Disclaimer: I no own Hetalia or the song at the end. Only my own OC Philippines, which I hope is not Mary Sue for you guys. :|

A/N: I know, I'm pretty lazy. I haven't updated LCeA because of Writer's Block. *sigh* I hate Writer's Block. Anyways, I stumbled across a fun writing meme yesterday and decided to write this *crack* story about it. Hope you like it!

(Warning: Lots of crack, nations breaking into houses, unexpected touches, and unintentional fluff. Especially Germany x Philippines. :3)

This font means it's the actual story

This font means emphasis, thoughts, an onomatopeia, or a dream (if it's in a long passage)

This font means song lyrics

It was June 19, 2013. A World Conference was being held that day, and it was one of my first times to go. The night before I had plenty of rest, and I made sure I wouldn't be bothered. After a dreamless sleep, my eyes began to flutter open, but I was too lazy to get up...

"Philippines, wake up. There's a conference today, and we can't be late."

Wait... Who was that? I thought I lived alone!

My brown eyes flew open to see Belarus in front of me, staring at me with exasperation. I jumped up, shouting in surprise. "AH! Belarus, what are you doing in my house?!" I screamed, kicking off my covers and getting off the bed.

"I came with Big Brother here to take you to the conference today," Belarus flatly told me. Nervously, I sweated because I didn't even know they entered my house without me knowing. I thought my key wasn't even under the mat...

I sighed, suddenly saying, "Excuse me." I stood up and headed to the bathroom because, for some reason, I've got to go to the bathroom every morning.

Quietly, I hurried down my hallway, wondering if Russia really was here as well. Finally, I arrived at my bathroom. I opened the door, not knowing the vent was on and Germany- yes, Germany- was taking a shower! Wait, when did he get here?!

I blushed red and slammed the door shut, screaming through the door, "I am so sorry! I-I'll use the other bathroom!" I hurried around my house to find the other bathroom and went inside, locking the door shut.

Why is everyone here, at my house?

After I was done, I went to the kitchen to make some cereal, when I saw Russia in the kitchen, cooking! I sweated nervously again, wondering why all these countries were here. "Russia?! What are you doing in my house?!" I asked again, nervously wondering why.

"Didn't Belarus tell you? We're going to take you to the conference today. Although, I had to ride with Germany because my car broke down..." Russia murmured, suddenly smiling as he showed me a plate of bread and sausage. "I made you breakfast! Buttered rye bread with sausage!"

I do like sausage, and bread was good as well. I shrugged, saying, "Thanks..." I sat down to eat, taking a bite out of the sausage. "It tastes just like Filipino Longaniza," I murmured softly, smiling at Russia as he smiled back.

After breakfast, a shower, and a quick change into my new business clothes, I hurried outside to my driveway with my car keys. When I hurried outside, I already saw Netherlands there, with his car in the driveway. I could see Belarus and Germany inside his car already, making me sigh impatiently. "What is going on? Why is everyone coming to my house?!" I groaned. "Netherlands, what are you doing here?"

"Germany called me to say that his car ran out of gas," Netherlands sighed, irritated. "I was also informed that Russia, Belarus, and you were riding. But... you have your own car as well. Would you like to ride with us?"

I could see he was kind of irritated over the fact of a crowded car, and honestly, I disliked crowded cars myself. "It's all right, Netherlands... I'll drive my own car," I told him lightly, getting into my car after bidding all the nations bye. I'm just glad to have some privacy at last. I drove away, following Netherlands' car to the place where we would be meeting today. We all arrived, walking into the building one by one. As soon as we sat down, we had to wait a while before every nation arrived. "All right then, let our meeting begin," Britain announced firmly, patting his papers on the table. Soon, the meeting began to become bleak until America broke the drone with his interjections about a hero saving us from global warming. Then all went downhill. Everyone started talking at once, and doing other things like offering pastry treats or wondering why the other hates them, or even forming a plan for people to come crawling back for help. I sighed irritatedly. Now I can see why meetings seemed to be such a waste of time...

I received a throbbing headache because of Romano. He kept cussing out Spain and bugging others and other things. I would try to intervene, but then I would also bother others and plus... I'll just get an even bigger headache. I sighed irritatedly and put my head into my crossed arms on top of the table, looking like I fell asleep.

"Everybody shut up!" Germany yelled, ranting on about how meetings should run. Soon as everyone settled down, the bell for a meeting break rung, and everyone soon went their separate ways for lunch. Sighing in relief, I went walking to a nearby Panda Express two blocks down the street, never noticing Egypt right behind me.

Before long, I glanced over my shoulder to see him and panicked, wondering why he was stalking me. But... Egypt was OK, and he wasn't much of a bother. I decided to keep going and ignore him, too hungry to even ask Egypt why he was stalking me.

When I went inside, I ordered my usual: chow mein and honey walnut shrimp. That's it. I sat down at a nearby empty table quietly, noticing that not too many people were here today.

I was about to eat, and then Norway, Netherlands, and Cuba sat next to me. I was fine with them; they were my friends after all. But isn't it just weird that all three of them sat next to me at the same time? I shrugged and told them, "It's all right if you sit here." We ate our lunches, talking about other things that I already forgot.

Suddenly, I felt something poke my back. I jumped, surprised at the sudden and unseen touch from behind. Turning around, I saw Italy and sighed in relief. So it wasn't a creeper. "Hi, Italy," I greeted casually.

"Ciao~" Italy greeted back in his usual, cheerful tone.

"Need something?" I asked curiously. It's not everyday that he goes up to me while I'm eating and pokes my back.

"Yeah! I was wondering if you could help me put up these posters tomorrow," Italy asked, showing me a poster with a heart or something and two names: Italy and Germany. Suddenly, I realized the poster, along with that heart symbol at the center, was supposed to read "Italy loves Germany."

I stifled a laugh and nodded. "Sure thing! I would love to help with that." Italy was very glad, and so was I. This was too funny.

Soon, we all finished our lunches, and I already went on ahead back to the conference. But suddenly, I heard footsteps and turned to see Switzerland. He had an odd smirk on his face, which I've never seen before. Even stranger, he's smirking at me! What's up with that?

"Switz, are you OK?" I asked, wondering what's up with him.

"It's nothing!" Switzerland laughed, soon running ahead of me. Did I do something funny?

I arrived back at the conference building early, so I sat in my usual spot. Germany and Norway were sitting across from me. As soon as I sat down, they glanced up at me and laughed. Yeah, laughed! No one laughs at me for no apparent reason other than my siblings or my appearance! What is so funny?!

"OK, seriously, guys, what's so funny?!" I asked, a little upset that people were laughing at me for no reason.

"Wow, way to be smooth," Norway murmured. "I can't believe you actually walked into the bathroom while Germany took a shower."

"It was pretty funny," Germany chuckled, making me turn bright red.

I threw back at Germany, "At least I'm not the one who will have posters around town later that says 'Italy loves Germany.'"

At this point, Norway laughed harder and Germany turned red like I did. "But anyways, laughter aside, let's have a truce about no more telling about our embarrassing stories, all right?" I offered, putting on my serious face. Germany nodded, as I tried to stifle a laugh. I got him real good there! Soon, every country came back, and the meeting resumed from where it left off. Everyone presented not so good ideas, and were straying off-topic, like usual.

"Hey! Why don't you present real ideas, America?!" someone shouted angrily.

Looking up, I saw Cuba with an irritated look on his face. "Why is Cuba shouting?" I wondered, groaning. Soon, another argument boiled, making my headache worse. Again, I put my head into my crossed arms and cringed.

"I need you to do me a favor," Norway whispered into my ear suddenly, surprising me. I jumped in fright, looking back at him in irritation.

"Norway, don't do that! I jump when someone suddenly does something to me without me knowing!" I whispered back. Sighing, I said, "What do you need?"

"Can you convince Iceland to call me big brother?" Norway asked.

"Yeah, sure, he'll do that for sure," I sarcastically sighed. "Just how will I be able to do that?" "You're pretty good at talking someone into something, right? Can you do that to Iceland?" Norway asked again.

"I don't know, Norway... I can try, but it won't come right away," I said.

"That's fine with me... Oh hey, sorry for laughing earlier," Norway apologized softly.

"Hey, it's all right. Anyways, I had even more embarrassing moments anyways," I forgave the Norwegian. As soon as our conversation ended, I put my head back down, only for England to announce that the conference was over. Finally! I'm going home!

I was about to walk out of the building's doorway, when a certain Italian pulled me aside before I could. "Hey!" I squeaked, frustrated at everyone doing these sudden gestures. I turned to see Romano, who was a little irritated.

"Did Veniziano ask you about posters a while ago?" Romano asked, seeming a bit upset.

"Yeah... It had 'Italy loves Germany' written on it, right?" I asked skeptically.

"Great! He keeps talking about that Potato Jerk, and now the word will spread," Romano huffed angrily. "Don't actually help him with the posters. I'm going to tell him not to put it up."

"Why?" I asked, curious as to why he doesn't like Germany so much.

"Let me ask you this... Would you want to see your sibling putting posters about him or her loving someone around town?" Romano asked me as an example.

"Uh... Kind of. It would be funny," I giggled, stopping at Romano's expression. "Eh... But, it's not really good for him to confess love so publicly," I tried to say maturely.

"Good. Then you'll know why I don't want him to do so," Romano nodded firmly, making me realize that he seriously wants to watch out for Italy.

"That's very admirable..." I murmured softly, blushing as soon as I said that. Somehow, Romano blushed as well.

"Thank you for understanding, bella," Romano softly murmured.

"Uh.. you're welcome?" I questioningly replied, making Romano blush.

"I-It's not like I'm blushing, right?!" Romano squeaked shamefully, making me giggle.

"It's cute, though!" I laughed.

"Chigi!"

I laughed at Romano as he turned red, making him look like a tomato, as Spain used to say back when we both were children together. Someone suddenly came up to me and tugged my arm. "Ack!" I squeaked, turning around to see Egypt. What's up with everyone and sneaking up on me?! "Hi, Egypt," I greeted the silent man.

He nodded towards me with a smile, but an angry glare at Romano. What was going on?

"Oi, wait! You're the one who beat Veniziano up in Africa!" Romano realized, stomping up to Egypt. "Hey, if you're going to glare at-a me like-a that, I'm going to throw tomatoes at ya!"

Egypt looked away with a disgusted expression. Romano's eyes grew wide as he went, "Oh-" I won't write that in... "-no! You did not just ignore me, mister!"

Pretty soon, Romano started attempting to beat Egypt up, and they soon started to argue... well, mostly Romano, but you get the point.

I wanted to stop them, but I didn't know if I could... Suddenly, I felt a light touch on my shoulder and jumped. "Eep!" I squeaked, whirling around to see Belarus.

"Seriously, guys, try not to sneak up on me and touch me!" I groaned in frustration.

"Why are they fighting?" Belarus asked me, her cold eyes now showing some hints of amusement. The two of us have been friends for a while, so I can tell when she is amused. I sighed, scratching my head.

"I have... no clue," I uttered, clueless to everything.

"Oi! Stop that, you two!" someone scolded Romano and Egypt loudly. Turning around, Belarus and I saw Germany with an upset look on his face. Suddenly, we felt Egypt and Romano approaching us while fighting, so Bela and I tried to scoot away. Seeing that I was almost in the middle of these two, he pulled Bela and I out of the argument by the arm.

"Don't try to get in the middle of it," Germany sighed.

"T-Thanks..." I muttered, blushing a bit as Belarus nodded her thanks to Germany. I didn't mean to get stuck in an argument.

"You're welcome," Germany nodded. "Next time, be more careful of who you're around. They might start fights, and I don't want you to be hurt." I blushed again...

Today was even more embarrassing than the time at Hollywood where I screamed because of the "wax statue." Germany opened the door for me, and again, I thanked him as I went out the door. "I'm going home. Bye you guys!" I waved, saying good-bye to all of them. Everyone soon stopped suddenly as they saw me walking out the door. What's up with all of them...?

I was walking to where my car was, but I then remembered that my sibling, Luzon, stole my keys before I went into the building without me noticing. Seriously...

I started to walk home, but then a car approached me. The driver rolled down the window to reveal Russia! "My car started to work again, thanks to Estonia," Russia chuckled happily. "Do you want a ride home?"

Of course, I didn't want to walk really because of my headache, so I graciously accepted, hopping into Russia's passenger seat. I had no clue why Belarus wasn't there, so I assumed she stayed behind for a minute.

As Russia drove me home, we chatted like good friends about our lives and stuff. Just like Belarus and I, Russia and I were friends as well. Even though people were generally scared of him, I don't really mind him. It's interesting to find out how his life is in somewhere cold. I, on the other hand, live in someplace that is super hot... I wish we could switch.

When we fell silent, I texted Italy that I couldn't help him with posters, relieved to see that he replied with "It's OK. I got scolded by Romano anyways. He said for me not to put those posters up. Oh well! We should probably do something else another time!"

Soon, I arrived home quicker than I expected. "Thank you for the ride, Russia," I thanked him softly, receiving a smile in return.

"It was nothing, da? I'm glad to help," Russia happily told me.

As soon as I popped out of his car, he smiled at me and drove off, leaving me staring at the car on my driveway. I got my house keys (which Luzon didn't steal) and unlocked my door, entering my familiar home with relief.

Soon as I went through my door, I plopped unto the couch and turned on the TV, wondering if my favorite drama show was on. Instead, I caught sight of a new show... It looked like some romantic drama... Wait, was that Egypt on the show as a mourning man?! I was surprised. I never saw this before...

Buzz! My cell phone started to vibrate as Krizza Neri's "Ba't Di Ko Ba Nasabi" started to play. I picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

"Ve, it's me, Italy!" Italy greeted suddenly. "I'm watching TV right now... Do you see Egypt on TV, too?"

"Actually, yeah," I sighed breathlessly, wondering if this was a coincidence. "Since when did he become an actor?"

"I don't know- wait a minute, something else is going on! I have to go, bye!" Italy quickly stammered, hanging up the phone. I put the phone away, thinking to myself, Well, that was odd. I continued watching, when Switzerland suddenly came onto the show, too! What kind of drama is this to have so much crack?

"I feel your pain, Gupta," Switzerland sighed in a false dramatic tone. When did he act like that? "I really wish Maria was still alive," the Swiss man sighed.

Wait... That's my human name! What is he doing using my human name?!

I looked at the TV guide to find the show and quickly looked it up on the Internet. Sure enough, there was my human name on the characters list. She was the heroine that dated Gupta until she died after hospitalization.

What kind of show is this?!

Suddenly, I heard from the TV, "I know you loved her as much I did." WHAT?! I turned around to see Switzerland patting Egypt's back and pretending to cry. They liked me?! Well... it is a show. They have an act to put together anyways.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed again and played " Ba't Di Ko Ba Nasabi" again. I read the screen to see the word "Romano" flashing. I picked up the phone again, only to hear Romano laughing happily. "Romano, what's up with you?" I groaned.

"I just watched the show Veniziano's watching," Romano chuckled. "Did you hear what Switzerland said?"

"Ugh... I did," I sighed. "It's weird. What is this show?"

"A pretty popular one," Romano scoffed in a matter-of-fact way.

"WHAT?!" I yelped in surprise. "This show is popular?"

"Yeah. Says here on the charts. I don't even know why they used your name, but it's hilarious the way they make up these stupid scenes, isn't it?" Romano chuckled happily. I sighed. This show gives me goosebumps, and I didn't like it.

"Yeah, pretty stupid alright," I sighed. "Look, I have to go. See you, Romano." I hung up the phone, glad to see that my favorite drama was finally coming on. I began to watch in interest, when suddenly, someone knocked on my door. Knock, knock, knock!

"Ugh... Can you people leave me alone for once?!" I groaned irritatedly, getting up and opening the door. I saw Netherlands there at the door. "Hey, Netherlands," I greeted him coolly.

He looked down at the floor and blushed before handing me a bouquet of tulips. "Oh...! They're so beautiful!" I gasped enthusiastically. He handed them to me as I received them, smelling the fresh fragrance. "It's so lovely... Thank you, Netherlands," I thanked him.

"You're welcome," Netherlands nodded. "I had to pay you back for doing me that favor this morning... I wanted to thank you for not riding with me. I mean, it was nice of you just to not really crowd my car. After all, Belgium was riding too."

"Oh... Well, I'm glad to accept this," I giggled. Suddenly, on impulse, I gave him a hug. "Thanks, Netherlands," I thanked again, making him blush a bit.

"It's all right," Netherlands awkwardly murmured back, patting my back in a socially awkward way. Soon, we pulled off, and I waved goodbye to Netherlands before he got back into his car and left. I didn't even know Belgium was there in the car, looking onto our situation. Before her brother went into the car, I saw her wink and do a quick heart sign. "Why, you-!" I gasped as Belgium laughed happily before their car backed out and drove away. Next time I see her, I'm going to... do something to her! Gr...

"Well, the show's not even on," I sighed sadly, remembering that the episode comes out tomorrow. "I guess I'll just get ready for bed... Might as well take a shower."

I went into the bathroom to see... Cuba half-naked! I screamed, slammed the door shut, and yelled through the door. "I have no clue how you got in there, but whatever it is you're doing, hurry up and get out of my house!" I yelled loudly, receiving a hasty "Sorry, and OK!" from Cuba. I mean, seriously, what's up with these countries breaking into my house and using my bathroom?!

I groaned as I went upstairs to the guest room's bathroom to shower. It's about time I shower and get ready for bed after a long and tiring day. After my shower, I dried off, putting on my bathrobe and putting my hair up in a towel. I looked out my bathroom window, only to see Russia! "Russia?! What the-? Stop staring at me and go away!" I screamed loudly. But the image passed... it was only a hallucination.

I sighed in relief. I must be pretty tired... I slugged out the door, changed into pajamas, and plopped onto my bed, right next to where I left my laptop. It was on, and some notice from G-mail started to flash. I checked it out, not caring that it was actually 9:00 P.M. and that I should be sleeping. I read the e-mail quickly, only to discover it was from Belarus. "I saw Big Brother drive you home, but I never saw him come back to our house. Did he stay at your place?" the e-mail read.

I turned pale and looked out the same window Russia was at. Was that really him?! Panicking, I typed back, "Uh... I saw him outside my window a while ago. I think he'll come back soon. Don't worry, Bela." I sighed as I clicked "Send." Logging out of G-mail, I fell back into my bed, exhausted from today's antics. I think I began to doze when I fell down, because the next thing I knew, I was startled awake to a loud thud against my bedroom window. I stood straight up, got off, and hurried to the window, only to see Italy there.

"Hey! Philippines, it's me! I came with Germany here because he heard you scream! But I saw Russia and ran away! Can you let me in please before Russia gets me?" Italy asked through the window, muffled slightly because of the glass. I sighed disappointingly before actually opening the window and helping Italy inside.

"Grazie," Italy thanked me quickly.

"How did you get onto my window, anyways?!" I asked him, annoyed that every country was breaking into my house now.

"It was easy! I run really fast, and I ran against the wall!" Italy cheerfully responded, making me sigh, Typical Italian on the run. "Excuse me... I have to unlock the door for Germany. He asked if it's OK for us to come in case anymore creep nations come by again," Italy relayed a message.

"It's fine with me," I deadpanned. Before I knew it, Italy ran off, leaving me and my bed alone. I fell back down on my bed before my laptop screen (which I forgot to turn off) flashed again, making me squint. Who e-mailed me now?!

I logged back into G-mail to see that Switzerland sent me something. "Sorry for that act... You probably saw the show on TV. Anyways, I don't have feelings towards you... It was just in the script. I'm sorry if I caused nay misunderstandings," the message from Switzerland read.

I sighed before replying, "It's fine. I don't mind. The script writers are kind of crazy for doing that, huh?" I sent the email, shut down my laptop, and fell back into a deep sleep...

There was yet another meeting, but only between a select few nations. I was one of them, along with Cuba, Belarus, Switzerland, and Egypt. I had no clue why Belarus even called us here. Suddenly, something flashed before my eyes, and everyone changed genders. Cuba, Egypt, and Switzerland turned into girls, while Belarus turned into a guy. I looked down at myself only to see that I myself was a guy, too! I screamed, and before I knew it, Cuba and Belarus giggled at me strangely. Looking up, I saw that they disappeared, leaving only me, Egypt, and Switzerland.

Even weirder, Egypt started to glare daggers at Switzerland... literally. When (s)he glared, daggers flew around Switzerland, making her gasp and duck. Egypt's eyes glower red and (s)he approached Switzerland, Belarus's knife in hand. I wanted to scream at Egypt to stop, but when I did, there was no sound. Suddenly, Egypt pinned Switzerland down, and raised the knife high above before-

"No!" I screamed loudly, waking up from that horrible nightmare. My heart was throbbing, I could feel cold sweat on my forehead, and my breath was very raggedy as I looked sideways to my clock. It was 1:00 A.M. I-I didn't want that to happen ever...

"Are you OK?" someone out of the blue asked. I jumped in fright, turning on my lamp. The light revealed Germany in my bed,sitting up next to me. I froze, surprised at this.

"W-What are you doing in my bed?!" I asked, resisting the urge to shove him off.

"Italy and I heard you scream, and I knew you couldn't go through tonight alone because of everyone getting into your house," Germany explained. "So Italy and I came, but Italy insisted that he slept on the floor while I protected you. Silly, huh?" As he chuckled, I felt myself blushing heavily. "Yeah... silly," I chuckled nervously. "Thanks for watching out for me..."

"You're welcome... Anyways, you should be sleeping," Germany quickly told me. I lied back down, but couldn't close my eyes. I was too afraid of the nightmare. "You can't sleep?" Germany asked softly.

"No... I'm too scared to have that nightmare again," I admitted sadly.

Gently, Germany began to (awkwardly) stroke my hair, whispering, "It's OK... You won't have that nightmare again. I'll protect you."

I sighed gratefully, whispering, "Thank you." I closed my eyes softly, beginning to doze. As I did so, I could still hear Germany humming a lullaby softly so only I could hear.

"Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf.

So schenk' ich dir ein Schaf.

Mit einer goldnen Schelle fein,

Das soll dein Spielgeselle sein.

Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf..."

The end. I hope you liked it.