Model Student

"I said get offa me, you worthless brat!"

There was the sound of a shriek, and Jonathan Crane looked up from his book just in time to see Harley Quinn knocked to the ground by the Joker's fist. Crane's hands tightened on the cover of his book, but he took a deep breath and tried to focus on the words again. He had been told off for interfering between them before. It didn't do any good, and it only upset Harley.

His eyes were drawn inevitably back to her as he saw her curled up on the ground, trying to avoid Joker's blows. "I'm sorry, puddin'!" she shrieked. "I'm sorry, I'll be good! I promise I'll be good!"

Joker stopped punching her, kicked her once more for good measure, and returned to watching TV on the sofa. Harley lay where she had fallen, breathing heavily, and Crane saw tears trailing down her face.

He stood up and went over to her, holding out his hand. "Anything broken? Do you need to go to the nurse's office?" he murmured.

"No," whispered Harley. "No, I'll be fine, Johnny."

He helped her steadily to her feet and led her out of the Rec Room and back to her cell. "It was…my fault," stammered Harley. "Mr. J told me to leave him alone, but I was being greedy and disobeyed him and…"

"It wasn't your fault, Harley," growled Crane. "No woman deserves to be treated like that, no matter what she's done."

He gazed at her tenderly. "Why do you put up with it?" he murmured.

She shrugged. "I love him. You don't understand, Johnny, the crazy things that love makes you do…"

"I do, my dear," he interrupted. "Believe me, I do."

"I couldn't live without him…"

"I assure you, you could," he said. "Many people can and do live without love."

"But I…wouldn't be happy," she whispered, tears trickling down her face.

"No," he agreed. "No, you wouldn't be that."

"And he does…make me so happy, Johnny," she whispered. "Not…not all the time, but…the times he does are worth suffering for. They're so…he's so…perfect."

Crane looked at her but said nothing, his mouth set in a firm, thin line.

A knock came on the cell door. "Harley, I heard you crying and wondered if a nice cup of tea mightn't help," said Jervis Tetch, entering the room with a teacup and saucer. "I find it does wonders for me when I'm upset."

"Oh…thanks, Jervis," murmured Harley, taking it from him and managing a smile. "You're both so nice to me, and you don't have to be, y'know. I'm a worthless little brat who don't deserve kindness, that's what Mr. J says. And he's right."

"He most certainly is not," snapped Crane.

"Yeah, he…doesn't mean it," murmured Harley, smiling. "He's probably joking about that. He jokes a lot, y'know."

She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Crane handed her his handkerchief. "Thanks, Johnny," she murmured. "I'm fine now. Mr. J will be in any minute to apologize, and that'll make everything better."

"You do realize that an apology is worthless if there's no feeling behind it, don't you?" asked Crane. "If it's all just a joke?"

"Well, that's fine, Johnny – Mr. J don't usually apologize," said Harley, smiling. "He usually just pretends like everything's ok, and so I do too, and then we forget what we were fighting about. That's how you keep a lasting relationship."

"That's how you keep yourself in perpetual slavery," muttered Crane under his breath.

"I know puddin' don't always show it," continued Harley. "But he loves me, y'know."

"As long as you know he loves you, Harley, that's what matters," said Tetch, gently.

"Hey, beat it, losers!" snapped Joker as he strode into the cell. "Hope I taught you a lesson for interrupting the Stooges, Harl. But they're over now, and it wasn't that long a wait, was it, you greedy brat? Next time you'll do as I say, won't you?"

"Yes, Mr. J," murmured Harley.

Joker beamed. "And that's how you teach a dog to obey," he chuckled, patting Harley on the head. "Didn't I tell you losers to beat it?" he demanded, rounding on Crane and Tetch. "Here, take this crap outta here with you!" he said, seizing the teacup and shoving it at Tetch. Then he slammed the cell door in their faces.

"You horrible, disgusting, abusive…" began Crane, his voice growing louder as he shouted at the door.

"Calm down, Jonathan, it won't do any good," murmured Tetch, laying a hand on his arm.

"You expect me to just put up with being treated like that?" demanded Crane.

"Harley does," murmured Tetch. "It is her affair, after all."

"It's her insanity," muttered Crane, storming off back to his cell.

Tetch followed him. "You do seem to take it all…very close to heart," he murmured. "Is it because of your…tender feelings towards Harley?"

"It's not just that," Crane snapped. "Although I do care for her…very deeply. She deserves so much better."

"We all think that," said Tetch.

"I know that!" snapped Crane. "I knew her before anyone else here – I knew her before the Joker ever set eyes on her! She was my student!"

"I didn't know that," said Tetch, surprised.

Crane shrugged. "It wasn't something that ever came up. By the time we were both incarcerated here, Poison Ivy was already her best friend and confidante, and the Joker was her…whatever the hell he is. We don't…talk much these days about…those days. Why would we? We were both different people, both sane…"

"I doubt either of you were ever entirely sane," interrupted Tetch. "Especially not Harley."

"She was never normal, if that's what you mean," retorted Crane. "That's why I liked her. She was different, special…not like the other ignorant blockheads I had to teach. She was bright and bubbly and vivacious and kind and funny and…smart. Very, very smart. You wouldn't know it now, but she had the makings of a very fine psychiatrist. Which I suppose she was, for a while. Look at her now, though. That monster's…pet. Some toy for him to vent his whims on, whatever they may be. It's tragic. And it makes me furious."

Tetch was silent. "Did anything ever…happen between you and Harley at the University?" he asked.

"Nothing…like that," said Crane, slowly. "I can tell you the whole story if you'd like."

Tetch smiled, taking a seat across from him. "I certainly have the time, Jonathan. And I do love stories."

Crane shrugged and sat down. "We met…quite by accident. In fact, it was an accident that introduced us. We…literally ran into each other. I was distracted by a conversation I had just had with the Dean, and I wasn't looking where I was going…"

"Jonathan, have you never heard of dramatic structure?" sighed Tetch, despairingly. "If you're going to tell a story, do try to make it interesting, won't you? Otherwise your listeners will get bored and wander off in search of white rabbits in waistcoats."

"The only white rabbits you'll find in here, Jervis, will be ones in straightjackets," retorted Crane, dryly. "But I shall try to make it more engaging, if you insist."

"You could divide it up into chapters, if you like," suggested Tetch. "That way we can have a break for tea."

"…if you insist," repeated Crane. "Well, let's start with Chapter One…"