Part First – Fall – Chapter One
[Kirisawa Fuuko]
I rubbed my shoulders, my breath white in the winter chill. I hadn't expected the temperature to drop so much when I left the house this morning, so I had only the thinnest of windbreakers on to guard against the cold. Still, there was a smile on my lips as I stood on the library steps and surveyed my surroundings. Surely this must be the most pleasant time of the year, compared to the humidity and damp of spring, the oppressive summer heat, the rot of autumn and even the stillness and snow of deep winter. Now, though, the sky was clear, the air was fresh, the ground was cool and clean. The crispness of the atmosphere seemed to hold promise; of life, joy, excitement.
I tucked my hands into my pockets and started down the steps, eager to get home and start on the books I had just checked out. Much as I would have liked to remain where I was, the thought of curling up next to the heater, all toasty and warm, with a book in hand, was even more tantalising.
Suddenly I tensed, my nerves tingling. Someone was behind me. Someone was approaching. Slowly, slowly, I turned around, for it would not be wise to have my back to a possible adversary.
"Oh! It's you, Mi-chan. You gave me a bit of a fright there."
He shrugged, ever reticent. He was dressed, as usual, in long-sleeved shirt and pants, and a black trenchcoat was slung over his right arm. His hair was drawn back in a low ponytail, but a few stray wisps had escaped to frame his face. The sunlight reflected flowers in his clear eyes. He looked good, of course, and the slight flush from the cold lent colour to his cheeks that could not but improve his looks.
"Take it." He offered me his coat, his manner brusque. "You look cold."
I gratefully accepted his offer, realising I was clenching my jaw to prevent my teeth from chattering. It was impossible not to grin when I imagined how some of his admirers would react to this kindness of his. How they longed for such closeness as we had!
The coat fit well, almost as if it had been made for me. He was significantly – though not excessively – taller than I was, but this hung no looser than any of my clothes would. Apart from height, he was the same size as I.
This made me think.
I stared at him as he walked to the left and slightly in front of me. His was a profile that was not unfamiliar to me, us having spent as much time as we had together. It was only now, though, that I took notice of his features. His jaw line was sharp, his cheekbones defined, his collarbones protruding. Even through his shirt, I could see how his shoulders were pointed, so unlike my rounded ones. He was, bluntly put, freaking skinny!
I have heard my schoolmates gush over him. I recalled the words they used: slim, sleek, lithe. Thin words. A sudden streak of envy made me swallow hard. Unsurprising. After all, what girl doesn't want to be described in such a manner? It was odd, though, that I should feel that way, for I had never thought of myself as particularly fat. I was not concerned about my physical appearance, and I supposed I was satisfied with the way I looked. Besides, I wasn't just 'any girl'. I was no hair-twirling, lipstick-smearing, nail-filing bimbo. I wasn't like that.
Why then did it make me jealous, to know he was thinner than I? Strange. I put the thought aside, choosing instead to enjoy the pleasant walk home. The weather was indeed lovely, and it seemed to me that even my companion was in better spirits than usual.
Winter was coming on fast.
I glanced at the mirror as I pulled on my t-shirt, my wet hair flicking drops of water onto its surface. Fuuko, you have much to be thankful for, I told myself. You are young, pretty, slim, smart. You wield a high-level madougu. You're popular. You fight well. Best of all – I laughed a little at this – you eat tons of food and you aren't fat.
I could name scores of people who would readily admit to envying me. I was confident, self-assured, and poised. My spirits were always light, and I had been blessed with a dexterity of mind that saw me through all sorts of unexpected situations. I was the sort who would go on after high school to achieve Great Things.
I smiled at my reflection. You lucky girl.
After the excitement of the summer, what with the Ura Batou Satsujin and all, I had returned home to discover I had lost five pounds. It was a pleasant surprise, for I had not intended to do so. I turned and pinched my t-shirt, but the weight loss was not obvious. I shrugged; no matter, for I had neither need nor wish to lose weight. Certainly, though, I didn't mind. What girl would? Even a tomboy like me was pleased.
Even a tomboy like me, already so contented. I had everything I wanted. What else could I need?
[Sakoshita Yanagi]
I didn't notice when we slipped into the routine, I just knew it was there. I used to walk to school alone, but now Recca walked alongside me. He would appear suddenly by my side, and we would acknowledge each other. My love and my protector.
And so too did my other friends, each just as dear, join me. Here were Domon and Fuuko, joking and laughing; here was Mikagami, resisting our efforts to pull him into our mirth. The five of us did make unlikely friends, but friends we were. Recca was ever brash and impetuous, but warm-hearted. Domon was reliable and faithful, but at times not too bright. Mikagami, so very talented and brilliant, was taciturn and silent. Fuuko was like no other girl I had ever met, and sometimes seemed more a boy, but she was always ready with a sincere smile, and was more intelligent than she let on. And I, I was shy and weak, compared to the lot, but I do believe their influence on myself had already begun to be obvious, for I was becoming more and more outgoing.
Scarce a year ago, I would have thought it impossible for characters such as ours to form such strong friendships. Time, though, has a way of overturning our every assumption, and it was with these four that I walk to school.
I loved my friends. Even the merciless ribbing Recca and I received for being in a relationship did not chafe as I had thought it would, and was no difficulty to endure. At any rate, it was all in fun, and who was I to begrudge these people their little jokes?
That day, I thought I noticed something different in the tone of Fuuko's teasing. There was something in her voice that seemed to hint at a deep sadness, and beneath the sparkle of her eyes seemed to lie a secret grief. Her laughter appeared somewhat forced and empty.
My imagination, perhaps. It was ridiculous to even suspect Fuuko wasn't the cheerful, jocular teenager she has always been. Admittedly, there are people who seem happy on the outside while crying inside, but I doubted Fuuko was one of those people. This was Fuuko we're talking about, after all! That her laughter could be clouded was completely, utterly inconceivable.
I looked at her again.
"Hime-chan!" she cried, like Recca often did, "Let's go to the ice-cream place after school? Huh? Please? Pretty pretty please with a frosting and a fire dragon on top?" A big grin stretched across her face, she clung onto Mikagami's arm, pulling him towards her. The effect was terribly comic, and even Recca, being parodied so mercilessly, could not suppress a smile.
Recca was trying to shush her, Domon was holding his sides in laughter, and Fuuko herself put both arms around Mikagami's waist and started making kissing sounds. He cocked an eyebrow at her, but there was a twinkle in his eye.
I looked at her yet again.
Definitely my imagination.
I think.
[Kirisawa Fuuko]
I don't know what's happening to me. I feel the same, like nothing in me has changed. Perhaps that's true. But when I think back to my life before the past summer, I know it isn't. I am changed. I feel like two different Fuukos. The 'Before' Fuuko – brash and naïve, very much still a child; and the 'After' Fuuko – the Fuuko I now am.
But I think I am the same, outwardly. None of my friends have commented on any change in myself, so I must be the same. I guess it is just the way I perceive the world that is different. That sort of thing.
I'm really quite confused. I wonder who I am.
Are these sorts of thoughts normal for teenagers? That must be it. I guess the events of the summer were a catalyst for my hormones to develop. Ha. Maybe I'm entering a sort of mental and psychological adolescence, and my mind is catching up with the puberty my body begun years ago.
"So, Fuuko, what do you think? Will you be free?" Yanagi's soft brown eyes seemed to probe into my mind, even though she was merely asking me my opinion on something so banal as what we should do for the weekend.
"I have nothing else to do anyway," I gave her my largest grin, "I'm totally fine with what you guys want." I, of course, had been lost in though and had not the slightest idea what it was I had agreed to.
"Fantastic!" Koganei's fangs flashed, "Then it's all settled. We'll meet for lunch and then go the amusement park. Don't be late, okay, you guys?" He tugged at Recca's left arm. (The right one was encircled around Yanagi, as usual.) "C'mon, niichan, we'd better be getting on home, or your dad will have a fit."
Yanagi smiled at their disappearing backs. "He's pretty mature for a kid his age, isn't he?"
"You'd think he was older than Recca sometimes, rather than it being the other way around." I said dryly, laughing at Yanagi's blush.
"Well, er, he can be mature at times too, you know, and, er," Yanagi stammered a little. "And anyway, I guess that's just the way he is, you know? And I love him for it!" She beamed at me as her words came out in a rush.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing at this earnest affirmation. "You are the cutest, Yanagi, you really are." Inside, though, I had to admit that I was not a little envious of her. Her relationship with Recca was a fairy-tale romance, complete with knight in shining armour. Sure, we all recognise his flaws and some of us (i.e. Mi-chan) think he's irritating. But what was important was the way he loved Yanagi: selflessly, completely, unequivocally. To be so in love and so cherished is, I think, what everybody wants, but hardly ever gets. Yanagi was so, so lucky.
"Yanagi's so lucky to have Recca," Domon said. His hands were stuck deep in his pockets as we walked home together.
"Yeah, I was just thinking that," I agreed. "But high school relationships rarely last beyond graduation. You think theirs will?"
"Yes." His answer was immediate, soft, but certain. "They have something special. They're different."
"I wish…"
"Hm?"
"Oh, it's nothing. I just wish sometimes I could have a relationship like theirs too. Wouldn't it be lovely, Domon? To belong to someone who belongs to you. I'd love that. But… You know what, somehow I don't think I am suited to being loved."
He smiled at me. "That's rubbish! You never used to talk like this, Fuuko. You're different now."
I hit him on the head, hard, so that he yelled out in protest. "Not that different," I laughed as he rubbed the bump.
I knew they all thought Domon liked me. I think he did, too, at one point, but I realised soon enough that it was just a crush. He realised it too, but he still continued to tease me from time to time in front of the others. It was all just a little harmless fun.
"Seriously, Fuuko, if you could pick any one we knew right now to be your boyfriend, who would it be?"
My answer was quick. "Definitely not you!" We laughed again.
I'm like that. I always smile. In a fight, I always struggle to get up again and flash my opponent a confident grin that hides my fear. When I'm hurt, I laugh and shrug it off, never mind that I'm dying inside. It's better that way, I think, because nobody likes sad people. It's much nicer to be around someone who's always happy.
My laughter now concealed my shock. In a way, I was surprised by myself, for I'd never really thought of myself as the 'relationship' type, and I didn't think I was exactly girlfriend material. But more than that, I was shocked at what my answer to Domon's question was.
For some reason, Mi-chan's name had been at the tip of my tongue.
Does this mean I like him?
I've never really thought about it.
[Ishijima Domon]
Fuuko was different. Really different. She had changed so much, though it didn't really show.
I didn't think anyone else had noticed.
I didn't think she had, either.
[Kirisawa Fuuko]
I didn't believe myself. I was completely incredulous. No way did I like anybody. Much less Mr. 'Absolute Zero' himself.
Actually, he was quite nice. In a way. I guess. Kind of. Once you got to know him. Sometimes.
But he was a real good catch. He would make the perfect boyfriend, apart from the obvious and very critical problem with his personality. He was gorgeous, intelligent, rich, talented, so on, so on. Everyone knew that. I knew, too, that he could be gentle and caring. Look at the way he rescued Koganei from Mokuren. In fact, he…
Aii. I mentally slapped myself. That was no way to be thinking about him! Sure, I respected him and valued his companionship, but to regard him as more than a friend was not what either of us wanted or needed.
I had to admit, though, that if I had to choose someone to like, I would pick him.