Disclaimer: Harry and co. still belong to J. K. Rowling (but not for long .
. . mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha).
A/N: Hello again! Have a joyful life and I hope you like this chapter! Book 5 spoiler.
Chapter 8: Bald is Better
Harry Potter woke up the next morning with an irritating niggling feeling in the back of his mind. Apart from that his mind wasn't very deep, so the feeling was, to be more accurate, resting on the middle of his two- dimensional consciousness. He was sure that the person who had just stumbled into his room hadn't been quite so . . . what was the word? Well, most normal people would say pink, but our severely mentally challenged hero came out with . . .
'Red. Red red red.' Which would have been quite justifiable if the early morning visitor had been a Weasley. But unfortunately for poor little Harry, it was Hermione, minus the hair, and she was in a very bad mood indeed.
'I'll kill you!' she screeched, launching herself on top of Harry. If she had stayed there, she would probably have done the job quite nicely, as Harry was a little stunted shrimp of a boy, and no-one could survive for very long under Hermione's bulk. Although, to be fair, the lack of hair did mean that she was several pounds lighter than previously. However, she had just specially filed her nails to points for maximum scratching power, and she was going to use them.
Well, she would have done. If Mrs. Weasley hadn't rushed in from degnoming the garden, equipped with large garden gnome, worried that Hermione was going to carry out her threat on the poor little Boy Who Lived. 'Stop it!' she screamed at the bald and shiny Hermione.
Simultaneously, Harry was screaming. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH! GNOME! AAAAARRGGH!'
Mrs. Weasley looked completely nonplussed. Then she remembered that she was holding a large and particularly fine specimen. And that Harry had a phobia of gnomes. 'Oh, sorry Harry dear!' she said, sounding extremely flustered and dragging Hermione out of the room along with the gnome.
'Hermione tried to kill me!' bellowed Harry at Mrs. Weasley, although still cowering behind the door in fear of the gnome. 'She really ANNNNOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYS me!'
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Hermione, falling to the floor and covering her ears more quickly than usual as the air resistance against her massive amount of bushy hair had previously made her fall, à la Snuffles, in a graceful but extremely slow arc to the floor.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' cried Ron, stumbling out of bed and writhing on the floor of his violently orange bedroom.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' shouted Mrs. Weasley falling down whilst simultaneously killing all bats within a 15km radius of the Burrow. Well, the few that were left.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Fred and George, in unnaturally high and girly voices. Having been wearing Extendable Ears at the time, the painful effect of the sentence was doubled.
'Why do you always keep on screaming?' asked Harry, peevishly. 'Don't you know that it really ANNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me?'
Everybody once again screamed and ran for cover in the garden. Our little hero shrugged and pootled off to fetch (guess what?) another Howler.
Meanwhile outside in the garden, an emergency council was taking place.
'We really really have to do something about Harry,' began Hermione, her deeply earnest look not working as well as usual since the loss of her hair. 'He's beginning to really ANNOOOOY me.'
Everyone winced, but only Ron screamed. Hermione gave him a deeply patronising look, which REALLY didn't go with her lack of hair, and continued. 'We have a gnome,' she began, leading them to the garage and showing them the gnome that her and Ron had imprisoned a while back in the boot of Mr. Weasley's car. She looked at it clinically and picked it up, ignoring the cries of 'Gerroff me!' She then replaced it and slammed the boot shut.
Fred looked rather sick. 'Hermione,' he began, 'how come you like house- elves so much but you're so mean to that gnome.'
Hermione snorted at the boot of the car and an evil and mad glint came into her eyes. 'I use S.P.E.W. as a cover up so people won't notice my sadistic behaviour towards gnomes. I mean, why do you think I bought Crookshanks? I hate animals. Well, then I wanted to ANNOY Harry (everyone cringed) as well.' She smiled malevolently at the car. 'One day soon that little gnome is going to die. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!'
Ron, Fred and George all looked really freaked out. George bolted. Fred bolted. Ron looked extremely scared, took a deep breath, and finally decided Fred and George had the right answer to this little problem and ran away too.
Hermione called after him. 'If you run away, Ron, you'll miss out,' she said in her most seductive and wonderfully husky voice. Unfortunately, Ron seemed to be quite a shallow little person and seeing as Hermione's thick though bushy hair had been a rather major contributor to her looks, he was no longer interested - just fearful.
Meanwhile, in the Burrow, Harry Potter was selecting another envelope. Luckily, all the pink envelopes had been used up by Mrs. Weasley (*ahem* Lockhart *ahem*). And even Harry, thick as he was, could tell the difference between white and red (fortunately they didn't have any brown envelopes to complicate things - the Weasleys, judging by Mrs. Weasley's bat-killing tendencies, were not Friends of the Environment and therefore didn't buy envelopes made from recycled paper). He carefully picked out a bright red one and toddled up to Ron's room.
He began the Howler with the usual scream. 'AAAAAAAAARRGGH! I HATE YOU! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOY ME!'
Ron chose this moment to wander in, still wearing his violently orange pyjamas. This distracted Harry somewhat. 'But those are RED!' he shouted, happily. Ron looked like he was about to protest, but, on second thoughts decided to keep quiet, consequently looking rather like a goldfish.
Hermione bustled in, wearing a massive headscarf and looking irritated. 'Honestly, Ron, he's not going to learn his colours if you keep on confusing him.'
The Howler sat by, innocently recording this conservation, before, with a sudden jolt, Harry's brain sprang into action for a few milliseconds and he remembered what he was doing. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHH!' he shrieked, right next to Hermione's ear, which, without the hair, was less sheltered than usual. She screamed and fell to the floor, clutching her ear. Ron mistook the meaning of her sudden descent and somehow thought it appropriate to deliberately throw himself on top on her, whispering 'Ooh, Hermy,' as he did so. It seemed that to desperate little Ron, hair didn't matter anymore. Or maybe the headscarf was an adequate replacement.
'EWW! RON!' shrieked Hermione, shoving him off her. Ron looked rather hurt.
'EWW! RON!' shouted two twin voices from right outside the bedroom door.
'FRED! GEORGE!' shouted Ron.
'That's my name, don't wear it out,' said George, winking at Hermione in a somewhat worrying fashion.
'Stop spying on us!' shouted Hermione, unimpressed. 'And Harry's not going to give you any more money, he's lost the key to his vault and he's forgotten his PIN' (OK, I don't know whether Gringotts does PINs or not, but who cares?).
'Hmmm . . .' said Fred, staring at Hermione in mock thoughtfulness. 'I wonder what it could be?'
'Hmmm . . .' said George, 'maybe one, two, three, four, six? Sound right Fred?'
'Sounds good to me.'
'One, two, three, four, six?' asked Hermione, looking puzzled. 'Why?'
'Well, the first is simple,' said George, looking wise. 'The most stupid people always have 12345 as their PIN, don't they?' (sorry to anyone who might have that number!).
'If you say so . . .' said Hermione. 'But one, two, three, four, six? Are you sure you haven't been spying on him?'
'Harry!' shouted Fred. 'Can you count for me please?'
Harry's face lit up with a heavenly smile. He LOVED showing off his maths skills. He stuck his hands out in front of him, folding down a finger for each number as he began. 'One . . .' was the first word to roll out of the mouth of our hero. Then, after a short pause, 'two . . .'. A bit longer. And a bit longer. Then 'three . . .'. Then a long pause. 'Erm . . . four.' Then finally, the triumphant, 'Six.'
'Oh, help!' said our very logical Hermione, banging her head against the floor. Ron unfortunately somewhat mistook this too, and manoeuvered his head to rest underneath Hermione's (it could have been worse!). Her head smashed right into his, giving him a violent nosebleed.
'OWWWWWWWWW!' yowled Ron. 'OWWWWWWWWWW!'
'Sorry, Ron,' began Hermione, before asking, 'Why did you move your head there anyway?'
Ron didn't seem to keen to answer that one. But finally decided to say, in his most seductive voice, 'Don't worry, you can make it up to me, Hermione.'
'EWWWWWWWW, RON!' shouted both Fred and George. And after a five minute pause, Harry added his voice to the protesting throng.
Hermione didn't seem too disgusted though. She rolled nearer to him and put her hand gently on his arm. 'How could I do that, Ron?' she asked, in an even sexier voice. Ron seemed to be so overwhelmed by his success that he couldn't reply. Instead a manic grin covered his face and he rolled her (with some difficulty), underneath his bed, and presumably began to indicate how she could begin to make amends (nothing dodgy, people, this is a PG or something!).
Then, fortunately, Harry once again noticed the red envelope and rather spoilt Ron and Hermione's romantic little moment by screaming loudly. Fred and George looked at the Howler as well. 'Is that to You-Know-Who?' Fred asked his twin.
'I think so . . .' answered George.
'But then won't You-Know-Who know Harry's PIN?'
'Don't worry, Fred, we took out most of the money ages ago anyway.'
Fred shrugged and followed George out of the violently orange bedroom. Ron and Hermione extracted themselves with some difficulty from underneath the bed. Ron's hair looked rather messed-up and Hermione's headscarf was askew. She quickly straightened it. Ron looked dazed, until, putting a hand to his hair, he found a rather . . . unwelcome creature.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGH! SPIDER! AAAAAAAAARRRGH!' he screamed. Hermione flicked it off him . . . unfortunately onto Harry.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!' shouted Harry.
Hermione looked confused. 'Harry, you're not even scared of spiders,' she began, before sighing and carrying it outside ('Not near ME!') and flicking it into the hallway, nonchalantly. She then returned, grabbed hold of Ron's arm and steered him out of the bedroom, with a murmured, 'Lets find somewhere quieter, shall we?' Ron agreed without protest, leaving Harry alone in the bedroom.
Was this wise? Well, Harry wasn't really strong enough to do anything really dangerous or destructive. He spent about five minutes hopping trying to copy the big green toad sitting in the water tank in Ron's room. He spent about ten minutes trying to read the word 'Martin' on the cover of Ron's Mad Muggle comics. He spent about fifteen minutes trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Then he noticed (again!) the Howler.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGH! I HATE YOU! BOB CAN ALWAYS FIX IT! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS! STAY AWAY FROM ME AND STAY AWAY FROM BOB! HE DOESN'T NEED TO FIX MY BRAIN! WHAT IS A BRAIN ANYWAY? I BET YOU JUST MADE THAT WORD UP. YOU'RE MEAN AND EVIL AND I HAAAATE YOU! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOY ME! NO-ONE LIKES YOU! EVERYONE HATES YOU, YOU SHOULD GO AND EAT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRMMMMMMMS! BIG FAT SQUIDGY ONES, LITTLE THIN WRIGGLY ONES, SEE HOW THEY WRIGGLE AND SQQQQUUUIIIIIRRRRM.'
In the happiness of singing a song, Harry forgot what he was doing. He sat happily humming to himself and dancing a little dance. Anyone trying to work out *what* he was singing would have had difficulty, seeing as he couldn't remember many of the words and had extremely poor tuning. But, fortunately, no-one was there to spoil Harry's joy. He blinked happily to himself and closed the Howler absent-mindedly. He then addressed it. He once again tried to spell 'Voldemort', but it was a three-syllable word, and he just couldn't get it to look right. He tried to write 'Tom Riddle', but that wasn't easy either. He finally settled for a word which, courtesy of Dudley, who had an irritating penchant for spelling out words before he bellowed them at Harry, he could spell. Consequently, the envelope which winged its way into the sky, tied to Pig's leg, a few minutes later, read, 'Vlodemorte, Voledmort, Ttom Ridell,' and finally, in massive, bold black capitals, 'LOSER.'
In the garden below, Ron and Hermione were too . . . busy to notice the Howler flying to Lord Voldemort. And Mrs. Weasley was too busy scolding Fred and George to observe it. Consequently, only Harry knew about the Howler. And now Voldemort knew his PIN.
However, Harry's knowledge of the Howler didn't last long. He couldn't really be expected to remember things for more than a minute - it just wasn't fair, really. So he sneaked into the garden, and turning towards the bench, noticed something . . . unusual, went to investigate, and ended this chapter with:
'EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! RON!'
A/N: Hope you liked this! Sorry about the massive wait, my GCSEs got in the way and saw fit to annoy me for about a year. Pleeeeease review! Hope you are having a lovely day! (
A/N: Hello again! Have a joyful life and I hope you like this chapter! Book 5 spoiler.
Chapter 8: Bald is Better
Harry Potter woke up the next morning with an irritating niggling feeling in the back of his mind. Apart from that his mind wasn't very deep, so the feeling was, to be more accurate, resting on the middle of his two- dimensional consciousness. He was sure that the person who had just stumbled into his room hadn't been quite so . . . what was the word? Well, most normal people would say pink, but our severely mentally challenged hero came out with . . .
'Red. Red red red.' Which would have been quite justifiable if the early morning visitor had been a Weasley. But unfortunately for poor little Harry, it was Hermione, minus the hair, and she was in a very bad mood indeed.
'I'll kill you!' she screeched, launching herself on top of Harry. If she had stayed there, she would probably have done the job quite nicely, as Harry was a little stunted shrimp of a boy, and no-one could survive for very long under Hermione's bulk. Although, to be fair, the lack of hair did mean that she was several pounds lighter than previously. However, she had just specially filed her nails to points for maximum scratching power, and she was going to use them.
Well, she would have done. If Mrs. Weasley hadn't rushed in from degnoming the garden, equipped with large garden gnome, worried that Hermione was going to carry out her threat on the poor little Boy Who Lived. 'Stop it!' she screamed at the bald and shiny Hermione.
Simultaneously, Harry was screaming. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH! GNOME! AAAAARRGGH!'
Mrs. Weasley looked completely nonplussed. Then she remembered that she was holding a large and particularly fine specimen. And that Harry had a phobia of gnomes. 'Oh, sorry Harry dear!' she said, sounding extremely flustered and dragging Hermione out of the room along with the gnome.
'Hermione tried to kill me!' bellowed Harry at Mrs. Weasley, although still cowering behind the door in fear of the gnome. 'She really ANNNNOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYS me!'
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Hermione, falling to the floor and covering her ears more quickly than usual as the air resistance against her massive amount of bushy hair had previously made her fall, à la Snuffles, in a graceful but extremely slow arc to the floor.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' cried Ron, stumbling out of bed and writhing on the floor of his violently orange bedroom.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' shouted Mrs. Weasley falling down whilst simultaneously killing all bats within a 15km radius of the Burrow. Well, the few that were left.
'AAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!' screamed Fred and George, in unnaturally high and girly voices. Having been wearing Extendable Ears at the time, the painful effect of the sentence was doubled.
'Why do you always keep on screaming?' asked Harry, peevishly. 'Don't you know that it really ANNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYS me?'
Everybody once again screamed and ran for cover in the garden. Our little hero shrugged and pootled off to fetch (guess what?) another Howler.
Meanwhile outside in the garden, an emergency council was taking place.
'We really really have to do something about Harry,' began Hermione, her deeply earnest look not working as well as usual since the loss of her hair. 'He's beginning to really ANNOOOOY me.'
Everyone winced, but only Ron screamed. Hermione gave him a deeply patronising look, which REALLY didn't go with her lack of hair, and continued. 'We have a gnome,' she began, leading them to the garage and showing them the gnome that her and Ron had imprisoned a while back in the boot of Mr. Weasley's car. She looked at it clinically and picked it up, ignoring the cries of 'Gerroff me!' She then replaced it and slammed the boot shut.
Fred looked rather sick. 'Hermione,' he began, 'how come you like house- elves so much but you're so mean to that gnome.'
Hermione snorted at the boot of the car and an evil and mad glint came into her eyes. 'I use S.P.E.W. as a cover up so people won't notice my sadistic behaviour towards gnomes. I mean, why do you think I bought Crookshanks? I hate animals. Well, then I wanted to ANNOY Harry (everyone cringed) as well.' She smiled malevolently at the car. 'One day soon that little gnome is going to die. Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!'
Ron, Fred and George all looked really freaked out. George bolted. Fred bolted. Ron looked extremely scared, took a deep breath, and finally decided Fred and George had the right answer to this little problem and ran away too.
Hermione called after him. 'If you run away, Ron, you'll miss out,' she said in her most seductive and wonderfully husky voice. Unfortunately, Ron seemed to be quite a shallow little person and seeing as Hermione's thick though bushy hair had been a rather major contributor to her looks, he was no longer interested - just fearful.
Meanwhile, in the Burrow, Harry Potter was selecting another envelope. Luckily, all the pink envelopes had been used up by Mrs. Weasley (*ahem* Lockhart *ahem*). And even Harry, thick as he was, could tell the difference between white and red (fortunately they didn't have any brown envelopes to complicate things - the Weasleys, judging by Mrs. Weasley's bat-killing tendencies, were not Friends of the Environment and therefore didn't buy envelopes made from recycled paper). He carefully picked out a bright red one and toddled up to Ron's room.
He began the Howler with the usual scream. 'AAAAAAAAARRGGH! I HATE YOU! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOY ME!'
Ron chose this moment to wander in, still wearing his violently orange pyjamas. This distracted Harry somewhat. 'But those are RED!' he shouted, happily. Ron looked like he was about to protest, but, on second thoughts decided to keep quiet, consequently looking rather like a goldfish.
Hermione bustled in, wearing a massive headscarf and looking irritated. 'Honestly, Ron, he's not going to learn his colours if you keep on confusing him.'
The Howler sat by, innocently recording this conservation, before, with a sudden jolt, Harry's brain sprang into action for a few milliseconds and he remembered what he was doing. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHH!' he shrieked, right next to Hermione's ear, which, without the hair, was less sheltered than usual. She screamed and fell to the floor, clutching her ear. Ron mistook the meaning of her sudden descent and somehow thought it appropriate to deliberately throw himself on top on her, whispering 'Ooh, Hermy,' as he did so. It seemed that to desperate little Ron, hair didn't matter anymore. Or maybe the headscarf was an adequate replacement.
'EWW! RON!' shrieked Hermione, shoving him off her. Ron looked rather hurt.
'EWW! RON!' shouted two twin voices from right outside the bedroom door.
'FRED! GEORGE!' shouted Ron.
'That's my name, don't wear it out,' said George, winking at Hermione in a somewhat worrying fashion.
'Stop spying on us!' shouted Hermione, unimpressed. 'And Harry's not going to give you any more money, he's lost the key to his vault and he's forgotten his PIN' (OK, I don't know whether Gringotts does PINs or not, but who cares?).
'Hmmm . . .' said Fred, staring at Hermione in mock thoughtfulness. 'I wonder what it could be?'
'Hmmm . . .' said George, 'maybe one, two, three, four, six? Sound right Fred?'
'Sounds good to me.'
'One, two, three, four, six?' asked Hermione, looking puzzled. 'Why?'
'Well, the first is simple,' said George, looking wise. 'The most stupid people always have 12345 as their PIN, don't they?' (sorry to anyone who might have that number!).
'If you say so . . .' said Hermione. 'But one, two, three, four, six? Are you sure you haven't been spying on him?'
'Harry!' shouted Fred. 'Can you count for me please?'
Harry's face lit up with a heavenly smile. He LOVED showing off his maths skills. He stuck his hands out in front of him, folding down a finger for each number as he began. 'One . . .' was the first word to roll out of the mouth of our hero. Then, after a short pause, 'two . . .'. A bit longer. And a bit longer. Then 'three . . .'. Then a long pause. 'Erm . . . four.' Then finally, the triumphant, 'Six.'
'Oh, help!' said our very logical Hermione, banging her head against the floor. Ron unfortunately somewhat mistook this too, and manoeuvered his head to rest underneath Hermione's (it could have been worse!). Her head smashed right into his, giving him a violent nosebleed.
'OWWWWWWWWW!' yowled Ron. 'OWWWWWWWWWW!'
'Sorry, Ron,' began Hermione, before asking, 'Why did you move your head there anyway?'
Ron didn't seem to keen to answer that one. But finally decided to say, in his most seductive voice, 'Don't worry, you can make it up to me, Hermione.'
'EWWWWWWWW, RON!' shouted both Fred and George. And after a five minute pause, Harry added his voice to the protesting throng.
Hermione didn't seem too disgusted though. She rolled nearer to him and put her hand gently on his arm. 'How could I do that, Ron?' she asked, in an even sexier voice. Ron seemed to be so overwhelmed by his success that he couldn't reply. Instead a manic grin covered his face and he rolled her (with some difficulty), underneath his bed, and presumably began to indicate how she could begin to make amends (nothing dodgy, people, this is a PG or something!).
Then, fortunately, Harry once again noticed the red envelope and rather spoilt Ron and Hermione's romantic little moment by screaming loudly. Fred and George looked at the Howler as well. 'Is that to You-Know-Who?' Fred asked his twin.
'I think so . . .' answered George.
'But then won't You-Know-Who know Harry's PIN?'
'Don't worry, Fred, we took out most of the money ages ago anyway.'
Fred shrugged and followed George out of the violently orange bedroom. Ron and Hermione extracted themselves with some difficulty from underneath the bed. Ron's hair looked rather messed-up and Hermione's headscarf was askew. She quickly straightened it. Ron looked dazed, until, putting a hand to his hair, he found a rather . . . unwelcome creature.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGH! SPIDER! AAAAAAAAARRRGH!' he screamed. Hermione flicked it off him . . . unfortunately onto Harry.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!' shouted Harry.
Hermione looked confused. 'Harry, you're not even scared of spiders,' she began, before sighing and carrying it outside ('Not near ME!') and flicking it into the hallway, nonchalantly. She then returned, grabbed hold of Ron's arm and steered him out of the bedroom, with a murmured, 'Lets find somewhere quieter, shall we?' Ron agreed without protest, leaving Harry alone in the bedroom.
Was this wise? Well, Harry wasn't really strong enough to do anything really dangerous or destructive. He spent about five minutes hopping trying to copy the big green toad sitting in the water tank in Ron's room. He spent about ten minutes trying to read the word 'Martin' on the cover of Ron's Mad Muggle comics. He spent about fifteen minutes trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Then he noticed (again!) the Howler.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGH! I HATE YOU! BOB CAN ALWAYS FIX IT! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS! STAY AWAY FROM ME AND STAY AWAY FROM BOB! HE DOESN'T NEED TO FIX MY BRAIN! WHAT IS A BRAIN ANYWAY? I BET YOU JUST MADE THAT WORD UP. YOU'RE MEAN AND EVIL AND I HAAAATE YOU! YOU ANNOOOOOOOOOOY ME! NO-ONE LIKES YOU! EVERYONE HATES YOU, YOU SHOULD GO AND EAT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRMMMMMMMS! BIG FAT SQUIDGY ONES, LITTLE THIN WRIGGLY ONES, SEE HOW THEY WRIGGLE AND SQQQQUUUIIIIIRRRRM.'
In the happiness of singing a song, Harry forgot what he was doing. He sat happily humming to himself and dancing a little dance. Anyone trying to work out *what* he was singing would have had difficulty, seeing as he couldn't remember many of the words and had extremely poor tuning. But, fortunately, no-one was there to spoil Harry's joy. He blinked happily to himself and closed the Howler absent-mindedly. He then addressed it. He once again tried to spell 'Voldemort', but it was a three-syllable word, and he just couldn't get it to look right. He tried to write 'Tom Riddle', but that wasn't easy either. He finally settled for a word which, courtesy of Dudley, who had an irritating penchant for spelling out words before he bellowed them at Harry, he could spell. Consequently, the envelope which winged its way into the sky, tied to Pig's leg, a few minutes later, read, 'Vlodemorte, Voledmort, Ttom Ridell,' and finally, in massive, bold black capitals, 'LOSER.'
In the garden below, Ron and Hermione were too . . . busy to notice the Howler flying to Lord Voldemort. And Mrs. Weasley was too busy scolding Fred and George to observe it. Consequently, only Harry knew about the Howler. And now Voldemort knew his PIN.
However, Harry's knowledge of the Howler didn't last long. He couldn't really be expected to remember things for more than a minute - it just wasn't fair, really. So he sneaked into the garden, and turning towards the bench, noticed something . . . unusual, went to investigate, and ended this chapter with:
'EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! RON!'
A/N: Hope you liked this! Sorry about the massive wait, my GCSEs got in the way and saw fit to annoy me for about a year. Pleeeeease review! Hope you are having a lovely day! (