him hardened, wise, and more thoughtful, though still full of smiles.

"Yes, of course," Yumichika softly answered him, pressing his hand to his stomach, which ached almost constantly. Perhaps it was homesickness. He thought it might be, because every time he thought of Ikkaku - which was with every breath - he felt the same tight, awful pain that refused to lessen. "Thank you, Tamotsu, for helping me."

"As if I wouldn't help you," the man laughed, averting his gaze to his notes. He'd asked Yumichika to join him on a project of crafting new kido by combining forms. It was interesting enough to distract him, as it was intended. "We're friends, Yumichika. You'll get used to this place. You'll learn to move on."

Move on. No, he would never do that, but one day in the distant future he might learn how to live again without Ikkaku, and be able to find peace. After all, it had only been two weeks since he'd walked away from everything he knew and loved. Time would take this hurt, too, he knew, like it took all things in the end.

"Are you ever going to talk about it?" Tamotsu asked, wisely not looking at him, asking it almost indifferently as he perused his notes.

"Talk about what?" Yumichika asked, stalling.

"About your Soul Cutter, about the squad you joined," Tamotsu said, cutting his eyes Yumichika's way. "About Madarame?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Yumichika informed him, though his vivid blush said otherwise. "You were right, Tamotsu - he's already dead and he's glad of it. There's nothing I can do by staying by his side. There is nothing he's ever needed from me that he would miss with my loss. I've come to my senses at long last. Happy?"

"Not in the least," Tamotsu said, shaking his head, and changed the subject with, "I see that your marks are gone."

"Yes," Yumichika said, touching his throat, which was bare now. There was no need to wear the orange monstrosity, though he kept it and touched it often, thinking of Matsumoto. He missed that insufferable woman, and regretted that he wasn't able to be close to her. After all, the man she loved had died in her arms just as his had. If there were ever two people in Soul Society who shared a secret heart, it was he and Matsumoto Rangiku. "We finally made peace, my Soul Cutter and I."

Still, the Azure Peacock was silent. They'd spoken only once since he'd brought Ikkaku back, together there in that Garden. The Azure Peacock had wordlessly accepted Yumichika's heartfelt thanks for saving all of them and had then, strangely, said, 'I didn't think you would truly leave him...'

Those words still bothered him, because of all the advice that the Azure Peacock had given, "leave Ikkaku" had been the most offered. Yet now he sulked and watched silently, as if waiting for Yumichika to come to his senses.

"Ah, Yumichika, you're difficult to pry secrets out of," Tamotsu sighed, giving him up to his own thoughts.

Yumichika buried himself in his work for awhile, trying to find methods to create a strong, combined kido with an abbreviated incantation. It was distracting enough to make the time pass swiftly, and engrossing enough that he almost didn't notice at first whenever there was a subtle disturbance at the entrance to the Kido Corps.

"...know what he's shouting..."

"...someone has gone to get the Commander..."

"Ayasegawa, sir? I think someone is here for you!"

The little page from before nearly fell over himself trying to get to Yumichika, his brown eyes wild.

"Are you okay?" Tamotsu asked, alarmed. "What is it?"

"Er, I'm sorry, sir!" the youth said, embarrassed. "He said he'd hurt me if I didn't bring him! I really think he meant it!"

"Oh no," Yumichika breathed, and shot for the courtyard, his heart pounding. Sure enough, the moment he passed the doorway he heard a familiar, raspy voice raised in outrage, shouting, "Yumichika! Where the hell are you, eh? Yumichika!"

"Tamotsu, please tell the Commander I'll deal with this," Yumichika lowly said to the man who turned up at his side. "I apologize for the disturbance."

"I'll tell him," Tamotsu said, bewildered. "Just...be careful, Yumichika. He looks pretty unhappy."

"He's fine," Yumichika said, sounding far more calm than he felt. Just seeing Ikkaku's scowling, angry face made his heart jump up in his throat and his fingers itch to touch him. How could one heart feel so full? Like it might burst at any second, simply from just seeing someone? "Please, excuse me."

"Yumichika! Where are you?!"

"Ikkaku," Yumichika called, drifting to a stop just behind him so that the man turned, surprised.

"Ah, Yumichika, there you are," he said, grinning and lifting one hand to rub the back of his head. He was thinner than he should be, and paler than normal, but otherwise looked just as he always had. Those grey eyes crinkled with the force of his familiar, beloved grin, and Yumichika swallowed hard to keep his feelings at bay. "I've been looking for you."

"Why?" Yumichika asked, hating that his voice trembled with even one word.

"Why?" Ikkaku echoed, his eyes popping open and then narrowing. "Why? What do you mean, why?! Eh?! I'm here to take you home!"

"I am home now," Yumichika informed him, drawing on every reserve of haughty snobbery he could manage, because he wavered dangerously and he could feel it. "Please, forget about me, Ikkaku."

"WHAT?!" Ikkaku roared, his fists clenching at his sides, his shoulders tightening. "I look all this time for you and you want to stay? EH? How many heads did I have to pound to find you here, Yumichika, huh? And you want to stay! HAH! You damned brat!"

"Ikkaku, please," Yumichika said, lifting a staying hand, trying his best to remain calm when all he really wanted to do was exactly what Ikkaku told him to do. "You shouldn't be here! And why on earth were you beating people up to find me?! Honestly, of all the dramatic things!"

"What else was I supposed to do, damn it!" Ikkaku flared, his voice echoing in the courtyard, making some of the gathered Kido Corps flinch. "I wake up to find you've vanished into thin air with me cut sternum to cock about to lose the only thing in my life that's ever meant anything to me!"

"That's nonsense, Ikkaku," Yumichika told him, bewildered because he seemed well enough, after all. "You'll clearly be able to fight again - "

"Not that, stupid! I mean you!" Ikkaku snarled, stunning him.

"Ikkaku!" Yumichika realized with alarm that Ikkaku was closing the distance between them. He took a step back, eyes wide, but the bald Death God forcefully snatched him close right there in front of the curious, gathered Kido Corps' lower echelon. For one startling, confused second, Yumichika simply couldn't think. Ikkaku's heat enveloped him, those strong hands were on him, one clenched on his waist and the other curled beneath his chin to hold him still.

And his mouth...

Yumichika gasped, eyes huge, his startled protest stifled by Ikkaku's mouth as it covered his own, soft for all the hardness of his words, gentle for all the roughness of his actions. He couldn't help but bend, as he always had, but always with this bending in his heart. He swayed against Ikkaku and reached up to grasp the cloth of his uniform over his chest, holding him near, keeping him close. He followed Ikkaku's lead, returning the kiss with everything left of his much-abused heart until they both were breathless and surprised. Those sharp teeth nipped him once, drawing a bead of blood from his plump lower lip, leaving a mark that everyone could see. Just as quickly, Ikkaku's hot tongue lapped the wound and urged his lips to part again, lighting a fire in Yumichika's blood that he had long-since imagined died out.

"Stupid Yumichika," Ikkaku whispered, breaking the kiss. The hand beneath his chin slid to cup his cheek and he pressed his forehead to Yumichika's, his grey eyes opening to slits to stare into Yumichika's own. "Matsumoto told me. Yumichika...why didn't you tell me? Eh?"

Yumichika shook his head, unable to answer, unable to think, not with Ikkaku so incredibly close. In a soft whisper, he said, "What would it have accomplished, Ikkaku? Since we were boys together, your only desire has been to fight, and now to die in service to Zaraki. Would I try to take that from you? Would I ever ask you to give up something for me?"

"You should have," Ikkaku said, his voice rough and low. "You've given up plenty for me."

Yumichika was breathless with faint hope, but he didn't dare consider it.

"You could have come in here a seated officer," Ikkaku said, lifting his head to glare at Yumichika from the bottoms of his eyes. "You could have returned to your family in full honor. You could have kept your long hair and your strange habit of dressing and never had to work a day for anything. Do you think I never realize what you've sacrificed? But all of these years, I've never known why."

His strong hand clenched on Yumichika's waist, the fine fingers of his other hand spreading to fully cup Yumichika's soft cheek.

"You've always kept secrets, Yumichika - my own as well as yours. It's never been fair of me to ask it of you, but I never thought about it because I never had to ask. I just assumed that what I wanted, you would too, because you always have. I've just never known the reason for it." Those grey eyes watched Yumichika, gauging his reaction. "You hide your Soul Cutter's power. You hide the secret of my bankai. You hide your noble blood from the others. You hide the fact that you're too good for Squad Zaraki. It took a ridiculous woman like Matsumoto pointing it out to make me realize that I should ask why."

He tipped his head down again, meeting Yumichika's gaze straight on. "I should have asked a long time ago. Forgive me, Yumichika."

Yumichika just stared at him, speechless.

"I don't want you to hide anything from me anymore, understand?" Ikkaku said, shaking him gently. "I don't want you to have secrets from me, Yumichika. I'll help you keep them from anyone else you want, but don't keep them from me. I'm sorry that I ever made you think you had to."

Yumichika said nothing, his mind still spinning confused circles over what he was hearing.

"I don't want you to go away from me, stupid. I don't want you where I can't take care of you," Ikkaku told him. "It's time to go. Come on."

"No."

"Come on, I said!" Ikkaku said, growling fiercely and grabbing his wrist, giving him a tug in the direction of the gates.

"No, I won't let you do this," Yumichika said, shaking his head so that his feathers fluttered and his hair flew. He stopped in his tracks and pulled against Ikkaku's strength, crying, "I won't let you! I know you, Madarame Ikkaku! You'll give up everything you love for something you don't just to spare me! Why do you think I've never asked you for anything?! I don't want you to give up anything for me!"

"Shut up, I said!" Ikkaku shouted, overriding him. "If I'd known a long time ago how you felt, you brat, I'd never have wanted those things to begin with!"

Yumichika drew up sharply, shocked.

"Stupid," Ikkaku said, angling his head away, a sure sign that he was unsure of himself, letting go of Yumichika's wrist to cross his arms over his chest. "You hide too well, Yumichika. What was I supposed to think, when you've never been more than my friend? How many times did I offer and all you did was poke that nose of yours into the air? Eh?"

"You never!" Yumichika protested, shocked, absently cradling his wrist where the livid marks of Ikkaku's fingers burned bright on his pale skin. "Ikkaku! What on earth are you saying? When?!"

"Like that night at your brothers? Eh?" Ikkaku said, pinning him with one shrewd, grey eye. "I asked you, didn't I? Unless you've changed your mind, I said! And then again, the next day - come in or go out, I said! And each time you made a face and turned away! You hold yourself away from everyone, Yumichika - who am I to think you'd want me? Any time I mentioned it, any time I tried to get you to open up, you'd tell me not to talk about such ugly things and you'd turn your back on me. What was I supposed to think, I said, when you tell me you don't want to be close to anyone like that?!"

Yumichika just stared at him, his violet eyes wide and unblinking, wracking his memories for those instances when, yes, Ikkaku had actually offered, albeit in his own way - alone the first time, and then together with a woman the next, giving Yumichika the room to decide if he wanted to or not. Countless other times, too, over their years together, cautious overtures couched in conversation and teasing...

And each time Yumichika, seeing something completely different, had simply walked away.

"Stupid Ikkaku," he breathed, wondering if they would always be doomed to have completely different experiences of precisely the same thing, over and over throughout their lives together. "All I could see was you with everyone but me...of all the people in the world, it's always only been you."

"Stupid Yumichika!" Ikkaku flared, tipping his head up to scowl at him, his voice rising with the force of his feelings. "Do you think after everything you went through that I'd ever try to push something on you that you didn't want?"

He sighed, his tense shoulders loosening and his tone softening.

"When Renji said everyone thought we were together, you wrinkled your nose and complained about it; it bothered you so much that you lost your smile for months. After that...I thought I knew how you felt, so I kept my distance," Ikkaku roughly said, a light pink stain on his cheeks. "But you've been at my side for longer than either one of us cares to remember, Yumichika, so how could I not feel something for you? I don't know what it is, but no one has ever caused the same feeling in me that you always have - so whatever it is, it's only for you, Yumichika."

Yumichika pressed his hand to his heart, sure that the whole world must surely hear it thundering. All of these years spent in lonely, one-sided love, all of this time trying so hard to be seen, to be needed, and here Ikkaku was, blushing his way through a confession of his own.

"Now, can we go?" Ikkaku asked, noting, "Those weird people are staring at us."

"It's because you barged in here like a madman, you bald idiot," Yumichika breathed, trying to bring his mind into some semblance of order. But all that mattered was the pounding of his heart, beating out the pattern of Ikkaku's name. "I...I can't leave, Ikkaku. Nothing has changed! I left because I can't do it."

"Eh? Do what?" Ikkaku asked, cocking his head, bewildered.

"I can't watch you die!" Yumichika breathlessly told him.

"Again, you mean?" Ikkaku purred, arching one elegant black brow. "Ah, Yumichika, what kind of bastard would throw away that gift, eh? You nearly died to save me, didn't you? You honestly believe I think so little of you that I'd go and try to get myself killed after that? Heh! Am I a man?! Would I leave you all alone after you tell me you love me?"

Yumichika stared at him, trembling, and managed to stammer, "I've never said that..."

"Just with those eyes of yours, you damned brat!" Ikkaku said, then grinned at him, saying, "Stupid, come on, let's go home."

"But - "

"We'll figure it out as we go, Yumichika, damn it!" Ikkaku informed him. "Don't we always? Now, come on."

"Ayasegawa, sir..."

Yumichika started whenever the young page turned up at his elbow, holding a hastily compiled bundle of his belongings.

"Senior Tamotsu said to bring your things," he said, keeping a terrified eye on Ikkaku, who merely looked suspicious and grouchy. "He says to take care of yourself."

"Thanks," Ikkaku said, snagging the bundle from him. "Tell that guy I'll take care of Yumichika, just like always. Now, let's go."

Stunned by the rapid change of events, Yumichika just stood there, aware of the people watching them, worried by the triumphant thrill in his heart. Ikkaku was fond of him. Ikkaku would live, and not go courting death!

"Hey, Yumichika! Come on!" Ikkaku called back, already through the gates with Yumichika's belongings slung over his shoulder.

"Ikkaku! Wait for me!" He dashed after him, almost frightened to think that it might be okay now. He'd never thought that he'd ever have Ikkaku in truth, and the reality of it was more than intimidating.

"Your men have been searching everywhere," Ikkaku said, heading steadily back towards their Squad. "I told them you were doing something for me and that you'd be back. Heh, good thing that kid kept coming around."

"So that's how you found me," Yumichika breathed, feeling the Azure Peacock stir with interest.

"The Captain told me where you were," Ikkaku said, surprising him. "But I couldn't find you, and Matsumoto wouldn't help me. That damned woman! Every time she sees me, she hits me and tells me I'm a bastard. Ha! Like I hurt you on purpose!"

Yumichika hastily looked away whenever Ikkaku looked over at him, hoping the pink in his cheeks didn't show.

"I've never meant to, you know that, right?" the man asked, his eyes serious and his gaze intense. "Whenever I've hurt you, I've never done it on purpose."

"I know," Yumichika said. It didn't mean that those times had hurt any less, and both of them knew it, but he was still warmed by Ikkaku's soft claim. The weight of Ikkaku's gaze made him smile in mingled pleasure and mild embarrassment. His beauty deserved homage, he knew, but Ikkaku was by no means a man to be snared by a beautiful face.

"Ikkaku...are you sure I should come back?" Yumichika softly asked, daring to look back at him. "My Soul Cutter...you saw what it does. You saw what it is."

Ikkaku glared at him, saying, "Stupid Yumichika! I've always known!"

Yumichika stared at him, taken aback. "You've known? For how long?!"

"Did you think I'd let you go out traipsing around in the middle of the night alone?" Ikkaku asked, his volume rising to match the force of his feelings. "After I figured out you weren't meeting a lover, I followed you, stupid! I've known for years how powerful that sword of yours is! I was just waiting for you to tell me, Yumichika. It took a long time for me to realize you never would, you damned brat!"

"But, Ikkaku!" Yumichika breathlessly said, confused but elated all the same. "How could I tell you? It's a Kido sword, and you hate Kido! I've never told anyone about it! The only ones who know are Captain Hitsugaya and Matsumoto. Ah, and Lieutenant Hisagi - "

"What?!" Ikkaku shouted, outraged. "You told Hisagi but you wouldn't tell me?! Damn it, Yumichika! The same Hisagi who was carrying you like you were some kind of princess back at the pillars?!"

"He did?" Yumichika asked blankly, surprised. "Ikkaku, I'd been knocked out trying to get to you! It wasn't like I asked him to! And I didn't tell him, you bald idiot! I fought him, remember? Everything was so chaotic, I thought I'd try the Azure Peacock's power on a true foe - "

"I don't even know it's true name? HAH!" Ikkaku fumed, offended. "Keeping so many secrets from me whenever I tell you everything I know! Damned brat!"

Yumichika suppressed a smile, recognizing the jealousy behind Ikkaku's building temper. He knew he didn't have to say anything more about it, because Ikkaku would be mad, as always, and then let it go as if it had never been, as always.

"Heh, it's a good thing I know you love me best, Yumichika," the man finally said, stubbornly playing the wounded party. "After all, there isn't any other man you'd die for trying to bring him back to life, is there?"

"No, Ikkaku," Yumichika softly said, smiling at him. "There isn't any other man I'd die for, just you."

Those grey eyes slid to his, warm and sparkling, uncertain but relying on Yumichika to see through everything to the heart of it all.

"So, that's it, then?" Yumichika asked, holding his gaze despite his blushes. "I won't have to watch you die? You and the Captain don't mind about my Soul Cutter? And it doesn't bother you that I love you?"

"Well, I wouldn't say you won't have to watch me die," Ikkaku corrected, reminding him, "We're Death Gods, Yumichika - what we do can always lead to death, especially in our Squad. But I won't dive right in hoping, I promise. As for the Captain, I could have told you that he doesn't mind them, if you'd asked. It's not his rule, Yumichika, it's just a tradition in Squad Eleven. Once they see what your Soul Cutter is capable of, they'll be glad its on their side."

"I don't think I want them to know," Yumichika quietly cut in, concerned that he might lose their respect. "It will be our secret. You really don't mind that I love you, Ikkaku?"

"Stupid," Ikkaku called him. "I mind that you love me if you don't tell me about it! Look at how much time we've wasted to get here, eh? Proud brat prince."

"Look who's talking," Yumichika breathed, but was secretly pleased. He feared the changes that would come with this revelation, but he knew that it was for the best. They would figure it out together, just as they'd always done everything.

It was dark when they reached Squad Eleven's compound, but that didn't keep everyone present from turning out to a man, crowding close to call their welcomes to Yumichika, smiles on their faces.

"See? I told you he'd be back! He'll be back, I said!" Ikkaku crowed, one arm slung over Yumichika's shoulders, his other hand holding the small bundle of possessions that no one seemed to notice. "Now give him some space, you idiots, eh?! Acting like it's been a hundred years or something, hah!"

"We're so glad to see you, Fifth Seat Ayasegawa!"

"We've been sweeping the barracks while you were gone, Fifth Seat!"

"The bath house has never been so clean, Ayasegawa, sir!"

"Good heavens, is that the reputation I've garnered?" Yumichika whispered, blushing as they shouted, walking only because of Ikkaku's hold on him. "I'm the cleaning person?!"

Ikkaku laughed his deep, raspy laugh and said, "Nah, Yumichika, stupid! They know how much you like for things to be clean, so they went all out, hoping you'd be happy when you came back."

"Fools," Yumichika said, quietly pleased with them. "It's only their duty, thank you very much!"

"Go on," Ikkaku shouted, scattering most of them from the sheer volume of his voice. "Get lost! He's just shocked by how clean it all is, eh?"

"Are you truly back, Fifth Seat, sir?" Hiroto - his second - called, bringing an instant hush.

"What a question!" Yumichika tartly said, glaring at him, the harshness of his retort lessened by the small smile playing over his lips. "I would hardly be a Lucky Charm if I was gone, now would I?"

Their relief pained him, but he understood it. All of the men in his unit were powerful enough to claim Seats for themselves, but none of them had ever sought to do so. It humbled him to realize how dedicated they were to him, and stiffened his resolve to be a leader they could be proud of.

"Go back to your duties," Yumichika said, aiming it at everyone still milling around them. "I'm dirty and tired and in no mood for nonsense."

Though it wasn't unusual for Ikkaku to walk around with an arm over his shoulders - there were reasons, after all, why people assumed they were lovers, not just because they shared a room - now it felt conspicuous and alarming. In fact, as Ikkaku walked him along the familiar trail to their room, Yumichika blushingly recalled that they'd kissed.

They'd kissed!

"Eh?" Ikkaku asked, jostling him slightly. "What was that?"

"What?" Yumichika asked, his heart picking up its pace.

"You made a noise," Ikkaku said, shoving open the door to their room and plopping Yumichika's bundle on his bed. "Like a squeak."

"I didn't squeak!" Yumichika informed him, brushing past to turn on the lights and open the bundle of his belongings, all for the sake of avoiding Ikkaku's gaze.

"Your face is pink," Ikkaku told him, then sounded very pleased with himself for figuring it out when he added, "You didn't think they'd be so glad to see you, did you?"

"They shouldn't be," Yumichika said, quickly out of things to do. The scroll case went back in its place next to his bed, his file went with his bath-clothes, and the book returned to the small shelf that Ikkaku had made for him once upon a time. "I've lied to them."

"Nah, you haven't," Ikkaku assured him. "Not really. That other release of yours is as real as the true one, and damned effective, too. Come on, let's go get cleaned up."

If Ikkaku had thought his face was pink before, then he hadn't seen anything yet. Yumichika's eyes flew wide open and he said in a nervous rush, "No thank you, I'm tired!"

"Heh? Yumichika?! What's this all the sudden? What's this, I said!" Ikkaku hollered, glaring at Yumichika with his hands curled over his lean hips and a scowl of deepening suspicion on his handsome face.

On that mouth Yumichika had kissed!

"There, you did it again!" Ikkaku accused him, pointing a finger his direction. "No more arguing! Get changed, we're going. You're out of your head, I think, trying to go to bed without a bath! HAH! Like you'd ever do that!"

He swung away and began to undress with the same rapid efficiency he always did, leaving Yumichika staring at him in growing dismay, clutching his own clothing like someone threatened to steal it.

'But it's okay, isn't it?' he wondered, shedding his clothes with his back to Ikkaku because changing of his own volition was far better than being forcefully divested of his clothing, which was liable to happen if he kept thwarting Ikkaku. 'He kissed me, so...so this isn't just something he's accepted, right? He kissed me, so he must...want me that way...right?"

He cut his violet eyes to one side to sneak a look at Ikkaku, who was tying his bathing clothes with just enough attention to keep him decent.

"Were you happy to see that guy again? What's his name?"

"Tamotsu," Yumichika answered, hastily finishing up when Ikkaku's grey eyes sought him out. "Yes, it was nice to see him again."

"Is he still puny?"

"Ikkaku! He was never puny," Yumichika scolded, snatching up his file and turning it restlessly in his hands to distract himself. "He's a nice man. He's a good man. And he was kind to me when I needed some kindness."

Those thoughtful grey eyes flicked over him with new intensity, as if seeing things they'd always missed, things that had been hidden too well behind mutual misunderstanding and deliberate misleading.

"Tamotsu," Ikkaku said, pondering. "Come on, Yumichika."

The Squad as a whole had heard Yumichika say the words "dirty" and "tired" - as a result, there wasn't a soul anywhere along the terrace or anywhere between their room and the bathhouse.

They were completely and utterly alone.

"Do you have hiccups or something?" Ikkaku asked whenever he squeaked again, searching his pinkened face.

Yumichika nodded vigorously, wondering why even the thought of being alone with Ikkaku was so terrifyingly thrilling. Only long decades of practice kept him from dissolving into blushes as they washed up. It felt so strange to soap Ikkaku's ropey back and think of that kiss, so strange to let those powerful hands work soap down his own slender spine and think of that kiss...

"You're quiet," Ikkaku informed him, sloshing another bucket of water over Yumichika's shoulders. He put the bucket down and frowned a little, asking, "Are you upset, Yumichika?"

"No, I'm not upset," Yumichika answered, pressing his hand to his chest where his heart raced and trembled. "I'm...I'm so glad you lived, Ikkaku and...and...I'm glad it's finally going to be okay."

"Okay? Why wouldn't it be okay, eh?" Ikkaku asked, grinning. "Get your file, Yumichika, will you? Those nails of yours are sorry."

It was just like every other time they'd bathed together, easy and comfortable. Ikkaku took his time getting Yumichika's nails in order, loudly complaining that Yumichika should be more careful of them.

And yet...and yet not even once, not even a tiny indication...

'This isn't the place for that sort of thing,' Yumichika reminded himself, trying to reason his way out of worry. 'Ikkaku kissed me. He said he doesn't mind that I love him. Everything is going to be okay, I know it. We'll be together and I'll be as important to him as he is to me...'

But they finished bathing, and changed for bed, and Yumichika's doubt grew to cast a shadow over his newfound hope.

Because Ikkaku simply tied his bedclothes with his usual negligence and flopped down on his bed, saying, "Get the lights when you're done, Yumichika, will you?"

'He doesn't want me,' Yumichika realized, crushed. He numbly got the lights and went to his own bed, curling up with his back to Ikkaku, his wide eyes staring into the darkness. 'It's like I feared it would be - he's accepted it, but it doesn't change anything. The kiss must've just been to tell me he knew, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't want me that way. It's enough. It's enough, though, that he'll let me love him...'

"Don't move."

Yumichika jumped whenever Ikkaku spoke so close to him, clutching his bedding in startlement. He was rallying to question him, but it got lost in a loud yelp of shock whenever he was hauled - bedding and all - clear across the small room to Ikkaku's bed with such force that he nearly rolled right onto the floor.

"Ikkaku! What on earth are - "

"What were you doing all the way over there, Yumichika? Stupid! I go to all that trouble to bring you home next to me where you belong and you go sleep away from me?! HAH! You're so selfish, Yumichika!"

A calloused hand snagged him by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back so that he gazed up into sparkling grey eyes. Ikkaku settled back onto his own bedding and gave Yumichika's another tug, closing the small gap.

"There, you damned brat," he complained, laying down and stretching out with a sigh, leaving Yumichika in a tumbled state of disarray next to him. "Sleeping so far from me! Heh!"

Yumichika lay there with his heart pounding, his chest rising and falling quickly, his cheeks aflame.

Ikkaku turned onto his side and reached across him, pulling Yumichika snugly into the curve of his body, urging him to turn. It was how they'd slept as children, as youths in the House of Open Roses, his body nestled into Ikkaku's, the safest place he'd ever been.

Ikkaku's breath stirred his hair and one large, calloused hand loosely cupped his flat belly, holding him close. Yumichika was acutely aware that his beloved backside was snugly pressed into the cup of Ikkaku's groin, which made his heart race even faster. The heat of the hand on his belly was unbearable, inspiring a keen ache for more.

'Yumichika, you've spent so many decades telling him "no" when you've meant "yes" that you can hardly fault the man now,' Ruri'iro Kujaku whispered, amusement tinging his words.

'Well now you decide to talk! Go away, you interfering peacock! Can't a man have some privacy?'

Though he doubted the Azure Peacock would miss this for the world, his Soul Cutter politely retreated with a soft laugh, leaving only the wisdom of his words.

Yumichika shifted onto his belly, then rolled completely over under the man's heavy arm, hoping that Ikkaku hadn't fallen asleep in the meantime. Ikkaku could nap anywhere, anytime, under any circumstances, he knew.

Hesitantly, Yumichika wriggled closer, ignoring the thunder of his own heart in his ears as he lay one slender, delicate hand on Ikkaku's cheek.

Those grey eyes fluttered open, catching the dim moonlight in a gleam of silver.

Yumichika didn't have time to wonder what he should do next - Ikkaku's arm tightened on his waist and he leaned into Yumichika, capturing his mouth in a rough, urgent kiss. The sharpness of his teeth drew blood, but it was right somehow that Ikkaku would stake his claim in crimson, and the sudden pain made Yumichika moan softly. Ikkaku's hand tightened on him reflexively, responding to that sound. His mouth was hot and skilled, his tongue lapping the blood away and piercing the seal of Yumichika's lips to find his own. It was a sensation that brought fire to his blood, sent a thrill of pleasure straight to his groin, and he pressed against Ikkaku helplessly, his fingers clenching on the man's shoulder. The hard curves and dips of muscle against him made him tremble, awed that after all of this frustrated longing he would finally be able call Ikkaku his own.

Yumichika shivered, tipping his head to offer more. The pure, heady pleasure of kissing him spiked when he felt Ikkaku's hand slide from his waist down his thigh to slip beneath the fold of his nightclothes. The excruciating sensation of those calloused, rough fingertips gently tracing a trail up his bare skin made him gasp, arching into Ikkaku's warm body.

Every trembling response only seemed to stoke Ikkaku's desire. He deepened their kiss with force, his hand clenching on one pert, round cheek of Yumichika's backside, forcing him closer.

"Ikkaku," Yumichika breathed, tasting salty copper, moaning when another tiny rivulet was lapped away. More and more and more - he wanted everything, all of it, all that he'd been denied and had denied himself in all of the long, lonely years of his life. His hand moved of its own accord, sliding down Ikkaku's throat and chest, seeking the loosened sash on his clothing.

"Yumichika," Ikkaku said, his voice a low, sultry purr. "You sure you haven't done this?"

"No, of course not!" Yumichika gasped, offended into pausing. "As if I would let anyone else touch me! Ew! Even the idea of it makes me want to bathe!"

Ikkaku laughed suddenly, amused.

"What's so funny?" Yumichika panted, bewildered.

"I'm glad, that's all," Ikkaku told him, grinning his wide, wild grin. "If anyone else had touched you, I'd have to kill them."

"That's a bit drastic, don't you think?" Yumichika asked, trying to distract himself from the feel of Ikkaku's insistent body against his.

"No, only practical," Ikkaku said, a twinkle in his grey eyes. "Like you need lovesick idiots hanging around you complicating things. It would only piss me off to see them. Killing them would be best. I'm the only idiot you need to worry about."

Yumichika smirked softly, wondering if Ikkaku realized what he'd just said.

Their eyes met, violet and grey, peacock and dragon. Yumichika just gazed at him, wishing he knew everything, wishing he could please Ikkaku so much that the man would never seek another bed ever again.

Ikkaku cupped his face suddenly, pressing his forehead to Yumichika's, breathing in a raspy purr, "Those eyes of yours, Yumichika. When you look at me I know I can do anything, however impossible it might seem."

"Really?" Yumichika asked, uttering a soft, nervous laugh of pleasure. "You like them?"

"They've been saying for years what your mouth never would, you damned brat," Ikkaku said, retreating, embarrassed for some reason that Yumichika couldn't fathom, except that maybe the admission made him feel uncertain. "I was just too stupid to read you right."

"Well, you are rather an idiot," Yumichika whispered, punctuating it with a teasing bite on his jaw.

Ikkaku just laughed and reached for his sash, saying, "You're a brat! Now get this off! This damned, knot, I swear!"

"If you tie them correctly the first time," Yumichika scolded, easily undoing the knot on Ikkaku's nightclothes. "Then..."

He trailed off, the enormity of what he was about to do finally overcoming him when he saw Ikkaku's bare, hard body. He knew that Ikkaku didn't sleep in his fundoshi, but intellectual knowledge of that still hadn't prepared him to find Ikkaku naked beneath. Even in the gloom of their darkened room he could see that Ikkaku had every reason to be proud of himself in that respect.

"I should have known," Ikkaku said, his voice a husky whisper, shifting slightly so that the edge of his nightclothes fell back over his hip.

"Known?" Yumichika breathlessly echoed, looking anywhere but at Ikkaku.

"It's because you're shy," the man said, his lips curving into a smile as he pulled Yumichika closer. "I should have known you'd never risk it with anyone but me - I'm the only one you trust enough for anything."

"Arrogant," Yumichika called him, but it was true. Ikkaku would always be the only one. He'd only ever been the only one.

"I am an idiot," Ikkaku sighed, kissing him again. "I should have just taken you to bed years ago, then you would've been able to tell me a lot sooner and we'd have settled all of this between us."

"Settled?" Yumichika echoed, not liking the sound of that. "Is it a burden, then?"

"No," Ikkaku said, grinning again. "It's a good thing. We've always been a part of each other, now it's just...certain."

"Ikkaku?" Yumichika softly asked, plagued by his own insecurity. Just because Ikkaku's...body responded to his nearness didn't necessarily mean anything. Did it? "Do you truly want me this way? I know your...tastes. However you look at it, I'm still not a girl."

"Eh? Yumichika, what's that got to do with anything? You think I feel this way for you because of what's under your clothes? Don't be stupid! I want you because I want you - however you come. Boy or girl, as long as you're Yumichika and you don't mind it, I'll be trying to get your clothes off," Ikkaku said, shrugging it off. "You know how it is with me - whatever willing body is closest, yeah?"

"Even if they're men?!" Yumichika asked, shocked out of his worry.

Sure enough, Ikkaku had that wide, ornery grin on his face as he said, "Well...yeah. Now, I guess. It can't be helped, Yumichika, you're pretty enough for it anyway."

"Pretty?" Yumichika asked, rearing back with one eyebrow arched.

"Beautiful," Ikkaku amended, and when Yumichika scowled, the man added, "The most beautiful person I've ever seen."

Yumichika relented, softly assuring him, "Truly, Ikkaku, if you just loved me, that would be enough for me. The rest of it doesn't matter as much as that."

"Liar," Ikkaku said, grinning, an ornery twinkle in his eyes. "I've told you, it doesn't matter what's under your clothes, all that matters is that it's you. But if your vanity requires it, then yes, I want you this way, too. All ways I can have you, I want you."

"You've thought of it before now?" Yumichika fished, curious to know how long Ikkaku had hidden his own interest, but still feeling a little shy in the face of the man's intense gaze. Ikkaku never looked at anything without that intensity, without the feeling that he was assessing, figuring, seeking some kind of knowledge in the planes of an expression.

"I'm a man, aren't I? I only think with my head part of the time, Yumichika - everything else I do either doesn't require it, or the other head will suffice."

"Ikkaku! Shameful!" Yumichika scolded, blushing when Ikkaku reached for the ties on his own nightclothes. "Ikkaku...what if I'm bad at this?"

"How could it not be good, eh? You and I make everything work, don't we?" Ikkaku asked, managing the knot with frightening speed considering he was using only one hand. The other still pillowed his head, which was tipped down slightly to look into Yumichika's wide, violet eyes. "If not, we'll keep practicing until we're better."

"What if you don't like it with me after all?" Yumichika worried. "Ah! How awful! I can't stand being bad at anything!"

"Stop! Stop, I said!" Ikkaku ordered. "Yumichika! You aren't going to be bad at it, stop talking crazy!"

"Will you tell me if I am?"

"Of course!" Ikkaku said, brows drawn down.

Yumichika gasped, outraged. "You'd tell me I'm terrible at something? Ikkaku! How could you?!"

"Hey, hey! Tell you or don't tell you, light on one!" Ikkaku warned him. "And stop wriggling around so damned much!"

Yumichika's mouth closed abruptly and he blushed again, his violet eyes shimmering.

"Ah," Ikkaku sighed, giving his nightclothes a soft tug. "Don't be so worried. Remember when I taught you at the training grounds? Was I ever mean to you? I'd move mountains not to hurt you, Yumichika - and now that I know how much I can hurt you, I'll be even more careful."

"Ikkaku..." Yumichika breathed, his heart hammering as Ikkaku's calloused palm slid up his bare chest and over his shoulder, sliding his light robe down.

"Smile for me," Ikkaku said, his hand smoothing Yumichika's shoulder and down his chest to settle on Yumichika's slim hip, which curved as if just to suit the shape of his rough palm. "Promise you'll always smile for me. I've seen enough of your tears to know that they still make me angry, especially if I'm the reason why."

Yumichika's smile widened and he laughed softly, flustered.

"There he is," Ikkaku said, grinning, pulling Yumichika more fully against him, his hand moving to cup the man's pale cheek. "There's my Yumichika..."

My Yumichika - ah, how long he'd waited just to hear that!

Ikkaku kissed him again, shifting up, lifting Yumichika around the waist with one muscular arm to tug his nightclothes off with the other, leaving the slender Death God in just his white fundoshi. Dimly, Yumichika realized that Ikkaku's robe was gone, too, but that didn't seem to matter as much as it had before, not with Ikkaku's warm, strong body pressed to his, not with those powerful arms gathering him close.

Ikkaku turned, sliding Yumichika onto his back, coiled half over him, one warm, rough hand smoothing the tight skin of Yumichika's belly to drift over his fundoshi. Yumichika arched, moaning loudly, afraid that just that simple touch might be too much to bear.

"That's what I like to hear," Ikkaku purred, spreading his fingers to pull Yumichika's underclothes free. He tugged Yumichika back onto his side and breathlessly gasped, "Touch me."

Desire rapidly overcame his shyness - Ikkaku didn't care that Yumichika didn't know what he was doing, he didn't care that something might go wrong. He wanted Yumichika to touch him, to share the pleasure that Ikkaku had always shared with those women Yumichika had hated so jealously. And there was nothing that Yumichika could deny him.

It was even more keenly satisfying than his fretful wishes and dreams. He trailed his fingers over Ikkaku's responsive skin with relish, tracing the patterns of scars well known to him, finding the new one which ran from his shoulder all the way down to his groin. His gentle fingers brushed the firm, jutting heat of Ikkaku's ready body and the man moaned lowly in his throat, his kisses more urgent.

Yumichika drew a shaky breath, lifting his head to offer his throat to Ikkaku's sharp teeth and demanding mouth. His hesitant fingers slid slowly down the hot length of him to the ripe, heavy bulge of his sac. Just touching Ikkaku made him shiver with delight, reveling in the responsiveness of his flesh, awed by the way it pulsed in his hand when he trailed his fingers up to circle it.

Yumichika moaned, aching with desire, unintentionally tightening his grip when Ikkaku's caressing hand brushed over one taut nipple.

Ikkaku purred, coiling back a little to trail his hot mouth down Yumichika's chest, seeking one small, tight nipple with his lips.

"Ikkaku," Yumichika whispered, his name escaping in a gasp. Everything was too sharp, too new, too needed. Sharp teeth and a clever tongue showed him just how sensitive he truly was, leaving him panting, heated, and restless. Ikkaku's strong, warm hand closed over his wrist and eased his own hand away, making him ask, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Ikkaku said, leaning up to kiss his mouth once, twice, and again until Yumichika almost forgot what he'd asked in the first place. "But I figure you have a lot of making up to do, Yumichika, eh? I'll take care of you, I said, remember?"

Yumichika panted, struck by the sight of Ikkaku there between his prettily spread legs, crouched like a muscular, pale beast with the moonlight catching the curves of his muscles and bringing silver light to his dark grey eyes.

"Ikkaku..." His entire body tightened with desire when the man loomed over him, rough hands exploring the contours of Yumichika's soft skin. Places that had never meant anything at all were suddenly unbearably full of nerves ready to explode at the slightest touch. It almost shamed him how ready he was, but then he saw the look of hungry absorption on Ikkaku's face and his shame evaporated, as it always had. Ikkaku delighted in every moan, every gasp, every needy tug of his fingers, chuckling whenever Yumichika told him, "I've waited all of these years, Ikkaku, you don't have to tease me!"

"After all the teasing you've given me?!" Ikkaku told him, but his smile took the bite out of his words. He grasped Yumichika's hips in his hard hands, then, and made a steady trail down his sternum to the ditch of his belly with lips, teeth, and tongue until Yumichika fearfully hissed, "What are you doing?!"

"What do you mean?" Ikkaku asked, the spill of his breath on Yumichika's straining sex making the slender Death God yelp in a panic.

"Ikkaku! Don't do that!" Yumichika cried, covering his face with his hands to hide his flaming cheeks. "People do this?!"

"I don't know what other people do," Ikkaku told him, his tongue making maddening circles over the narrow planes of Yumichika's lower belly. "But we're going to do it. Put your hands down."

"No!" Yumichika gasped, scandalized.

"Put your hands down, I said!" Ikkaku repeated, reaching up to grasp his wrists and pull his arms straight down. He pressed Yumichika's wrists into the soft bedding and told him, "Leave them. I don't like you hiding your face from me like that. I want to see you, Yumichika. I've spent long enough looking at a mask, so don't blame me for wanting to see you now."

Yumichika took a shallow, shaky breath, biting his lip as Ikkaku shifted back, sliding both muscular arms beneath Yumichika's round backside and grasping his slender wrists, warning again, "Leave them."

The first touch of Ikkaku's mouth on his ready body sent him perilously close to the edge. It was the merest, gentlest brush of his tongue, but it was quickly followed by Ikkaku's wet, heated mouth closing over his swollen tip.

He arched hard, gasping in shocked pleasure as Ikkaku suckled him, his wrists straining in Ikkaku's tight but gentle grip. He'd never imagined such a thing could exist, such an encompassing pleasure, such an intimate act. His body bucked on the soft bedding, his hips rocking, his breath coming out in heavy, ragged pants. He didn't have the time to feel shy, not with Ikkaku greedily working his sex as if nothing else in the world mattered but this.

"Ikkaku, wait," Yumichika moaned, on the panicked verge of orgasm, and even he knew what that meant. "Wait! Stop! Ikkaku!"

Ikkaku didn't wait, didn't stop - his mouth drew harder, the pressure of his tongue unbearably delicious, working Yumichika's sensitive flesh until he couldn't hold it back anymore.

The coiling tension within him peaked and he came with a harsh, moaning sob, straining against Ikkaku's mouth, deafened by the pounding of his heart. It was fierce and aching, a pleasure that bordered on the fine line of pain, so sharp it bowed his back with its force. Stars burst behind his tightly closed lids as he writhed, the firmness of Ikkaku's grip on his delicate wrists a pleasure all its own, safety in a storm of new sensations.

Ikkaku made a low, satisfied noise deep in his throat, easing up, less demanding now but no less hungry. It wasn't until Yumichika subsided in a trembling heap of boneless, sweat-sheened limbs that Ikkaku let him go, swiping his wrist over his lips and grinning, thoroughly pleased with himself.

Yumichika lay there, panting, and when he could finally speak he managed, "Forgive me, Ikkaku, I..."

Ikkaku laughed, running one calloused hand up the underside of Yumichika's slightly bent leg, and told him, "As long as you waited for that, Yumichika, I hope you enjoyed it. Gods know I wouldn't have lasted so long in your place, eh?"

Yumichika blushed, but gathered himself enough to sit up, his legs drawing up against Ikkaku's hips as he twined his arms around the man's sturdy shoulders.

Ikkaku dipped his head to kiss him, hitching him up as he settled back, drawing Yumichika into his lap so that the strutted fullness of his own sex pressed insistently against Yumichika's lean, slick belly.

"I can't believe we just did that," Yumichika breathed against his lips, and when Ikkaku's tongue slid into his mouth, he gave it a soft, teasing suck.

"Keep that up, brat, and I'll start at that end instead," Ikkaku warned, thoroughly baffling him. But Yumichika didn't care - he was in the best hands and he knew it. All of his solitary walls were so much rubble around him, now; he was finally, blessedly, no longer alone.

"It's no wonder you do this so often," Yumichika said, running his hands up Ikkaku's rippled sides, enjoying the play of muscle beneath his fingertips. He wanted to touch Ikkaku all over, to explore him, to find all of the places on his body that Ikkaku had found on his own. Now that the immediate, anxious, and unstoppable first flush of desire was thoroughly satisfied, there was time to do just that.

Ikkaku grinned and rolled smoothly backwards, pulling Yumichika with him so that the slender man was left straddling his lean hips.

"Heh, I knew you liked it," he boasted, kneading Yumichika's slim thighs with his powerful hands. "Didn't I say I'd take care of you? Eh?"

"Then is it my turn to take care of you?" Yumichika asked, suddenly quite taken with the thought of reciprocation. He captured Ikkaku's hand in both of his own and kissed his scarred knuckles, nipping him gently whenever Ikkaku pressed a finger between his lips. The look of rapt fascination on Ikkaku's handsome face prompted him to softly suck, pure triumph filling him whenever Ikkaku's full sex pulsed heavily between his thighs.

"You damned brat," Ikkaku chuckled, ruefully slipping his finger free. "I have something else in mind, but I won't say no to that."

"Something else, is it?"

Yumichika arched over him, running his hands covetously over the hard swell of Ikkaku's broad chest, feeling those glittering grey eyes on him. He was so beautifully formed, so effortlessly lovely that even the scars seemed like the finishing touches of some brilliant sculptor. Skin tightened wherever his fingers wandered, a ripple that pulled the stark muscles of Ikkaku's belly taut and hardened the small pink nubs of his nipples. Yumichika couldn't resist gliding his fingertips over them, feeling the silky texture of Ikkaku's skin and the responsive throb of that hard sex rearing up against his own.

"So beautiful," he murmured, spanning the man's ribcage, running palms and fingers down the ripple of his ribs until his hands lay flattened just above his shallow navel.

"If you think so," Ikkaku said, shrugging a little. "I'm torn up and messy, but if you like me that way then I'm happy."

"I wouldn't change a thing," Yumichika breathed, shifting up onto his knees to loom over him on all fours. "But I hated seeing you in those bandages, Ikkaku. They weren't beautiful. Death isn't beautiful."

"They came off," Ikkaku reminded him, raising one large but delicate hand to brush his knuckles down Yumichika's body, from his sternum to his lower belly, creating a shiver that made him gasp with renewed desire. It was frightening to realize that he could be ready again so quickly, so soon - but as Ikkaku had said, he had a lot of making up to do, and his body was hungry for all it could handle. "Get into that box, Yumichika."

Bewildered but feeling too good to protest, Yumichika opened the small wooden box next to Ikkaku's futon. He'd never had the occasion to be nosy with it, figuring that Ikkaku didn't really keep any secrets of substance from him. Inside was nothing more than some spare coins, a pipe he sometimes smoked, a chipped sake cup from their younger years, and a small corked bottle.

"Hand me that," Ikkaku said, expecting him to know what he meant.

Yumichika fished the bottle out, biting his lip against a moan whenever Ikkaku's hand cupped his bare sex and gave him a squeeze that turned his knees to water. All it took was a few gentle, expert strokes of Ikkaku's knowing hand and Yumichika was as ready as he'd been the first time.

"Ikkaku..."

"Hush," the man said, snagging the bottle from his nerveless fingers. "Let's figure this out quick, then we'll work on it again later."

Ikkaku's breath was quick and shallow, something that Yumichika noted with smug joy. Somehow in all of this strangeness, he'd managed to excite him, managed to make him want this as much as Yumichika did.

Ikkaku released him long enough to pop the cork on that vial and spill slippery oil all over his hands before tossing the vial away.

"Ikkaku, I..."

"Eh?" With a look of utterly absorbed concentration, Ikkaku ran a slick hand over Yumichika's hard length in a slow, squeezing stroke.

Yumichika uttered a hoarse cry, arching into that touch, shuddering hard.

"Keep it up and I won't even get there," Ikkaku warned, his other hand sliding over his own straining length. Yumichika sobbed again and Ikkaku cursed, his hands hurriedly shifting Yumichika back over his hips. He steadied his sex and urged Yumichika down, sweat dotting his brow.

The first push of his swollen crown brought a flush of startled fear to Yumichika's cheeks.

"Ikkaku, you can't possibly - " He cut off on a gasp, because Ikkaku certainly did intend to be exactly where he was, as a restrained arch of his hips proved, sliding a fraction of his slick sex past the tight ring of Yumichika's body. Yumichika's hands clenched on the corded muscles of his shoulders and he tensed, shocked and utterly bewildered.

"Relax, damnit!" Ikkaku told him, both hands moving to Yumichika's enticing backside to urge him downward. "Come here!"

He lunged up to suck on Yumichika's open mouth, drawing the other man down with him when he sank so that Yumichika was lying full across his heated body.

"That's better," Ikkaku breathed, spreading his legs wide, his knees bending up to give him leverage on the soft futon. He fed another slick inch deeper, causing a hot flush to spread through Yumichika's groin. Yumichika moaned, twitching back just a little, helpless to deny it.

"See?" Ikkaku gloated, grinning at him and kissing him again, a rough plunge of his tongue waking Yumichika's own. "Relax, I don't want to hurt you, Yumichika. You're so tight..."

A deft thrust had him in as deeply as he could go, fat and pulsing inside of Yumichika's squeezing body, filling him in a way that felt oddly pleasurable. Ikkaku's deep groan made him tighten, which brought a hard contraction to the rigid heat inside of him.

Ikkaku wedged a hand between them and curled it around Yumichika's hard length, his thumb rubbing relentlessly over the sensitive skin just below the head until the slender man started to wriggle and rock, flexing around the stiff sex inside of him.

"That's it, that's it," Ikkaku urged, thrusting shallowly then with greater urgency, plunging deeper and deeper with every thrust. His strong back arched as he rocked in rhythm with Yumichika, trading frantic kisses and harsh breaths. Yumichika found himself moaning Ikkaku's name over and over, a chant that melded into the pleasure he felt, into the electric tingle of his skin and the overwhelming, amazing knowledge that the man he loved so much and for so long was as closely connected to him as he ever could be.

Ikkaku cursed softly, his rough hand pressed to Yumichika's back, his knees spreading, everything else forgotten in the heat of what they shared. His lean hips lifted, snapping up with the force of his strong back behind them, lunging his swollen length into Yumichika's greedy, squeezing body.

He lifted his free hand and pressed it over Yumichika's mouth, stifling his cries with a softly hissed, "Keep it up and I'll go, brat!"

In answer, Yumichika closed his eyes, pushed forcefully down against him when Ikkaku thrust up, and gave that muffling palm a spirited bite.

"Damn it!"

Yumichika loosed one last breathless, excited cry and pulled taut in a crashing explosion of pleasure. It was so overpowering that he barely registered Ikkaku frantically pulsing against him, caught in the throes of his own climax. His body contracted hard, spilling sticky semen onto Ikkaku's tight belly, then into Ikkaku's hand when the man roughly milked him, spinning him into another convulsion of pleasure. He surged and writhed until there was nothing left to give, nothing more left to feel, no further plateau to hit; then he slumped onto Ikkaku, his hands fisted on the man's shoulders while he panted into his neck.

Slowly, he registered the quick, steady pounding of Ikkaku's heart, the unsteady heave of his broad chest, the soft caving of his belly as he panted. A fine sheen of sweat had broken out on his pale skin, warm and slick. In a ragged, rough voice he said, "Well, that was one hell of a first time."

Yumichika smiled, feeling languorous and relaxed in the afterglow. Ikkaku was still inside of him, but not quite as hard, not quite as insistent, and sheathed in slickness of his own making.

He looked up when Ikkaku urged him and found the man's grey eyes searching him, seeking confirmation. "You okay, Yumichika?"

"Better than okay," he sighed, wriggling a little, pleased by the way Ikkaku's breath caught for a moment. "You?"

Ikkaku grinned, that beloved, fierce grin of his, and told him, "I should have known it'd be like this between us, brat." He shifted a little then, wincing, and growled, "I think I busted my balls..."

"Oh dear," Yumichika said, alarmed by that notion. He pushed himself up a bit to look down into Ikkaku's eyes, but the man was just grinning lazily, looking absolutely blissful and thoroughly pleased with himself. "Was that what you thought it'd be?"

Ikkaku shrugged, his lethargy quickly sliding into the desire for a nap. "I didn't think anything, Yumichika. Don't be worried, brat, I've never had it so good."

"Then...then I wasn't bad?"

Those grey eyes slit open into an assessing glare and Ikkaku roughly told him, "Stop worrying, I said! If I told you it's the best I've had, it'd only make you unbearable!"

Yumichika smirked, pleased, unresisting when Ikkaku kissed him again, still thrilled by the idea that he could kiss him, could touch him. He took full advantage of it, caressing every dip and turn of muscle, tracing the strong cords of Ikkaku's throat with lips and tongue. He wanted to know him utterly, and lingered over those places that Ikkaku urged him to explore. For his part, Ikkaku lay beneath him like a lithe, purring cat, more than happy to let Yumichika do as he pleased, touch him as he pleased.

"Ikkaku, are you..." Yumichika paused in his absorbed exploration; he could have sworn he felt the man's flesh swelling again, and before Ikkaku could answer him, he was positive it was.

Ikkaku grinned and reminded him, "We'll work on it again later, I said. It's later."

Yumichika uttered a breathless laugh that quickly changed to a throaty moan whenever Ikkaku gripped his hips, urging him to move. It was fast and rough that time, but Yumichika was always in control, a concession he knew that Ikkaku made for his sake out of respect for his inexperience.

"More," he breathlessly panted, clutching Ikkaku's shoulders, riding him with an urgency that only fed on itself. "More! Closer!"

Ikkaku gripped him tightly, shifting up, rolling Yumichika onto his back without missing a beat. His hips worked with such force that Yumichika knew he'd wake with bruises, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was this, was Ikkaku lunging over him in the heat of passion, was this pleasure that sewed them together into a knot of twined, writhing flesh and meshed mouths until Yumichika thought he would die of it, and happily. It brought a climax almost as painful as it was pleasurable, and that, too, felt just as it should be.

"Close enough for you, brat?" Ikkaku panted, still shuddering atop him, his heavy, muscular body half-slumped over him.

"Not nearly close enough," Yumichika answered, trying to catch his breath, cupping Ikkaku's cheek in his palm just to feel the heat of him, just to relish the fingers of sweat that trailed down his pale face.

"If I get any closer, Yumichika," Ikkaku purred. "I'm liable to come out of your mouth instead of in it."

He couldn't help but laugh, properly scandalized but well-used to Ikkaku's sense of humor by now.

"In it, hm?" he mused, biting his lower lip, his expression unintentionally coy. "Not after where you've been. Not until you've had a bath, anyway."

Ikkaku just grinned and kissed him, easing out with a groan and dropping to Yumichika's side in a satisfied heap of long limbs and enviable grace.

"Ah, you sure are something, Yumichika," he sighed, stretching, the bedding all mussed beneath them.

Yumichika shifted over, realizing that he was almost in the floor thanks to their vigorous exertions. Ikkaku's stamina and appetite were no secret from him, but being a party to them brought a whole new meaning to the word energetic.

"Goodness, this is almost like training," he sighed, rolling onto his belly, tired but euphoric. Every inch of him sang with the aftershocks of pleasure, saturated in it in ways even his feverish imagination was surprised by.

"I guess it is training," Ikkaku chuckled, turning his head to look over at him. "For us, anyway."

He turned a little onto his side, reaching out to touch Yumichika's back with one powerful, gentle hand, the amusement in his grey eyes replaced by something strangely like regret. It made Yumichika wonder if he'd done something wrong, but then he realized what Ikkaku's warm fingers were seeking out - those awful, ugly scars.

"Ah, Yumichika, I still get so angry when I see these," he murmured, lightly tracing the marks an embittered old man had once left on a rebellious young prince named Kanesuke. "No matter how long it's been, whenever I see these, all I can remember is how fragile you seemed whenever I first saw them. I wanted to take care of you from that point on. I never wanted you to be hurt like that ever again."

"It was a long time ago," Yumichika softly reminded him, blinking back the tears that Ikkaku's gentle words evoked. "It doesn't feel real sometimes."

"Heh, believe me, brat, it was real," Ikkaku said, moving to settle between Yumichika's spread legs. Surprisingly, he started rubbing Yumichika's back, something that took on a different light now that they'd done what they had.

"Ikkaku."

"Eh?"

"You were wrong. I'm not begging you to stop," Yumichika softly teased. "I thought you didn't do this?"

"We're hitting a lot of firsts tonight," Ikkaku said, chuckling. After a moment, though, he admitted, "I couldn't before, Yumichika. Sorry. I didn't think you'd want me to anyway. You've always been so protective of your pain, and these marks hurt you the deepest."

"Not anymore, Ikkaku," Yumichika told him, relaxing under his touch. He really was quite good, which brought the unsettling realization that Ikkaku had done this with one of his various women. It bothered Yumichika to think of it, to know that everything they'd done tonight, Ikkaku had already done with someone else. "I'm not that little boy anymore."

"Hey," Ikkaku softly said, reverently working Yumichika's back, tracing those old scars. There was no mistaking the teasing tone of his voice whenever he added, "You're not a girl."

Yumichika smiled, remembering Ikkaku as he'd been at the time of their first, fateful meeting - scowling and fierce, with one hand on his hip and the other balancing that sword over his shoulder, saying those exact words to him when they'd both been so terribly, frighteningly young.

"Of course I'm not," Yumichika murmured, turning a little to smile back at him. "How rude."

"'Why would you ever think such a thing?'" Ikkaku finished for him, those tracing fingers lingering at Yumichika's sides, measuring the slightness of his lower back. "You were something else, Yumichika. You still are."

"Likewise, Madarame," Yumichika whispered, stretching languorously beneath his touch.

"Hey, Yumichika," Ikkaku purred, leaning over him to trace those scars with kisses. "When did you first know?"

Yumichika suppressed a smile, surprised that Ikkaku would be curious. Then again, Ikkaku had always been firmly certain of everything except where Yumichika was concerned, and it warmed him to know the reason why.

"Do you remember when I ran away from the Open Rose?" Yumichika asked, and got a soft growl in response. "When you were fighting those Stealth Force men, I realized it then. I'd felt it for a very long time, but it wasn't until then that I knew what it was."

"That long?" Ikkaku asked, lifting his head in surprise. He laughed, then, that raspy and deep laugh that Yumichika loved. "Hah, well, I can't say I hadn't thought of it before then, anyway; you played the part so well, it was easy to forget you weren't a girl."

Yumichika felt a blush envelop him from head to toes when Ikkaku said that. In a breathless rush, he asked, "You mean you'd thought of me that way at the Open Rose?"

"The other head will suffice, I said, Yumichika!" Ikkaku reminded him, moving further down to kiss the base of Yumichika's spine, both warm hands spreading over Yumichika's hips. "You'd look at me with those big eyes of yours and poke your nose in the air like that! HAH! Am I a man? Eh? How could I not want to see if I could thaw you a little, brat?!"

So it had been a wooing, of sorts, done in genuine love and a desire to please. And even though all of those little gifts had long-since disintegrated into dust, just knowing the intent behind them was enough to warm him through and through.

"And did I thaw to your satisfaction?" Yumichika asked, angling a look over his shoulder at Ikkaku, who gave him a fierce, wide grin.

"That's the thing about you, Yumichika," the man said, stretching up on both arms to kiss Yumichika's shoulder, a sure push of his hips sliding him easily into Yumichika's slippery body. "There's always something more, no matter how well I know you. You're the only kind of puzzle I like."

It wasn't the last time, but it left them unhurried in the aftermath, mutually curious. Ikkaku was incredibly sensitive, and patient enough to let Yumichika discover it on his own. Despite soft, stifled laughter and their habit of teasing, they managed to work it out between them, just like Ikkaku had said.

Eventually, though, the lateness of the night and their exertions took their toll, and Yumichika curled up against Ikkaku's side, almost too tired to sleep. He ran a playful, reverent finger down Ikkaku's thigh, enjoying the way his skin tightened beneath the touch and the way his sex quivered just a little.

"Knock that off before I hit you," the man tiredly warned, slitting one grey eye. "You've had enough for now, haven't you?"

"It's not that," Yumichika said, smirking at him. "I just like looking at you."

Ikkaku actually blushed, which made Yumichika smile a little. "Why? I look just like you! It isn't like you haven't seen a naked man before, Yumichika, eh?!"

"Not just like me," Yumichika corrected him, snuggling next to him, reveling in the feel of his own bare skin pressed to Ikkaku's. "You're...bigger. I'm not sure I'm okay with that."

"Eh? Of course I'm bigger!" Ikkaku flared, glaring at him. "I'm bigger than you! You're proportionate, Yumichika, stop talking nonsense!"

He slid his large, calloused hand down Yumichika's arm and circled his wrist, holding it up to point out, "See? Look how small you are compared to me! You barely clear clear my chin!"

"Still, isn't it shameful?" Yumichika wondered, suddenly worried that he was somehow lacking in his endowments. He didn't want to be unacceptable, or pitiably small...

"Shut up, Yumichika!" Ikkaku told him, shaking his wrist just a little. "What a stupid conversation! Listen to me, I mean it!"

He rolled Yumichika to face him and cupped his jaw, forcing those violet eyes up to his.

"The only flaw you've ever had is thinking that you're not perfect," Ikkaku roughly told him. "Always so worried that you're not as good as those around you when really you're so much better. Don't you dare tell me this body isn't perfect when everything I see tells me that it is! I won't have anyone say a word against you, Yumichika, and that includes you."

Yumichika blushed, flattered and flustered by that unexpected but heartfelt response.

"Smaller, heh!" Ikkaku said, disdainful of such a comparison. "When I've got so much height and weight on you, you want to worry about that! What a stupid thing to say!"

Yumichika snuggled closer to him, pressing against the hard muscle of his long body. Every inch of him was lean, compact muscle, corded and strong without a bit of fat on him. Yumichika had always keenly admired Ikkaku's build, which was heavier than his own though still slim, and had a raw grace that other builds seemed to lack. He thought it matched his own petite, limber beauty perfectly, and now he knew he'd been right.

Ikkaku pulled him closely against his side, his arm beneath Yumichika's slender body, his calloused hand resting on Yumichika's shoulder.

"Remember the first time we slept together?" Yumichika asked, tucking his hand up beneath his chin.

"Yeah, it was a few hours ago," Ikkaku lowly said, snorting softly. "I'm not that forgetful."

"No, I mean just slept," Yumichika laughed, drawing his knee up to cross over Ikkaku's corded thigh. "It was the first night we met."

"You used me as a mattress," Ikkaku said, grinning sleepily.

"It was your idea," Yumichika said, pleased that he remembered.

"You were complaining, I was tired of listening to it," Ikkaku said, defending himself. After an indulgent smile, he admitted, "It wasn't all your fault. You looked so sad and lost, how could I tell you no? After everything you'd already gone through, letting you sleep on me seemed a pretty easy way to give you a little comfort."

Yumichika smiled, sliding his hand over to rest on Ikkaku's chest where his heart beat steadily beneath.

"You know...I kept complaining after that so you'd always sleep next to me," Yumichika admitted, feeling safe enough to confess.

"I figured," Ikkaku said, his voice soft with tiredness. "Anyways, if you hadn't complained, I'd have found a reason to get you to. You were as strong for me as I was for you, Yumichika. It's how we've gotten by for so long, by being strong for each other."

Yumichika smiled, feeling warm and content, and well, well loved.

"Hey, Yumichika."

"Hm?"

"Will you grow your hair out now?" Ikkaku asked, idly running his fingers through the hair in question, letting it fall from his grip like a river of soft, black silk.

Yumichika laughed softly, saying, "I knew you didn't like it short. Maybe, Ikkaku. Maybe I'll do that for you, if that's what you want."

"Stupid," Ikkaku called him, giving a lock of his hair a playful tug. "I have everything I want, but it's really something, Yumichika, that hair of yours."

Yumichika recalled how unhappy Ikkaku had been the day they'd been enrolled in the Academy, how he'd been ready to knock heads together over Yumichika's cut hair. He'd mentioned it enough over the years that Yumichika knew it truly meant something to him, and that was all he needed to know.

"I will, Ikkaku," he promised, slipping quickly towards sleep, warm and content as he was. "Don't you know by now? Anything you want, I'll do."

"Then go to sleep, brat," Ikkaku teased him, squeezing him close. "And never sleep anywhere else but right here next to me, where you belong."

And for the first time in his long, long life, Yumichika made a promise that he could keep with a light, happy heart.