Oh, boy. Well, this was originally going in my First Impressions collection, but I couldn't make it work, so it's just going to go here. I hope you all like it. :)

Fall

You know, if I had known that was going to be the first time I saw Rukia, I would've worn better socks.

As it turned out, my little sister, Yuzu, had apparently forgotten about the laundry that day, so I just grabbed the first two socks that I could find out my dirty laundry.

Of course they didn't match.

I felt like such an idiot as they were pulling me into the back of the ambulance. There was that girl, watching me with her big eyes, just to the right of my stupid blue sock and the other stupid black and white striped sock.

That was probably the most embarrassing moment of the whole thing. But it wasn't the part I regretted the most.

The thing I felt guiltiest about happened earlier. It was something I noticed while I was lying on the ground.

After I got over the fact that I was still alive, I noticed this bottle beside me. I had broken it when I fell, and the white flowers that had been inside were scattered a few feet away.

It was an offering... I had knocked over some dead person's offering because I was too stupid to even fall out of a window right.

If I had to do it over again, I would've put more thought into it. Apparently, to ensure that you're going to die, you have to jump from at least 10 stories high, not four. I hadn't known that at the time, but I guess it makes sense.

Also, I would've tried to land on my head. That way, I would've missed the flowers, and I wouldn't have had to feel every bone and muscle up through my spine scream as I hit the ground.

As I'm saying it, I realize how bad that sounds, but actually, once I got to the hospital, they said my biggest problem was the blood loss. Turns out, I only sprained both my ankles, cracked a knee cap, bruised my ribs, shattered an elbow, and scraped the shit out of my arms and face.

Well, in addition to the other, more intentional injuries...

My name is Ichigo Kurosaki. I'm not going to go into all the details of why I was trying to kill myself, because that's not the point of this story. To give you the short answer: It was easier than living.

I guess the best place to start is in the bathroom. I realize how weird that sounds, but I want you to hear this part, so you'll understand how special it was to me when I first met Rukia later.

So, there I was, in my bathroom, in the fourth-floor apartment that I share with my father and my two younger sisters. I had been planning on doing this for a while, and that Saturday it had finally worked out that I had the place to myself.

Looking back, I think the reason I messed up so bad was the pills. I'm on more medications than I can count, because I'm 'sick' in a couple different ways. That morning though, I didn't bother with reading labels. I just wanted it done. So, I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of unidentified pills until all the bottles were empty and hoped for the best.

Well, the best being the worst I guess...

Anyway, after waiting a few minutes, nothing had happened. So, I went ahead and got out the razor. I had been hoping to avoid too much blood; I didn't want to leave too much of a mess for either of my sisters to see, but it seemed like my only option at the time.

I sliced into my arms and tried to keep most of the blood in the bathtub. Let me clarify now, that these were the real deal, and not those little paper cuts that some people seem to think will do the job.

I guess by then though, the pills had actually started to kick in, because I couldn't just sit in the bathtub and wait to bleed out like a sane suicidal person. Instead, I had to move. My head was spinning and there was a really loud buzzing in my ears.

I realized I was standing in the living room, bleeding onto the nice white carpet, and the sun streaming in from the huge windows felt like it was burning my skin. That was the point where it occurred to me to jump. I figured the pills and cuts weren't getting it done, so the third time must be the charm.

I could barely see, the drugs were messing with my head so bad, but there didn't seem to be a lot of complication involved in jumping out a window. Now, I kind of wish I had opened the window first, but by the time I felt the fragile shards scattering around me, it was too late.

I got a couple more cuts then, from the glass. The worst one almost took out my eye, but the doctor handled it with just a couple stitches through my eyebrow.

I felt like I was on the ground for a long time. I can't really be sure, but I remember lying there, hating myself for not being able to do something so simple. I never saw whoever called the medics, but I heard every single car that drove past. There were only 2, and then the ambulance came.

I remember seeing the broken bottle with the flowers, and I remember noticing that the neck of the bottle was digging into my thigh. My stomach was really hurting by that point, but what I remember most clearly was this little girl, standing over me.

She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. And she seemed so sad to see me there. I tried to tell her not to worry, but I couldn't talk. My face was sort of numb, and I thought I might throw up if I opened my mouth.

I got mad when the medics completely ignored her, pushing past her small frame to get to me. They didn't even give her a second look before they had me on a stretcher, pulling me into the back of the ambulance.

That was when I noticed my socks. I felt so stupid, so inadequate. This girl was probably wondering how on Earth someone could be so incompetent as to put on such obviously clashing socks.

But, her expression wasn't teasing or cruel at all. Just curious, maybe a little confused, I couldn't really tell.

At the time, it looked like she just vanished into thin air but I figured that was the drugs acting up before they closed the back door and drove me away.

.

Now, I know what you're thinking, and I promise this story isn't just about how some depressed teenager went and tried to off himself. And it's not about how I felt sorry for myself and hated everyone and had to go to therapy, where I had a number of outbursts.

That all did happen, and it sucked, but it's not the end of the story. It's not even part of the story, really.

The part I'm going to tell you about though, the best part, is coming, and I'm going to get there soon. Just bear with me through all this stuff first.

.

I had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks after my 'incident,' as the therapist liked to call it. I was mostly healed, my ankles hurt sometimes, and I had to wear my arm in a sling and change the bandages around my forearms every night, but physically, I was ready for release.

After a lot of lying and signing of papers, the doctors decided I was mentally fit as well, and that I could go home.

Yuzu had made a big dinner in celebration of my return, and Karin, my other little sister, had went out and gotten all my homework assignments for me so I could get caught up. I didn't bother telling her that I'd be chucking all the goddamn papers in the trash as soon as I could use both arms again.

They never tell you this, but you really only have to do the homework if you plan on graduating.

My dad didn't say a whole lot while we were eating, but I could tell he was happy I was still alive.

I tried to eat as much as I could to keep everyone from worrying, but I hated the way they looked at me. They were too nervous about it, like how you can't stop looking at a train wreck, even though you know you should.

After dinner and well into the morning, I spent most of the night in my bathroom, staring into the mirror.

The people at the hospital had never given me one, and there weren't any in the bathrooms. Now, I understood why.

The entire time, I just looked at my face, feeling the scars and touching the scratches that hadn't quite healed yet. I looked, and felt, like a monster.

.

When the next morning came around, I still hadn't slept, but I had promised myself in the hospital that I would go and set up a new offering to replace the one I had messed up.

Before I went out, I pulled a big hoodie over my t-shirt to cover my bandages and hide my face more, but I felt like an idiot when I had to have Yuzu tie the sling around the bulky fabric.

The shopkeeper watched me with the same, nervous look, so I bought the stupid flowers and a vase and got out of there as soon as I could.

I took the hoodie off, had to have Yuzu re-tie my sling, and decided I'd just wait until sunset to run downstairs real quick, put the flowers where the other had been, and come back to reduce the chances of anyone seeing me.

Of course, when I planned that, I had no idea that I'd really be out there all night and into the morning.

.

When I got outside, I saw that no one had bothered to replace the flowers until then. I guessed the person who had put the offering there in the first place must have forgotten about whoever the flowers had been for by now.

I set the vase down and was about to retreat back upstairs when I saw her.

It was the same girl that I had seen when I was bleeding out on the ground, and practically in the exact same spot. She looked up at me with those big, round eyes and I felt so disgusting just being in front of her.

I turned my head down, trying to shield her perfect eyes from having to see the damage on my face.

"Excuse me," I said, and stepped onto the street to walk around her.

"Wait," she whispered, "please."

She sounded so anxious that I stopped and turned to look at her.

"You can see me?" She asked, almost as if she couldn't dare to believe it.

Now, I want you to understand that, under any other circumstances, I would've have responded with the driest, most sarcastic response possible. No shit I could see her, I was suicidal, not blind.

But I didn't. I guess it was the genuine hope that was so apparent in her face.

"Of course I can see you. You're standing right there."

The girl looked like she was about to cry. "I'm so glad. I thought something was wrong with me."

At this point, I was thinking, gorgeous or not, this chick was a nutjob. My thoughts must have leaked onto my face though, because she kept explaining.

"I've been waiting here for weeks now. Ever since I saw you fall from the window. You're the only person who's noticed me for such a long time..." She looked up at me with a watery smile.

I'll be honest. I know a few things about feeling invisible, but this was taking it to a new level.

"Right," I said, trying to end the odd conversation. "Well, see you later."

At the time, I hadn't realized how clever that statement actually was. I wish I had milked it more, but I guess I was too focused on leaving.

"Please, don't go!" She said. "Do you know what's happening to me? You're the only one who can help."

I'll admit it; that stroked my ego a little. But I didn't stay because this girl was being all 'you're my knight in shining armor.' It was because she needed help. And I knew what that was like too, and I just couldn't abandon her.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I ...don't know," she admitted. "But something weird is going on. It's like I'm invisible; no one notices me anymore. Even when I try to talk to people, or get their attention, I don't think they can hear me. I thought... I feel like I've just woken up, but that's impossible, because here I am."

I was beyond confused. "You mean, you've been hanging around here since I've been gone, and no one has said anything to you?"

The girl nodded. "I guess so. The past few weeks have been a blur, but no one has tried to help or even stopped to talk to me. Do you think I'm sick or something?"

I almost laughed at that one. Being sick is another thing I'm pretty familiar with, but I didn't bother telling her that.

"I don't think there's any sickness that can make people invisible." When I thought about it though, it did explain why the medics completely ignored her.

"What about your family? Haven't they noticed that they can't see you?"

The girl looked at the ground. "I don't really have one. My parents died when I was young and my brother just died in a car accident a little while ago."

"Oh... I'm sorry about that."

She shrugged. "It's all right. It looks like you've had some problems too."

Her purple eyes were looking at my bandaged arms, and I figured there was no point trying to lie. I mean, she had already seen me jump from the fourth story of a building.

"You could say that."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. "It's been a long time since anyone's told me anything."

I didn't want to. At least, not then. But she looked at me so earnestly, so eager to be having a conversation that I didn't want to let her down.

"My name's Ichigo," I figured that was a good place to start.

That was when she told me her name, Rukia Kuchiki, and she smiled.

We sat down on the stairs and, before I knew it, the moon was high in the sky and I had just poured my heart out to this girl, about everything.

I had told her about moving, and my mom being sick, and how it killed her, and having to move again, about everything that happened here...

And she didn't look nearly as revolted as I had expected.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

For a second, I thought she was going to try to hold my hand, but instead she just rested her fingertips lightly over my forearm, the one that wasn't in the sling, and I felt so ashamed.

The contact didn't hurt, like I thought it would. My skin cooled at her touch, and her hand felt weightless, even as her fingers were gently running up and down the white bandage.

"I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore," Rukia whispered.

So many people have said that to me, in one form or another, that I had a number of well-crafted responses.

Coming from her though, it felt different.

"Why?" I asked her. I wanted to know why this girl, this stranger had any opinion on my life.

"Because, I think you're a good person," Rukia said simply. "There are so many things that you'll miss out on if you kill yourself."

I tried not to roll my eyes. "I'm about to flunk out of high school, and I don't even want kids, so don't try to pull that one."

Rukia smiled at me again. "Well, maybe you're right then. Won't you miss the people you're leaving behind though?"

That one always makes me think a little bit more, but the answer has never changed. "The only people I'd leave behind are my family, and I think they'd be better off anyway."

Rukia looked at me for a long time, and I realized I had forgotten about my face until that moment. I blushed and looked away.

"It's not that bad, you know," she said quietly, making me blush even harder. "But I do think that you're underestimating how important you are to your family. I still think about my brother every day, and I wish more than anything that we were together again. I just picture the crash over and over..."

I felt so guilty again. "I'm sure he thinks about you too."

Rukia swallowed her tears and looked up at the stars. "You really think the dead can do that? Or do anything, really?"

Right then, I obviously had no clue about what dead people do or don't do. I just knew it had to be better than living and feeling dead.

But I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Of course they can. Spirits are always watching, keeping an eye on loved ones."

Rukia seemed content with that. "Well, if that's the case, let's make a promise. Whoever dies first will look after the other, ok? And killing yourself is cheating."

I smiled, for the first time in a long time. This girl... Christ, even now I have a hard time putting into words all the feelings I have for her.

"I..." It was a struggle, more than I can express, making that promise after so many years of planning to do the opposite. But, something in my stomach told me that it was the right choice. "All right. I promise."

The happiness on her face made me feel the same happiness in my own chest.

"Pinky promise," Rukia said, grinning. She lifted her hand, extending her tiny finger, and I did the same.

It was what happened next, that gave me the first clue as to why Rukia felt that she was invisible.

I tried to wrap my own pinky around hers, but it didn't work. At first, I was incredibly embarrassed because I thought I had missed, exposing myself to this girl as the idiot I really was.

But when we tried again, I could see my finger passing through hers.

This girl, my Rukia, wasn't solid.

"What's happening..." Her small voice shook with fear.

Of course, I was just as terrified and confused as she was but I tried not to show it. The sun was rising now, and I could see that Rukia's shape was ever so slightly transparent, like she was a dream or a mirage.

"It's going to be ok," I tried to reassure her. "We'll just go to the hospital and get you checked out."

But Rukia shook her head. She stood up and gestured to herself, "No one can see me, remember?"

It was rough, listening to her grow more and more afraid, and not being able to help.

"We can at least try, can't we?" I reached out for her arm, but stopped myself. Instead, I just stood beside her.

When she didn't answer, I realized she was staring at the flower vase.

"Why did you come out here?" She asked in a strange voice. "Last night, why did you bring those flowers out here?"

I had no idea what that had to do with anything but I went ahead and told her about how awful I felt for destroying the offering so long ago.

"I wonder who it was for..." She knelt down and plucked on of the flowers out of the vase to smell it. "I saw the old lady who put the first flowers out here, you know, before you fell."

I was getting kind of anxious by this point. I wanted to get Rukia to a doctor, and I couldn't understand what was so distracting about those damn flowers.

"In fact, that's her right there," Rukia said, standing up to point at a woman walking down the street towards them.

She had soft white hair, and she didn't even seem to notice the scratches on my face. Instead, she frowned when she came close enough to see the offering.

"Oh my, was there another accident here?" She asked in a concerned voice.

"Ask her," Rukia whispered eagerly. "Ask her about what happened during the accident."

"Uh, no," I said quickly. "Do you... Did you see the accident, by any chance?"

The old lady nodded solemnly. "Yes, it was quite horrible. Two young people, about your age, were hit by a large truck. The gentleman made it out all right but the younger girl, poor dear, didn't survive."

Of course, I assumed she was mistaken. "You're sure there were two people in the car?"

"Oh, yes." She nodded. "The older boy was so shaken up, I think he just wanted to forget the whole thing, but I brought some flowers by the next day so the sweet child would know she hadn't been forgotten."

Rukia was staring, mouth agape, at the woman. She seemed even more shocked than I was, if it was possible.

"You mean... You left flowers for the girl?"

"Of course, I wanted to ease her lonely spirit. I was so happy when I came by and saw that she had destroyed the offering and finally moved on. Spirits are tethered to their memorials, you know."

"Right," I choked out. How the hell was I supposed to know that? "Have a good day."

I almost couldn't breathe. Those stupid old legends were... Well, legends. They're not supposed to actually be true.

"You too, young man. I hope you get better soon," the old lady said with a wave.

I turned back to Rukia, who was holding her stomach in shock.

"Does this... Am I really...?" She couldn't finish, but I understood.

I didn't want to answer her. I knew that would mean admitting that I was the one that had pulled her back into this world by making a new offering, and admitting that I knew the reason people couldn't see her, and the reason we couldn't touch.

"But you can see me..." Rukia's eyes were on me again, brimming with tears.

I was scared that I knew the reason for that as well.

Maybe, if I hadn't tried to kill myself, I would never have come so close to death. Maybe, I never would have been able to see or talk to Rukia. Never been able to...

"Do you think my brother is really alive, then?" She asked, and I couldn't understand how she could still sound so hopeful.

I tried to sound comforting as I answered, "Yes, Rukia. He's probably at your house right now, missing you terribly, but alive and well."

Rukia's small form was even fuzzier now and the sunlight shone clear through her, leaving her without a shadow.

"Ichigo..." She looked at me with those beautiful, terrified eyes. "I... I understand now. I have to go; I can't stay here anymore."

I felt myself tearing up as well, but I tried to hide it. "Hey, don't be afraid. You can go watch over your brother now."

I picked up the vase, ready to break an innocent offering for the second time in my life, but for the first time on purpose.

Rukia smiled at me, and I could feel my heart breaking.

Even though I had only known this girl for a short time, I couldn't stand to see the only future I had ever imagined for myself fall to pieces because she could no longer be in it.

"Don't forget our promise," she said, placing her hand just over my heart. She took her other hand and positioned it as if she were gently holding my wrist.

I knew it couldn't be real, but my skin tingled with a chill where her skin appeared to touch mine.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you every day, too," Rukia whispered.

"I won't forgot you," I promised as both of our hands dropped and the vase shattered on the ground.

Even now, as I'm writing this, I can still picture Rukia's beautiful face, her sweet smile, and her perfectly round eyes looking up at me as she disappeared into the sunlight, right in front of me.

The water from the vase pooled around my shoes and carried the precious white flowers into the street.

.

I know it scared you, Yuzu, and I'm so sorry, but that was the reason you found me sitting outside sobbing like a child that morning so long ago.

And that's why I wrote this, for you, and for everyone who will miss me or wonder when I'm gone.

So please, don't be sad, or worry about me. I'm finally going to see Rukia. And Mom.

I love you, and Karin, and Dad. More than I can say.

I'll always be watching over you.

Love,

Your Big Brother

Thanks for reading :) I realize it might be a bit ambiguous, just let me know if you have questions. I'm happy to help or clarify.

Review?