Nothing At All
Summary: Yet another series of small scenes.
Timeframe: Throughout the series.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the
Moon Productions. This
song is written by Ronan Keating (I think). No copyright infringement is
intended here.
This story, however, is mine. Please don't archive it without my permission.
Rating: G
Note: There are spoilers to several episodes.
In fact, there is no real plot to this story at all that is not stolen from an episode. (Thus the lack of a
summary.) I'm not sure the links
between the song and the story are clear.
I tried to make it sound as much like dialogue
as possible, so they may not have come across.
Please let me know if this is the case.
This is intended to be a stand alone story, but I am planning to add another chapter (provided you all like this one, that is) which should help explain this one a little better.
Feedback: All is welcome.
I guess you want to know how I got here. I mean, that is what you asked. It's a long story. Are you sure you have the time to listen to it?...
Yes, I know it's your job, but, well, it's a strange story. And to be honest, parts of it are confidential.
Well, okay, if you're sure…
It started several years ago…
It's
amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
When my alarm went off that morning, I have to admit, I had no desire to get up. I'm usually a morning person, but I had it on pretty good authority that it might rain that day (my boyfriend was the weatherman on a local news show), and the last thing I felt like doing was getting up to drive anyone to the train station, even the aforementioned boyfriend. And so, when my alarm went off, I stayed in bed. I did so for so long in fact, that when I finally did get up I didn't even have time to get dressed, just throw my coat on over my nightgown and run out the door.
Even in my ever willingness to fit into the stereotype of all-American housewife, I didn't really want to leave the house in my nightgown, but what choice did I have?
Of course, I felt guilty as soon as I got to Dean's. He was happy to see me and said I looked adorable in my nightgown, and besides no one could tell what I had on under my coat anyway. Dean is very practical that way. He's a very nice man, and was very good to my boys.
Oh, that's right, I have two sons by the way. Jamie and Philip. Philip is the older one and more like his father – he has something of a thirst for adventure. Jamie is more like me. He likes to stay home, live a simple, uncomplicated life.
And I live with my mother. She's great, always willing to lend a hand with the boys and they adore her. She's a bit wild, but we are very close.
Anyway, Dean was great with Philip and Jamie. He's such a nice man. Okay, so maybe he was a bit predictable. I guess I missed a bit of the spark of excitement that was in my marriage to Joe. But I felt it was definitely better this way. I mean Dean would never leave me and the boys to go save the world. Not that I begrudge Joe for that – it's what was in his heart. He needed to do it. But it's been hard on the boys. And I don't need that much excitement in my life anyway.
And that is why I was completely put out (and startled) when that stranger grabbed me on the train platform. At first, I thought I was being mugged. But usually when you're being mugged, they take your purse, not give you a package and push you onto a train.
I wanted to say no, I really did. But the look in his eyes forbade it. I really didn't need that sort of excitement in my life. I should have said no. But I thought he was a gangster and you never say no to gangsters. Especially when they're that good looking…
Try
as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
"There you are, you sly boots. I thought it was agreed, Babycakes - no job until the triplets are in nursery school." I can't even explain what I was thinking when that incorrigible man stuck his head in the door. I was dumbfounded, struck speechless. And trust me, that doesn't happen to me all that often.
Luckily, I regained my voice by the time we were outside. "What the sam hill do you think you are doing? First, you cannot get rid of me fast enough. Then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a perfectly good job, you say you are my husband, a lie which I DO not find funny, and where do you think you are taking me?"
You would think it was his reply that caught me off guard, "We're getting married," but it wasn't. It was the slight pause before he said it, the look in his eyes. I'm not sure what I saw there, or heard in that split second of silence, but even as I told him he was asking too much, I knew I'd go.
I mean, I know I should have told him no, I liked my simple, uncomplicated life. I don't need the excitement of being a spy, oops, I mean agent.
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
And then, somehow, there I was, helping him out all the time. I mean, I guess it was good. I needed a job and it paid well enough. But, me, a spy? Come on! I don't need that sort of excitement in my life. I should have told him no. There are a thousand times I should have told him no. But I never did. He'd show up, and I'd go.
And then suddenly, I knew I'd never tell him no. I don't even remember what the case was. I tried to say no, I was protesting, albeit weakly. And he very quietly said, "I need you." I was very surprised, I mean Lee was always trying to get rid of me. And when I questioned it, he was very clear that it was Mr. Melrose's idea. But as he explained it away, made it clear that in fact, he did not need me, Mr. Melrose did, I saw it. Something in his eyes, some small glimmer of the man Lee Stetson was. I'd never seen it before. He'd always looked away too fast or something, and I'd managed to see him the way all women did. He was suave, sophisticated, way too cute for his own good. And, of course, like all women did, I had something of a crush on him. Oh, good heavens, I'd never act on it, but I couldn't help it.
But that crush died the instant I saw whatever it was I saw at that moment. Suddenly, I knew that Lee Stetson did need me. He just didn't know it yet. But I was sure that Lee Stetson needed a friend, and I was determined to be that friend. Someone he could lean on, as it was very clear that he wouldn't let himself lean on anyone.
There's
a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
Well, yes, I suppose that does sound awful selfless. But it wasn't really. Well first off, Lee and I had this argument….
Lee asked, "Would you mind telling me why you are so damned determined to stay on this case? I am just curious."
And I told him, "Once
I start something I like to finish it. Besides I felt it was my patriotic duty."
"Oh, patriotic duty." Lee replied, sarcastically, "Why can't you just admit you get a kick out of all this? Why can't you admit that you think this is exciting stuff. I don't understand you."
And at that moment, while I outwardly dodged the question, I knew he was right. I did need that excitement in my life. I couldn't believe it. I had always thought of myself as someone who wanted a quiet life, but as it happened, I liked working in the spy business.
And then there was the other thing…
Lee had asked me to feed his pet fish. I definitely should have said no to that. I mean, I wanted him to learn to lean on someone, not take advantage of them. But anyway, I didn't say no, and so there was this mix-up and these people thought I was Lee and they kidnapped me. All in all, a pretty rotten experience.
But, you see, Lee committed treason to save me. Of course, he didn't tell me that. Francine did. But once I knew, I couldn't stop. It was clear that I had made a friend. Of course, Lee didn't see it that way yet. He still found me annoying.
But when he held me afterwards, to calm me down I mean, I could see the relief in his eyes, and then when Francine told me he'd committed treason, I realized what I'd seen in his eyes was determination.
Just as much as I was determined to be there for him, he was determined to be there for me. And granted, his was probably motivated by guilt, but still, that idea that he'd never leave me, he'd always be there to save me… Well, I couldn't stop.
The
touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you
say nothing at all
And then I came to rely on him as much as I wanted him to rely on me. I had this dream, or I think it was a dream. I can't be sure as I'd eaten Lee's chicken salad sandwich and apparently was acting a little strange. Anyway, so I had this dream that I could fly. So I decided to try. To fly I mean. Well, in my dream, I decided to fly.
I was in the hospital at the time…What?... Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was dream. Dreams don't make sense.
So, I was in the hospital, and somehow got out on the balcony and was walking along the edge, trying to get up the nerve to jump. I guess even in my dream I was a bit afraid. But then suddenly Lee was there and I wasn't afraid. I knew I couldn't fall with him there. I know this seems like a silly thought, but it's what I thought at the time. And then I nearly lost my balance. In my dream, I mean. And Lee caught me. I was right. When he caught me, I knew, he'd never let me fall.
And, yes, I'm aware it was only a dream, but it stuck with me. It just felt so real. After that, just feeling his hand on my back always made me feel more secure. Somehow, I was sure that Lee would never let anything happen to me. And so it became even easier to accept these silly assignments.
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)
Try
as they may they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
And then there was Leslie… She was
one of Lee's girlfriends. He'd had many
through the time that I'd known him….
No, none of them really bothered me – having girlfriends was just part
of being Lee. And
besides, I just wanted to be friends.
But then we got to be friends, good friends, and Lee's girlfriends disappeared. We started socializing outside of work and I guess he just didn't have the time anymore or something. But then one day he came in looking ragged and awful and the Lee I first met was back.
But when I met Leslie, she wasn't at all what I expected. She was… well, she was normal. And she seemed nice and intelligent. Not Lee's type at all. And suddenly, I was jealous. I was surprised, I have to say. Even when I first met Lee and had that silly, school girl crush, I wasn't jealous of his girlfriends. But when I met Leslie, I was jealous. Very jealous. And as a result, I was snippy with Lee and out of sorts. And I couldn't help feel that Leslie was an awful lot like me. Why precisely this should bother me, I'm not sure, but it did.
So, when he suddenly seemed to break it off with Leslie and made plans with me, I guess I was more aware of how I felt or something. I suddenly was aware that I wasn't okay with Lee dating if he was going to date normal women. I'm not sure I was sure that this meant I wanted him to date me, though. I just knew that Lee was the best friend I'd had. I felt like he understood me, maybe better than I understood myself. And although it was a bit selfish, I didn't really want to share him with someone else that may take up a lot of his time.
The
smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
And then we were on this case. We were in the woods, trying to catch some guy setting up a utopian society. They were chasing us and we were chained together. We were stuck for the night and were huddling together. Lee had his arms around me, and I guess I just knew. I looked at him and just saw it. His willingness to do anything to keep me safe. How much he cared for me.
He was leaning on me just as I had wanted him to, but I was leaning on him, too. It wasn't at all what I had planned, but sometimes life happens when you aren't watching. Sitting there in the woods, cold and scared, I suddenly knew that I was in love with Lee Stetson. And I knew that that love was well placed and that while it may never be reciprocated, Lee would never let me down, either.
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
(You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)
And then it was. Reciprocated, I mean. Lee was there in my life on a more permanent basis. And being more open and caring and … Well, he was just there. Sometimes not even saying anything, just watching me, and making sure I was safe.
And so, here we are. I'm not sure if this helps, but it is my story. Our story.
The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me..