A/N: Yooooooooo-

Yeah yeah, you suck, stop doing this shit, blah blah so OOC-

Okay, so I was reading a hot fic (Okay, I read about twenty in half an hour, shut up I like yaoi) of my OTP and

I decided in the middle of reading it that I was going to do some shit, like writing. Damn I haven't written for a

while. I like writing. Hell, I might make this entire chapter nothing but m going blah blah about how much I love

writing. You'd all love that, wouldn't you? You'd love to read my words in that sexy voice you think I have,

moaning as the words caress your body-

I'll stop there, because Jessie would kill me if I went further. Which I will do someday. In the meantime, news

update. I am now a mute. Yay. I cannot talk for shit. My voice? Gone. Gone with the wind, gone like my hopes

and dreams, ripped to shreds before my eyes and shoved up my ass-

How many of you little fuckers want to kill me right now?

I'm guessing anyone who is actually insane enough to click this.

I'M SO LONLYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Yeah, you sooooo didn't see that.

Just take a moment to imagine how weird it would be if Ahomine Daiki was moaning underneath you.

Now imagine how incredibly hot it would be if Kagami and Ahomine were fucking you.

And, if you're an asexual, imagine how nice that tree looks.

Activities for everyone, yay!

Jamaine: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BASTARD I MEAN REALLY, C'MON NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR SHI-

Evil: *Lovingly kills his character* *Evil gleam in his eyes* Ehehehehehe

Raxus: Oh dear. Blue, there's a dead body in here again!

Blue: *Grumbles* Tell that author to stop killing us, I'm tired of cleaning up.

Nikira: Enjoy the fic while Blue excites us with his purrrfect vocabulary words! I'll see mew later! *Shoves you

into the fiction world*

HiThereKissMyAssPOV

You are suddenly in the author's home. You have no idea what the fuck you are doing there. What do you wish to

do?

Eat the cake

Try on the author's panties

Pester one of his friends

Fuck shit up

Eat the cake

Try on the author's panties

Pester one of his friends

Fuck shit up

You proceed to fuck shit up by petting the cat. Suddenly, a loud beeping noise makes you take a step backwards,

tripping over the pumpkin.

Caress the pumpkin lovingly

What pumpkin?

Put on the author's panties

You stand there in the author's panties, scolding. You simply do not try on someone's panties! What? You're

wearing the panties? Don't be ridiculous!

Look around

You look around the room you're in, admiring the skillful decor. In one corner, there is a computer one a desk, with a

statue of a dragon next to it. In another corner is a pile of cushions and sheets and blankets on a mattress with red

pillows surrounded by a red curtain. In another, you see a fairy tale world filled with inanimate animals. The savage

animals have ripped off Barbie heads and places them on spears. You note how most of the blood is actually pink

sparkly nail polish. In the other corner in a pile of law book and a stuffed tiger. You cannot imagine why a tiger is

there, nor why it is relevant.

Captchalogue the tiger

You have no idea what that means, but you do as told. Your new tiger is placed in your encryption sylladex. You

reflect once again on why a tiger would be relevant.

Study the walls studiously

You do so, examining the pictures carefully. It appears that the owner of this room likes something called yaoi. You

vaguely recall that Junjou Romantica is actually a nice anime. Once again, a loud noise disturbs you, and you trip

over the pumpkin once again in alarm.

Captchalogue pumpkin

You give the reader a blank stare.

Mess with fairy land

You become the almighty COD OF FAIRY LAND. All the animals BOW BEFORE YOUR SPARKLES. What are you doing?

This is ridiculous. Go find out who the author is already.

Read signature on drawings

You dutifully read the signature. You wonder where this mysterious, sexy Kage Heiwa is.

Be Kage Heiwa

You are now Kage Heiwa. You are currently wishing that your cat's antics did not make you smile. Your face hurts

from doing so. You sigh in annoyance and continue being a mute. Which means you just uselessly puffed out air.

Aren't you wonderful?

Explore room

You are currently in the living room. You wonder vaguely why you are using the crappy computer down here, before

you remember that your own computer is broken. Behind you, a sibling battle rages. You plot sinister things for the

one who just flung your older sister's bra at you.

Break up fight

You feel no need to do so. You are perfectly okay with letting your siblings destroy each other.

Annoy William

You cannot annoy your role model. He is a god of all things red and black, the angel of sarcasm. He is, in other

words, your big bro. You admire him to no end, although the Hawaiian shirts he likes to wear gives you the creeps.

Proceed to adore Bro

You adore Bro, looking at him adoringly. He is simply the best Bro ever.

Think of violin guy

You are distracted from your thoughts of Bro's godness and fangirl silently over Jacob. His smoothed back black hair,

his abstract band t-shirt, his musical tattoo on his neck, the way he lovingly, tenderly caresses the bowstrings of his

violin...Too bad you are in love with another. He'd be an attractive man to fall in love with. Oh well. You give up

daydreaming about violins and start daydreaming about your true love. Maybe she might even accept your

Valentines! You doubt it though. Ah well, one can always dream...

Be Jacob

You cannot be Jacob.

Be Kage

Kage is also unavailable.

Be Kage's moirail?

You are now Kage's moirail, clicking your tongue at his foolish actions. You put a blanket over the sleeping author

and nod, giving the reader a warm feeling as they watch your pale romance fluff. Tomorrow, you shall smack him

silly. Wait? Why are you still here? Shoo, go away now people. Mikoto gives you a deadpan look and kicks your ass

away, so you can do those important things with your life.

A/N: DO I GET A COOKIE?!

Of course not. *Sobs*

So, I've officially asked my flush crush to be my Valentine. I think I scared her off. *Sigh* I may just copy

those guys from Jailbreak at the stump. Pumpkins.

So, it's over. For now. Seriously, you can go now. Leave, you motherfucking creep. Shoo.

Go away.

Now.

Coddamnit.

Go ask your Valentines out already.

Sheesh.

*Whispers* Thank you for reading~